Matthew Stafford and Knowshon Moreno stop spreading their seed in random Athens girls and start kicking ass on the gridiron.
Okay, maybe not stop spreading their bodily fluids but you get my point. Will college football just get here already?
Sorry about the total lack of posts lately. I've been trying to write stuff while on the road constantly the last 2 to 3 weeks but my mind has been wandering. I have made east coast to west coast to east coast to west coast and now back to Atlanta with a trip to Philadelphia in between. I still have no idea what time zone I am in and my daily dump schedule has been thrown way out of whack. Last night I finally managed to see "The Dark Knight" and was more than pleased to say it is the best film I have seen in a while and by far the best Batman movie. A lot of the credit goes to Heath Ledger's Joker in the press clippings which is deservedly so but Aaron Eckhart was also brilliant as Harvey Dent, aka Two Face. Both deserve a shot at an Oscar in my opinion. Most films don't live up to huge expectations especially summer blockbusters but "The Dark Knight" delivered from start to finish and you really owe it to yourself to see it on the big screen. Trust me, I have a nice size television with HD and all that crap and it will never match up to the movie theater experience.
Oh yeah, the above clip is from WithLeather of some Colombian bullfight. Looks like fun doesn't it? And in case you were wondering which I'm sure you were not I was out in California working a tennis tournament at Stanford University. Talk about a beautiful campus and weather there is little wonder why it costs so damn much to get in there. I managed to run into Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps (taller than I envisioned) and Stanford football coach Jim Harbaugh (gave him a friendly thank you for beating USC and losing to Notre Dame) on campus and also got to see Serena Williams play tennis on a bum leg. So that was my brush with famous people in the matter of a couple of weeks. All of them seem like really good people so I don't have any bad stories to tell. I know, I'm sorry. Rob from WallofFameSports.com and I saw some Stanford football players get free tickets to the WTA tennis event which is probably some sort of NCAA infraction but honestly I could care less because they don't play for the Trojans. If you are ever in the Palo Alto area I highly recommend going to Old Pro Sports Bar in the downtown district. They have a mechanical bull which is endless hours of entertainment upon itself with all the Stanford co-eds enjoying themselves and tons of flat screens with vintage sports team banners and Sports Illustrated covers all around. Good atmosphere, decent food and a friendly staff make it worthwhile.
Chase Utley is the man. I managed to catch my first Phillies game at Citizen Bank Park on Sunday due to the huge clusterfuck of delays at Philly International that gave me and the old lady some extra time to explore the athletic side of Brotherly Love. Somehow we managed to get into the game despite it being sold out thanks to a really cool ticket usher. The place was packed and filled with cheesesteak eating loud mouths everywhere. It was great. Great to see the passion of a fanbase who actually care about the game unlike a lot of the fair weather Atlanta fans I see in Turner Field everyday. Anyways, I bought a Phillies baby blue jersey shirt with the "Utley 26" on the back because I love the way Utley plays the game. I can respect him.
After hearing him say "Boo, Fuck You" to the fans at Yankee Stadium I am now completely and Utterly in love with Chase. He had me at "Boo."
By the way, Philly was a blast. I was up there for my buddy Tobin's wedding and got to catch up with a lot of old college buddies. Nothing has changed with a lot of those guys and I love it. We killed cases of Bud Light and Yuengling, reminisced, and busted each other's balls all night. I didn't realize how much I missed all those guys and now I hope to hang out with them some more in the near future. I may not be a Philly guy but I do love all my Philly boys.
Peace out mofos.
28 Homeruns in the first round is an absolute ridiculous number. It's great to see a recovering addict like Hamilton beat the odds with his comeback of redemption but my hope was one of those balls he hit last night would hit Chris Berman in the back, back, back, of his damn throat and forever destroy his ability to talk and bang random hookers.
Next time Josh will do it all for us and not just himself. Don't be a prick Josh, do it!
Some Canadian named Dr. Morneau won the event but Hamilton delivered the show. The All Star game is tonight and I must admit I think the National League is going to win it. Hanley Ramirez, Chase Utley, Lance Berkman, Albert Pujols, and Chipper Jones are their first 5 batters! I'm envisioning Cliff Lee having one of those nightmare 6 runs given up in the first inning realities tonight.
