Roger Goodell Loves Him Some Draft Picks

Candle lit. Barry White music softly playing in the background. The NFL Commish enters the room. He sees massive Memphis DT Dontari Poe. Emotion overcomes him. The mood and timing is just right. He goes in and grabs the young man. Shows him who the boss is.

In all seriousness what the hell is up with the commissioner just going all in with these draft picks? It's like he was trying to bed every single one of them. I know what his game is. Much like a pimp he treats them all nice in the beginning and then when you act up he puts the smack down and takes half of your money. In a way the commissioner is just like our government.

Disturbing Image via TheBigLead

Notre Dame Steals A Recruit From Ohio State, Gets TE Mike Heuerman

Urban Meyer is going to be pissed about this.

Mike Heuerman, the Buckeyes #1 target at tight end and younger brother of current Buckeye Jeff, has decided to go play for Tight End U and picked Notre Dame today.

Heuerman had a final list of LSU, Miami, Ohio State and Notre Dame before the Naples, FL product decided to put in his verbal commitment to Brian Kelly and the Fighting Irish. Of course with all verbal commitments it is non binding so Meyer could get the young tight end to switch before signing day which isn't till February. Heuerman is the 12th man in the 2013 Notre Dame class who've already landed 5 offensive linemen, a quarterback, a wideout(The Admiral's son) and now a tight end.

Orioles Are In 1st Place

Since I've started SportsCrack I can probably count on my two hands the exact amount of days the Baltimore Orioles have been in first place in the AL East. I started the website in 2005 and the Orioles haven't had a winning season since I was a freshman in college back in 1997. But now on this fateful 26th day in April of the year 2012 the Orioles are in fact tied for 1st with the Tampa Bay Rays at 11-7.

Ahhh! I love the smell of victory in the air.

I'm just going to savor the flavor because I know it won't last. Right now their pitching staff has given up the fewest runs in the AL East and we all know that trend won't stick around come September. It's just fun to know that the team is actually capable of winning. It's been 15 years since they even had a winning season and it's why they can only get a little over 10,000 people for a weekday game in the beautiful Camden Yards.

So I tip this beer to my Orioles and toast with the simple saying "a win a day keeps the boo birds away!"

Go O's!

Image via TheChive

I Don't Feel Bad For This Kid And Michael Kay Is An Idiot

Yankees blowhard Michael Kay needs to shut his yapper. Getting a foul ball is not a right. Look do I feel bad for the kid because he cried uncontrollably like some little pansy? Hell no. Man up kid. Life isn't an endless amount of breast milk, chicken nuggets and free foul balls ok. If it were we would still be sipping on a tit instead of paying some Thailand hooker to "play mommy." You gotta earn your keep kid and next time a foul ball comes your way you better start throwing punches instead of hissy fits. Video via TheBigLead

Armands Skeele's Nearly Impossible Basketball Shot

I love how in the Youtube description it says "IMPOSSIBLE SHOT." Hey dipshits he fucking made the shot right? Then it's not "impossible." What a bunch of European assholes. Stick with your pastries and shitty coffee and leave the descriptions up to the Americans ok? Video via Sean

Virginia Tech Tailback David Wilson Can Do Backflips

Don't kill the messenger but I predict VaTech's David Wilson will have a better pro career than Alabama's Trent Richardson. Wilson isn't as big as Richardson but he is more elusive, has better speed, better hands and can catch the ball out of the backfield, and after watching this video he can apparently do a bunch of backflips without even using his hands. If the NFL Draft has proven anything it's that you can find good quality backs not in the top 20. Whoever drafts Wilson (most pundits have him going either late first or somewhere in the 2nd) will be getting a steal. This kid is going to tear it up and I pray that the Atlanta Falcons can somehow trade up to get him. Video via HotClicks

Evan Longoria As Spartacus With Girlfriend Jaime Edmondson

Just another tough day at the office for Tampa Bay Rays Evan Longoria. I honestly couldn't imagine the pain and suffering Longoria goes through on a daily basis. When you think your life is tough and in the dumps just think of what Longoria has to go through. To get paid millions to play a game and then have to go home to a Playboy bunny who dresses you up as Spartacus is no cup of tea. Poor guy. Via HotClicks

Ohio State Football Circle Jerk Before 2012 Spring Game

If you are a Buckeye fan this has to get your scarlet and grey panties in a bunch to see new head coach Urban Meyer firing up the troops in this amazing circle jerk. I've only heard rumors about circle jerks but to actually witness it for the first time in front of 80,000 plus fans is mind blowing. It looks like Urban Nation is going to be ready to roll in 2012. One circle jerk at a time.

USC Football Players Went To Class In Full Uniform

I'm not sure what is more funny. Seeing a USC football player in class (does that actually exist besides Ballroom Dancing 101?) or the complete pointless production of it all? Because make no mistake it's not funny to see QB Matt Barkley walking around in full uniform around the campus. Hell I would think 80% of the student population doesn't even recognize Barkley without his uniform because if you have ever been to a USC football game most of the students couldn't tell you who Reggie Bush is. But whatever. My point is FUSC. Via TheBigLead

Metta World Peace Needs To Change His Name To Metta World Dick

You knew it was only matter of when and not if Ron Artest was going to lose another screw and do something stupid like he did yesterday with this flying elbow on James Harden. Harden went down with a concussion and should be out for at least a few games. Artest aka Metta World Peace should be suspended twice as long as many games as Harden misses. I'm buying his excuses anymore. This was a blatant elbow even if he continues to try to deny it. The NBA Playoffs start this week. Losing Artest would be a huge blow for the Lakers as they will probably lose their first round matchup without him.

