GEORGIA BULLDOGS PICK UP RB FOR 2009

It looks like a lot of the dominoes are starting to fall now for the 2009 class even with a week left before the 2008 class signs. The Georgia Bulldogs picked up a huge commitment today from ECI running back Washaun Ealey. Only a junior this past season, Ealey knows how to get in the endzone.

ECI running back Washaun Ealey, who scored 58 touchdowns last season, committed on Monday, and so did teammate Dexter Moody, according to Scout.com.

Ealey’s touchdown mark broke the record of 46 set by former Buford and Notre Dame standout Darius Walker. Ealey rushed for 2,982 yards last season, third-most in state history, and was named the AJC’s player of the year.

“He’s a blue-chip, the best high school player I’ve ever seen,” Emanuel County Institute coach Milan Turner said last year.

58 Touchdowns! Dear god that is simply disgusting and if you think of all the talent in the Peach State it really says something that Ealey was picked as the Player of the Year as only a junior. Picking up a tailback with the enormous talent of Ealey was paramount for Coach Richt and his staff. Even though a lot of people think of Knowshon Moreno as a freshman he in fact was redshirted in 2006 which means if he has a big year in 2008 as many have predicted he can enter the NFL Draft. The Bulldogs back up to Moreno next year will be another stud with Caleb King getting a chance to shine. Like Moreno King redshirted his first year on campus.

CARL PREDICTS GIANTS BY 23

Who am I too argue the great philosopher known to the world as "The Hot Carl." Speaking of Tiki Barber I saw him this weekend at the NHL All-Star game. He was drunk and blabbering how Eli can't win shit and that Tom Coughlin loves little boys and has a fetish where he tickles Michael Strahan tell he starts crying for him to "Stop." Tiki is a dick! I say all this because he refused to acknowledge the power of the Sportscrack. Don't mess with a blogger who holds grudges Tiki!

NEW NIKE SUPER BOWL COMMERCIAL

It's called Run and for the first time you can view it here exclusively on Sportscrack and a million other blogs run by drunks with tiny penises...

By tiny penis I mean huge enormous man snake of course. Why would I have a tiny member? Just because girls laugh at it doesn't mean nothing. My catholic priest has admired it since I was a little boy. Woops, too much information. Monday's suck ass by the way.

BIG EAST CONFERENCE PRANK CALL

"I was wondering if you have ever placed your balls on one of your player's chin"-PRICELESS. I love shit like this when people prank call these coaches shows. They are so boring in the first place we might as well spice them a little bit. If somebody can get me some info on the new DickRod and Urban Liar show I would love to call into those and assault them with some funny one-liners.

Video HT: AwfulAnnouncing

THE GREATEST TOMLINSON MCFARLANE FIGURINE YET

I know figurines are for children but this LT one hits home for me. Last week I could not believe what my eyes were seeing with LT just sitting on the bench and not trying to play in the biggest game of his career against the hated New England Patriots. Some people say he was seriously hurt and would just be hindering the Chargers if he decided to play. I say he is a gigantic pussy afraid of failure and will never be a Hall of Fame player in my book. When is the last time LT put a team on his shoulders and carried the Chargers to a win? I'm talking a meaningful win. Never.

Anyways you can contribute to the LT Swollen Vagina Fund by buying one at this link.

Hurry, only 2 left!

BEER OF THE WEEK

Since I love to drink and try new beers almost as much as Van Gorder loves to change jobs I figured I would do a new feature of the week for Sportscrack fans. Last night while eating at Taco Mac I tried a new beer called Rogue Juniper Pale Ale. On a scale of 1-10 I would highly recommend trying it, giving it a 8.5. If you live in the Atlanta area I recommend going to Taco Mac and trying it. Currently it is their beer of the month and if you happen to hit it up on a Thursday you get a free pint glass with purchase. Just to let you know how my beer scale works I consider the best beer to be NewCastle Brown Ale. I could live off NewCastle and I'm hoping someday they come out with the mini draught keg like Heineken currently stocks. I would literally buy at least ten of those little fuckers and store them for future late night shenanigans. The worst beer is tough because frankly I have had so many. Busch Light is liquid diarhea in my opinion. Seriously, I used to drink 30 packs of that stuff in college and would have the squirts for days. What a second, the absolute worst beer is Milwaukee's Best Ice. "The Beast" as they call it is an instant hangover. So I will say "The Beast" is a 1 whereas NewCastle is the bomb at a 10.