It's great to see Matthew going for some more diverse roles that test his acting range. My "mind is fucking blown" by that slow talking Texan.
I watched this defenseless fight Saturday night on Showtime and came to the conclusion that Torres stands for glass jaw. Holt gets knocked down 16 seconds into the fight, then goes down a 2nd time seconds later and yet somehow knocks the living crap out of Torres less than a minute into the bout. Amazing. It actually reminds me of my bachelor days living it up in Buckhead when you would see two drunks get into a fight outside a bar or club. Of course there were no handcuffs or barflys involved in the Torres-Holt fight. Sad.
Now that the Brewers have traded 4 prospects for C.C. Sabathia, the reigning AL Cy Young winner, it should start a domino effect around the majors in terms of player movements. It should be interesting to see how the Cubs and Cardinals, both teams ahead of the Brewers in the NL Central, react once Sabathia pitches for the Brewers. Orioles 2nd Baseman Brian Roberts is still available for trade bait and would seem like a perfect fit for the leadoff spot and 2b duties for both teams. But would the Cubs and/or Cards be willing to trade their top notch prospects to land an All-Star like Roberts? I wouldn't count on it.
Landing Sabathia gives the Brewers a good chance of finally making the playoffs at the very least as a Wild Card contender. The National League is awful this year so it's not like it takes a lot of maneuvering to make yourself an instant contender. The Brewers are basically trading hot hitting prospect Matt LaPorta who was essentially blocked by young All-Star's Prince Fielder and Ryan Braun from having a starting spot on the Brewers squad in the foreseable future. The Brewers now have the combo of Ben Sheets (if he survives a full season, an iffy possibility) and Sabathia which could put them on par with what the Diamondbacks rode to World Series glory with Randy Johnson and Curt Schilling in terms of front end rotation. We know the Brewers have the hitting with Braun, Fielder, Corey Hart, and J.J. Hardy just to name a few all capable of carrying the offense.
But do the Brewers have the bullpen? Nope. So look for the Brew Crew to make another trade for a reliever, possibly Huston Street or George Sherrill, to shore up the bullpen to make a serious run at ending their 26 year playoff drought.
The Cardinals and Cubs are now both on the clock to counter the Brewers move. It should get interesting...
See how I played with A-Rod stupid nickname and made it sound like he was an adulterer? I know it's gay but so are you for reading this crap. The Smoking Gun has the complete divorce filing and it should be interesting to see how the "antenuptial agreement" is played out in court since apparently there wasn't a prenup in Cynthia's mind. I do find it hilarious she is pointing out his extra marital affairs as the reason why the marriage is "irretrievably broken" and can't be resolved. Listen lady, you married one of the richest athletes in the world who happens to be good looking dude (yes, I can admit his frosted hair gives me the tingles) who spends half the year on the road as a baseball player. What the hell did you expect? All ballplayers cheat on their wives. It's a fact.
My wife even laughed it off last night when she heard the news on the ESPN telecast. She said something to this effect: "What did she expect from marrying him!" Exactly.
Cynthia couldn't have believed he was going to remain faithful when he spends most of his time on the road in a pinstriped uniform which is guaranteed to make women melt in between their thighs 99% of the time. Granted I hope she takes him to the cleaners because it's A-Rod but I don't feel any sympathy towards her.
She knew the game. She knows A-Rod loves muscular blond female types almost as much as he loves his vision of himself. She knew that Madonna would eventually be fisting A-Rod with strap-ons in New York while she was working on her tan in Florida.
I really hate talking about athlete's relationships with their wives but this gave me a good reason to put "fisting" and "strap-on" in an article so I feel like we all win.
Okay, I admit that I watched the mens, or shall I say gentlemens, Wimbledon final yesterday and was enthralled with it enough to keep flipping back to it once the Orioles game started. Roger Federer and Rafael Nadal are both champions and played an unbelievable final in what should help tennis popularity in Europe. Remember that Federer and Nadal never come to the States except for the US Open and the Key Biscayne tournament so there is little reason to get excited for tennis unless those guys are in your tournament for the non-tennis lovers. But as much as I enjoyed watching the Wimbledon finals yesterday I quickly forgot how much more I enjoy watching the women's side of the game because of pictures like these of Ana Ivanovic from the UK's version of FHM...
