HOCKEY FIGHT OF THE YEAR?

Derek Dorsett of the Columbus Blue Jackets went fist to fist with Daniel Carcillo of the Phoenix Coyotes two nights ago in what might have been one of the best fights in the NHL in a long time. Carcillo starts off with a flurry of jabs that would stagger most fighters but then Dorsett comes back unfazed to land some damaging jabs himself. Back and forth the fighting and punching goes with back of the head shots a norm and I love the fact that the stripes didn't get in the way and let the two players duke it out till they collapsed down on the ice. I bet some of these fights were the norm this morning at 5 am across America with mothers and fathers grappling for the last Rock Band video game.

Video HT: AOL Fanhaus

HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYBODY!

I just wanted to say Happy Thanksgiving Day to all the loyal Sportscrack heads out there and hope everybody has a great holiday with their family and friends. As a sports fan I don't have a lot to be thankful since all of my favorite teams have struggled mightily the past decade but I am thankful to all the people who come to this blog and read about my daily shenanigans and who decide to support my fix by buying a shirt here and there. Eat a lot of turkey and ham, drink the drink, and stuff yourself till you have to loosen up your belt. And be safe out there.

And to anyone who still thinks the BCS works and doesn't want a playoff because it would ruin the regular season and the bowls, well, I hope you have a great last Thanksgiving you communist turkey.

KOBE IMPOSES HIS WILL ON FRESH MEAT

Just like that girl in Colorado, poor rookie Brook Lopez had no idea what was coming especially when Kobe is intent on sticking it in as fast and furious as possible.

Video HT: FanIQ

RANDOM JOKE

A woman goes to her boyfriends’ parent’s house for dinner.

This is to be her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous.

They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal. The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and the broccoli casserole. The gas pains are almost making tears come to her eyes and lets out a dainty fart.

It wasn’t loud but everyone at the table heard the poof. Before she even had a chance to be embarrassed, her boyfriend’s father looked over at the dog that had been snoozing at the woman’s feet and said in a rather stern voice, "Skippy".

A couple of minutes later, she was beginning to feel the pain again. This time, she didn’t even hesitate. She let a much louder and longer fart rip. The father again looked at the dog and yelled, "Dammit Skippy!’

Once again the woman smiled and thought, "Yes".
A few minutes later the woman had to let another one rip. This time she didn’t ever think about it. She let rip a fart that rivaled a train whistle blowing. Once again, the father looked at the dog with disgust and yelled, "Dammit Skippy, get away from her before she shits on you!"


Joke HT: John Fox

FUSC SHIRTS JUST $8

The always classic FUSC t-shirt is on sale for only $8 for the next 24 hours and if you order it soon you should get it within gametime. The shirt is available to order here

Also all the Crank Me Up! shirts are on sale for only $5.

As an added bonus to buy as many Sportscrack Tees and Merchandise as you can I will give away an autographed Brady Quinn Notre Dame mini helmet(a $120 value) FOR FREE to the first TWO PEOPLE who purchases over $250 worth of Sportscrack or Drink Like a Champion Today stuff and I will refund all shipping costs that you pay.

MICHIGAN AT 3-9 IS THIS GOOD

I feel terrible not mentioning the incredible failure that is Michigan Wolverines football right now. I have been so caught up in Notre Dame's own lack of heart and desire to compete that I forgot to mention the 42-7 shellacking the Wolverines took from their big brother in Ohio State this past Saturday in Columbus. It was an embarrassing game for DickRod and the Wolverines faithful. It was great to see and now the Buckeyes have taken 5 straight in the series with only more beatdowns to come. Watching it all slowly happen was good, real good, but I'm so sure if it was this good...

SOME NEW THINGS IN THE SPORTSCRACK STORE

I got some new things I think you people, and by you people I mean all the degenerates that actually read this blog including myself, would like to buy for either yourself or others since the holidays are quickly approaching.

