ANGELS AND DODGERS FANS LOVE EACH OTHER

Apparently the West Coast didn't want to be left out of the proverbial "drunk fans getting in a fight" rage that is going around MLB parks this summer. Here we get to see some California Angels (yes, they will always be the California Angels to me) fans get into a little shouting match with some gang members, sorry I meant to say Latinos, who were wearing LA Dodgers colors to show their affiliation...

Sorry, but the Angels fans just look like jackasses in this. The first guy walking down the stairs with the middle finger extended has a full beer and at the very end he throws his full beer up at the crowd as he ungracefully exits through the tunnel.

First off, beer is expensive and it tastes great at the ballpark. Never throw it at some other "dude" as the surfers say. Drink it. Pee it out. Then drink some more and repeat. Afterwards go to a strip club and throw away the rest of your money and cry in agony as you wonder why she would ever leave you.

Simple ballpark protocol. Write it down.

Video HT: BustedCoverage

DICK ROD CONTINUES TO RECRUIT AT MICHIGAN

You can just see the fire in their eyes which obviously permeates from the deep belly of their upbringing. This is what Michigan Football has become under the direction of coach Dick Rod. Some may say these recruits look a little feminine for Wolverine football but when you change the whole philosophy of the offense from smash mouth to spread offense there can be a period of adjustment. If you wondered why Terrelle Pryor chose to go with Ohio State then take a look at the picture above. Pryor knew to never trust something that bleeds for up to five days without dying such as those Michigan O-linemen. So he went with the Sweatervest and his ridiculously wealthy stockpile of big bubbas he has completely devoured on the recruiting front.

Michigan Wolverine football: Be nice to it while it is bleeding. Remember people, it's only natural.

Picture HT: TheBigLead

KERRY WOOD SAYS HELLO WITH MIDDLE FINGER SALUTE

Kerry wood
by bsap11

Courtesy of AwfulAnnouncing comes this wonderful shot from Saturday's FOX coverage of Chicago Cubs closer Kerry Wood giving a friendly hello to the faithful White Sox fans. Those Cubs can be so cute and cuddly can't they?

I promise I have some College Football articles on the way but these baseball transgressions are too good not to post.

JUST MANNY BEING MANNY; SHOVES TRAVELING SECRETARY TO THE GROUND

Apparently Boston Red Sox outfielder Manny Ramirez was inspired by Shawn Chacon's outburst in Houston and decided to take out his frustrations on the Boston Red Sox traveling secretary when denied a request for 16 tickets to a game in Houston...

Manny Ramirez shoved Red Sox traveling secretary Jack McCormick to the ground in an argument over Ramirez' ticket allotment. Several onlookers moved quickly to separate the two.

Ramirez had asked McCormick for 16 tickets for Saturday night's Red Sox-Astros game, an unusually high number for day-of-game. In addition to handling all travel details for clubs, traveling secretaries also take player ticket requests for both home and away games.

When McCormick cautioned Ramirez that he might not be able to fulfill his request, Ramirez responded by shouting: "Just do your job!"

An argument ensued and Ramirez pushed McCormick, sending him to the ground.

Of course the Red Sox handled it with class and dignity and did not discipline Manny as they agreed to wipe off his mouth and kiss his ass with Terry Francona's bald head being used as a buffing device. It's amazing the amount of shine you can get from those things.

I do find this hilarious as Peter Gammon's wet dream of a team now sits in second place behind the Tampa Bay Rays. Of course we will never hear a report about this Manny incident from Gammons because his head and ESPN for that matter is shoved so far up Manny's ass he could give a detailed report on his rectum with more accuracy and facts than a colonoscopy exam. It's this kind of shit (pun intended) that a player like Manny gets away with that makes all the good stable guys like Sidney Ponson and Milton Bradley look bad.

CUBS AND WHITE SOX FANS UNITE TO BEAT THE CRAP OUT OF ANNOYING FAN

It's not too often you get to see two rival fan bases like the Chicago Cubs and White Sox join in solidarity to beat up one drunk annoying fan. But this past weekend's series in the Windy City proved that fans of opposing allegiances can unite to form a common bond: pummel some douchebag talking trash the whole game...

The Sox fan on the far side near the pole was talking trash from the beginning, so in the 4th inning he gets into it with another Sox fan when he starts talking about the guy in the Thome Jersey's "family"...then an old guy steps up and off they go...

A good minute goes by with no security, the guy gets owned by a bunch of cubs and sox fans.

See, violence can be a thing of beauty. I try to explain this to my parole officer all the time but he doesn't listen.

Video HT: FanIQ

3RD Team CFB Defensive Preseason All-American Team

DEFENSIVE END
Everson Griffin, USC-Pete Carroll has called this guy the most talented defensive player he has recruited since he arrived at USC. Griffen is a tornado on the outside rushing the quarterback and last season in limited action recorded 5.5 sacks as a true freshman. I've seen Griffin play quite a lot and to me he is the best player on the USC defense. Yes, he is better than Maualuga, Cushing, and Mays. There I said it. He got in trouble this offseason for physically abusing a freshman...




Tyson Jackson, LSU-It will be interesting to see how Tyson does now that Glen Dorsey is drawing double teams. The kid is physical enough and big enough to dominate opposing defenses but should see more attention this fall as they focus on him. Last year the 6'5 292 pound end batted down 10 passes and routinely made RBs shift inside instead of out.








DEFENSIVE TACKLE
Geno Atkins, Georgia-Big boy Geno was a 1st team All-SEC selection last year as a sophomore and will be a clog in the middle for one of the most talented and deepest defenses in the nation this season. He finished last year with 7.5 sacks and 41 tackles and should be a high selection in the NFL draft when he chooses to come out.







Mitch King, Iowa-King is a returning 3 year starter at Iowa who finished last season with 10 tackles for loss and seven passes broken up. A bit undersized at 264 pounds, King uses his athleticism and speed to get penetration and should again be a force to be reckoned with in the Big Ten this year.








OUTSIDE LINEBACKER
Eric Norwood, South Carolina-A returning 1st team All-SEC selection at outside linebacker, Norwood finished with 13.5 tackles for loss with a total of 69 tackles all together. He should team up with returning senior Jasper Brinkley to form one of the top linebacker groups in the nation. He also loves him some Erin Andrews, but then again who doesn't?....


Sean Weatherspoon, Missouri-A first team Big-12 selection as a sophomore last year, Weatherspoon comes back to Columbia looking to lead the Tigers to a BCS Bowl. Weatherspoon lead the team in tackles with 130 while also breaking up 8 passes. The agile and quick linebacker will lead a deep linebacker core and should be up for All-American honors and possible an early entry into the NFL Draft.






