JON STEWART ON THE PLAXICO BURRESS SITUATION

The Daily Show With Jon StewartM - Th 11p / 10c

Jon Stewart Touches Kids - Plaxico Burress

Barack Obama Interview
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Sarah Palin Video
Funny Election Video

I actually had no idea Plax was wearing sweatpants when the incident occurred. This just makes the story even more hysterical. Seriously, who wears sweatpants anymore except for people with big asses?

MY THOUGHTS ON THE HALL OF FAME BALLOT

In case you were wondering when the 2009 Baseball Hall of Fame ballot was going to come out it actually came out yesterday. I know, temper your excitement and delight at the names I am about to mention because none of them deserve to be in the Hall of Fame except for one guy: Rickey Henderson.

When Rickey be Rickey is elected he will be the first left fielder to enter the Hall since 1989. Carl Yazstremski went in that year and one of his old Boston Red Sox teammates in Jim Rice is hoping to get in this ballot after just missing the election by a slim margin of 16 votes last year. You are required to get 75% of the votes and Rice has been on the ballot for what seems like an eternity. Which is exactly why he doesn't deserve to be elected. If you couldn't get in within your first 3-5 times on the ballot I don't think you should get in at all. You simply are not a Hall of Famer. It's not for the good players. It's for the great players and in my opinion Jim Rice was never a great player, just a very good one who just happened to play for the Red Sox.

Other guys who will appear on the ballot and my thoughts:

Mark McGwire-Hit a ton of home runs but is a disgrace to the game. He should never get in and the fact that he won't admit his steroid use further indicts his guilt and undeserving recognition as a great in the game. A great home run hitter but nothing more.

Harold Baines-Baines was a DH and a very good one most notably for the Chicago White Sox but he was never a perennial All-Star. I've always like Baines as a player but he was never the superstar in any lineup so he simply isn't a Hall of Famer.

Bert Blyleven-Another really good pitcher who had a solid career and won a ton of games but just couldn't reach the magical 300 career win mark which would seal his approval. It sucks for him but like Jim Rice he has been on the ballot for ages now and there is no reason to put him in now.

Andre Dawson-Dawson was a superstar player in my mind when I was a kid so I have a really tough argument against him not being in the Hall. He was basically the Vlad Guerrero of the 1980's and early 90's. Montreal totally fucked his knees in what could have been an easy Hall of Fame career but his career stats don't get him in. It's too bad because "The Hawk" was one hell of a player.

Tommy John-He was a Yankee right? Oh yeah, never mind, he doesn't deserve it. Jokes aside Tommy John should have his ligament in Cooperstown and nothing else. Just a shriveled up ligament in a formaldehyde jar with the saying "This ligament saved many careers and made billions of dollars for future pitchers in MLB history." That right there is better than some plaque. I've heard John Kruk has petitioned to get one of his nuts in there so why not John's ligament?

Don Mattingly-Donnie baseball was an absolute stud in the mid to late 80's for the Yankees but his career disappeared faster than a plate of meatballs in front of Charlie Weis. A great player for a limited amount of time, Mattingly could have easily been a Hall of Famer but his peak was too short. The definition of a very good player but not great.

Jack Morris-I will never forget this cockbag's performance against the Braves in game 7 of the 1991 World Series. He out dueled future Hall of Famer John Smoltz to win the World Series with a brilliant 10 inning pitching performance. I find solidarity and comfort knowing Smoltz will soon have his plaque in the Hall and Morris will get to look at it as a spectator for the remainder of his life as an outsider. Sorry, I'm still a little bitter about that World Series. F you Lonnie Smith. Oh yeah, not a Hall of Famer. Very good, never great except for that one game.

Dale Murphy-Besides Cal Ripken old Murph was one of my idols growing up in baseball. A two time MVP winner and Rookie of the Year, Murph had a cannon for an arm and one hell of a home run stroke. He just missed the 400 home run mark in his career when he quickly faded with the Phillies and then the Rockies after leaving the Braves. A Hall of Fame person by every means with his community work but not a Hall of Fame player in between the lines. It doesn't matter, Murph will always hold a special place in between my spokes of my old BMX bike.

Dave Parker-Not even worth discussing. Good player but never close to even having a great year let alone a great career.

Tim Raines-Rock was one of the most underrated players of his generation. One of the all-time great stolen base guys, his career was unrecognized because the majority of his great seasons came in the bleak unpopulated caverns of Montreal's Olympic Stadium. He was also under the shadow of Rickey Henderson. Both were the same type of players but Rickey is a baseball great and Raines was always a step below him. Very good player but not a Hall of Fame player. Great nickname though. Cocaine if one hell of a drug.