I got some cool dynasty college felt banners that are officially licensed by the NCAA and would look great in your home, office, etc. Right now we have Alabama, Auburn, Duke, Florida, FSU, Georgia, Georgia Tech, Indiana, and Notre Dame. If you don't see your school let me know and I can more than likely get you one. They retail for $85 but I am selling them for only $55.

If you are a Notre Dame fan we have a lot of new autograph stuff including Brady Quinn and Joe Montana stuff on the Collectibles page. One of our best deals is the Brady Quinn Notre Dame autographed jersey. These jerseys sell for as much as $380 but I got a few of them for the low price of $179. I also got some old school Joe Montana autographed 8X10 high resolution photos for only $68. You can check them out here and here. If you are looking for Brady Quinn Cleveland Browns stuff then let me know because I can get you jerseys, helmets, balls, etc. signed by him for way under retail prices you would pay at say a Steiner Sports or other places. And of course all of these items come with certificates of authenticity to insure they are the real thing.

Oh yeah, I also got some Adrian Peterson autographed full size helmets in stock for all the Purple Jesus and Oklahoma fans out there. I have the Oklahoma Sooners helmet and his current Minnesota Vikings helmet. Both of these helmets are way under retail prices and are sure to go fast. Both come with the official Adrian Peterson hologram on them and a certificate of authenticity.

So be sure to check out the Store page if you are looking for some great holiday gifts. And as always a portion of all the sales goes to the American Cancer Society.

MY WEEKEND IN A NUTSHELL

My weekend actually started off this past Thursday with a trip down to Georgia Tech for the Miami game. I didn't have any tickets but if you have ever been to game at Bobby Dodd you should know it's as easy as getting a STD in Atlanta as it is getting tickets. Tailgating with a couple of buddies and enjoying some cold Bud Lights I really had no idea what to expect for the game. The Hurricanes seemed to be playing well of late and the Yellow Jackets can run the ball like there is no tomorrow but would they be able to against a pretty athletic Canes defense?

Sure as shit they did to the tune of 472 yards and completely shutting up the stupid Miami fans real quick. We of course were shocked they didn't all have flat screen televisions in their hands and gold chains around their necks with their hats tugged to the side.

Of course I got into the game for only $10. I have come to the conclusion that I will never buy a sporting event ticket for face value ever again. In this current economy you can buy tickets off scalpers for next to nothing. The Tech crowd was loud and into the game from the very beginning and it is an awesome sight to see a college team actually be able to rush the ball effectively(still waiting for ND) and pressure the QB(still waiting for ND to do this too). The beer was plentiful and the crowd was again filled with Nerds who loved their Johnson. The only thing that sucks about college games is they don't sell beer at the stadium. It's too bad because they are literally missing out on millions of revenue dollars that could go to the school. But yeah, beer makes you stupid and we shouldn't condone it.

On Friday night I decided to catch my first Atlanta Hawks game this season with the wife. It was as cold as Charlie Weis' smile outside but inside Philips Arena it was as dark as his belly button if you catch my drift. I'm just kidding, there were some Albinos other than me and my wife. Philips was empty for the most part but we got in the lower deck, about 20 rows up from the court for only $15 a ticket. Again, never pay face value for tickets to sporting events. We of course snuck into those seats by simply walking up to them and sitting down. No one questioned our motives and the crowd, although lacking in numbers, was loud and boisterous and the Hawks held on to beat the Charlotte Hornets/Bobcats. The Hawks have a legitimate shot of winning the Eastern Conference this year too. They almost beat the Celtics last year in the playoffs and their team is much better this season as their starting five can play with anybody in my opinion and their bench is whole lot better.

On Saturday I don't remember much except for Notre Dame shitting the bed again against a terrible Syracuse team and blacking out from rage and depression. How in the hell Notre Dame blew a double digit lead again in the second half is beyond me? The team has no emotion and even Golden Tate and Sam Young stated it after the game. If only ND had 22 Golden Tates out there who actually bust their ass and try to win at all costs. This team is "fucking pathetic" and "soft" and "doesn't deserve the right to wear the interlocking ND on their chests" were just some of the thoughts coming out of my head as I watched them self destruct again on Senior Day no less.