INSIDE LINEBACKER
Brandon Spikes, Florida-A first team All-SEC linebacker last year, Spikes finished with 131 tackles with 14.5 for loss. Extremely athletic and quick laterally, Spikes is only entering his junior season and should be a force to be reckoned with in Gainesville. He had a bad case of knee tendinitis at the end of the season but should be ready to go with a clean bill of health come fall. Judging by his picture on the right, Spikes is about as fruity as a pop star these days.





Gerald McRath, Southern Miss-The returning Conference USA Defensive Player of the Year had 139 tackles last season to go along with 7.5 for loss. The Golden Eagles linebacker had a ridiculous 21 tackles against Central Florida last year and he will have his work cut out for him this year as Southern Miss had a coaching change in the offseason and return only 10 starters from a squad which underperformed last season. I wouldn't get in McRath's way even if I was his own teammate as this guy learned during the bowl game...


CORNERBACK
Victor Harris, Virginia Tech-His nickname is "Macho" which might not be as scary as "Puppy Killer" in Blacksburg but there is no doubt Harris has made a name for himself. Last year he broke up 11 passes while grabbing 5 INTs and killing no dogs as far as I can see. Frank Beamer knows how to produce NFL players in the secondary and Macho Harris should be next in line after his senior year this season.



Patrick Robinson, FSU-Pure and simple, Robinson can be a lock-down cornerback for FSU and will be in the NFL. Only a junior this season, the 5-11 corner had 6 INTs last year and could easily grab 10 this year. In other words the kid needs to get his hands on some more balls this fall.






STRONG SAFETY
Myron Rolle, FSU-Rolle came in with huge expectations and he hasn't disappointed but he has yet to really shine in Tallahassee. This should be a breakout year for the talented junior from New Jersey. Last year he finished 4th on the Seminoles in tackles with 67 but surprisingly did not have an interception even though his teammates nabbed 16 of them as a group. Don't be surprised to see Rolle get his hands on some pigskins this fall and quite possible a ton of Cowgirls...



FREE SAFETY
David Bruton, Notre Dame-Bruton might be one of the hardest hitting safeties in the college game and last year finished third on the Fighting Irish in tackles with 85. He also had a team leading 3 INTs and is considered one of the best special teams player in the country. The 6'2 207 pound safety with 4.39 speed will be used regularly this season in delay blitz situations as Jon Tenuta will love to use a player of Bruton's talent. Bruton is the clear leader in what should be Notre Dame's deepest and most talented secondary in years.


Coming Monday: 2nd Team Preseason Offense All-American Team

REAL GIRLS EAT MEAT SHIRT

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You can order it today for the extremely low price of $21 by clicking this link and you should get it within a few days.

COLLEGE FOOTBALL IS 62 DAYS AWAY

If West Virginia coach Bill Stewart ever needs a wingman I believe I could be that lonely guy in a bar helping out my fellow soldier. Stewart delivered this stirring pregame speech before the Mountaineers went out and absolutely knocked the shit out of a huge favorite in Oklahoma. The West Virginia team made a bold statement to Dick Rod in that we don't need your bullshit, have fun getting booed unmercifully in Ann Arbor next year you crazy asshole. We got our White and we have our Devine and with this we will rule this Fiesta they call a bowl in Arizona.

62 more days people. Bill Stewart waited a lifetime for this opportunity. After destroying Oklahoma it was reported Stewart was wearing this shirt in honor of Coach Dick Rod...

Speaking like a true gentleman if you ask me.

3RD Team CFB Offense Preseason All-American Team

With College Football a little more than two months away from kickoff I decided to start up the tailgate early and start bombing out some preseason articles. Everyone loves preseason All-American lists almost as much as Pete Carroll loves his shit eating grin. So today let's take a look at the 3rd team offense.

QUARTERBACK
Pat White, West Virginia-Entering his 4th year as the starting quarterback of the Mountaineers, White is the most dangerous runner in the nation with apologies to Tim Tebow and Jake Locker. Last year White ran for 1335 yards, averaging 6.8 YPC and scoring 14 TDs on the ground. In the air White is impressive as well, completing 66.7% of his passes while throwing 14 TDs with only 4 INTs. White was a little banged up last season and it cost them a shot at the BCS Title game when he left the Pitt game but he should be 100% this season. He has Heisman dreams and don't be surprised to see him in New York for the ceremony.




RUNNINGBACK
Marlon Lucky, Nebraska-Lucky has flown under the radar on some bad Cornhuskers teams but make no mistake the guy is one of the best tailbacks in the nation. Lucky is a fluid RB who can cut and hit a hole that would make Peter North jealous. He is also a great receiver out of the backfield compiling 75 receptions last year bringing back memories of a poor man's Marshall Faulk. Compiling his first 1000 yard rushing season during his junior season, new coach Bo Pelini will use Lucky early and often. He also is a triple threat with the ability to pass....


CJ Spiller, Clemson-Spiller is the Lightning in the Clemson backfield and even if his sophomore season was a bit of a disappointment I expect big things from him. Spiller averaged over 5 YPC but didn't nearly get enough touches last year as his teammate James Davis got the majority. Spiller is a threat to take it to the house every time he touches the ball and hopefully little Bowden wakes up and realizes it. While Davis will again get his touches, don't be surprised to see Spiller run for over 1000 yards while catching 50 plus balls out of the backfield while being featured in a Reggie Bush role. Hey CJ, do the Heisman on that Ho!...




FULLBACK
Conredge Collins, Pittsburgh-Not much to say about big Conredge other than he is a throwback type fullback who loves to blast linebackers while opening up holes for tailback LeSean McCoy. Collins is an important piece of the puzzle for Wanny's team as it looks to build upon an upset of West Virginia at the end of the year and take the Panthers to a bowl game. He may not be as good as Lorenzo Neal but the kid knows how to hit people and should get drafted next year.



WIDE RECEIVER
Sammie Stroughter, Oregon State-Slammin Sammy is back from depression and was granted an extra year of eligibility by the NCAA despite playing in 3 games last season. Stroughter might be short in stature but the kid has pinball moves and is one of the hardest, most elusive players to tackle in the college game. Expect big things as Stroughter will catch at least 70 balls while scoring 10+ TDs and also will be a huge threat returning punts and kickoffs.






Jarrett Dillard, Rice-Dillard plays in a spread offense at Rice and during his sophomore year he was a finalist for the Biletnikoff Award. Last year his numbers were down but he still had over a 1000 yards receiving while catching 14 TDs. They were only down because during his sophomore year he caught 21 TDs which included a streak of 15 straight games with at least 1 TD(2nd longest in NCAA history). Rice hasn't won an outright conference title since 1957 and there is a 99.9% chance they won't again this year but it's not Dillard's fault. He may only be 5'11 but his vertical jump makes him an extremely dangerous target...


Demetrius Byrd, LSU-This catch saved LSU's season against Auburn last year...