Lee Smith-If Goose fucking Goosage is a Hall of Famer then Lee Smith is definitely one. But the problem is I don't think Goosage is worthy of being in the Hall. Smith retired the all-time saves leader and should probably be in with this accomplishment on his resume. I have no problem with Lee Smith in the Hall of Fame to be honest with you.

Alan Trammell-A good shortstop for a number of seasons much like Nomar was but he will never get in. Sorry Alan! You and Lou Whitaker were an awesome double play combo but not worthy of Cooperstown recognition.

Ron Gant-The guy had guns and was a consistent 30-30 player but is nowhere near being a HOFer in my mind.

David Cone-Coney was a hell of a pitcher for the Mets and Blue Jays back in the day. If he would have had about 3-4 more solid seasons he would be in Cooperstown no doubt.

Mark Grace-The inventor of the slump buster story where you go out and nail the fatest thing breathing will always hold a special place in my heart but he really doesn't even deserve mention as a HOFer. His slump buster story on the other hand should be taught to minor leaguers and rookies for generations to come.
MARK GRACE WOULD TEAR THIS UP AND THEN RIP A DOUBLE


Greg Vaughn and Mo Vaughn-Both of these cousins could hit the shit out of the ball and enjoyed solid careers and made a lot of money. For some reason I just envision these guys not really caring about making the Hall and rather worrying where they are going to score their next 8 ball. Maybe that is just me though.

Matt Williams-Matty was a great third baseman there for a bit but even he admitted to using some performance enhancers which would be fine if it was for his receding hairline but not his game.

So there you go, just some of the names on the ballot this year. Rickey Henderson is a sure fire first ballot Hall of Famer. It's a shame nobody has ever gone unanimously. It's actually a crock of shit. Henderson could be one of those players who deserves all the votes but he won't get it. He was the greatest leadoff hitter of all-time. He was also the greatest stolen base king of all-time and also has scored the most runs of anybody in baseball history. He is second all-time in walks behind the fraud Barry Bonds and was named the 1990 MVP on top of being a 10-time All-Star selection. No questions asked Rickey should get in easily.

The only other person I might make an argument getting in is Lee Smith. When he retired he led all major leaguers in saves but has now been passed over by Trevor Hoffman and Mariano Rivera who are both HOF worthy themselves. I think Peter Gammons is going to whip out his chowder log and start wacking away trying to make a case for Jim Rice but please don't listen to him. If it were up to him then every single Yankees or Red Sox player who hit near .300 or played in a postseason would be in the Hall.

I'm interested in knowing what you guys and gals think? Did I leave somebody out that should get in?

NOTRE DAME COACHING HAS BEEN LIKE DRINKING PISS FOR THE PAST 15 YEARS

I've heard Urban Meyer pees crystal clear Evian and makes the world a happier place. Just saying!

HOW TEXAS LONGHORNS FEEL TODAY

You know it sucks balls to not only beat your arch rival Oklahoma on a neutral field by 10 points but then you get passed over in the BCS rankings on the last week even though you had the same record thus preventing a shot at the Big 12 Championship and possibly a shot at the BCS Title game. I tried to find some video of Longhorn's fans freaking out, raping and pillaging but then I realized they are not from Detroit. So instead I present this video to display the sense of how every person who wears the burnt orange with pride and flashes the "Hook 'EM" hand signal as often I sport the shocker. Or it actually might be the word I use when if in fact Charlie Weis is retained for another year....

The F word describes pain, pleasure, hate or love. Yep, that pretty much sums it up for Texas fans today. At least all the BCS apologists can sleep better now knowing that the BCS keeps the sanctity of the regular season intact where every game means something. Oh yeah, nevermind, Texas beat Oklahoma. My bad.

WES WALKER WOULD LIKE HIS HEAD BACK

HEISMAN MOMENT?

Sam Bradford played one hell of a game last night in leading Oklahoma to a 61-41 victory over rival Oklahoma State. With this flip/somersault effort to get into the end zone I wonder if he just had the clinching Heisman Trophy moment especially if Oklahoma gets into the Big 12 Title game?

HOCKEY FIGHT OF THE YEAR?

Derek Dorsett of the Columbus Blue Jackets went fist to fist with Daniel Carcillo of the Phoenix Coyotes two nights ago in what might have been one of the best fights in the NHL in a long time. Carcillo starts off with a flurry of jabs that would stagger most fighters but then Dorsett comes back unfazed to land some damaging jabs himself. Back and forth the fighting and punching goes with back of the head shots a norm and I love the fact that the stripes didn't get in the way and let the two players duke it out till they collapsed down on the ice. I bet some of these fights were the norm this morning at 5 am across America with mothers and fathers grappling for the last Rock Band video game.