I'm a little disappointed she didn't show some more skin but you can view the whole photo gallery at FanIQ.
My first reaction to seeing this picture of Barry Bond's infamous 756* ball was simply AWESOME. This is how the ball will look at the Hall of Fame in Cooperstown after fashion big wig Marc Ecko left his permanent stamp on it after he won it at an auction. The ball will go to the Hall but likely Bonds won't as he told Cooperstown he would picket them if they kept the ball the way it is shown above.
Fine. Fuck him if he wants to act all high and mighty. Personally I don't think he deserves to be in the Hall of Fame because of the shame he has helped brought upon the game. And don't give me the argument that everybody was doing it or he never got caught with the stuff. Bonds is a disgrace and the ball represents his legacy he left on the game.
I would love to donate this shirt to Cooperstown as I think it would look great right next to the ball...
756* shirt available here for purchase.
AwfulAnnouncing brought this video of ESPN's Skip Bayless to my attention and I'm amazed the guy actually agrees with what I said yesterday in regards to Joe Buck. I've always thought of Bayless as some sort of clown with a mild case of retardation but now it has become perfectly clear for all these years: I am mildly retarded too. What am I to do with this life I once knew before I realized Bayless the clown and I actually share something in common? I'm completely shocked in regards to Bayless actually making sense of something involving sports.
Just a warning, if you see a balding 29 year old wandering the street while sobbing and talking to himself don't just presume he is some poor retard with a severe case of jerkoff syndrome. That could be me people. Help a brother out.
Thank you Puck Daddy for revealing these wonderful pictures of Paulina Gretzky, the daughter of Wayne and Janet Gretzky. Apparently Paulina is a singer who had one of her songs played on one of those dumbass MTV shows. I can't recall the name because there are so many. She even has her own MySpace page so if you want to bring out your inner Allison Stokke fetish and stalk a 19 year old then go right ahead. Hell, we already sent out a friend request so who are we to judge. I say kudos to the Great One for having Great Offspring. It's just a matter of time before this girl of privilege from Hollywood is flashing the goods for the paparazzi and we, a nation, will watch with love and admiration as her career spirals to eventually land in amateur porn.
One can only dream.
I have watched a lot of baseball over the years and I think I can honestly say I have never seen a player foul a baseball straight to his face. I had no idea it was even possible. Wills Park legend Michael Barrett defied physics and took what appears to be a 100 mph plus Bud Selig signature special straight to the nose. Despite how awful this looks I would rather take a broken nose than a Mariano Rivera fastball to the nuts or a fractured testicle any day of the week. It is this reason why I dated only normal size people. You piss off a little person, or dwarf as they like to be called, and the only place they can hit you is straight in your junk.
Video HT: WithLeather via The Fightins
Video HT: Deadspin
The above radio clip is from ESPN radio show The Herd with the not impressed Joe Buck in regards to baseball and sports in general. Before I go off on Buck I must admit he does have some valid points in regards to the national past time. Yes, baseball is boring and takes up a lot of time if you are not interested in the sport. I don't expect everybody to enjoy watching the game of baseball just like I don't expect everybody to love it as much as I do in regards to say the movie "Braveheart."
Everyone is different and entitled to their own opinions. But the problem I have with Buck making these statements is the same I would have if Mel Gibson came out and said he doesn't watch "Braveheart" and thought it was kind of boring. Buck, whether he likes it or not, is suppose to be one of the voices of baseball. If he doesn't enjoy it then FOX should do the right thing and fire his ass.
Listen, I can't stand Dick Vitale sometimes because of his over exuberance and his shouting while he tries to give Coach K a mouthjob. But I do respect the guy because he seems to genuinely love the game of college basketball. Vitale is a great voice for college basketball and does a tremendous job of promoting it. It seems that Joe Buck is the exact opposite and has been handed this unbelievable dream job from his father, the late great St. Louis Cardinal's announcer Jack, and doesn't appreciate it. Literally the guy has been given a silver spoon his entire life with access to a game many of us can only dream about and yet he would rather shit on it as opposed to eating it up. Are we suppose to feel sorry for Buck that he would rather watch "The Bachelorette" than have to endure watching a complete baseball game?