Sunday was much more enjoyable as I got to go to my first Falcon's game at the Georgia Dome. I was completely wrong about Matt Ryan. The kid is an absolute stud and already knows how to pick apart a good defense as the Falcons crushed the Carolina Panthers 45-28. The tickets were free because my buddy Jonathan got them for us and we did some good tailgating with some other friends including one of my best buds in Chuck who just recently got engaged. Yes, another one bites the dust. One of the best part of a friend's engagement is the eventual bachelor party in Vegas. I literally can't wait for that although it's only a couple of months till I'm in Vegas with the wife and some friends during the NFL playoffs.

So there you go. If a year ago you would have told me Notre Dame would be 6-5 with their cupcake schedule and Matt Ryan would have the Falcons at 7-4 and being the overwhelming favorite to win the Rookie of the Year I would have called you insane. If you want the home team or Notre Dame to win just invite me to a game. The Irish have had 15 years of shit yet they haven't lost a game I have personally attended since 1990. I went to the Michigan and Navy games this year and cancelled out on the North Carolina game at last notice because of money issues and you see what happened there.

So in other words if there are any Georgia fans who want to win this weekend against the Yellur Jackets then give me a ticket and I will make the trip up to Athens. I will bring booze and a Bulldogs win. You win either way. You can reach me by email at iamsofuckingmoney@sportscrack.com.

PATRICK ROY'S OTHER SON IS A PRICK TOO

You may have remembered a while back Patrick Roy's Jonathan son who just happened to be a goalie like his dad got into a fight with the other goalie and severely beat the hell out of him even though the other goalie had no intentions of fighting. He eventually was charged with assault from the beating during the Junior Hockey League game. Well, apparently Roy's other son Frederick is a Grade A asshole too. Here he is giving a classic stick to the face to his opponent during a fight. Those Roy's are classy fellas...


Video HT: FanIQ via Going Five Hole

I'M DONE WITH WEIS. GET URBAN!

Any rational person can not make any more excuses for Charlie Weis. You just lost to fucking Syracuse. A 2-8 team with a lame duck coach on your home field on Senior Day. The writing is on the wall Charlie. Put in your resignation.

And for the love of God put a contract offer to Urban Meyer. One in which he can not refuse. Enough of the bull shit Notre Dame. Get a proven college coach who can win. It's in your court. Stop fucking around with this loyal fan base who has put up with 15 years of incompetence. The talent is there. The coaching and preparation and inspiration isn't.

I WANT URBAN MEYER. God save us all.

WEEKEND PICKS

Air Force at TCU-TCU has the best run defense in the nation and should be able to protect their home turf against Air Force. I'm going Horned Frogs big time.

Boston College at Wake Forest-Wake is fake and BC has looked like world beaters the past two weeks. I hate to go with Backup College but right now they are playing great especially their defense. Road team wins.

Brigham Young at Utah-The second best game of the week in my book unfortunately nobody will see it outside of the state of Mormons. Utah is on a mission to reach the BCS for the first time since Urban Meyer left and a win here would almost seal the deal. Utah wins a close one.

Florida State at Maryland-Just when I start giving FSU credit they start to look like shit again. Maryland is the better team and a win here gets them closer to an ACC title. Maybe, just maybe the reason why FSU looks like garbage so much lately is because they aren't inspired enough. After watching Papa Bowden speak before the game against BC I almost passed out from boredom...



Michigan State at Penn State-I hate both of these teams so I really don't care who wins. But if I was a betting man this week I would go with the Stormtroopers of Happy Valley.

Ole Miss at LSU-What in the hell is going on with LSU this year? They should have lost to Troy last week and they have gotten smoked by Georgia, Alabama, and Florida this year. Ole Miss pulls the upset.