Video HT: AOL Fanhaus

HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYBODY!

I just wanted to say Happy Thanksgiving Day to all the loyal Sportscrack heads out there and hope everybody has a great holiday with their family and friends. As a sports fan I don't have a lot to be thankful since all of my favorite teams have struggled mightily the past decade but I am thankful to all the people who come to this blog and read about my daily shenanigans and who decide to support my fix by buying a shirt here and there. Eat a lot of turkey and ham, drink the drink, and stuff yourself till you have to loosen up your belt. And be safe out there.

And to anyone who still thinks the BCS works and doesn't want a playoff because it would ruin the regular season and the bowls, well, I hope you have a great last Thanksgiving you communist turkey.

KOBE IMPOSES HIS WILL ON FRESH MEAT

Just like that girl in Colorado, poor rookie Brook Lopez had no idea what was coming especially when Kobe is intent on sticking it in as fast and furious as possible.

Video HT: FanIQ

RANDOM JOKE

A woman goes to her boyfriends’ parent’s house for dinner.

This is to be her first time meeting the family and she is very nervous.

They all sit down and begin eating a fine meal. The woman is beginning to feel a little discomfort, thanks to her nervousness and the broccoli casserole. The gas pains are almost making tears come to her eyes and lets out a dainty fart.

It wasn’t loud but everyone at the table heard the poof. Before she even had a chance to be embarrassed, her boyfriend’s father looked over at the dog that had been snoozing at the woman’s feet and said in a rather stern voice, "Skippy".

A couple of minutes later, she was beginning to feel the pain again. This time, she didn’t even hesitate. She let a much louder and longer fart rip. The father again looked at the dog and yelled, "Dammit Skippy!’

Once again the woman smiled and thought, "Yes".
A few minutes later the woman had to let another one rip. This time she didn’t ever think about it. She let rip a fart that rivaled a train whistle blowing. Once again, the father looked at the dog with disgust and yelled, "Dammit Skippy, get away from her before she shits on you!"


Joke HT: John Fox

FUSC SHIRTS JUST $8

The always classic FUSC t-shirt is on sale for only $8 for the next 24 hours and if you order it soon you should get it within gametime. The shirt is available to order here

Also all the Crank Me Up! shirts are on sale for only $5.

As an added bonus to buy as many Sportscrack Tees and Merchandise as you can I will give away an autographed Brady Quinn Notre Dame mini helmet(a $120 value) FOR FREE to the first TWO PEOPLE who purchases over $250 worth of Sportscrack or Drink Like a Champion Today stuff and I will refund all shipping costs that you pay.

MICHIGAN AT 3-9 IS THIS GOOD

I feel terrible not mentioning the incredible failure that is Michigan Wolverines football right now. I have been so caught up in Notre Dame's own lack of heart and desire to compete that I forgot to mention the 42-7 shellacking the Wolverines took from their big brother in Ohio State this past Saturday in Columbus. It was an embarrassing game for DickRod and the Wolverines faithful. It was great to see and now the Buckeyes have taken 5 straight in the series with only more beatdowns to come. Watching it all slowly happen was good, real good, but I'm so sure if it was this good...

SOME NEW THINGS IN THE SPORTSCRACK STORE

I got some new things I think you people, and by you people I mean all the degenerates that actually read this blog including myself, would like to buy for either yourself or others since the holidays are quickly approaching.

I got some cool dynasty college felt banners that are officially licensed by the NCAA and would look great in your home, office, etc. Right now we have Alabama, Auburn, Duke, Florida, FSU, Georgia, Georgia Tech, Indiana, and Notre Dame. If you don't see your school let me know and I can more than likely get you one. They retail for $85 but I am selling them for only $55.

If you are a Notre Dame fan we have a lot of new autograph stuff including Brady Quinn and Joe Montana stuff on the Collectibles page. One of our best deals is the Brady Quinn Notre Dame autographed jersey. These jerseys sell for as much as $380 but I got a few of them for the low price of $179. I also got some old school Joe Montana autographed 8X10 high resolution photos for only $68. You can check them out here and here. If you are looking for Brady Quinn Cleveland Browns stuff then let me know because I can get you jerseys, helmets, balls, etc. signed by him for way under retail prices you would pay at say a Steiner Sports or other places. And of course all of these items come with certificates of authenticity to insure they are the real thing.