It took some huge balls from Les Miles to make that call but took even bigger balls to catch the ball in traffic the way Byrd did with the game hanging in the balance. We all know LSU has talent and Byrd is one of the best of them. The 6'2 senior should be a go-to target for whomever is throwing the passes down in Baton Rouge.



TIGHT END
Jermaine Gresham, Oklahoma-Gresham is a vital part of the Sooners offense and is often Sam Bradford's outlet pass when everything else is covered. Gresham tallied 11 TD catches last season leading the team and was one of the main reasons why Bradford led the nation in passing efficiency. He tied a school record with 4 TDs against Texas A&M and was third on the team in receiving yards with 518. Gresham should be a finalist for the Mackey Award which goes to the top tight end if he can stay healthy and should help the Sooners back to a BCS game. His picture on the right is clearly going to be used as a motivational tool for Mack Brown going into the Red River Shootout. We got your back Jermaine.



CENTER
Max Unger, Oregon-I'm sorry but the name of Max Unger sounds like some machine sent from another planet that was meant to destroy whatever it came in contact with. Actually that is a pretty good way to explain what Unger does to imposing PAC-10 DTs on Saturdays. Unger has been a big reason for Jonathan Stewart's success the past few seasons and should again open holes for what coach Mike Bellotti described as his best offensive line since he has been there.



GUARD
Jeff Byers, USC-Byers came to USC with a ton of hype surrounding him as the #1 player out of the state of Colorado. So far injuries and position changes have tempered those expectations but 2008 should be a good one for the senior. He should represent these Trojans with pride...


Dan Doering, Iowa-This highly touted redshirt junior is ready for a big season. Iowa is known to produce NFL caliber offensive line with 7 selections in the past 4 years in the draft. Doering could be one of the best as the 6'6, 300 pound guard should have an excellent season while helping lead Iowa back to a bowl game.



TACKLE
Ciron Black, LSU-The 6'5, 314 pounder started 13 games last season as a redshirt freshman while being named to the 1st team Freshmen All-American team and earning 2nd team All-SEC. The kid is a beast and should be a part of one of the deepest and most talented lines in all of college football.

Phil Loadholt, Oklahoma-Speaking of top offensive lines in the country, on paper it looks like Oklahoma will have the best thanks to JUCO transfer Loadholt. Loadholt was excellent last season and started all 14 games at left tackle earning himself 2nd team All-Big 12. The Sooners return all 6 starters on the line with a combined 130 career starts. Now maybe you know why they are a preseason top 5 team and Loadholt is a main reason.

Coming tomorrow: 3rd Team Preseason Defense All-American Team

TODD JONES DOING HIS BEST MAGGLIO ORDONEZ

Funny, I don't see a needle sticking out of his ass. Come on Todd Jones, you can impersonate him a little better. More slow paced hobbling running around the bases. There you go you Paul Giamatti you.

I vote for all ballplayers to do shit like this during rain delays. Either that or have some hot ballgirls in bikinis doing slip n slide across the tarp. Now that is good ole family entertainment.

TIGER WOODS APPLE CORE FETCHES $36,000

An Ebay auction for Tiger Woods left over apple core from the US Open just ended with some dicknut shelling out $36,000 for it. It's not like it's a freaking Monet or anything. The guy from Phoenix who was selling the apple core has this description on his Ebay page:

I was at the US Open this Friday, following Tiger Woods down the 12 th Fairway, after his tee shot, he was eating an apple, 30 yards from his ball he discarded his apple core in the rough, I asked a photothe to kick it over my way, and he did, I never touched the core, Scooped it up in a empty beer cup, as not to disrupt the DNA, Ive got lots of witness'...all moneys go to my daughters college fund

He threw it in the rough. Fucking polluter! I always knew there was something wrong with Tiger. Al Gore is going to send him a very nasty letter about how Tiger is melting the Polar Ice Caps by driving around a Buick and throwing out his used apple cores.

So the Phoenix man basically just paid all if not a good portion of his daughter's college fund by something that might have Tiger Woods DNA on it. I can only imagine what a left over condom would fetch. If an apple core can get 36 grand I would say a Trojan gets at least 100 grand. Where is Elin when we need her? I guess I should go untie her and let her put the lotion in the basket before she gets the hose again.

HT: The Big Lead

NEW JC PENNY COMMERCIAL

For some reason JC Penny decided to remove this commercial because they thought it was controversial and promoted teenage sex. I'm still at a lost for words. Watch it and you tell me if those JC Penny officials are not just conservative d-bags for letting something so innocent be construed so poorly...

See, they just want to go to the basement for...oh wait...yeah...umm....that word has many different interpretations depending on what region of the country you live in. Nevermind.

GIVE ME SOME COLLEGE FOOTBALL

Only a couple of more months till we get to experience the passion and heart of college football. If this doesn't get you fired up then just leave this website because I hate you already...


Just a warning, the majority of the posts from today till the BCS Championship game between Georgia and USC in 2009 are going to be devoted to college football. Don't say I didn't warn you.

Now let's lay down that sledgehammer...

Ride or die troops.

HE SAID IT FIRST

NSFW if your work doesn't like the use of four letter words that rhyme with punt...

R.I.P. GEORGE CARLIN

Comedy lost a legend yesterday when George Carlin passed away from heart failure at the age of 71. He will not be forgotten. Thanks for everything George, and give them hell up there in heaven.

LACROSSE CHEERLEADER GETS A BALL FACIAL

I never knew they had cheerleaders in LAX as the cool people call it. Maybe now some people will watch it. Nothing like taking a hard ball shot to get our attention.

HT: FanIQ

TY WILLINGHAM STILL RECRUITING AT THE GOLF COURSE

It seems Washington Huskies coach Ty Willingham has learned the only way to recruit the best players in the country is by perfecting your stroke...on the golf course! Willingham is a notoriously lazy recruiter who would rather spend his days on the links than on the front lines of recruit's homes and schools. This was one of the main reasons why Notre Dame fired him.

It's good to see nothing has changed up in Washington for old Ty. I'm sure his whole game plan this season is to give the ball to Jake Locker. Don't worry about drawing up plays or anything, just "let him do his thing" will be Ty's motto again this season. The scary part is Locker is talented enough to perhaps send the Huskies to a winning season and a bowl game thus insuring the long nightmare of Huskies fans will live on with Willingham given an extension at the end of the year.

Via UHND

VANILLA ICE IS THE BET

Apparently Kevin Millar and Jason Varitek had a NBA Finals bet going on with whomever lost had to cut, dye, and style their hair to look like Vanilla Ice back in the "Ice, Ice, Baby" days.

Bromoblog broke the story and even has pictures and video to show that clearly Millar had his ego and hairstyle on the wrong team...




Here is Millar coming out for his first at-bat last night in Baltimore against the Astros...


