COLLEGE FOOTBALL PICK EM CONTEST
Just a reminder guys and gals to make your picks before the deadline at 6 eastern tonight. Last week we had four way tie between yours truly, cards88, Jimmy Clausen #7, and Metallibama. So this week who ever picks the most winners against the spread wins 2 Sportscrack shirts! Remember, our shirts are not only cool as fuck but are guarenteed to get you laid if only you didn't drink so much and blabber like Lou Holtz on Gameday...

Wow, I didn't think anybody could make Mark May look halfway intelligent, but you did Holtz. When did Notre Dame become Knower Wame?

RANDOM JOKE

Golf Fatality

A guy goes golfing with his girlfriend. As he tees off, she steps into ladies' teebox and gets hit in the head with his drive. She is pronounced D.O.A. and taken to the morgue.

The coroner calls him in and says, "She definitely died from a blow to the head caused by the golf ball. But the only thing we can't understand is why was there a golf ball in her rectum?"

"Oh," he replies, "that must have been my mulligan."

RUGBY WORLD CUP STARTS TODAY
I know it's not College Football or even a sport that 95% of Americans even know that we actually play, but the Rugby World Cup starts today in the brutal, no holds bar bat crazy country of...France. The official website with live coverage is at www.rugbyworldcup.com in case you were interested. It may be a brutal sport with the chances of losing an eye, ear, or your sanity all very real possibilities but there is always an entertainment factor of seeing somebody get hurt (it's the reason so many rednecks love NASCAR). Of course the Americans suck ass but you should watch just for the chances of something like this happening...


Europeans are much more "open" with their bodies, god bless them.

And if you want to watch some really nasty hits then watch this clip...

ROY HOBBS OR MARK MCGWIRE?
Rick Ankiel, the feel good story of the St. Louis Cardinals who has been compared to fictional character Roy Hobbs since his August call-up, might be just as big a phony as past Cardinals star Mark McGwire. Despite the euphoria of hitting his 9th homerun in 81 at-bats since reinventing himself as a Major League slugger after fizzling as a pitcher 7 years ago, it appears Ankiel has received HGH from a Florida pharmacy as recently as late 2004.

The complete story is here.

So this begs the question, is Ankiel a modern day Hobbs or McGwire? Once we get some honest answers from Ankiel then we can decide if he is as fictional as those two slugging icons.


The Cardinals 2006 World Series Championship deal with the devil continues to come back and bite them in the ass.

COLLEGE FOOTBALL NEWS AND NOTES
-In case anybody was wondering where the Sportscrack Top 25 vote is don't bother looking because it won't be up till after the third week of the season. I'm taking the stance you can't rank teams till after 3 weeks of play because honestly the first 2 games are like preseason contests (even more reason why there should be a playoff). As much as I would love to rank USC the clear #1 team right now because of all the talent they possess, it is unfair to other teams such as West Virginia, LSU, Florida, etc. to rank them ahead of other good teams when they have only played Idaho. After September 15th we will get a better feel of who the best teams and players will be this season.

-Watching Louisville try to play defense is about as painful as watching your new single buddy trying to hit on women after a long relationship that just ended in a restraining order. The Cardinals will score a ton of points all season thanks to an explosive offense led by senior QB Brian Brohm,
but until they can learn how to keep the other teams from running up and down the field all day they will never be a serious title contender. BCS Title for those wondering.

-Please stop with the Booty 4 Heisman bullshit.

Let's think rationally before spitting out his name for consideration. He is no where near the talent of Carson Palmer, Matt Leinart, or Reggie Bush and the only reason why people consider him a serious candidate is because he is the QB for the Trojans. His two big performances came late last season against Notre Dame and Michigan. Those two defenses would have been shredded by anybody, hell Troy Smith did it last year and he can't catch a cold in the NFL.

JOEPA BASHING

Check out the complete list over at FireMarkMay.

I know for all intended purposes Penn State should crush Notre Dame in Beaver Valley, the home of urine soaked fat co-eds, but I really hope this is JoePa's last game because he can't stand to go down as the coach who actually lost to a Clausen.

Only then will we see "his tears are older than cancer."

THIS DAY IN COLLEGE FOOTBALL HISTORY

In his first collegiate game 27 years ago today, Herschel Walker runs right over Bill Bates en route to a 16-15 win for the Dawgs over the Volunteers. The Dawgs would win the National Championship that season in large if not all in part to the phenomenal freshman.