Trent Richardson Is A Good Guy, Takes A Cancer Survivor To The Prom

I could make a few obvious jokes but I'm going to restrain myself. The point of posting this video is not to make fun of people. The point is to show how good of a person Alabama tailback and soon to be top 10 NFL pick Trent Richardson is. Somebody had to step up to take 17-year-old cancer survivor Courtney Alvis to her senior prom and Richardson took it upon himself to do it. A great collegiate runningback but an even better person. Tip of the hat to you Trent!

By the way if you would like to help other cancer patients please take a moment to visit the American Cancer Society website. Cancer sucks and hopefully someday we will eradicate it.

Marian Hossa Might Be Dead After This Hit From Raffi Torres

I hope somebody checked Blackhawks forward Marian Hossa's pulse because he just got knocked the fuck out by Coyotes Raffi Torres. It's always good to see that hockey is still a non contact sport. A gentlemen's game for sure.

Video via HotClicks

TAX DAY SPECIAL $5 FOR RELIEF PITCHER T-SHIRT

TODAY ONLY GET THE CLASSIC RELIEF PITCHER SPORTSCRACK.COM T-SHIRT FOR ONLY $5! It's Tax Day so we know you could use a little RELIEF of your own.

Tupac Killed It At Coachella

Dude I would have gone ape shit if I saw this in person. I was a big 2pac fan back in the day. "I ain't a killer but don't push me...revenge is like the sweetest joy next to getting p*ssy...pictures paragraphs are loaded...wide words being quoted" was heard on a loop in my old ride the '87 Nissan 200SX back in the mid to late 90's. This isn't real, it's a holographic 2Pac, but they need to seriously start doing this shit for dead artists. I'm not even joking. I would love to go see a dead Jim Morrison perform "Alabama Song" or Biggie belt out some "Big Poppa." While we are at it why don't we bring back a holographic Rocket Ismail so I can pretend the last 20 years of Notre Dame football never happened. Or maybe a young Cal Ripken before he got all fat and bald? I'm sure the Japanese are on top of it.

By the way the best days of rap were back in the 90's. You had NWA, Dre, Snoop, Ice Cube, Eazy E, Biggie, Too Short, Tupac, etc. just killing it. Today's rap is just fucking horrible. I know I sound like some old asshole who thinks his generation is better but mine really was. I feel bad for college and high school kids these days. Not only do they got to listen to shitty rap but when they are done with school they won't be able to find a decent job and will be saddled with an enormous amount of college debt. See the key to life is to drop out of school, have a few kids, get government assistance and bitch about rich people while you vote for Obama. It's as American as apple pie.

Now excuse me while I pop my hip back in place.

Via WWTDD

Probably Not A Great Idea To "Streak" At A Rugby Match

Rugby player Olly Barkley with the picture perfect form tackle. I've never heard of Olly before this drunk got taken down on the pitch but if I was going to pick a rugby name I think Olly Barkley might be the best suited for one. It's sounds like a superhero name. It would either be Olly Barkley or Steel McNuts.

Via HotClicks

Hockey Isn't Violent At All

I swear watching the NHL Playoffs is like watching a tennis match or even a ballet. Such grace and definitely a gentlemen's game.

Rob Gronkowski Says He Would F*#K Tim Tebow So He Can Take His Virginity

Just another day of Gronk being Gronk. I wonder how Tim Tebow will respond?

Video via @Cartmaniak

Friday the 13th Strikes Notre Dame, DE Aaron Lynch Transferring

Last season Aaron Lynch, all 6'6 260 lbs of him, came in as a true freshman at Notre Dame and provided the Fighting Irish with a pass rush they hadn't seen in years. Lynch finished up his frosh season with 5.5 sacks and named freshman first team All-American. This year he was expected to start again on a defensive line that was expected to dominate along with Stephon Tuitt and Louis Nix. Today Friday the 13th hit South Bend as Lynch who took a leave of absence last week after getting in a fight with offensive tackle Tate Nichols and a verbal fight with the coaching staff decided not to show up for practice and has decided to transfer.

Brian Kelly addressed the media this morning about Lynch quitting the team. Video courtesy of IrishIllustrated.com


First off this can not be understated. This is a tremendous loss for the Notre Dame football program. You just don't replace a "next man in" guy for Lynch. The same could be said for Michael Floyd and it's one of the reasons why Notre Dame fought so hard to keep him through four years. Lynch is a beast and will be a top 15 NFL pick in the 2014 draft when he leaves after his junior season. No one at Notre Dame who knew Lynch believed he would stay all 4 years because his eyes have been set on the NFL from the get go.

IrishIllustrated.com's Pete Sampson has been on top of the story from the start and had this to say about the Lynch saga.