Anyways, Rogue Juniper Pale Ale goes down very smooth and is not overly bitter. A golden ale color tint and the sweet taste of this fine nectar will leave you thirsting for more. I had two but I could of drank 12 easily if my parole officer wasn't such a dickhead. It's brewed in Oregon by the way and the original name used to be called Yellow Snow. Trust me it doesn't taste like dog piss. Unless dog pee tastes like this Rogue then I'm going to have to bottle Soco and Bailey's(my two labs) hoppy piss and start a new business. So go get you want this weekend and tell me what you think. Also feel free to leave any comments about beers you recommend below in the comments section.

Have a great weekend and please take a load off and grab a beer or 40 and cheer life for it is so sweet! And if your significant other starts giving you shit about farting and burping while you drink tell her it's just natural...

HOLY EFFING COCK AND BALLS

I just got the best present a man could get other being born with an enormous floppy. I'm talking NHL All-Star game tickets mofo!!! And not just any tickets, I'm going to get to sit in a suite with free booze and food. Fear and Loathing among the greatest toothless skilled hockey players in the world. All thanks to my wonderful fiance.

I'm bouncing off the fucking walls right now. I can't wait to see Ilya Kovalchuk and Alexander Ovechkin tear it up on the same line and see them rip some shots in the skill competition. And in case you were wondering hockey is still an official sport with actual players who get paid millions of dollars to beat the shit out of each other on a thin sheet of ice. Plus you don't have to feel sorry for anybody getting hurt because most of them are Canadian. Those beady little eyes with their hockey sticks...

BRIAN VAN GORDER NAMED REALTOR OF THE YEAR

The man of a thousand coaching jobs the past 5 years, none other than the stache himself, new Atlanta Falcons defensive coordinator Brian Van Gorder has been named Realtor of the Year according to Gata.com. Not only has Van Gorder managed to change jobs more often than Lindsay Lohan blows guys for movie roles, but he has also distinguished himself as a real estate agent's wet dream the past 5 years. Since 2002 Van Gorder has moved from Athens as the defensive coordinator for the Bulldogs to Jacksonville for a NFL defensive assistant coaching job. Of course Jacksonville bored the shit out of him so he moved onto Statesboro to be the head football coach at Georgia Southern. After a successful run of nearly destroying a great football program in Statesboro he moved back to the NFL to take an assistant job working with the Atlanta Falcons. But Van Gorder decided he just wasn't cut out to be a linebacker's coach for the Falcons after "only one season(due in large part with sharing the same values of Bobby Petrino) and accepted a position in Columbia, SC to be the new DC for the Gamecocks. After accepting the job and moving his family to Columbia Van Gorder decided college life was the place he wanted to stay for good:

A month ago, VanGorder declared to the Journal-Constitution: "I'm a college guy." When asked if he was sure, he replied, "I've declared. I'm committed."

"I'll enjoy all the things about college football that I always have and I won't look back at the NFL," VanGorder said in December.

"That's something I've put behind. I'm ready to finish my career as a college football coach."

But it doesn't end there for the Realtor of the Year as today Van Gorder decided to come back to Atlanta and be the defensive coordinator for the Falcons after only three weeks on the job in Columbia. But wait a second, "I thought the stache decided the college game was his cup of tea," you ask?

Apparently not. I guess Arthur Blank got his wish in Van Gorder who seems to be a lot more stable than Petrino when it comes to switching jobs. So here is to you Van Gorder as the Realtor of the Year. You alone have kept real estate in the South booming despite all the foreclosures. May your stint be shorter than a Mexican hooker!

