DUKE UNIVERSITY FLOPPING CAMP

Since the ACC tournament is up and going and despite the overall conference having a horrible season (seriously, Clemson is a fucking 3 seed but at least it's not Big Ten basketball) it is always fun to ridicule those fag floppers at Duke. Shane Battier was a master at the art of douche flopping and has passed on the tradition onto current Dukies such as Greg Paulus. Every time I see Paulus face on television I really just want to punch the guy. Something about him just really irritates me. He is basically the Dane Cook of college basketball. Anyways, you can catch the Duke flopping tonight against the Yellow Jackets of Georgia Tech. The spread is 11.5 in favor of the douchebag floppers but I'm calling the upset. Tech is playing good ball right now and will pull the shocker despite Duke going to the free throw stripe 20 more times because of the flopping.

Prediction: Georgia Tech 83 Duke 77

Via WithLeather via The Dagger via WeArethePostmen

FIGURE SKATING AT IT'S FINEST

The picture above is of a female Russian figure skater and the brilliant creator of millions of erections world wide who goes by the name of Anna Semenovich. Yes, her name is Semen-ovich. The Big Lead discovered these NSFW pictures of the lovely Anna who apparently isn't good enough for the Olympics but honestly who gives a shit? This girl would be a rating's boner magnet even if she was a horrible skater for NBC. We need this type of talent in the Olympics. If gay people can get their Brian Boitanos then us straight ugly dudes should be able to get our Anna Semenalloverher.

HIBBERT COULD HAVE BEEN A LOTTERY PICK

After watching a 7-footer completely blow ass yesterday against Villanova I wondered what would have become of Georgetown's Roy Hibbert life if he had decided to skip his senior season to play with hookers and hos in the NBA. See at this time last season Hibbert was being touted as the next great Georgetown center who was almost guaranteed to be a lottery pick(most pundits had him around the 6-11 pick) who would not only be enjoying millions in the bank but also enjoying a life of shitness on the court while laughing his ass off of it because of the money he stole.

Let's take a look at how the 7 foot 2 inch Hibbert did yesterday for the #1 seeded team in the Big East tournament in 14 excruciating minutes of play:
Points: 0
Free Throw Attempts: 0
Assists: 0
Rebounds: 4
Blocked Shots: 0
Turnovers: 4
Fouls: 5

You want to talk about a shitty performance well I think we can all safely assume Hibbert enjoyed one of his worst games of the season. But diving into his statistics this season you have to wonder why people are so enthralled by a big man who should for all intended purposes dominate the college game against smaller competition yet shows night in and out how much he really blows. Hibbert has never averaged over 6.9 rebounds a game in his four year college career. This is a 7-footer we are talking about who is a good 3-7 inches taller than most of the players on the court. Yet the guy can't rebound worth a shit. His 2.3 blocks per game are decent but nowhere near stellar compared to former Georgetown centers Dikembe Mutombo or Alonzo Mourning.

And you would think with the big man struggling so bad and fouling out early in the game that the Hoyas would really struggle to beat a tough Villanova team who are playing their hearts out trying to get in the Big Dance. Negative! Georgetown coasted to an easy 19 point victory despite Hibbert's all-out pathetic performance.

So this basically leaves Hibbert with one last chance to prove to everybody including himself that he is not as bad as his game displays on the court. Tonight against West Virginia in the Madison Square Garden he can live up to his hype and prove himself worthy of being drafted by dominating the paint against the Mountaineers. We can forget about lottery pick but the NBA is full of tall guys who suck balls yet collect millions on payday.

"Hibbert can be that guy," sighs a 5 foot 9 and 1/2 inch sports blogger who got cut from his freshman basketball team because he wasn't "big enough" for the game only to lead an eventual life full of boozing, cursing, and "accidental" masturbation bruises. And no I'm not bitter about giants collecting millions and banging random broads looking to steal their DNA so they can pay their bills because I have the greatest invention right at my finger tips....YouPorn.