For starters, I'm not surprised. I referenced this in the podcast yesterday, but the coaching staff was at the end of their rope with Aaron Lynch and the maintenance that had been required to keep him as part of the program. Even after he returned to the program this week, there was never a sense that he was fully invested in Notre Dame or happy to be here.

In the past three semesters I've had a player call Lynch "un-coachable" another player talk about his "attitude problem" and a third try to talk sense into him that he just needed to make it through the first semester of his junior year before leaving, to which Lynch replied that that was too long to wait.

It's my belief Brian Kelly was pushed to the limit with Lynch in terms of accommodation. There's only so much you can do to convince a kid to stick with the program before it starts to undermine your authority with the remainder of the team. I believe Kelly probably hit that point in the last week. While that's not an assertion Notre Dame is better off without Lynch on the team athletically, it's an acknowledgement that the locker room should be improved in its chemistry without him.

From what I'm hearing, it sounds like South Florida is the early leader for land Lynch. I've been told that Lynch already tried to reach out to Florida State. And Florida State hung up.

Now let me tell you what I believe happened in the Lynch drama. The main reason why Lynch was so frustrated with being at Notre Dame was because of his fiance. While Lynch is only 19 and his fiance is still a senior in high school down in Florida he has been adamant about his love for her and the separation was making him depressed. His grades were not an issue and as a starter his playing time had nothing to do with it. It was the mere fact that he was and still is "pussy whipped" and misses his girl. I'm not going to judge because I myself was the same way my first two years of college because like most kids I was a fucking idiot. Lynch couldn't see the big picture (Notre Dame degree to fall back on, plenty of fishes in the sea up at ND and St. Mary's, future millions guaranteed after he leaves his junior season if he stays healthy) and despite his Mom making her best efforts to keep him up there because she could see the big picture herself Aaron had had enough. And apparently the coaches including Brian Kelly couldn't deal with the headache anymore.

At some point all kids have to grow up. Hopefully Lynch will eventually do that. Unfortunately for a program like Notre Dame who hasn't had the type of talent that Lynch brings to the table on Saturdays they will not get to see him mature. But no one person is bigger than the program and team itself.

Lynch quit. Notre Dame will move on and it should. Look for senior Kapron Lewis-Moore to "replace" Lynch at his defensive end spot.

Steve Spurrier Just Cock Slapped UGA and Mark Richt

South Carolina head ball coach Steve Spurrier was a willy one today in front of reporters. He was asked about the upcoming season and what were his thoughts coming off South Carolina's most successful season...ever.

“Now, our people know we can win 11 games, and when we don’t, they’re going to be, ‘How come we’re not winning 11, Coach?’” Spurrier said in his familiar twang and wearing that equally familiar smirk. “That’s just the way it is.”

Spurrier than was asked his thoughts on Georgia and Mark Richt wanting to move their annual SEC East clash to later in the season. This should piss off Bulldawg Nation:

“I don’t know. I sort of always liked playing them that second game because you could always count on them having two or three key players suspended.”

It will be interesting to hear how "Christian" value man Richt responds to the Old Ball Coach critique of his program. I'm sure he will mutter the same old bull shit about college kids make mistakes and blah blah blah. It's weird how doesn't happen every single season at other programs but whatever, Richt is Christian so it's all good.

He also had more choice words for Nick Saban, Les Miles, and Will Muschamp. Check out ESPN.com's Chris Low article here.

Top Basketball Recruits Nerlens Noel and Shabazz Muhammad Announce College Decisions

Two basketball powerhouses picked up the two best recruits in the nation yesterday. First up was Nerlens Noel who is the #2 overall recruit in the nation and at 6'10 can step in and dominate the college game much like Anthony Davis did this past season for #1 Kentucky. And like Davis Noel will be another one and done player for Kentucky as he decided to take his services to Lexington to ball for head coach John Calipari who once again gets the top class in the nation. Nerlens which sounds like drunk southern slang for New Orleans picked Kentucky on ESPNU with a little help from some clippers at the barber shop.

Not too shabby for coach Calipari. You go from "The Unibrow" dominating the paint to "House Party" in 2012.

Second to pick on ESPNU was Shabazz Muhammad, a point guard out of Las Vegas, who is the #1 rated overall prospect in the country. Like Nerlens parents Shabazz apparently were high as a kite when they decided to pick out his name. Shabazz was down to Kentucky, Duke, and UCLA. He decided to stay out West...

UCLA head coach Ben Howland has to be ecstatic getting Shabazz along with Kyle Anderson, the #3 overall prospect in the country. Next up for UCLA is the big guy in the middle in Georgia's Tony Parker. Howland has been on the hot seat but with these two one and done players he can take UCLA back to the Final Four and perhaps compete with Kentucky for a National Title. I think we all know why Shabazz picked UCLA over Kentucky and Duke. It's not because of the competition or the coaching or even the history. It's the Asian chicks. Think about it. UCLA stands for U C Lots of Asian chicks all around campus.

Now that is something to cheer for.

Stanley Cup Playoffs Started Last Night

Unfortunately I've missed the whole NHL season since I put a one year protest on the game because they did nothing to prevent my Atlanta Thrashers from moving to Winnipeg of all places so forgive me for my lack of insight. It's not right because the passion and electricity that is the Stanley Cup Playoffs is above and beyond any of the other professional sports playoffs in my opinion. To get you hyped up the NHL produced a couple of videos for the conferences. Enjoy.