Link HT: Gata.com

CLEMSON ADDS TWO BIG RECRUITS

The Tigers apparently can smell blood when it comes to ACC recruiting. Already possessing a top 10 class, Tommy Bowden bolstered a strong group securing commitments from OL Kenneth Page and DT Brandon Thompson. Both are considered top 10 players at their position.

Page is a highly regarded offensive guard prospect from in state and picked the Tigers over Notre Dame, Tennessee, and North Carolina.

"I can't say they were the leaders all along. But in the end, they pulled it out. I see Clemson doing great things."

Reportedly Page's final decision came between Clemson and Notre Dame but staying near home is always a major factor to a recruit's decision along with Clemson being a favorite to win the ACC Championship next season.

Thompson is a beast on the defensive line and delivers good "pop" when coming out of a 3 point stance. Very athletic for his size(6'2, 292 lbs.), Thompson was heavily recruited by all the major programs including LSU, Georgia, and Ohio State. Out of Thomasville, GA, pulling a high end talent like Thompson out of state is a major coup for Bowden and his coaching staff. Pairing up Thompson with early enrollment DE DaQuan Bowers, the #1 rated defensive player in the country according to Rivals.com, on the defensive line could be a potentially hazardous if not deadly force to hit the college football landscape in a long time.

With 22 commitments and 6 already enrolled, Clemson has secured at least a top 15 but could move up to the 7 or 8 mark if they continue to finish strong and sign all their current commits.

DANA JACOBSON KNOCKING DOWN SOME BELVEDERE VODKA

Now that is all class right there. I've heard once you start taking shots of Vodka your balls will drop. I think we can all safely say Jacobson's manbags fell a long time ago.

Picture HT: Deadspin via Baseball Musings

UPDATE: Jacobson never said "F@#* Jesus" according to the Press of Atlantic City article published today. So she only hates Notre Dame and not the Lord himself. Oh yeah, she also is one of Hartford's most eligible bachelors. If you are looking for a lady with an adam's apple as big as her balls well then you found the right person.
Link HT: The Big Lead

AUSTRALIAN WOMEN'S FINAL SPANKING..UM OPEN SET

So there is a reason why God invented tennis after all! The Australian Open Women's final will match the two sexiest women on the tour with Ana Ivanovic squaring off against Maria Sharapova.

Some of you, oh hell, probably all of you don't know that I have actually met both in person before. No, not between the sheets only because I don't date tall women. I actually work tennis tournaments selling the official merchandise when I'm not blogging(I know tennis is gay, trust me I know this already) but one of the perks of being one of the official sponsors is getting to go to the Player parties. Free booze and food with a bunch of foreigners is basically what it is like. Trust me I'm not complaining. Anyways I got to meet Maria Sharapova a few years back in San Diego while me and a buddy were setting up shop for one of the upcoming tournaments. First thing you notice is she is a very good looking person with a very athletic and tone body obviously. The second thing you notice is how freaking tall she is. I'm talking Rebecca Lobo tall. But the third thing you notice and I'm sure it probably doesn't matter to a lot of men out there but it sure as hell bothered me...she has horrible B O. It's like a mixture of dead fish and Clorox. Withstanding the smell I got a picture with her and chatted shortly and she seemed like a real nice girl with horrific body odor. So I wondered if I caught her on a bad day. We all have those days when we smell like a hobo covered in whiskey. I call it confession while some others may call it being hungover. But getting on with it I somehow forgot about the B O until I was working a tournament down in Delray Beach, FL. I started talking with one of the linesman who I run into all the time at these events and he mentioned how Sharapova's nickname on the Tour is "Stinky." He tells me that the chair umpire can smell her disgusting funk while she is sitting during change overs. I'm not bullshitting either. He tells me all the linesmen, women included, can not stand to be around here because her smell brings back memories of salt n vinegar chips. So basically I can't even imagine what kind of stink is down you know where.