"To the extreme I rock a mic like a vandal" was Millar last night as he delivered the game winning hit last night for the O's. I used to listen to "Ice, Ice, Baby" all the time when I was in middle school and even had the dance moves down. Don't laugh because everybody did. Now my music selection is much more selective as I only listen to the greats like Hannah Montana and Britney Spears.

THE DAILY DUMP

The Daily Dump is SportsCrack's review of the day before today while sitting on the porcelain throne, sometimes painful, sometimes oh so sweet...

Okay, it appears the "daily" dump is now becoming the "weekly" dump. I promise to eat more fiber and keep it rocking. Ain't that right Marisa?

MLB
-How about that Orioles magic? The Orioles again came back last night, albeit a 1-0 deficit in the 7th, to beat the Astros 2-1 on Kevin Millar's RBI single in the 9th inning. The O's now sit 2 games over .500 for the first time since May 22nd and go for the sweep of former O's teammate Miggy's Astros tonight. Luke Scott, whom was acquired in the Tejada trade this offseason, hit a measured 423 foot home run in the 7th to tie the game.

-The Chicago Cubs experienced some discomfort last night against the Rays in losing not only the game but possibly their ace in Carlos Zambrano. Zambrano left during the 7th inning with a sore pitching shoulder and will have a MRI today.

"He's got shoulder discomfort, and we don't know more than that," Cubs manager Lou Piniella said.

After losing Alfonso Soriano to a broken hand the Cubbies can't afford to lose their ace for a reasonable amount of time. Oh wait, they play in the NL Central. Nevermind, Zambrano can go on a five week sabbatical and it still wouldn't matter. The Cubs are a shoo-in to win this division. Mark my words.

-You don't know how much this hurts me to say this but, fuck me, JD Drew deserves to be on the All-Star team this season. Drew has been on a tear of late and came up a triple short of the cycle yesterday in helping the Red Sox beat the Phillies 7-4. JD finished with 4 hits and seemed to thrive when hearing the boos from the Phillies faithful. You can watch his line drives at this link. After praising Drew you know it's only a matter of hours before he goes down with a case of swollen asinitis.

ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE!!!

I'm not going to make fun of Kevin Garnett. In fact, I love to see players get emotional when they just won a championship. Garnett wanted it so badly he thanked his baby's momma. You know you want it a lot if you are thanking your baby Boo.

I wonder what Adidas reps thought when he shouted it out. I could see some short pencil pusher white guy with glasses running up to KG and shouting "No KG, it's IMPOSSIBLE IS NOTHING, IMPOSSIBLE IS NOTHING!!" while being pushed over by the mob and crying at the end. KG's tears were made of joy. The corporate guy's tears were made from the impending corporate downsizing he surely faced today.

I love sports and their meanings.

BILL BAVASI PARTING WORDS ON BEDARD

Ousted Seattle Mariner's GM Bill Bavasi had some nice parting words for starting pitcher Erik Bedard during his press conference...(fast forward to the 2:00 minute mark)...

"He'll have a stupid answer for you, you can count on it,'' Bavasi said. "He'll have some dumbass answer.''

Wow, apparently Bavasi didn't do his homework before trading for Bedard. Look, Bedard was the same way in Baltimore. He hates to talk to the media and he throws a ton of pitches. He seems unemotional but these are things Bavasi should have already known before cleaning out their minor league talent to acquire him. Bedard isn't the reason why you got fired. He may be one of the reasons but there was the ridiculous signing of Richie Sexson. Sexson has been horrible and with his fat contract is not even an adequate first baseman. The Adrian Beltre signing backfired too. You passed on the chance to get Vladimir Guerrero and Miguel Tejada and instead opted for Raul Ibanez and Rich Aurilia. You gave Carlos effing Silva a stupid contract. You were the worst GM by far in major league baseball.

Don't blame Bedard for your downfall. Look in the mirror Bavasi and read the press clippings. You can only blame yourself for putting the Mariners in the gutter. And I have no idea what he means by "white line fever." Sounds like a fun supermodel party to me. Maybe Bavasi is still coked up because all of his baseball moves were as rational as a cokehead.

Video HT: Seattle Times

CONGRATULATIONS BOSTON CELTICS

The Boston Celtics won their 17th NBA Championship last night by absolutely destroying the Los Angeles Lakers to give the long suffering Boston Chowderheads another sports championship. With the Red Sox winning two World Series, the Patriots winning three Super Bowls, and now the Celtics winning one I think it is appropriate to call Boston Titletown. Yes the New York Giants won the Super Bowl but the city of New York will be getting grief for a long time from all the Massholes who are reveling in this championship run.

El Presidente of Boston's Barstool Sports summed it up best when discussing the feeling of euphoria of winning yet another sports championship...

First of all, let me start by saying I’m shitfaced. Second of all, I’m drenched in beer from people doing the champagne thing in the bar. Third of all I’m shitfaced. Having said that I feel like I need to write a quick blog before I pass out. Now I’m not one of those guys who like to say I told you so. So I’m not going to sit here and brag about how at the beginning of this series I said that the Lakers being a 2 to 1 favorite was one of the biggest jokes of all time. I’m not going to say that I told you the Celtics would not only win this series but they’d dominate it. I’m not going to say that I told you Paul Pierce was just as good as Kobe Bryant. I’m not going to bring up how everybody except the Stool overlooked the fact that the Celts were 25-5 against the West this year. I’m not going to mention how I was 7-0 in mortal locks this series. The bottom-line is that bragging about that type of shit just isn’t my style. And more importantly anybody can look like a genius when you live in Boston. I mean we fucking own this world! Honestly how many fucking parades can one city have? Congratulations Boston, we did it again! And to everybody who doesn’t like us. Fuck off and suck our rings!

And you know he is absolutely right. They own the sports world right now. No need to argue the fact. And yes we are all jealous of the championships. But in doing so they have become the new New York. Loud and brash and ready to tell everybody that "O'doyle rules."

THE NEW iPHONE 3G HAS MANY PURPOSES

I couldn't have said it better myself...

THE NEW JC 7 SHAMROCK SHIRT

Get ready for the season with this great JC 7 Shamrock irish green shirt available exclusively at Sportscrack Tees.

New HUGHES IT or LOSE IT Shirt

This shirt is the new motto for all Irish people and fans this season when it comes to achieving greatness. We either Hughes it with our Shamrock 33 back or there is a chance we could lose it.

The shirt is $17 and is available at HUGHES IT OR LOSE IT which of course is an exclusive Sportscrack Tee.

Be on the lookout for more t-shirts coming soon!

CAN'T STOP WATCHING

Down to the final hole on 18, Rocco Mediate has a one shot lead over Tiger Woods. Going for his first ever major at the age of 45 a lot of people are pulling for Rocco including myself. But a lot more people are pulling for Tiger.