Eastern Conference Preview


Western Conference Preview


Oh yeah and fuck you Atlanta Spirit for killing hockey! Assholes. I won't even go to the Hawks games because they have their slimy mitts all over the franchise.

Jeff Francoeur Is A Good Guy, Buys 20 Pizzas For Fans In Oakland Stands

Many baseball fans will remember Jeff Francoeur as the can't miss Atlanta Braves prospect who was dubbed "The Natural" when he exploded onto the MLB scene 6 years ago. Today he is the did miss prospect who now occupies right field for the Kansas City Royals after playing with the Mets and Rangers since he was traded from his hometown Atlanta. But what people should remember about Frenchy is what he did yesterday to a whole section of fans in Oakland...

It all began last September when Francoeur engaged with a bunch of Oakland diehards seated out in right field on a night when it happened to be “Bacon Tuesday.” The following evening he strolled to his spot in right and threw a ball in their direction with a hundred dollar bill wrapped around it along with a note that read, “Beer or Bacon Dog on me. Jeff Francoeur.” And it’s been authentic love ever since.

He did it again last night — 20 pizzas to Section 149 (here’s video). Jeff Francoeur is awesome.

Those same well-fed fans presented him with a green shirt that said “Second Annual Bacon Fest sponsored by Jeff Francoeur.” Here’s the keeper quote from Frenchy: “I told them I’ll come out early and hang out with them in the parking lot and eat bacon.”

Yes indeed. Frenchy is pretty fucking awesome. The guy who replaced him in Atlanta, Jason Heyward, was asked what he would do if fans made a shirt of himself to honor him and he responded with "SUE THE MOTHERFUCKER!"*

*=Heyward didn't actually say this and please don't sue us...again.

Frenchy by the way got a shirt at the Second Annual Bacon Tuesday and asked for every member of the section to autograph for him. Seriously. Don't believe me then look for yourself.

Bobby Petrino's 8bit Motorbike Adventure Video Game

Via EDSBS

Buy the Petrino shirt below....

Orioles Baseball Has Aged Robert Andino Apparently

And made him more grumpy. Don't get me wrong I like the Orioles but this is how I feel when I watch them the past...shit basically my whole life. Poor Robert Andino. He's lost the joy of baseball. By the way the "new" Orioles uniforms are the tits. They are basically identical to their 70's/80's uniforms with some minor tweaking of the cartoon bird.

Via Reddit

NMA.TV Explains the Bobby Petrino Saga

I could watch these Taiwan animations all day. In fact I think we need to start doing these for our news. They nailed the Petrino story with Jennifer Dorrell falling off the bike and the cash payment of $20k she received to be quiet. Hilarious.

SB Nation's Dan and Matt Tackle The Ultimate Sports Guy Question: Bro vs Douche Bag

Great job of analysis in the century old question of which sports figures are bros and which are douche bags? I couldn't agree more with what they said but I think we need to look at some more just for the hell of it.

Dustin Pedroia: Douche bag. On a team filled with plenty of douche bags he might be the smallest in stature but clearly the biggest in ego with Papelbum pitching in Philly now.

Justin Verlander: He won the MVP and Cy Young last year but more importantly he appears in a commercial with Kate Upton currently which means he probably fucked her so he definitely has ultimate BRO status.

Lebron James: Lebron is the rich kid that wants everyone to love him but everybody fucking hates him including his teammates so he is most certainly a DOUCHE BAG.

Urban Meyer: Not as easy to pick this one as you might expect. Sure Urban lies to recruits and he also left Florida in shambles but he won more National Titles in half the time as the Ole Ball Coach so I would say that is pretty BRO -like. With that being said if he isn't currently coaching your team then we can all agree he is a douche bag.

Feel free to add your comments below on this life or death question. And be sure to check out SB Nation's Dan Rubenstein and Matt Ufford if you are a BRO. If your a DOUCHE BAG go check them out too.

Not Your Grandfather's Naval Academy, Navy Football Players Break Out In Dance for New Stretch Routine

The Naval Academy is not for the faint of heart when it comes to the physical, academic, and schedule demands it puts on it's Midshipmen to perform every day. Luckily for the football team head coach Ken Niumatalolo has a new stretch routine that breaks up the monotony that is every day life in Annapolis, MD. With just under 5 months left to prepare for a trip to Ireland to play Notre Dame in their season opener this Navy team proved it's not your grandfather's Navy. They get down. Ladies be afraid. Very afraid.

Video via HotClicks

Michigan Is Now Using Twitter Hashtags on their Football Field

Michigan Football on WhoSay

If this happened at Notre Dame the collective pop you just heard would be the brains of thousands of alumni's heads bursting in rage at the sight of a twitter hashtag spoiling the godly soil of the football stadium. The hashtag is suppose to be used solely for the Spring Game. When Denard Robinson got word their would be hash on the field he immediately went out and tried to smoke it. Idiot. Everyone knows the Michigan grass is artificial.