So in the one corner you have the hot "Stinky" and in the other corner you have Ivanovic. I have no good stories about Ivanovic other than she blows, I say this with as strong of conviction as possible, better yet destroys Sharapova in the looks and smell department. Maria smells like a cumdumpster but Ana smells like an angel. There really is no comparison. It's like trying to compare Joe Montana to Dan Marino. Sure they are both extremely talented Hall of Fame QB's but Montana always had that "It." Ivanovic has "It" in all the good ways. Everything from the naked eye is good from head to toe on Ivanovic.

But yeah, Sharapova's stinks. So tell me now, after hearing of Maria's funky smell, who you rooting for in the Australian Open?

Exactly.

CONTINUED GOOD SEX TO YOU TOO!

I have no idea who the coach is or the announcer but it makes for great television when somebody screws up like this. The last thing I have on my mind after watching 7 foot dudes play basketball is sex. That and the Ellen Degeneris show totally ruin it for me.

Video HT: AwfulAnnouncing

ADDING SOME CRACK TO SPORTS

I'm sorry if you have a weak stomach and I know it's still a little early to see kids cracking bones but I have earned the right to post this video. Considering I have two rods and 21 screws in my left leg from a football injury more than two years ago gives me the right to post card. I feel bad for the kid of course. Hopefully he doesn't take a long time to recover from it like Alabama WR Tyrone Prothro. Okay, with that being said I'm going to go throw up now.

USC LANDS 2009 #1 RECRUIT MATT BARKLEY

USC continued their west coast stranglehold on football recruiting yesterday by securing the commitment of the #1 player in the 2009 class in Matt Barkley. Barkley is a 6'3 quarterback out of Mater Dei High School in Santa Ana, CA who has long been rumored as a USC lean. Only a junior in high school, Barkley is considered more advanced at his stage than past Mater Dei graduates in Matt Leinart and Colt Brennan. By advanced I mean he can throw a mean spiral while jerking off 7 times a day. Those were the days!

Barkley will join a crowded USC QB rotation in 2009 with Mark Sanchez(will be a redshirt senior), Mitch Mustain(redshirt junior), and Aaron Corp(redshirt sophomore) all with good chances of coming back. Even with the addition of quarterback guru and new offensive coordinator Norm Chow to UCLA it did not even come close to fazing Barkley's decision:

"With all the success USC has to offer, I feel it's the best opportunity to grow as a quarterback," Barkley said. "The competition is like none other. I've always loved USC and I wanted to get the burden of the recruiting process over before I start back with Mater Dei football."

So USC has already started recruiting and landing premier commitments before the 2008 class has enough time to let the ink dry on their enrollment papers. Barkley is now their 6th pledge(all from California) in the 2009 class with 5 of them being rated at least 4 stars according to Rivals. In other words the recruits are not worried about possible sanctions coming down on Southern Cal anytime soon. Their reason is simple: The NCAA's vagina is too puckered and wet with money rolling in to even consider disciplining a school like USC who allows a student-athlete to receive $300,000 worth of benefits while enrolled.

In essence, USC has made the NCAA their bitch because they bring in the most money out West. Good for them but bad for all the little schools out there trying to compete.

RAVENS TAKE ANOTHER STEP BACK WITH CAMERON HIRING

The only way Cam Cameron can ever make amends for his enormous goof of drafting Ted Ginn over Brady Quinn is if he convinces Ravens GM Ozzie Newsome to trade for Brady Quinn. The Ravens would need to give up their first round draft pick plus a third in all likelihood but it would be well worth it. I really hate this hiring of Cam Cameron to be the new offensive coordinator in Baltimore. The guy won a single game last year as a Dolphin's coach and obviously knows little about evaluating talent. The Ravens have had a shit offense for almost a decade now despite having one of the best left tackles to ever play the game and a 2000 yard rusher/felon. Cameron will not help. Thankfully there is not another Ginn coming in the draft this year or you know Cameron would be on bended knee with one hand cupped and the other ready to go to work.