I still think Walker is the best player I have ever seen on film to play at the collegiate level. A man among boys, I got to meet Herschel a few years ago and got an autograph while chatting with him. He seemed very humble and thankful that so many people adore him for what he did on the football field during his legendary days in
Athens.

In honor of Herschel this weekend I will be up in Athens for the South Carolina game and my plan is to drink 34 Natty Lights...so in other words I will be blacking out hard and fast...

IF ONLY...
...I actually took golf lessons.

...I was half black and half Asian, otherwise called a Blasian.

...I had some incredible talent besides the ability to jerk off in less than ten seconds. (true)

...I went to Stanford and worked at my craft instead of tapping kegs and legs at the local State college.

...I had a father who groomed me to be the best in the world in something dominated by unathletic rich pricks who are more fake than a Phil Mickelson smile.

...I could be a nerd who is adored by women despite never having sex with one till meeting a gorgeous European nanny wife.

...I could get paid to drive around in a car that only mental patients and old senile people whom eat oatmeal three times a day drive.

...I could plan my finances around actual income and not expenses on booze, gambling, and strip clubs.

...I made a billion fucking dollars to play a game of getting a little white ball into a stupid hole other than my hot wife then I could have been...




Damn you Tiger!

RANDOM WEST VIRGINIA JOKE
A son comes home from college to West Virginia and tells his dad about a wonderful girl he’s met.

“Dad, she’s fantastic. She’s smart, in great shape, and she’s getting her teaching certificate this spring. I’m going to ask her to marry me, but…”

“But what, son?” asks the father.

“She’s a virgin.”

The father scratches his beard and says, “Son, if she ain’t good enough for her own family, she damn sure ain’t good enough for ours.”


Rupert Munson
Fort Worth, TX

ADAM SANDLER FOR MICHIGAN AD?

34-32 will never die.

THE NFL IS BACK
With college football already kicked off I failed to recognize the NFL was to do the same tonight. And luckily for us we get to see a potential Super Bowl match up with the New Orleans Saints visiting the Indianapolis Colts at the RCA Dome tonight. I wonder why ESPN isn't hyping this game up or the NFL kicking off?

Oh, right, because it is on NBC. ESPN isn't about hyping up games on other networks. They are all about 24 hour coverage of the Spelling BEE because they have the rights. Funny how that works.

I'm looking forward to watching Peyton Manning tonight. He finally got the proverbial monkey off his back last year while capturing his first ring. And the guy is just unbelievable with kids through his charity work with the United Way...

I'll kill a snitch.

WHAT IN THE HELL IS THIS?

You can not be serious, Booty 4 Heisman? I love the backside of the ladies myself, but there is no way in hell I'm voting for John David Booty to win the Heisman just because of some random pictures of ass.

Now you start putting pictures of Jessica Biel and Jessica Alba's fine rumps up there and we might start talking about the 7th best QB in the nation having a chance to win the Heisman. But I want some good pictures, like jealous ex-boyfriend type shit.

Oh yeah, if you want to visit the Booties-4-Booty Site click here.

And since we are talking about the Heisman here is my top 5 as of right now.
1. Desean Jackson
2. Colt Brennan
3. Pat White
4. Darren McFadden/Felix Jones-both of these scud missiles are deadly, you can't just give it to one.
5. Tashard Choice

NEW FDA WARNINGS ON ALCOHOL

The FDA is considering additional warnings on beer and alcohol bottles, such as:

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an asshole.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to SMASH YOUR HEAD IN.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the morning.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell happened to your pants.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the morning and see something really scary (whose species and or name you can't remember).

WARNING: consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug burns on the forehead.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy named Thor.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are invisible.

WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you.

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause an disruption in the space-time continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to "disappear."

WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may actually CAUSE pregnancy.

Reminds me of the time I went to the ballgame and tried to ignore the beer vendor...

JUST ANOTHER REASON WHY ESPN BLOWS
Scoop Jackson is a joke. Not a funny one. The one where somebody tells you it and you try to laugh but it just pisses you off more because you know it's not funny and it should never be told again. In his latest article he tells us why tennis is better than college football.

Okay, let that thought settle in your head for a little bit.