I say fuck him. If he doesn't enjoy watching baseball or any other sport for that matter then don't expect to be earning future checks while you put us through another boring telecast. Buck has and always will be a wet noodle. The guy who was apparently horribly offended by Randy Moss showboating in Green Bay also is a "disgusting act" when it comes to baseball announcing. The guy can literally put me to sleep with his monotone voice. He brings back memories of 9th grade history class. My hope is one day Buck wakes up and realizes how good of a life he has and then just walks away and becomes history.
Go watch your Bachelorette you fucking toolbag!
By the way, DeAnna is so picking Jesse it's not even fair for her to lead on Jason like she is.
Oh my gawd people, I am getting so wet thinking of Sportscrack!
Listen, we are only half way through the season and already Boston Red Sox fans are freaking out about losing to the Tampa Bay Rays. There are still 80 plus games to go people. Stop being so fucking pathetic up there and learn to control your anger. Once David Ortiz starts juicing again and comes off the disabled list then your team will again be the dominating bitch they should be. Look, I hate the Red Sox as much as anybody could but even I see the daylight. There is absolutely no way this Red Sox team is missing the playoffs and more than likely they will win their division over the Rays. So put down your Dunkin Donut, take a deep breath, and take your finger out of your ass. Remember people I have money on the Red Sox winning the whole thing this year so if anybody should be freaking out it should be me. But I am cool and collective.
And remember to always drink a beer and love it. Don't throw it or spit it out or get mad at it. Beer is our lover and not our enemy. Okay, I will stop now.
Okay, it's not hockey but it looks like one of the Molina brothers is practicing to play goalie against this Mariano Rivera fastball to the gonads...
QUARTERBACK
Chase Daniel, Missouri-Last year Daniel was the Big 12 Offensive Player of the Year and finished 4th in the Heisman Trophy voting. He set Missouri records in passing(4306 yards), total offense(4559 yards), and TD passes(33 TD) while completing an incredible 68.2% of his passes. Chase should be one of the main frontrunners for the Heisman and POY awards and he has a good chance of leading Mizzou to a BCS game which they deservedly should have last year. With weapons like WR Jeremy Maclin and TE Chase Coffman at his disposal don't expect any let up in Daniel's numbers in 2008. He also is a booger connoisseur...
RUNNINGBACK
LeSean McCoy, Pittsburgh-McCoy excelled in his first season of D1 football at Pitt last year running for 1328 yards while scoring 14 TDs on the ground. He also managed to be a receiving threat out of the backfield catching 33 passes while racking up nearly 250 yards and another TD. McCoy's yards rushing were a Big East freshman record and Pitt is known to use him at QB in what is called the Wildcat Package. If Pitt wants to get to a bowl this year under 4th year head coach Dave Wannstedt they need to let McCoy touch the ball at least 20 times a game to have a chance. With another great season under his wing don't be surprised to see McCoy jump to the top of NFL runningbacks for the 2009 Draft. Here is a comparison video to Pitt great Tony Dorsett...
DeMarco Murray, Oklahoma-The redshirt freshman was on pace for nearly 1300 yards rushing when he injured himself recovering an onside kick against Texas Tech. Not surprisingly the Oklahoma offense was never the same without him. Murray managed to rush for 13 TDs out of the backfield while averaging 6 yards a carry. A threat to score whenever he gets his hands on the ball, Murray also 2 kickoff returns for TDs and showed he could be an explosive back who could fill in for the departed great Adrian Peterson. Murray should have a tremendous season as Oklahoma returns all of their linemen including two who are All-Americans and a QB and TE who are top 10 in their respective positions. If Oklahoma hopes on getting back to a BCS Title game they will need Murray healthy the whole season.