WILL ARNETT IS GOING TO "LIVE FOREVER"

I had no clue Will Arnett could be this funny. This video will go down in infamy and is pretty much a sign we are all going to hell. They need to make a sequel for sure starring former New York Governor Eliot Spritzer. Never mind, I'm sure there is already a video out there called "Spritzer's Delight."

SPORTS REPORTER OF THE YEAR

Reporter Owned By Sled - Watch more free videos
Rob Leth of the Global Television Network in Toronto basically did a complete flip and completed his story all in one motion. I'm sorry but we just need to go out and give this guy a Television Emmy for best report of the year. Personally I would have been spitting up blood and booze from the night before and I sure as hell know that no ESPN reporter could pull off a botched segment like Leth did. Chris Berman would have had everybody fired and their families murdered for such a stunt to embarrass the "Great Swami."

Video HT: Deadspin

CAN YOU SAY ILLEGAL SLIDE?

The Tampa Bay Rays and New York Yankees got in a Spring Training brawl today over the intentionally "going for the manbags" slide by Shelley Duncan as pictured above on Akinori Iwamura. Of course this could not have been a dirty play by Duncan because he said just yesterday he would never take out somebody during Spring Training according to the Sun-Sentinel...

"No, not today," Duncan said. "Play the game hard all the time, but we don't believe that kind of stuff is right in spring training."

Okay, so maybe Iwamura must some off hand joke regarding Duncan's first name and how only a Shelley could blow this bad and play for a team named the "Yank"ees.

Fuck, Baseball just needs to start already as I am already getting tired of Jay Bilas commenting about how great the NCAA tournament is for the Cinderella teams and the pageantry of the whole tourney.

Castration picture courtesy of The Sporting Blog

99 WORDS FOR BOOBS

I think we can all say that the world would be a scary place without boobs. I prefer to use the word knockers most of the time or sometimes throw in funbags every once in a while. If you are offended by the boobs song then please leave because I loathe you already. I'm not very discriminating when it comes to knockers but I can say that I saw some of the nastiest big ones just recently in Vegas. At the Tennis Channel Open there was a spectator who just happened to be a porn star besides being an avid tennis fan. I'm not kidding here but I have never been so freaked out by a set of sweater puppets in my life. This Asian porn star who I believe goes by the name of Umi or Uni, something like that, had a couple of back breakers that both weighed over 15 pounds each. Scratch that, her name is Minka. You can find her by doing a google search. It was like two fat midgets hanging on for dear life. Her claim to fame is she has the third biggest rack in the world but is 1st among Asians. Good for her right. And apparently she wins 90% of her matches at the Darling Tennis Center in Vegas because some claim she has a Federer-like game while others think people don't feel like hitting the ball back to her because of her massive boobs. Seriously people, these things were gross beyond gross.

No bigger than D's ladies. Absolutely not a size bigger. It should be the law and the doctor who performed her surgery should be banned for life. Boobs have limits too.

MASCOT FIGHT AT THE SUMMIT CHAMPIONSHIP

Apparently there was a Summit League Championship game last night between IUPUI and Oral Roberts and although 99% of Americans could give a shit about both of those schools basketball teams they do match up well in the mascot department...

Damn, college is so tame compared to when I was in school. Back then we would go to strip bars and slam JD and Golden Grain and absolutely never go to some boring ass college basketball game. Community college sure was fun.

Video HT: WithLeather via other blogs

BACK FROM VEGAS

Well, I got in this morning at 5:30 am in Atlanta from a two week hiatus to Las Vegas with what I believe is either a hernia or ulcers. Seriously fuckers, I'm going to the good doctor tomorrow to check it out and make sure it doesn't screw with my alcoholism or chronic masturbation schedule. We wouldn't want that would we? I know this blog has been seriously lagging this past month but at least not much has been going on.

Sure we have the bat shit crazy signings in the NFL and some great NBA Action going on but other than that we are just waiting for March Madness and baseball to finally start. I know this may sound like a bunch of horseshit but when in Vegas I actually enjoy watching NBA games. Of course I have money riding on the games like any other degenerate but the Western Conference is more entertaining than a midget muttering the words "Life is Short" while doing shots of Jack Daniels. So I guess I am kind of promising you some more posts here for your entertainment. Hopefully the doc won't put me out of commission tomorrow and I can resume my daily piss and moan posts with occasional racial jokes while throwing in some sports knowledge. Just some though. What do you think this is a sports blog?