LSUFreek on the Bobby Petrino Crash

The story that just keeps on giving. I promise I'll eventually stop talking about Bobby Petrino but I can't not post this great LSUFreek gif. With Petrino now gone I've been hearing some whore mongering rumors on the interweb that there was no motorcycle accident. Jessica Dorrell's fiance found out about the affair and beat the shit out of Petrino seems plausible. I mean how does Dorrell not have a scratch on her if she was in the accident with Petrino? Petrino suffered broken ribs so those had to be kicks in the gut while on the ground crying for mercy right?

BTW I love the Bill Clinton thumbs up. It just tops it all off for me. Complete epic gif from LSUFreek.

Bobby Petrino Fired According to Joe Schad

According to ESPN's Joe Schad Arkansas has decided to part ways with football head coach Bobby Petrino. Who would have thought the whole "if you nailed a girl half your age in your office who was engaged to someone you work with you yourself a currently married man with kids and then crashed your hog with your mistress with you while giving you reach arounds and then lie to your superiors about the whole thing" would get you fired? I just didn't see this coming at all. Sometimes the heart wants what the heart wants and now Petrino can enjoy his time off from his job, his family, shit basically his whole life.

Before you even ask the leading candidate and pretty much the only candidate I can think of to replace Petrino will be Arkansas State head coach Gus Malzahn, a former Razorback player and offensive coordinator. Malzahn is familiar with the conference, the state, and can recruit with the best of them. This might turn into an Ohio State situation where the school actually upgrades at the head coaching position despite a scandal. You gotta love college football!

The Ballad of Bobby Petrino Song

Via The Chris Vernon Show comes the ballad that is bound to become the state song of Arkansas. Alabama may have "Sweet Home Alabama" but they sure as shit don't have "The Ballad of Bobby Petrino."


Now go ahead and get the Bobby Petrino shirt you've been dying for...

Protesters Pushing Against Marlins Front Door Demanding Ozzie Guillen's Dismissal

The Miami Herald has this picture of hundreds of protesters freaking out because an idiot baseball manager said he likes Fidel Castro. This is actually great news for the Marlins organization. They now have more fans showing up to protest than people who buy tickets. As they say in business there is no such thing as bad publicity and the Marlins and Ozzie Guillen are getting a ton of it right now.

I still think they are there to protest that monstrosity in the outfield and not Guillen's words of support for ole Fidel. But hey maybe that's just me. Here are Guillen's exact words about Castro:

“He’s a bull—- dictator and everybody’s against him, and he still survives, has power. Still has a country behind him,’’ Ozzie replied. “Everywhere he goes, they roll out the red carpet. I don’t admire his philosophy; I admire him.’’

What do you think about Guillen's 5 game suspension? Too harsh or about right? Another shitstorm caused by the media distorting the words and facts?

Some Signs from the Pro-Bobby Petrino Rally

It's all about forgiving, forgetting, and of course winning in Arkansas. Woo Pig Sooie!!!!

Show your support for a non licensed t-shirt seller by buying this shirt.


Oh yeah here is a not weird at all video of the Save Coach Petrino Rally via ShirtsWithRandomTriangles

Blue Jays Female Fans Love Their J. P. Arencibia

Oh those funny Canadians are at it again. Our friendly neighbor up north gave us the hilarious "Kids in the Hall" series and imported such stars as Jim Carrey, Dan Akroyd, Leslie Nielsen, and Phil Hartman among others to our national airwaves. And now two young females Canucks are going after the funny sexual innuendo t-shirt business. Their infatuation is for Blue Jays catcher JP Arencibia who is known to throw from his knees...

"HEY JP, IT'S B-JAY TIME!" and "JP, CHECK OUT MY DUGOUT"

Remember ladies, no glove, no love.

Via TheBigLead via Jimmy Traina

Rob Gronkowski Wants The Madden '13 Cover Spikes The Shit Out Of Megatron

Patriots tight end Rob Gronkowski is a free spirit you could say. Gronk led the NFL in touchdown receptions last year, fucks porn stars, rocks out Jersey Shore style with a gimpy ankle in night clubs after a Super Bowl loss, and now apparently has the smallest flat screen I've ever seen for a professional athlete. I guess I just presumed all famous athletes had like 90 inch televisions with 3D, LCD, Double D's, whatever included. Shit was I wrong. You gotta love the Fathead of himself up on the wall and the framed jersey of himself just chilling on the floor at his abode. It's good to know the NFL has humbled the Gronk when he isn't spiking the shit out of Megatron action figures.

Video via Deadspin

Guns Don't Kill People...Yoenis Cespedes Does

Talk about a fucking moon shot! Oakland A's rookie outfielder Yoenis Cespedes, the recent Cuban import, absolutely destroyed this lefty offering Friday night. Cespedes swing is just violence encapsulated. I was trying to think of who it reminded me of finally it came to me: Dante Bichette. It's uncanny how similar their swings are. Just four games into his major league career and the 26 year old has 3 bombs and 7 RBIs. Can we call him a Bash Brother yet? Nah...too premature. Give it 5 games.

Congrats to Bubba Watson

UGA's own Bubba Watson pulled off a spectacular 4 rounds at the Masters this weekend to win his first major and capture the famous green jacket. SportsCrack would like to congratulate Bubba on conquering Augusta with a near flawless performance and one of the best hook shots executed on #10 in the playoffs that we have ever seen. We grew up huge fans of "The Dukes of Hazzard" and it gives us great comfort to know that Bubba can now wear his green jacket while driving one of the General Lees he bought last year. So if you see this guy driving around Atlanta today in his General Lee give him a friendly honk...he just won the Masters!