FULLBACK
Brannan Southerland, Georgia-To measure a fullback's importance to a team you can not just look at his statistics. You have to look at his whole game and how important he is to a QB and his tailback's numbers. Southerland is one of the most underrated FBs in the game and without him Georgia would struggle in their running game and protecting Matthew Stafford from the blitz. Southerland provides great lead blocks for RB Knowshon Moreno and should be a part of one of the best backfields in Georgia history with redshirt freshman Caleb King expected to make a push like Special K did last year for significant playing time along with true freshmen Richard Samuel and Carlton Thomas. If the Bulldogs hope to contend for a SEC Title and/or National Title Southerland will be an important piece to the puzzle. He also loves to destroy gnats...
WIDE RECEIVER
Arrelious Benn, Illinois-Benn is a man among boys. Last year as a true freshman he played with an injured shoulder throughout the season and helped the Fightin Illini reach the Rose Bowl. Expected to be healthy this summer, Benn could put up monster numbers if he had a decent quarterback throwing him the ball. Reminiscent of Calvin Johnson when he had to catch ducks from Reggie Ball, Benn's talent supersedes the actual skill on the whole Illini offensive roster. I'm not trying to dog the Illini but Benn is just that good. If QB Juice Williams is smart which I believe he is he will throw to Benn at least 12 times a game. Good things will happen with the ball in Benn's hands and it will dictate how well the season goes in how many touches they can get Rejus. The kid is simply the definition of playmaker.
Darrius Heyward-Bey, Maryland-When I think of explosive receivers one of the first names that pops in my head is Darrius. Don't agree, well take a look at how he runs right by Miami defenders on a long TD pass...
Heyward-Bey is often double and triple teamed so his stats are not overly impressive as they should be but make no mistake the kid is a star. He still managed to have nearly 800 yards receiving last year and I expect those numbers to be even better this season.
Aaron Kelly, Clemson-The 6'5 senior was a first team All-ACC WR last year while setting a school record with 11 TD catches and leading the ACC with 1081 yards receiving. Kelly should be QB Cullen Harper's main target when it comes to red zone passing and with an offense that includes RB James Davis and CJ Spiller the Clemson Tigers should score a ton of points this year.
TIGHT END
Chase Coffman, Missouri-A 1st team Big 12 selection despite splitting catches with TE teammate Martin Rucker last year, expect Coffman to put up huge numbers this season in Columbia. The 6'6 senior will be an important piece to a Mizzou offense which should be able to stretch the field with playmakers such as Coffman and WR Jeremy Maclin.
CENTER
Alex Mack, California-A 1st team PAC-10 selection in 2006 and 2007, Mack turned down the NFL for a chance to lose to USC again. Seriously, he did. Mack leads an experienced Cal line which has allowed only 24 sacks the last two years combined and helped little guy Justin Forsett look like a big guy. This year he will be lead blocking for sophomore Jahvid Best who could be compared to a Cheetah with his track star speed. I think it's only fair for Best to follow the Mack Truck. See, I can play with words too.
GUARD
Greg Isdaner, West Virginia-All 5 West Virginia linemen return and Isdaner is one of the best. At 6'4, 315 pounds the guy can punish defensive linemen and open up holes for QB Pat White and RB Noel Devine. He was a 1st team Big East selection last season and should contend for 1st team All-American honors this year.
Steve Rehring, Ohio State-Rehring is part of the Big Ten's best offensive line this season and also one of it's biggest. At 6'7, 335 pounds it would seem almost impossible for anybody to see over the mighty giant but he should be pancake blocking holes open for RB Beanie Wells all season. Expect plenty of gay Buckeye stickers on his helmet for ball fondling while masturbating in public libraries. Sorry, inside joke. Look up Carl Monday and Ohio State sweatshirt to get the joke.
TACKLE
Alex Boone, Ohio State- This so called beer-guzzling bear of a man returns to Columbus to live up to his hype out of high school. The kid isn't soft but needs to show more of a mean side when it comes to blocking. He has the body and the skill to do so and his fat ass should provide plenty of blocks all season.
Eugene Monroe, Virginia-I just put him here because I like his name. It just kind of rolls off the tongue. No, but seriously, he is good and will be a 1st round draft pick next year. Mark it down.
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