The drama continues...

UPDATE at 4:07 PM: Tiger just birded the 18th to send it into a sudden death playoff.
Rocco still looks confident and calm while Tiger continues to be Tiger.

No nerves. No emotion. Tiger can't be human.

UPDATE at 4:14 PM: Tiger hits the fairway on his first drive in sudden death. Now Rocco, the 158th ranked golfer in the world, snaps his drive into the bunker and finally looks flustered.

UPDATE at 4:17 PM: Rocco still joking and laughing while he walks up the fairway. As much pressure as there is it looks like Rocco is having the time of his life. His lie in the bunker is not TOO bad, but then again it's never fun to be on the beach when you are on a golf course.

UPDATE at 4:19 PM: You can pretty much put it in the bag for Tiger. Rocco pulls his second shot into the grandstand area.

UPDATE at 4:21 PM: Tiger is going to hit his 9 Iron into the green. Of course he nails it on the green, now just needs to two putt it for another Championship.

UPDATE at 4:23 PM: Rocco gets a drop because he is within a club length of the grandstand. He pretty much needs to hit it within 5 feet to give himself a chance. No spin on the ball going into the green, he now has at least a 15 footer for par. Tiger remains stoic as usual.

By the way, Hi Def golf looks incredible.

UPDATE at 4:27 PM: Tiger just comes short on his par putt, maybe 2 inches if that. Rocco now has to nail his long par putt to send it to another sudden death hole.

UPDATE at 4:28 PM: Rocco misses the putt wide right. Tiger wins again. Rocco handles it with class and gives Tiger a hug. 14th majors now for Tiger. Jack Nicklaus continues to look in his rearview mirror, a Tiger continues to creep up on him.

The reason why Tiger wins these tournaments is because he is so mentally tough. It was something his father instilled him. I know this because Nike told me...

TIGER WOODS IS PRETTY GOOD

Who is this Tiger Woods again? Never heard of him but I think he has a future in the game of golf. Talk about clutch, I believe Tiger now defines the word. It's not often I get the chills when watching sporting events and it sure as hell usually never occurs when watching golf but this putt was simply...awesome! Watch the replay over and over and you can't help but get fired up after seeing Tiger go ballistic after squeezing in the putt on the 18th to send it to a playoff today against Rocco Mediate.

I actually wore red yesterday while playing golf with my Dad on Father's Day and the funny thing is he wore red too. If you don't think Tiger is the most influential and powerful sports athlete out there (yes, Tiger is an athlete) then you simply haven't been paying attention. Everyone wants to be Tiger. Just like everyone wanted to be like Mike.

Unfortunately I shot a 96 yesterday so I have a way to go. But I did have a few pars. (crickets chirping)

THE OLD DUTCH OVEN

You have to love the call, giving the French the old Dutch oven...

Video HT: AwfulAnnouncing

O-R-I-O-L-E-S MAGIC!

The Baltimore Orioles sported their throwback 1979 uniforms tonight and brought back the magic with a come from behind 9-6 victory over the Pittsburgh Pirates. A near sellout crowd at Camden Yards witnessed the O's storm back from a 6-1 deficit behind some timely hitting from Kevin Millar(pictured above), Luke Scott(monster homerun), and a cast of others to take the first game in a series with a Pirates club making their first trip to Baltimore since the 1979 World Series.

The victory deserves a tip of the hat to the guys wearing the orange, black and white. The club never gives up and they are a fun team to watch.

Go O's.

I also love the fact the players flip up their bills in honor of George Sherrill, who now has 22 saves. I would say the trade of Erik Bedard is working out real good for the O's so far. The Mariners not so much.

SHOW ME YOUR WHAT?

KOBE BRYANT GOT HAMMERED LAST NIGHT

It's not very often a team blows a 24 point lead on their home court to go down 3-1 against the hated Boston Celtics in the NBA Finals but the Lakers managed the impossible. There was absolutely no excuse for the loss last night. Tim Donaghy did not enter that door at the Staples Center so to speak. The Lakers just flat out choked and Kobe did his complete opposite of MJ by hitting only 6 of 19 shots from the floor while scoring 17 points. You have to wonder as poorly as Kobe shot last night if his meaning of doing 20 shots of the hard stuff meant he would only hit 7 successful ones. A performance like last night deserves the almighty Jack Daniels but for some reason I imagine Kobe doing Fuzzy Naval or Sex on the Beach shots with some young cheerleader who will wake up with a sore bunghole.

Kobe included.

Ah, too be young and rich.

Video HT: Deadspin

ATLANTA TRIES TO KEEP TITLE OF WORST SPORTS TOWN

The Atlanta Hawks decided to give coach Mike Woodson a two year extension despite never having a winning season and having an overall record of 106 wins and 222 losses during his four seasons at the Highlight Factory.
Um, what the fuck are they thinking? Woodson is one of the worst basketball coaches I have ever witnessed. He can't even draw up plays for a half court offense. The guy was begging to get fired all season with his team underachieving. And yet somehow making the playoffs at 8 games under .500 is a reason to give him an extension? Idiots I tell you.

Throw in the other curious decisions of the local teams such as the Thrashers deciding to keep GM Don Waddell despite the club never having the experience of winning a playoff game in almost a decade of existence, the Falcons decision to draft Matt Ryan and then give him $72 million despite never playing a down in the NFL after the Michael Vick fiasco, and the Braves going down the shitter with more aging stars going on the disabled list. Yet people wonder why Atlanta gets a rap as such a horrible sports town? They beg the fans not to show up with their idiotic moves.

The professional teams overall track record is the reason why Atlanta is such a huge Georgia Bulldogs and overall college football city. They give you reason to root for them because they tend to be winners and are enjoying to watch. The rest of Atlanta sports is not for the most part. And yes, I know the Bulldogs play in Athens but they pretty much own the city of Atlanta with all the grads living here.

So what could be done to remedy all of this ineptitude? New ownership. The Hawks and Thrashers are owned by the Atlanta Spirit Group and they simply don't know how to run an organization. Their decisions on GMs is horrible with both organizations failing to bring in top notch minds in their respective sports. Waddell and recently fired GM Billy Knight are just examples. Same with the Atlanta Falcons. Rich McKay was a horrible GM and his replacement is some college scout who already has displayed an ability to know...well...nothing. And don't even get me started with the Braves GM Frank Wren. Recently retired John Schuerholz was a genius at trades but his protege Wren was a failure in Baltimore and his decision not to add a starting pitcher halfway through the season last year cost the Braves a legitimate chance of making the playoffs. But of course bringing back Tom Glavine was pure brilliance to a staff that already had Mike Hampton who just finished filming his scenes for "Unbreakable 2" and the great but due to go down with an injury John Smoltz.