And don't even ask how much I came back down from Vegas. Anybody who goes or roots for Davidson can suck a fart out of my ass too by the way. If those fuckers would have covered the 17 point spread yesterday against a horrible Elon team I would have come back from Vegas with a vengeance. Now I am just hungover and tired...and ready to go back next week!

Viva Las Vegas and Viva La Sportscrack.

Beer of the Week

Red Stripe is a Jamaican delight in a weird shaped bottle. I consider it somewhat underrated in the simple fact that I don\'t look to get it but when I see it I usually buy it and drink it and never feel unsatisfied.

I would have to give it an 8 on the Fairchild beer scale. Best when consumed on a tropical beach or at home with all your buddies.

Inch away from being a multimillionaire

Fear and loathing here in Vegas playing Wheel of Fortune progressive slots, I just missed being able to call myself a millionaire by an inch. A fucking inch. I got the first two Wheel of Fortunes on the roll but then the third one fell below the faithful line.

The jackpot would have been over 6.6 million.

I guess God had different plans for me.

Asshole.

Gambling causing ulcers

Maybe it\'s the high alcohol volume per hour or just the high stake sports gambling that is causing my ulcers but it won\'t get in the way of a few parlays tonight. After Maryland fucked me the other night I need to come back.
So for the good of my sanity and health I need both Duke and Villanova to win, the Redwings and Stars to pull out victories, the Warriors and Magic to cover their spreads, and SMU to lose by 21 or less against Memphis. You can do it fuckers!

Goodbye Brett Favre

With the retirement of Brett Favre today we say good bye to the last great 90's quarterback. Thinking back on his accomplishments I would have to say he is one of the top 5 QB's to play in the NFL.

Not quite in the Johnny Unitas, Joe Montana, or John Elway crowd but right behind in the Dan Marino and Tom Brady QB category. Have fun hunting Brett, you will be missed.

Falcons again make questionable call

There is a reason why the Atlanta Falcons have never had back-to-back winning seasons in their 42 years of existence. Yesterday they decided to pass on the chance to draft the great D-Mac and instead opted for a career back up in RB Michael Turner. I like Turner, don't get me wrong, but McFadden is going to be an absolute stud in the NFL.

The Falcons and 49ers are in an all out battle for questionable personnel decisions. Don't be surprised if the Falcons win it by drafting Matt Ryan.

Brady Quinn for DeAngelo Hall

This trade needs to happen. The Browns get their lockdown corner while the Falcons get their future franchise quarterback.

Beer of the Week

Fat Tire is brewed in Fort Collins, Colorado by the New Belgium Brewing Company. Only available in the West, Fat Tire is one of the best microbrewed beers out there. On the Fairchild beer scale I would give it a solid 9. I could drink at least a couple of six packs of this delicious beer after a hard day of work.

VANDY UPSETS TENNESSEE

And you have to love the passion the Vanderbilt students display during the games...


So much for Tennessee being the #1 team in the country.

Video HT: AwfulAnnouncing

REGGIE BUSH GIVES THE HEISMAN TO INVESTIGATORS

No, he hasn't given away his Heisman quite yet, but it is not looking good for Reggie Bush when it comes to the court of public appearance.

Reggie Bush failed to show up for a scheduled deposition on Monday, the latest twist in the civil lawsuit against the former Heisman Trophy winner who allegedly accepted cash and gifts from sports marketers during his sophomore and junior seasons at Southern California.

"He literally ran from his deposition," said Brian Watkins, the attorney for sports marketer Lloyd Lake, who is suing Bush.

Watkins said he received a fax from one of Bush's attorneys saying the New Orleans Saints' running back wouldn't be coming.