In other NFL related news, the Falcons apparently are set on hiring Jacksonville D-coordinator Mike Smith to be their new head coach. I honestly had never heard of the guy before today so I can't give any opinions other than the Falcons continue to bring in no name guys including GM Thomas Dimitroff from the Patriots last week. Dimitroff was a college scout for the Patriots and was interviewed via teleconference. He wasn't even an assistant to the assistant GM while with the Patriots but now he is a full time General Manager for the Falcons. God bless the Falcons and their ass backward ways. Of course they can make amends by trading for Brady Quinn. Have I mentioned I like this Quinn fellow at all?

TERRELLE PRYOR LOVES HIS NEW CORVETTE

High school football star Terrelle Pryor(pictured above) has been seen in a shiny new Corvette courtesy of a Buckeye loyalist. This according to Brian Cook over at Mgoblog. It seems like Michigan fans are already embracing the incoming storm of losing the electric Pryor due to a little NCAA rule infraction of "arch rival Ohio State supporters giving cars to entice recruits to fuck us over for another 4 years" theory. It's rumor mongering at it's best and it is sure to get ugly considering how much a player of Pryor's ability could change the fortune in the series among the two hated schools.

In other less interesting and some what who gives a rat's ass news in recruiting Florida has now replaced Notre Dame atop the #1 incoming recruiting class according to Rivals.com. This is in large part due to a very large man switching commitments in Omar Hunter. The 5 star defensive big rig of a tackle was previously locked into Notre Dame before Urban Meyer convinced him to come down to Gainesville. All is fair in love and war but it appears that University of Florida officials are now looking into potential violations by the Liar.

Florida athletics officials are continuing to review potential secondary violations committed by football Coach Urban Meyer in his recent recruitment of junior college wide receiver Carl Moore and his girlfriend, gymnast Maranda Smith.

"We are in information-gathering mode," UF senior associate athletics director for compliance Jamie McCloskey said Tuesday afternoon. "And we're going to see where that takes us."

Two more weeks are left before National Signing Day so expect a lot of mud being thrown with a belly full of pissing and moaning from all facets of college football fans regarding decisions made by 17 and 18 year olds. And yes, I am one of them.

REDNECK BEER ADS

If you don't laugh and get offended please leave already. Redneck advertising makes the world a more spiritual place. I have new found respect for Brad Pitt now. Sure he has nailed Angelina Jolie and Jennifer Aniston but this commercial gets him extra points in my book.

DANA JACOBSON SITS FOR BEING HERSELF

I really didn't want to talk about Dana Jacobson and what she may or may not have said during the Mike and Mike Roast last week but I feel some people may want to know how I feel. As a Michigan man in which clearly Jacobson demonstrates everyday by spouting bullshit on "First Take" it is hard for me to get mad or offended by some dude who allegedly says "Fuck Notre Dame" followed by "Fuck Touchdown Jesus" and then ending her drunk rambling humiliation with the appropriate "Fuck Jesus" remarks. Living in the South I hear this almost everyday from SEC fans. I've gotten so use to it that it doesn't bother me anymore and I actually get a good laugh out of it. Besides it was a roast for heaven's sake. If Jacobson wanted a good laugh she would have just dropped the pants to reveal her wrinkly balls. Now that would have been funny. Anyways, ESPN is not happy with the Michigan grad and has dropped a verdict on her thanks to some pressure from Catholic guy I've never heard of....

Sources have confirmed that Jacobson, a co-host of "First Take" on ESPN2, currently is serving a one-week suspension because of her behavior at a Jan. 11 roast for ESPN Radio personalities Mike Greenberg and Mike Golic at Atlantic City, N.J.

While declining to confirm Jacobson had been suspended, ESPN spokesman Josh Krulewitz said, "Her actions and comments were inappropriate and we've dealt with it."

So there you go. Jacobson is suspended for saying something stupid while clearly intoxicated. We have all done it. Blackouts happen to the best of us. Only Jacobson decided to do it in front of a big audience while working for a Disney entity.

Don't feel bad for Jacobson, supposedly she is getting some side work as a character in Hollywood named "T-Rex":
Clearly T-Rex is inspired from the ghost of Bo.

DAN PATRICK PICKS GIANTS ON LETTERMAN SHOW

Since he left the World Wide Leader a few months back it seems ESPN has not been the same. Haha, just kidding, nobody watches ESPN anymore right? Versus Channel has the best sports coverage and you can't beat The Best Damn Sports Show for late breaking sports insight.