At least college football season is only 2 1/2 months away. Georgia should be the preseason #1 team in the country or near the top and Georgia Tech fired Chan Gailey and replaced him with Navy's Paul Johnson who should have Tech playing for New Year's Day bowl games before you know it.

SOCCER LOOKS EASY WITH BOOBS

Video HT: WithLeather via The Spoiler

THE DAILY DUMP

The Daily Dump is SportsCrack's review of the day before today while sitting on the porcelain throne, sometimes painful, sometimes oh so sweet...

MLB
-The Washington Nationals are such a miserable fucking team that even when they have dramatic homeruns by players such as Lastings Milledge to win games they manage to get in fights with each other. This time it was between Elijah Dukes (huge shock right?) and manager Manny Acta after the homerun. Mr. Irrelevant has the video...

Damn, Dukes just burned Acta with the "fuck off I'm not going to high five your ass" gesture at the end of the game. With the recent scuffles between the Rays players, the Red Sox players, and now the Nationals it clearly shows people in the East are going crazy with this scolding hell of a summer.

-Alfonso Soriano is now out 6 weeks after getting plunk in the hand and breaking a bone in last night's win over the Atlanta Braves. With the injury expect Mark De Rosa to be moved back out to left field and Ronny Cedeno to play more second base. The Cubs are still in first place but you have to wonder if this will be the catalyst for another collapse of epic proportions for the Cubbie faithful. Oh wait, we still have like 90 plus fucking games left, never mind about an epic collapse.
Rick Sutcliffe has a new favorite color, it's called Erin Andrews panties...

Sutcliffe is a funny mofo and I hope he gets real healthy real fast. I met him at a bar in Spring Training down in Scottsdale, AZ a few years back for Fat Tuesday and the guy was hysterical and of course drunk as hell. He was with Bob Brenly and my dad and I started up a conversation with them and they were both great guys. Later on in the night Brenly had to pull Sutcliffe's tongue out of some 20 something year old blonde's mouth just to get him out of the place. God it was fucking classic. Sutcliffe is so tall it looked like a giraffe feeding his baby. Get better Suts, baseball needs more characters like you.

-Dan Uggla was having an Ugg game with 3 strikeouts against Phillies starter Cole Hamels(13 K's) but then the Phillies got stupid and put in Tom Flash Gordon to preserve the game. Cue the dramatics...

Walk off grand slam!!

COLLEGE FOOTBALL
-My alma mater, Georgia State, has decided to throw their hat into the college football world and will be hiring former Georgia Tech coach Bill Curry as their first head coach today. The Panthers will begin play in 2010 under Curry and their home games will be in the Georgia Dome while playing in Division 1-AA. The state of Georgia has so much talent in football it shouldn't be hard to recruit kids who want to play in a facility like the Georgia Dome. Being an alumnus I might now have a reason not to say "fuck off" when the boosters call my cell phone asking for donations. And just a head's up Georgia State officials, if you want a good showing for football games sell beer at the Dome. Beer is liquid gold for college students.

-You wonder why I don't like Bobby Petrino so much? Well now he kicked off a Fairchild off his team. Okay, so Freddie isn't related to me because he has a year round dark tan unlike myself and because the guy beats his women apparently. Also throw in the fact he has athletic ability and decided to attend that hell hole in Fayetteville and...well shit, we aren't related at all. It's a big loss for the Razorbacks though as Fairchild was a starting linebacker who many projected to be All-SEC this year.
Call them Hogs Bobby...

Fucking pathetic aren't they!

KOBE KNOWS HIS SHIT

I'm sorry people, like most of you I'm tired of this whole NBA Finals bullshit but there is really nothing else interesting to talk about. Sure Griffey hit his 600th but it was in fucking Miami with less than 16,000 in attendance. There was no drama and we all knew Junior was going to hit it sooner than later. I'm not even sure what the point of this post is other than a ramble about nothing really. College football needs to get here fast so this blog can be filled with shits and giggles and articles that I actually enjoy writing.

My mind is so scattered with garbage right now I have actually rationalized that Kobe would be a cool guy to hang around with. I can only imagine what his leftover scraps would be like on the road. The guy probably has a rolodex filled with cheerleaders and young white girls only Bill Clinton could rival. I promise to start writing some decent stuff soon. A bottle of Tanquerey might be the answer but who really knows.

KOBE BRYANT DOES HIMSELF

Sick bastard was all over the Celtics last night...

Jack Nicholson can now do blow off his 23 year old girlfriend's ass with the comfort of knowing the NBA will fix games in favor of a 7 game series. It's ratings magic and David Stern knows he needs to milk these Finals as much as he can till the teet is dry.

FUGA AND OLE PISS SHIRTS DEBUT

We got a couple of new shirts on the store page that are marinating and ready to be cooked and eaten by you, the almighty Sportscrack Tee consumer.

Both of our new shirts have a SEC flavor to them. So in essence they will tell you how great their conference is while destroying the Big Ten in a bowl game.

First is our FUGA shirt in honor of all the people who simply don't like the Dawgs...


Second is our Ole Piss shirt which brings back memories of my college days of drinking 30 packs of Busch Light...


Love them, caress them, tailgate in them, get in fights with them, do whatever you want with them but remember the only place you can get one is by clicking on this link.

JOEY HARRINGTON FINALLY DOESN'T SUCK AT SOMETHING

Joey Harrington's career in the NFL has been one completely void of highlights ever since he got drafted by the Detroit Lions. Currently the Atlanta Falcon's backup QB, Harrington, who also happens to be the cousin of PGA Golfer Padraig Harrington, gets to spend plenty of time on the golf course smacking the ball around like defenders hit him while he wilts in the pocket.

And apparently he is really good. He hit two hole-in-ones within two weeks of each other.

Finally Joey Heisman has found his calling. Golf. It's amazing how one can become so good at a sport that involves as much mental preparation as golf does and no one identifies Joey as a well prepared QB. Now don't be surprised if Arthur Blank signs him to a long term deal upon hearing this news.

Doesn't make sense right?

Either does giving Matt Ryan $72 million.

JOHN MCCAIN TO VETO BEER

TAKES BALLS TO SKATEBOARD

And sometimes you may lose them...


Video HT: WithLeather

BULL RIDING LOOKS FUN

You are welcome. No need to thank me, just buy a Sportscrack shirt if you loved the video.

PHIL JACKSON LOVES THE NBA REFS

I agree with the Zen Master in it is "ridiculous" how some dude named Pow or Powe got as many free throws as the whole Lakers team. But you can't hide the fact that the Lakers played like shit for most of the game and should have stopped worrying about the officiating and focused on getting the ball in the hoop.

Yes, the officiating was horrible but the great teams overcome these things. Now that the series will be in LA expect plenty of home town calls for the Lakers. So no more bitching Gasol or Kobe or anybody else wearing the purple and gold. Play some fucking basketball and let's make this a series.