Here's a tip of the cap to you Mr. Bubba Watson. Keep rocking those overalls and rocking out the pink driver with 350 yard bombs lefty...

Happy Easter From Kate Upton

THE NEW BOBBY PETRINO'S HOG RIDES ALWAYS GOOD FOR A REACH AROUND T-SHIRT

Ozzie Guillen's Postgame Routine is "Go To The Hotel Bar, Get Drunk, Sleep"

It's refreshing in a cynical sports world when an athlete or in this instance a manager can be honest when it comes to their drinking. The Miami Marlins new manager Ozzie Guillen was asked what he does on the road after the game. Guillen as always didn't shy away from the brutal truth according to Larry Brown Sports...

“I go to the hotel bar, get drunk, sleep,” Guillen said, according to Eye on Baseball. “I don’t do anything else.”

Guillen says he doesn’t even do much sight seeing when visiting cities.

“I get drunk because I’m happy we win or I get drunk because I’m very sad and disturbed because we lose,” Guillen said. “Same routine, it never changes. It’s been the same routine for 25, 28 years. It doesn’t change. I don’t like to go out.”

God bless you Ozzie Guillen. I would like to think Guillen drinks a lot because he is still plagued by the baseball gods (or in this case idiot writers) who gave him the Gold Glove in 1990 over Cal Ripken despite Ripken setting a major league record for fewest errors and highest fielding percentage by a shortstop. Having that kind of weight on your shoulders must be debilitating knowing you stole an award that clearly deserved to go to someone else.

Nah! He's just a drunk. Cheers!

College Football Needs A Gold Old Fashion Juicy Story: Bobby Petrino Abides With Motorcycle Crash

It's seems like it's been months since we have had a juicy college football story hit the news wire. 2012 so far has remained scandalous free up until Bobby Petrino decided to not only get in a motorcycle accident with his helmet off but was also carrying a young attractive blonde by the name of Jessica Dorrell. And like they say when your riding in tandems it's always kind to give a reach around. Deadspin.com has more details....

The police report for Arkansas coach Bobby Petrino's motorcycle crash on Sunday shows he had a previously unmentioned passenger: Jessica Dorrell, recently named student-athlete development coordinator for football.

OPERATOR PETRINO (V-1) WAS TRAVELING WEST ON HIS MOTORCYLE IN THE WESTBOUND LANE OF ARKANSASSTATE HIGHWAY 16 WITH PASSENGER DORRELL RIDING ON THE BACK. FOR AN UNKNOWN REASON, V-1 (PETRINO) TRAVELED ACROSSTHE WESTBOUND FOG LINE AS HE WAS APPLYING THE BRAKES. AFTER TRAVELING OFF THE NORTH SIDE OF THE ROADWAY THE REAROF V-1 (PETRINO'S MOTORCYCLE) BEGAN ROTATING COUNTERCLOCKWISE CAUSING V-1 (PETRINO) TO LAY OVER ONTO ITS LEFT SIDE.WHILE ON ITS LEFT SIDE, V-1 SLID NORTHWEST THROUGH A GRASSY ROAD DITCH, STRIKING A PILE OF DIRT AND TREE LIMBS IN THENORTH ROAD DITCH.

Dorrell was a four-time letterwinner in volleyball , and progressed to handling fundraising duties for the Razorback Foundation. Just last week she was named a development coordinator for the football team, and will "handle on-campus recruiting and work with incoming players on eligibility issues." It also seems she's supposed to get married in June. Her fiancé works for the swim team.

Arkansas's initial statement on Monday morning said the accident "involved no other individuals."

As an Atlanta Falcons fan who saw Petrino walk out in midseason on the team when the going got rough for Fayetteville this can't help but bring a huge grin to my face. Petrino is a snake. But the guy wins and he wins big so people put up with his shit. Now it will be interesting to see how Petrino addresses the situation. Apology to his family? Denies the allegations all together? Pull a Damon Evans and resign? Starts screaming PIG SOOI?



UPDATE: Bobby Petrino admits to "previously inappropriate relationship" and has been placed on administrative leave by the Arkansas Athletic Director. Basically he was boning Dorrell a girl half his age even though he is married with four kids. And this is in Arkansas. One can only imagine what Nick Saban is pulling in Tuscaloosa.

Here is another picture of Dorrell.


Look at the smirk on Petrino's face. He's probably getting foothead.

Rampage Jackson Has A Rape Video Out

I'm just going to go out on a limb and say that this was probably not the best decision by UFC star Rampage Jackson. It's a fairly awful attempt at humor. At least that is what I am hoping Rampage was going for. Because you know that whole rape thing is generally frowned upon. Unless it involves Catholics priests. Those jokes just never get old.

MLB 2012 Preseason Predictions

Bring me some peanuts, cracker jacks, and some fucking cold brewskis because baseball is back! The cumweed is fresh, the pitchers arms haven't yet fallen off, and every fanbase thinks they have a shot at going to the playoffs. You gotta love the start of the baseball season!

Here are my preseason predictions.