All I got to say is nope, sorry, no....

UMM, YEAH, I THINK MARK MANGINO IS A LITTLE TICKED OFF

I'm surprised he didn't bite him or at least grab him like he was the last turkey leg.

Via Deadspin

MEXICAN FOOD AND VIRGINIA TECH FOOTBALL DON'T MIX

I feel ya man, ya gotta lay off the cheese before refereeing a serious Hokie's game that was intended to help heal the Hokie's nation before they get destroyed by LSU this Saturday.

Sorry for being an asshole, but fart noises never get old.

Via Everydayshouldbesaturday

COLLEGE FOOTBALL PLAY OF THE WEEK

Yes, he is that good.

RANDOM JOKE
A burly Irishman is drinking in a bar. A tiny gay fellow sits beside him. After a few beers, the gay guy whispers, “Do you want a blow job?”

The gigantic man flips out, roars in anger, and tosses the little guy out of the bar, then returns to his stool.

The shocked bartender says, “I’ve never seen you react like that. What did that guy say?”

“Dunno. Something about a job.”

—Kyle Hall
Albany, NY

THE JIMMY CLAUSEN ERA BEGINS

After Saturday's humiliating defeat to Georgia Tech, you knew it was only a matter of time before heralded freshman QB Jimmy Clausen got the nod. Today head coach Charlie Weis made it official: Clausen will start Saturday night in Happy Valley.

Reviewing the Irish performance, or lack of, against the Yellow Jackets I could only find a few bright spots. One was the secondary. I thought the collection of David Bruton, Tommy Zbikowski, Terrail Lambert, and Darrin Walls played as a whole the best for the Blue and Gold. Everyone else either didn't play up to preseason expectations or were completely overwhelmed by a good but certainly not great Georgia Tech squad.

The offensive line was atrocious and I think part of that was due to Weis' gameplan as well as the guys playing on the line. I can't fault Demetrius Jones with the loss because it was so painfully obvious what the play calls were going to be with him lined up behind center. Run, run, run. If I knew this you know Jon Tenuta and his defense could predicate on it. And then when you bring in Evan Sharpley and Clausen the calls were majority pass. While I know you need to pass a lot when you are getting blown out, it doesn't hurt to help develop young players such as RBs Armando Allen and Robert Hughes.

So anyways this brings me back to Clausen and the young Irish squad. This is a rebuilding year. Got that Charlie. Got that Notre Dame faithful. When you lose a four year starting quarterback who in my opinion was the best to ever line up behind center at Notre Dame then you obviously can't replace him right away. Throw in the fact the defensive line this year will go down as one of the worst in recent history because they are incredibly thin at the position and you can see a recipe for disaster on the football field. With that being said why not start the freshmen and sophomores?

Clausen should be the starter for the rest of the season. He is the most talented and is the future of the program. I hate to make comparisons but last year when Georgia was struggling they decided to give the job to freshman Matthew Stafford because he could learn better on the job rather than sitting on the bench. Clausen is in the same league as Stafford and I would much rather see the Irish develop as a team with a guy who will be the starter for 3-4 years down the road(unless prep QB Dayne Crist becomes the guy which wouldn't surprise me).

The same should be said with Armando Allen, Robert Hughes, and James Aldridge at the running back position. Let these young studs develop by giving them the majority of the carries. My blood pressure continues to boil everytime I see Travis Thomas and Asalph Schwapp get carries over the three younger, more talented players. As a fan I would rather see WR's Duval Kumara and Golden Tate catch the ball now from Clausen because I know in 2008 and 2009 those players are going to be special playing together because they developed during this "rebuilding" season.

Of course it probably won't matter this week against Penn State. Last year I attended the game up in Rock's House and saw the Irish completely destroy the Nittany Lions. This year I wouldn't be surprised if the complete opposite happens. I can cope with it as long as the freshmen and sophomores are learning on the job instead of watching 5th year seniors get unnecessary playing time.

Here is some video of Charlie explaining the QB situation from today...

COLLEGE FOOTBALL JOKE

An Alabama fan and a Tennessee fan, fighting side-by-side were captured during World War II and sentenced to die by firing squad. The enemy commander asked the Tennessee fan if he had any last requests. The Vol said, “I want to hear Rocky Top one last time.” The Bama fan was then asked if he had any last requests. “Yes, shoot me first!”