Oregon State at Arizona-The Beavers need to win to keep hope alive for a Rose Bowl berth and a Pac 10 Title. Arizona will be tough but the Beavers will squeeze by.

Pittsburgh at Cincinnati-The Stache has had Pittsburgh playing surprisingly well this year. Brian Kelly has Cincy a couple of wins away from a BCS bowl game. I'm going with the home team in Cincy.

Texas Tech at Oklahoma-I want Texas Tech to win this game badly. I'm so tired of seeing just the big teams in the BCS Championship and I think the Red Raiders would be a great underdog story for the game. But they have to win in Norman. Not many people are giving them a chance but I think Graham Harrell seals up the Heisman and gets the Red Raiders the huge victory at Oklahoma.

Be good this weekend people. Sorry for the lack of posts lately. I have been real busy with being lazy and picking things out of different body parts. Plus I am still recovering from a wild game last night at Georgia Tech in which the Yellow Jackets ran all over Miami to the tune of 472 yards.

Oh yeah, Notre Dame wins both on the field this weekend against Syracuse and off the field in recruiting. They will secure the commitments of 5 star linebacker Manti Te'O along with current USC commit and 4 star safety Byron Moore. My sources have mentioned both to me as sure bets so if they are wrong I will find them and kill them if I ever manage to get off the couch.

I'M A "HUGE" DENVER NUGGETS AND COORS LIGHT FAN

Yes, the most refreshing jugs of sweet...good lord! I am now officially the Denver Nuggets #1 fan.

HT: Deadspin

SPORTS HEADLINE OF THE WEEK

HT: FANIQ

MY PORN TRUE STORY

You know how in high school and college you would discuss what your porn name would be with your buddies in between chugging Natty Light and farting out bong smoke? My name would have been Gregory Hembree. See you take your middle name as your first and the street you grew up on as your last. Not a great porn name at all. Actually it blows. My buddy had the best one...Dick Whitehall. Now that is a legendary porn name if I have ever heard one. Anyways, while in film school I often wondered how I would do in porn if I really got into it. I wouldn't want to be a stunt cock for obvious reasons and I always envisioned myself as bring a little comedy to the genre. If there was a E! True Hollywood story about my porn career it would go exactly like this...

DUSTIN PEDROIA WINS AL MVP

I hate to see any Red Sox player win an award especially a prestigious award like the MVP but it's good to see the world is changing and they are now letting leprechauns win something. Okay, maybe that is a little harsh. He is a balding midget. So am I. Don't you laugh fuckers!

Pedroia will destroyia is listed at 5'9 and 180(which just happens to be my exact measurements) but honestly the guy can't be over 5'7. It doesn't matter because the guy mashed all season and somehow won a Gold Glove(didn't deserve it, BRob should have won it, has way more range and better arm), a Silver Slugger, and a MVP becoming just the second guy not named Ryan Sandberg to accomplish all three feats in one season.

So here is a HT to Pedroia from a die hard Orioles fan on winning something worth noting. And to all the Red Sox fans, here is to your bandwagon...


Sincerely with all my love,
Matt Fairchild

BEARS QB WRECKS GROSSMAN FOUND A NEW JOB

Unfortunately it looks like he is as inept on the ice as he is when he breaks the huddle...

Bears playing hockey...fucking awesome!

And if you are not sure which one is Sexy Wrecks just look for the shitty one who has no right to be on the ice.

DICK ROD LOSING CONTROL AT MICHIGAN

As if a 3-8 season wasn't rough enough heading into their annual rivalry game against Ohio State, we have now found out that Michigan is losing 3 players due to transfer including the white pinball named star RB Sam McGuffie. If you thought Rich Rodriguez was a good fit in Ann Arbor well then I hope you are not a betting man.

Michigan's first losing season since 1967 is hard for any die hard Wolverines fan to swallow. Their consecutive bowl streak dies at 33. They have already set the dubious record for most losses in a season for their program with 8 and surely a 9th loss awaits against the Buckeyes. And to top it all off Rodriguez had this to say in regards to the fans who are spouting off on the internet message boards about his lack of success to put it mildly...