We know that Bush is pretty much guilty beyond a reasonable doubt in at least one department when it comes to the ladies:


I think the NCAA should grow some balls and strip away the Trojan's wins during the Bush period to at least get them to start talking. Bush, his family, his lawyers, and USC are rightfully and logically not going to say shit to hurt themselves unless someone threatens them with forfeits and stripping away his Heisman Trophy. Like the steroid era I'm tired of people dragging this garbage out and not confessing to doing what they did wrong. Everyone knows that MLB players were using performance enhancers just like everyone knows Bush took a lot of money while playing ball at USC.

Bush could at least gain some respect back, albeit a little, by just saying he fucked up and got greedy and took gifts and money like a lot of us would in his situation. He also could have avoided all this by cutting and weaving by giving Lloyd Lake his money back a long time ago. In other words Bush is an idiot. A rich one who could turn out to be like Michael Vick when all is said and done.


FUSC Shirt available for purchase at this link.

GOOD BYE MARIAN HOSSA, THRASHERS TRADE STAR TO PITTSBURGH

The Atlanta Thrashers officially hit the last nail in the 2008 season coffin when they traded eventual unrestricted free agent forwards Marian Hossa and Pascal Dupuis to the Pittsburgh Penguins for Colby Armstrong, Erik Christiansen, Angelo Esposito and a 2008 1st round draft pick. Usually I would be piss as a fan to lose a player with the skills of a Hossa but I think this is the best deal the Atlanta Thrashers franchise could get considering the circumstances.

Hossa was not going to resign with the Thrashers plain and simple. Him and his agent's stiff armed GM/head coach Don Waddell all season and last offseason when talks of an extension came up on the Thrasher's part. To get a guy like Armstrong in Atlanta is a huge plus because he is still young(25) and is a gritty tough player who could really blossom in Atlanta playing with a player like Ilya Kovalchuk. I'm really looking forward to seeing Armstrong lay down the lumber when somebody comes after Kovy. Something like this will suffice...


Or maybe another hit like this on Jeff Carter...


Yes, I can get used to seeing this from a team like the Thrashers that has always been considered "soft" by most NHL pundits. Christensen is another young winger(24) who also should continue to mature and thrive with more playing time in Atlanta. The center is unbelievable when it comes to shootouts. Take a look...


The Thrashers also picked up a young kid in Esposito who is playing in the minors after being drafted in the first round last year by the Pengiuns. Esposito was considered a steal last year at pick #20 when many scouts and GM's had him pegged for a top 5 pick. At only 19 he will probably be playing with the Chicago Wolves of the AHL starting next season unless he impresses in camp and makes the Thrashers roster.

The Thrashers picking up a first round pick is huge considering they traded all theirs away last year when picking up veterans to make a playoff push. In the end this was a great trade for the Thrashers and in all likelihood saves Don Waddell's ass for at least this offseason. The Thrashers will also have plenty of cap room with Hossa now gone and could make a bid for a big-time free agent this offseason.

WATCHOUT PEOPLE, ANOTHER RUSSIAN IN OUR NATION'S CAPITAL

About ten minutes ago I honestly had no idea Sergei Federov was still playing NHL hockey. I figured Anna Kournikova had him locked away with a ball gag in some cellar down in Miami. But never the less I have come to find out he isn't Anna's gimp anymore but is instead a brand new/dried up fading Vodka of a player now playing on the Washington Capitals.

February 26, TSN: The Columbus Blue Jackets have traded centre Sergei Fedorov to the Washington Capitals for prospect Theo Ruth.
Fedorov is in the final year of a five-year, $40 million contract and will become an unrestricted free agent this summer.

He has 469 goals and 663 assists in 17 seasons in the NHL.

The speedy Russian had a career-high 56 goals and 120 points for the Detroit Red Wings in 1993-94, when he won the Hart Trophy as the league's MVP.

He now becomes the fourth winger from the USSR on the Capitals joining the likes of Alexander Ovechkin, Alexander Semin, and Viktor Kozlov. I guess we have a new "Cold War" on the ice now so to speak and it should be entertaining to see how they all play together. Not nearly as entertaining though as an Anna K leaked sex tape which the whole world has been waiting for the past decade. Seriously Anna, do the world a favor and make your beautiful self newsworthy again. At least do it for all the teenage boys/lonely bloggers out there who have nothing better to do.