Oh yeah, I also got some Adrian Peterson autographed full size helmets in stock for all the Purple Jesus and Oklahoma fans out there. I have the Oklahoma Sooners helmet and his current Minnesota Vikings helmet. Both of these helmets are way under retail prices and are sure to go fast. Both come with the official Adrian Peterson hologram on them and a certificate of authenticity.

So be sure to check out the Store page if you are looking for some great holiday gifts. And as always a portion of all the sales goes to the American Cancer Society.

MY WEEKEND IN A NUTSHELL

My weekend actually started off this past Thursday with a trip down to Georgia Tech for the Miami game. I didn't have any tickets but if you have ever been to game at Bobby Dodd you should know it's as easy as getting a STD in Atlanta as it is getting tickets. Tailgating with a couple of buddies and enjoying some cold Bud Lights I really had no idea what to expect for the game. The Hurricanes seemed to be playing well of late and the Yellow Jackets can run the ball like there is no tomorrow but would they be able to against a pretty athletic Canes defense?

Sure as shit they did to the tune of 472 yards and completely shutting up the stupid Miami fans real quick. We of course were shocked they didn't all have flat screen televisions in their hands and gold chains around their necks with their hats tugged to the side.

Of course I got into the game for only $10. I have come to the conclusion that I will never buy a sporting event ticket for face value ever again. In this current economy you can buy tickets off scalpers for next to nothing. The Tech crowd was loud and into the game from the very beginning and it is an awesome sight to see a college team actually be able to rush the ball effectively(still waiting for ND) and pressure the QB(still waiting for ND to do this too). The beer was plentiful and the crowd was again filled with Nerds who loved their Johnson. The only thing that sucks about college games is they don't sell beer at the stadium. It's too bad because they are literally missing out on millions of revenue dollars that could go to the school. But yeah, beer makes you stupid and we shouldn't condone it.

On Friday night I decided to catch my first Atlanta Hawks game this season with the wife. It was as cold as Charlie Weis' smile outside but inside Philips Arena it was as dark as his belly button if you catch my drift. I'm just kidding, there were some Albinos other than me and my wife. Philips was empty for the most part but we got in the lower deck, about 20 rows up from the court for only $15 a ticket. Again, never pay face value for tickets to sporting events. We of course snuck into those seats by simply walking up to them and sitting down. No one questioned our motives and the crowd, although lacking in numbers, was loud and boisterous and the Hawks held on to beat the Charlotte Hornets/Bobcats. The Hawks have a legitimate shot of winning the Eastern Conference this year too. They almost beat the Celtics last year in the playoffs and their team is much better this season as their starting five can play with anybody in my opinion and their bench is whole lot better.

On Saturday I don't remember much except for Notre Dame shitting the bed again against a terrible Syracuse team and blacking out from rage and depression. How in the hell Notre Dame blew a double digit lead again in the second half is beyond me? The team has no emotion and even Golden Tate and Sam Young stated it after the game. If only ND had 22 Golden Tates out there who actually bust their ass and try to win at all costs. This team is "fucking pathetic" and "soft" and "doesn't deserve the right to wear the interlocking ND on their chests" were just some of the thoughts coming out of my head as I watched them self destruct again on Senior Day no less.

Sunday was much more enjoyable as I got to go to my first Falcon's game at the Georgia Dome. I was completely wrong about Matt Ryan. The kid is an absolute stud and already knows how to pick apart a good defense as the Falcons crushed the Carolina Panthers 45-28. The tickets were free because my buddy Jonathan got them for us and we did some good tailgating with some other friends including one of my best buds in Chuck who just recently got engaged. Yes, another one bites the dust. One of the best part of a friend's engagement is the eventual bachelor party in Vegas. I literally can't wait for that although it's only a couple of months till I'm in Vegas with the wife and some friends during the NFL playoffs.

So there you go. If a year ago you would have told me Notre Dame would be 6-5 with their cupcake schedule and Matt Ryan would have the Falcons at 7-4 and being the overwhelming favorite to win the Rookie of the Year I would have called you insane. If you want the home team or Notre Dame to win just invite me to a game. The Irish have had 15 years of shit yet they haven't lost a game I have personally attended since 1990. I went to the Michigan and Navy games this year and cancelled out on the North Carolina game at last notice because of money issues and you see what happened there.

So in other words if there are any Georgia fans who want to win this weekend against the Yellur Jackets then give me a ticket and I will make the trip up to Athens. I will bring booze and a Bulldogs win. You win either way. You can reach me by email at iamsofuckingmoney@sportscrack.com.