BIG BROWN CRAPS OUT

At 1-4 odds you would think Big Brown would at least place but no, the stupid horse finished last as millions lost money on the Big Shit. I don't get it, the horse dominated the Derby and Preakness yet couldn't muster enough to go an extra quarter of a mile and complete the Triple Crown. Luckily I didn't place any money on the horse because well, I don't really have any money. It's amazing what years of chemical dependency will do to your wallet and your social life. Anyways, the point of this post is to hate on the Belmont Stakes and Big Brown. The Belmont blows balls as a horse race because they have no infield. How can you not have an infield?

Big Brown will now go live a life as not a choke artist but as a stud whose owners will get paid millions for his offspring baby batter. Good for him. Is it sad to be jealous of a horse?

THE NBA WILL HAUNT YOU IN YOUR DREAMS

Umm, yeah, let's not do that again, okay NBA? My dogs barked, not because they saw a half black man, shit who wouldn't bark at that, but because they were so petrified to see old balls Magic Johnson and Larry Bird talking to them. Oh I get it, they are still playing basketball and this is relative to the 2008 NBA Finals.

Hmm, maybe not.

But seriously, my dogs are scared.

Pull this shit before they pee inside.

Damn...too late.

DARK KNIGHT PREVIEW

Holy boner Batman! It looks like director Chris Nolan did what only he could do and give me a solid chub just by watching a preview of the new Batman flick. The Dark Knight looks simply amazing and I am not afraid to confess my love for it especially after learning this will be on IMAX this summer....


And yes, I know this has nothing to do with sports but you don't find great previews like this every day.

MARSHAWN LYNCH INVOLVED IN HIT AND RUN

Not surprising after seeing him drive at Berkeley with those fucking hippies on his back...

In all seriousness as we are usually not here at Sportscrack, Lynch supposedly hit some lady crossing a street with his Porsche Cayenne in suburban Buffalo on Saturday and then left the scene. Most people call it a hit-and-run but Marshawn was too high or drunk at the time to care so I would just call it happy time. No need to come down on a man when he is having his fun. By the way when did women get the right to cross the road anyways without getting permission from a man? I really don't even know what this world is coming to, next thing you are going to tell me is they have the right to vote.

HT: WithLeather

THE DAILY DUMP

The Daily Dump is SportsCrack's review of the day before today while sitting on the porcelain throne, sometimes painful, sometimes oh so sweet...

NBA
-Paul Pierce either took a magical healing pill or was pulling a Kaiser Soze but whatever, it doesn't matter in the scheme of things as he helped the Celtics beat the Lakers in The Garden to take a 1-0 series lead. Kobe Bryant must have heard the "No means No" chants because clearly his game was off all night, finishing a 9 for 26 from the field. If the Lakers are going to win this series which I thought they would they can't afford to have off nights from Kobe.

Kevin Garnett put an exclamation point down late in the fourth quarter with this rim shaker...

Video HT: AwfulAnnouncing

MLB
-Chipper Jones hit his 400th career bomb and received a curtain call with the chants of "Chipper, Chipper" last night as the Braves came from behind to beat the Florida Marlins 7-5. Now batting a ridiculous .418, Chipper is making a serious case to be considered as one of the top 3B of all-time with Brooksie, Schmidty, and George Brett. The Braves will welcome in the Phillies tonight in very important 3 game series which will help decide who is the best team in the National League East.

-Manny Ramirez had 5 RBI's and a scuffle with teammate Kevin Youkilis in the dugout, but the real story was the bench clearing brawl. Started by Coco Crisp who for some reason decided to charge the mound on Tampa Bay pitcher James Shields who is obviously a bigger, stronger, and overall way better fighter than Coco. Just kidding, baseball players can't fight worth a shit, it's not in their DNA to land punches. Crisp got his ass kicked in the dog pile and will face at least a 4 game suspension along with Johnny Gomes from the Rays but hey, at least the Red Sox won right? Here is the fight in case you wanted to see punches not being landed...

Video HT: Barstool Sports
I'm still trying to figure out why Manny and Youk got in a fight in the dugout. Manny must have stolen some of Youk's diggity dank but I have yet to get a solid confirmation or source.

-Cole Hamels shut out the Reds on a 3 hitter as the Phillies won for the 9th time in 11 games. Jay Bruce was held without a hit for the second consecutive game and Ken Griffey Jr. still remains at 599 career homeruns as the Reds continue to not win, a running theme for them the past decade or so.

NHL
-The ratings for the Stanley Cup Finals were up to pre-lockout numbers as the NHL can finally rejoice because Americans show they actually do care about hockey. I'm not going to beat around the bush, the NHL is my favorite sport besides college football to watch in person. But watching it on television is difficult at times because the puck moves so fast and the NHL gets no pub from ESPN because they dropped them after the lockout. Hopefully for the sake of the game this gets the ball moving in the right direction and ESPN picks the NHL back up. I don't want to watch the fucking Spelling Bee or hear about the WNBA or care about Arena League Football. Give me some damn hockey ESPN!

NFL
-D-Mac got paid big time with a 6 year, $60 million dollar contract from the Oakland Raiders. With the money he will now be able to feed all of his kids whom he thinks might be his kids when in fact he should just severe ties with the whole state of Arkansas. Don't let Arkansas bring you down D-Mac like they did for Bill Clinton.

-Some convicted steroid dealer named David Jacobs who gave up the names to a ton of NFL players to the NFL commissioner's office was found dead from gunshots yesterday in his Plano, Texas home. The moral of the story is never snitch or you will probably die kids. Now go have fun on those monkey bars in prison.

COLLEGE FOOTBALL
-Do you smell what the Irish are cooking? Notre Dame picked up two big commitments in LB Dan Fox and OG Alex Bullard. More on this later as I wipe my mouth after going down on Charlie Weis for some how getting top notch recruits coming off a 3-9 season.

TAMPA BAY SELECTS TIM BECKHAM WITH #1 PICK

And yes, as Tim Beckham's facebook picture above clearly or kind of unclearly shows, the kid is going to get paid big-time. A five-tool shortstop out of Griffin HS in Georgia, Beckham has been compared to the Upton brothers but with the ability to stay at shortstop for the long term. My hope was the Rays would take Florida State catcher Buster Posey with the #1 pick but Posey's camp supposedly demanded a $12 million dollar signing bonus which is absolutely crazy. Of course the Rays were turned off especially when a high baseball draft pick has as much if not better chance of being a complete bust. The reason I wanted the Rays not to take Beckham was because I had my fingers crossed he would last till the Orioles picked 4th because the O's need middle infield prospects in their system badly.