"It's amazing some of the things that people would say [on a message board] or yell at you of a personal nature," Rodriguez said Monday. "You almost want to tell them, 'Get a life.'

"There's a whole lot bigger problems. Look at the economy.".

Never good to alienate the fan base especially when you are an outsider like Rodriguez is. Rodriguez is a West Virginia guy. He is laid back and his success with the spread offense for the Mountaineers at his alma mater was perfect and he was in the process of building a legacy in Morgantown. The fans loved him. His family loved it there. He could make annual trips to BCS bowl games in the weak Big East conference with his offense. But as soon as he stabbed West Virginia in the back and reneged on his contract which he signed shortly before to leave for Michigan you knew this was all going to end really badly.

West Virginia isn't the same without Rodriguez and Michigan isn't good with him. It's like watching a fat guy try to go to the salad bar. You know he doesn't belong there and he knows it but he will still try to make it work. Rodriguez's donut was being the West Virginia head coach and now he is trying to eat rice cakes at Michigan.

As a genuine fan of which ever team plays against Michigan on Saturday I personally love to see this failed honeymoon. I hope he stays and tries to eat more rice cakes and fruit salads in Ann Arbor. Watching Michigan fail will never get old for me but I must admit part of me wants Michigan to be good again. I want to see them compete with the Ohio State's and Notre Dame's of the world again. It makes the games more interesting. Midwest football is already boring enough. I don't know what people in Michigan would do if they knew their football program turned into something resembling the green and white of the Spartans. Car plants might start closing down. Detroit might become dangerous. Tourism would cease to exist.

Oh well. "To Hell with Michigan!" will now be seen as their state slogan on their beat up Ford trucks. God bless those poor bastards.

OBAMA WANTS A COLLEGE FOOTBALL PLAYOFF

YES WE CAN!!!! I'm going to go into this more later as I am in a lengthy discussion/argument over it on UHND.com with some jackass who thinks a playoff is not the right answer for college football.

Listen, you may disagree with Obama because you don't like his politics or you may be prejudice towards half black people or intelligent human beings for that matter but please don't ever argue on this blog that a playoff is not the right thing for college football. You will be put in your place real fast.

MIAMI VS VIRGINIA TECH PREVIEW

Watching ACC football can sometimes be painful to the eyes. Don't get me wrong, it's not nearly as boring as Big Ten football or as wretched as a Dane Cook comedy special. But the ACC produces a ton of NFL players(mostly from Miami and FSU) and yet always has marginal teams which is code for shitty in SEC minds. So tonight we get the once proud ghetto program of the Miami Convicts going against the Vagina Tech Stokies. I'm not going to sugarcoat this matchup... it could be very ugly football but entertaining if you are into sadomasochism like myself. Sort of like watching midget porn. You can't help but watch it even when every logical part of your brain tells you it's just wrong and not as funny as it looks. So yeah, ACC football is like midget porn.

Instead of going into an in-depth mumbo jumbo preview about these two programs and how they stack up against each other I figured I would let a video demonstrate the magnitude of this game tonight on ESPN...

"YEAH, SEE YA!"

MIKE RIBEIRO'S UNBELIEVABLE SHOOTOUT GOAL

The Dallas Stars' Mike Ribeiro pulled the ultimate deke shot on the King's goaltender Erik Ersberg the other night and I thought it deserved some attention from the Sportscrack nation out there. At first I was with the announcers thinking he just accidently fucked up and somehow pulled the goal out of his ass like Andy Dick landing roles in Hollywood. But then watching the slow motion instant replay you realize Ribeiro meant to go through his legs with the deke. Hell of a play and I'm sure Dick would love to be waiting on hands and knees to congratulate him afterwards like a dog. Speaking of dogs I like how Ribiero is barking back at the Kings bench after scoring.

Video Ht: FanIQ