So Dan Patrick now has a column in Sports Illustrated. A magazine nobody buys anymore unless a teenager buys the Swimsuit issue to have masturbatory sessions with his trusty tube sock nearby. Or if your team actually wins a championship then maybe you buy the magazine. I wouldn't know since none of my favorite teams have won a championship since coke was rocking Wall Street back in the forgettable 80's. These aren't tears of despair budding because of sports related depression right now, I just need to stop cutting these onions while typing.

This was vintage Dave Letterman. Always a step ahead and ready to land some quality jabs of jokes leaving the guest floored by their minuscule talent in comparison. Patrick never had a chance once he tried to make a golf shoe joke. People who play golf go to bed by 10 in order to wake up for their asinine 7 am tee time. They don't watch Letterman because it's past their bedtime.

I'm starting to side with Patrick on the Giants pick. At least I know for sure I'm taking the Giants with the points. The current spread of 12 is way too high right now. The Patriots haven't covered in a long time, I think something like once in their last 9 I believe. Screw it, I'm picking the Giants as the dog. If Patrick thinks they can win then that is good enough for me. The guy worked for ESPN so he must know everything about sports. It looks like the Giants are the Sportscrack nation's favorite too. Great minds think alike.

Video HT: Awful Announcing-a great blog by the way.

REGGIE BUSH LOVES FREE STUFF AND WHORES

Reggie Bush was recently spotted at the Sundance Film Festival with his girlfriend Kim Kardashian, otherwise known to the free world as "The Big Ass Sex Video Whore." No, not Paris Hilton. Think of Kim K. as the brunette version of Hilton. Anways, Bush had some interesting things to say to SI's Arash Markazi:

"Getting free stuff is the best," said Bush, who wasn't allowed to address the allegations against him at a party he hosted Sunday during the Sundance Film Festival. "Getting free stuff is the greatest. They have a lot of great stuff here like watches and jewelry. I can't believe you just walk in there and they're giving it away for free. It's crazy. I Iove it."

Hmmm, you would think Bush was used to getting free things while at USC. He and his family managed to receive almost $300,000 worth of "free stuff" while the NCAA and USC had their heads buried in the beautiful Southern Cal beaches looking for O.J.'s missing glove. Listen, I just finished reading Tarnished Heisman today and found out some very interesting things about Bush. First off he managed to get himself in a horrible situation by accepting money and gifts from a convicted felon while playing tailback at USC. The felon's name is Lloyd Lake who apparently wanted to start a legitimate sports agency with Bush as his partner and lead client. Lake and his business partner Michael Michaels gave hundreds of thousands of dollars in free rent, plane tickets, meals, cars, electronics, furniture, etc to Bush and his family(mom, stepfather, and brother) with the assurance Bush would be signing with their projected business known as New Era. I can save you the read and tell you that Bush and his family fucked them over by signing with agent Michael Ornstein who also allegedly was giving a lot of money to the Bush family at the time.

Bush was playing the field so to speak by using people and their trust in him in order to get materialistic possessions and trips. Bush is by all regards a street hustler. He knows how to work sides in order to get what is best for him and his family. He basically is a Scott Boras wannabe with the incredible exception of owning a huge amount of athletic talent that is rare to see even these days. I'm obviously not a fan of USC but I have always had a respect for Bush and his amazing ability to change the game whenever he touches the pigskin. But after reading "Tarnished Heisman" I have lost all respect for him as a person. He extorted a lot of money while playing college football and then thought he could get away with it by not paying back the money he took. What even further amazes me is the fact that Pete Carroll and his coaching staff knew nothing of his improprieties. One of their biggest stars at the time with Matt Leinart and yet they knew nothing they claim.

The NCAA is investigating the matter as I write and I believe the evidence to bust USC and Bush is hidden deep inside Kardashian's huge dirty ass. Either that or a couple of diamond encrusted watches with some Ray J spackle holding it in.