All this is moot and the Rays just picked up another excellent player in Beckham in what should be an extremely bright future for the organization with all the young talent currently playing on the big league level and tons waiting in the wings in the minors including last year's #1 pick in David Price. By the way Price has yet to give up a run so far in 3 starts in the minors.

CONGRATS TO THE DETROIT RED WINGS

The Red Wings closed out the Penguins last night despite a frantic final two minutes in which Pittsburgh gave the better team all it had. Clearly this year the Red Wings were the best team in the NHL so congratulations go out to their organization for winning their 11th Stanley Cup. Don't feel bad for the Penguins. They are really young and talented and more than likely could be hoisting Lord Stanley's Cup next year if they resign Marian Hossa. When you have players like Crosby, Malkin, Staal, and Fleury just to name a few you will get so sympathy from this Thrashers fan.

So what would you do with the Cup say if you had it for a day like Conn Smythe MVP Henrik Zetterberg? Personally I would drink some kind of booze out of it then probably dress it up in some sexy lingerie and make love to it then videotape it and sell it to the world and make millions of dollars. Sounds a lot like Jessica Simpson's dad right?

Here is the presentation folks of the greatest team trophy in all of sports...


And thank you goes out to the NHL and NBC for letting us bloggers put highlights of the final two minutes on the web without fear of them yanking because of some bullshit copyright issue. MLB and NFL won't let you even sniff their panties without yelling rape.

NEW VOLUNQUEERS SHIRT

Does this shirt really need any explanation? If you have ever run into an orange, checker wearing toolbag who happens to be cross eyed then you know what it's like to play behind center during Saturdays in the fall in Knoxville. Show your distaste for this SEC rival by purchasing this one of a kind Sportscrack shirt by clicking here.

This is the third new shirt we have introduced this week with two more new editions coming up. Be sure to check back on our store page for great shirts at great prices.

MY INTERNET SERVICE HAS BEEN CRASHING

My Bellsouth Internet service has been taking a 6 hour break, otherwise known as a stoner's break. Fortunately nobody has died yet but if they don't fix it soon it could get ugly, I'm talking Matamoros bike crash ugly.

Right now I'm just feeling a little ticked off but I'm about to go Boondock Saints style on this service...

ST. LOUIS CARDINALS FANS ARE SUPER GAY

You know how I know you're gay, you wear a Superman outfit or a McLovin shirt with some John Stockton shorts to Busch Stadium...



Video HT: Deadspin

NEW TARHOLES SHIRT

Sticking with our plan to release a new shirt per day this week we are proud to introduce the TARHOLES shirt. This shirt is perfect for any gameday, tailgate, party, bar, fraternity or sorority, family gathering, gag gift...hell, the possibilities are endless. You will get an endless amount of laughs wearing this shirt as you show Chapel Hill and the UNC crew what you think about their precious Carolina blue.

Chances are you will get laid with it on too. The force is strong with this shirt and it is bound to create conversations that will eventually lead to you getting a promotion on the way to ruling the world while getting chuckles from friends and strangers.

I'm not going to lie to you, I'm going to the Notre Dame-UNC Tarholes football game in Chapel Hill this upcoming fall and I can guarantee you I will be wearing it while tailgating and visiting their bookstore.

You can purchase the shirt by clicking on this link. The shirt is $17 but the response it will receive upon viewing is priceless. Go ahead and show your true colors with this Tarholes shirt straight from Sportscrack.com.

SHAWNE MERRIMAN IS STEROID FREE ON WWE

Clearly one of the best linebackers in the NFL is not on steroids because he is making an appearance on the WWE and none of those guys juice. Fast forward to the 3:40 mark to see the San Diego Chargers linebacker cane one of the wrestlers...

Now that is clearly some good family entertainment.

Video HT: FanIQ

THE DAILY DUMP

The Daily Dump is SportsCrack's review of the day before today while sitting on the porcelain throne, sometimes painful, sometimes oh so sweet...

NHL
-Don't ask me why but somehow the Pittsburgh Penguins got their asses dominated last night yet still won in triple overtime against the Detroit Red Wings to force a game 6 and send the crowd into a raging riot. Okay the riot never happened and the reason why the Penguins won was because goaltender Marc Andre Fleury had solid velcro in his glove last night. 55 saves the young goaltender turned in last night while Detroit punished and battered the Penguins all night yet still lost the game. The Detroit fans were chanting "We want the Cup!" but Fleury and Petr Sykora whom scored the winning goal decided they would have to settle for the 2 Girls 1 Cup version later on...


MLB
-Chase Utley hit his 21st homerun as the Phillies held off the Reds 5-4 despite Jay Bruce Almighty connecting for his 3rd homerun. Utley now has a homer in 5 straight games and is looking like the early favorite to extend the Phillies streak of MVP awards to 3.

-John Smoltz returned from the DL to blow a save in the ninth against the Marlins but SS Yunel Escobar saved Smoltzie's ass by hitting a walk-off 2 run shot in the botton of the tenth. The Braves so far this season are Superman at home despite playing like little bitches on the road. That was a direct quote from Tim Hudson by the way.

-Carlos crazy fucker Zambrano won his 8th game of the season despite giving up 3 runs in the first because he let his bat do the talking. The crazy asshole had a triple along with 2 other hits and Jim Edmonds collected a couple of doubles and RBI's. I guess old man Edmonds still has it in him.

-David Ortiz was put on the DL with a partially torn sheath in his left wrist. I have no idea what a sheath is but it is probably connected to his Oger vaginal wall which doesn't allow him to fellate and probe Manny Ramirez as he wishes. I'm conflicted by this injury because I really like Big Papi but I hate all things Red Sox but I also have money on the Sox winning the World Series this year. Not to going to lie, money wins out on this one. I hope he comes back healthy.

NBA
-The Finals start in 2 days between 2 teams I have never heard of so we got that going. Oh, the Pistons fired Flip Saunders because of his horrible regular season record of 176-70 with the Pistons and his inability to spoon feed that dipshit with the white circle on top of his head. If you ask me they should have got rid of Rasheed Wallace and not Saunders. Wallace needs a pacifier to quit his crying and his great timing of technicals which screw the Pistons at the most opportune time.

NFL

-The Denver Broncos released super potent sperm producer Travis Henry so he could embark on his life long dream of sperminating women across the entire 50 states during his playing career. The Broncos questioned his commitment to them while impregnating random women across the nation.

-Terrell Owens signed a contract with the Dallas Cowboys that makes him one of the richest wideouts in the league. The new contract should allow Owen's to pursue his dreams of sit ups in his driveway while fashioning a new set of skin tight body suits to be used during contract negotiations called "Le Baby Owens."

-In the redundancy department Odell Thurman got caught again in violation of the league's substance abuse program and will more than likely never play in the NFL again until the Cowboys or Raiders sign him. He faces an "indefinite suspension" which translates to at least a quarter of the season in NFL terms.