PATRICK ROY'S OTHER SON IS A PRICK TOO

You may have remembered a while back Patrick Roy's Jonathan son who just happened to be a goalie like his dad got into a fight with the other goalie and severely beat the hell out of him even though the other goalie had no intentions of fighting. He eventually was charged with assault from the beating during the Junior Hockey League game. Well, apparently Roy's other son Frederick is a Grade A asshole too. Here he is giving a classic stick to the face to his opponent during a fight. Those Roy's are classy fellas...


Video HT: FanIQ via Going Five Hole

I'M DONE WITH WEIS. GET URBAN!

Any rational person can not make any more excuses for Charlie Weis. You just lost to fucking Syracuse. A 2-8 team with a lame duck coach on your home field on Senior Day. The writing is on the wall Charlie. Put in your resignation.

And for the love of God put a contract offer to Urban Meyer. One in which he can not refuse. Enough of the bull shit Notre Dame. Get a proven college coach who can win. It's in your court. Stop fucking around with this loyal fan base who has put up with 15 years of incompetence. The talent is there. The coaching and preparation and inspiration isn't.

I WANT URBAN MEYER. God save us all.

WEEKEND PICKS

Air Force at TCU-TCU has the best run defense in the nation and should be able to protect their home turf against Air Force. I'm going Horned Frogs big time.

Boston College at Wake Forest-Wake is fake and BC has looked like world beaters the past two weeks. I hate to go with Backup College but right now they are playing great especially their defense. Road team wins.

Brigham Young at Utah-The second best game of the week in my book unfortunately nobody will see it outside of the state of Mormons. Utah is on a mission to reach the BCS for the first time since Urban Meyer left and a win here would almost seal the deal. Utah wins a close one.

Florida State at Maryland-Just when I start giving FSU credit they start to look like shit again. Maryland is the better team and a win here gets them closer to an ACC title. Maybe, just maybe the reason why FSU looks like garbage so much lately is because they aren't inspired enough. After watching Papa Bowden speak before the game against BC I almost passed out from boredom...



Michigan State at Penn State-I hate both of these teams so I really don't care who wins. But if I was a betting man this week I would go with the Stormtroopers of Happy Valley.

Ole Miss at LSU-What in the hell is going on with LSU this year? They should have lost to Troy last week and they have gotten smoked by Georgia, Alabama, and Florida this year. Ole Miss pulls the upset.

Oregon State at Arizona-The Beavers need to win to keep hope alive for a Rose Bowl berth and a Pac 10 Title. Arizona will be tough but the Beavers will squeeze by.

Pittsburgh at Cincinnati-The Stache has had Pittsburgh playing surprisingly well this year. Brian Kelly has Cincy a couple of wins away from a BCS bowl game. I'm going with the home team in Cincy.

Texas Tech at Oklahoma-I want Texas Tech to win this game badly. I'm so tired of seeing just the big teams in the BCS Championship and I think the Red Raiders would be a great underdog story for the game. But they have to win in Norman. Not many people are giving them a chance but I think Graham Harrell seals up the Heisman and gets the Red Raiders the huge victory at Oklahoma.

Be good this weekend people. Sorry for the lack of posts lately. I have been real busy with being lazy and picking things out of different body parts. Plus I am still recovering from a wild game last night at Georgia Tech in which the Yellow Jackets ran all over Miami to the tune of 472 yards.

Oh yeah, Notre Dame wins both on the field this weekend against Syracuse and off the field in recruiting. They will secure the commitments of 5 star linebacker Manti Te'O along with current USC commit and 4 star safety Byron Moore. My sources have mentioned both to me as sure bets so if they are wrong I will find them and kill them if I ever manage to get off the couch.

I'M A "HUGE" DENVER NUGGETS AND COORS LIGHT FAN

Yes, the most refreshing jugs of sweet...good lord! I am now officially the Denver Nuggets #1 fan.

HT: Deadspin

SPORTS HEADLINE OF THE WEEK

HT: FANIQ

MY PORN TRUE STORY

You know how in high school and college you would discuss what your porn name would be with your buddies in between chugging Natty Light and farting out bong smoke? My name would have been Gregory Hembree. See you take your middle name as your first and the street you grew up on as your last. Not a great porn name at all. Actually it blows. My buddy had the best one...Dick Whitehall. Now that is a legendary porn name if I have ever heard one. Anyways, while in film school I often wondered how I would do in porn if I really got into it. I wouldn't want to be a stunt cock for obvious reasons and I always envisioned myself as bring a little comedy to the genre. If there was a E! True Hollywood story about my porn career it would go exactly like this...