AL East Champs-Tampa Bay Rays. I got the Rays because of their excellent pitching winning a close divisional race over the Yankees. The Yankees have the better lineup but the Rays have the much better starting pitching and also the better manager while also playing in an environment that isn't the pressure cooker of the Bronx.

Predicted finish: Rays, Yankees, Red Sox, Blue Jays, Orioles

AL Central Champs-Detroit Tigers. The Tigers should run away with this division. They added Prince and their pitching will be better. Plus the Central is rather weak this year with the White Sox and Twins crumbling.

Predicted finish: Tigers, Indians, Twins, Royals, White Sox

AL West Champs-I obviously like the moves the Angels made in the offseason but I still gotta stick with the two time defending AL Champs in the Texas Rangers. The Rangers lineup is outstanding and although they lost CJ Wilson to the Angels I wouldn't be surprised to see his replacement in Yu Darvish put up better numbers.

Predicted finish: Rangers, Angels, A's, Mariners

Two Wild Cards-New York Yankees and Anaheim Angels. Yes this year there are two Wild Card teams in each league. Joy. We wouldn't want to focus on a salary cap or anything.

AL Champs-New York Yankees. Nope that is not a typo. It's a gut feeling the Yankees win the AL. Trust me I don't want it to happen.

AL MVP-Albert Pujols
AL Cy Young-Felix Hernandez
AL Rookie of the Year-Matt Moore

NL East Champs-The Phillies might not have a great lineup but their starting three of Halladay, Lee, and Hamels is unmatched in baseball. It will be a closer race than in the past with the Marlins and Nationals improving but the Mets should be horrible and the Braves will take a step back after a horrific September collapse.

Predicted finish: Phillies, Marlins, Nationals, Braves, Mets

NL Central Champs-Cincinnati Reds will bounce back after a disappointing 2011. The Cardinals still have a fighting chance despite losing their best player, their manager and their pitching coach and quite possibly their best pitcher if Chris Carpenter can't come back. This is going to be the best division not named the AL East. The Brewers still have a shot despite losing Prince and the Pirates should be better. Don't worry the Astros and the Cubs will still suck donkey balls.

Predicted finish: Reds, Cardinals, Brewers, Pirates, Cubs, Astros

NL West Champs-The San Francisco Giants should win the division because they have the best pitching. But then again they didn't last season and the surprising D' Backs took it so you never know what could happen. The Dodgers should be better with the best player and pitcher in the league leading the way. The Rockies and Padres just don't have enough talent to compete.

Predicted finish:Giants, Dodgers, Diamondbacks, Rockies, Padres

Two Wild Cards-St. Louis Cardinals and Miami Marlins. Both the Cards and the Marlins will barely miss out on winning their divisions but get the Wild Card as a consolation prize.

NL Champs-San Francisco Giants. I think the Giants bounce back in a big way this season and go back to the World Series.

NL MVP-Matt Kemp
NL Cy Young-Clayton Kershaw
NL Rookie of the Year-Bryce Harper

WORLD SERIES CHAMPS-San Francisco Giants over the New York Yankees in 6 games.

Blake Griffin Posterized Pau Gasol Twice Last Night

Click above for the awesome The Blake Show shirt.


The LA Clippers lost to the Lakers last night but that doesn't prevent me from posting these two insane dunks by one Blake Griffin. Here is the first dunk in which Griffin follows up a missed shot only to sky over Pau Gasol and throw it home emphatically. Watch the replay closely to see Gasol's face. Fucking priceless!


And then Griffin decided to do it again. This time he launches over Gasol and of course Gasol handles it like the bitch he is by complaining to the ref. Dude you got posterized twice! Take it like a man.


Videos via TheBigLead

Sport Science Shows Why Michael Floyd Will Be A Top 10 Pick

We have seen Michael Floyd for the past 4 seasons under the bright lights of the Golden Dome perform like a freak on the gridiron. There is a reason why Floyd holds school records in catches, career 100 yard games, receiving yards, and receiving touchdowns: he can't be stopped. We didn't need Sport Science to prove anything in regard to Floyd's playing ability but it does help solidify his standing as a top 10 pick.

One could make an argument for Justin Blackmon being the better receiver right now by the numbers he put up in the inflated Big 12 conference because he had a quarterback in Brandon Weeden who could throw precision passes against inferior defenses but honestly what kind of numbers do you think Floyd would have put up if he didn't have Tommy Rees throwing to him the past 2 seasons? 130 receptions per season? 1600 yards per season? I think it's fair to say that Michael Floyd will be the better receiver in the NFL and right now than Blackmon. He's 2-3 inches taller than Blackmon. He's faster than Blackmon (Floyd ran a 4.2 at the combine that Blackmon skipped). His vertical leap is better. He is stronger than Blackmon and he is bigger. So why is Blackmon a top 6 pick by most NFL draft pundits while Floyd is projected to go as low as 19?

I can't come up with an answer. What do you think?

Video HT: Dave

Brian Kelly Addresses Aaron Lynch's Absence Due To Fight, Louis Nix "Demotion" and Jamoris Slaughter's Move To Cornerback

Relax Notre Dame Nation. Aaron Lynch is not transferring. He got in a scuffle during Friday practice with offensive lineman Tate Nichols and apparently it was one in which punches were thrown. Lynch will come back to Notre Dame on Monday.

Louis Nix is now on the second team defense with true freshman Sheldon Day replacing him on the first unit. It sounds like Kelly and his staff want more consistency out of Nix during the spring and just haven't gotten it. I still expect to see Nix starting in the middle of Lynch and Stephon Tuitt come fall.

Jamoris Slaughter has been moved from his free safety position to the other starting cornerback position opposite Bennett Jackson. This move obviously means Lo Wood is not cutting it. The secondary will be the big question mark all season for the Irish after losing starters Gary Gray, Robert Blanton, and Harrison Smith to the NFL. Personally I'm not a fan of moving Slaughter to corner. Slaughter is an All-American candidate at safety and is probably the best hitter on the defense. I would rather see him facing the offense as opposed to having his back to the quarterback. Austin Collinsworth (son of Cris) will move into Slaughters starting spot at free safety playing along side Zeke Motta.

The good news coming out of Notre Dame recruiting today is the commitment of cornerback Devin Butler out of Washington D.C. Butler is the second corner and 10th commitment in the 2013 class. Butler picked ND over Penn State, Michigan, and Nebraska.

Expect another commitment soon from Georgia defensive end Isaac Rochell. The 5th rated strongside defensive end visited Notre Dame this past weekend and came away very impressed and ready to end the recruiting process. Rochell would be a huge get out of SEC Country as he has offers from across the nation.

Jonas Gray Game Used Worn Notre Dame Home Jersey

Now is your chance to own a piece of Notre Dame history. Last season tailback Jonas Gray averaged 7 yards per carry while rushing for 12 touchdowns during his senior season. Jonas brought back memories of ole #25 Rocket last season when he ran past Pittsburgh for a 79 yard game winning touchdown. Now you can own the same jersey he wore when coming out of the tunnel to play for the Fighting Irish.

The Jonas Gray Game Worn Notre Dame Jersey comes with a certificate of authenticity from Steiner Sports along with a matching hologram. The jersey size is 42. Only 1 available!

Britney Griner and Baylor Finish Off Remarkable 40-0 Season

Adam's Apple: check
Deep voice: check
Hormone levels: check

Finishing off 40-0 with a dude playing center in women's basketball: priceless.

Martin Kaymer Holes Out His Skip Shot Across The Masters 16th Pond

The Masters has many quirky traditions like sexism and racism but the best tradition by far is the practice round in which golfers attempt to skip a ball across the pond on the 16th. Yesterday Germany's Martin Kaymer holed one out. The crowd went nuts as you can hear from the Youtube video and Kaymer was allowed to finish his practice round. After all he is the master race: Aryan.

5'9 James Justice With The Between The Legs Slam

My neighbor Scott pointed out to me the NCAA slam dunk contest this past weekend and I completely forgot to post this amazing dunk by 5'9 guard James Justice from little Martin Methodist College in Tennessee. Justice won the contest with this between the legs throw down. Somewhere Spud Webb is smiling.

I Don't Think I Could Hang In This Game: Sepaktakraw

I consider myself somewhat athletic for a white guy in his 30's but even in my prime there is no fucking way I could play this game. I would have a torn groin on opening kickoff. Granted I pull my hammy these days when I fart so you can see how "athletic" I am.

Video HT: Dave

Maryland Now Has Orioles Mascot License Plates

If I still lived in Maryland I would definitely have one of these sweet new Orioles license plates offered by the Maryland DMV. But since I don't the question needs to be asked: When can I get a Braves one down here in Georgia? I don't want one with the tomahawk or the cursive A on it. I want the old school Braves chief Knockahoma as seen here. Georgia DMV has to make it happen. Hell you can make it politically correct by putting a slot machine or some empty beer cans near his face.

WHAT CAN BROW DO FOR YOU? #1 AND DONE 2012 CHAMPS T-shirt

Hey Kentucky fans have you ever wondered "WHAT CAN BROW DO FOR YOU?" Well he answered the question last night by delivering the 8th Championship in a season that ended in #1 AND DONE! Get the official UNIBROW Kentucky shirt here!

The NCAA Puts Education First, Spells Atlanta Wrong

Darren Rovell on WhoSay

It's good to know the Final Four will be in Alanta next year before I went ahead and dished out thousands for tickets to Atlanta.

One Shining Moment 2012

Kentucky won their 8th championship and first since 1998 last night and blah blah blah. This past season in college basketball was largely unremarkable. I guess the season will go down as Kentucky's "Won and Done" with John Calipari finally getting his slimy hands on his first championship but this tournament was pretty much boring as shit. I know college basketball won't change their rules but I would love to see what baseball has. Either you come out in the draft directly out of high school or you go to college and are not draft eligible till after your third season. I think it would make it a lot more interesting with players staying and being able to identify with the different programs instead of programs like Kentucky, Duke, North Carolina, etc. completely overhauling their starting lineup every offseason because all their freshman go to the NBA.

2012 will go down as the year of the unibrow.

Bar Refaeli Playing Tennis

Watching supermodel Bar Refaeli play tennis is so much more enjoyable then watching that Mongoloid on Baylor dunk the ball.

Via Hot Clicks