RANDOM LATE CHRISTMAS VIDEO

I know this is a week late but I thought this video was priceless...

A LITTLE INSPIRATION GOING INTO 2009

Okay, so maybe your 401K went to shit like mine this past year and your house value went down quicker than Julia Roberts on a casting couch but not all of 2008 was bad. For me personally it was a great year. I got married to the girl of my dreams without having to handcuff her to the well I made in the backyard in case she said no. My favorite sports teams in the Baltimore Orioles, Notre Dame Football, and Atlanta Thrashers all managed to play horrible this season when I did not attend their games but when I did they won them all. What can I say other than I'm good luck! We finally got over the whole hoopla over electing someone with some brains for once and picked a great candidate in Barack Obama. We got some of the greatest, most courageous human beings serving in our military right now who deserve a solid pat on the back and a thank you. We got to witness one of the best movie performances of all-time by the late Heath Ledger in the Dark Knight. We also got unbelievable performances from Michael Phelps in the Olympics. The New York Giants won the Super Bowl thanks to the greatest play in Super Bowl history with Eli Manning alluding Patriot defenders and David Tyree catching the impossible with his helmet and hand. Tiger Woods fought through a terrible injury to seal another US Open win. We got to witness the greatest tennis match of all-time as Rafael Nadal edged Roger Federer in the epic Wimbledon Final. The Tampa Bay Rays proved you don't have to have all the money in the world and can still win the American League East thanks to good scouting and development especially among pitching(take a hint Baltimore). 2008 might go down as the best sport year considering all the brilliant performances in big time moments.

So maybe your team didn't win a championship or maybe they didn't win at all like the Detroit Lions. At least you are still here walking on the face of the greatest nation to ever be assembled. Cheer the fuck up and be ready to rock out in 2009.

Here is your inspirational speech going into 2009:



Here is to looking forward to 2009 when the Atlanta Falcons will take on the Baltimore Ravens in the Super Bowl. Here is to the North Carolina basketball team finishing off an undefeated season by beating the Tar out of everybody. Here is to Notre Dame finally getting their shit together and beating USC at home in a magical season that ends in BCS chaos. Here is to thanking every single one of you who come on this blog and put up with my rants and rambles.

Have a great New Years!

BCS GAMES START TOMORROW, WHY NOT GET THE SHIRT TO START THE NEW YEAR?

With the BCS games starting tomorrow I thought now would be a great time to promote one of our shirts. Our BC$ shirt is one of the most popular ones we sell coming in 4th in annual sales behind Ann Arbor is a Whore, FUSC, and Drink Like A Champion Today. I think this goes to show you that people really don't like the BCS and want playoffs instead of this bullshit system we have right now.
Here are my predictions for the BCS games tomorrow. The Rose Bowl again will be a home game for the O.J.'s. They face JoePa's State Penn squad who also only has one loss on their resume. Both teams would have a legitimate shot at a NC in a playoff system so I think this game might be a little tighter than most people think. The O.J.'s and State Penn both play great defense and the O.J.'s have at least 5 guys on their D who will be 1st round picks either this year or next. Their offense isn't anything special but I think they will pull out some tricks tomorrow and overwhelm State Penn with some reverses and tailback passes.
Prediction: O.J.'s 24 State Penn 17

The other game is the Orange Bowl. You have the ACC Champ vs. the Big East Champ. In other words the one BCS Bowl that really no one gives a shit about except for those fan bases. Virginia Tech is so damn boring to watch it's like trying to stay awake during a Harry Potter film. And if you like Harry Potter please just go away now or come back when your balls decide to drop. Cincy won the Big East which kind of like winning a pie eating contest. Sure you ate the most pies but it in the end you are still just a fat kid with shit all over your face, you just ate more shit than the other fatties. Honestly I don't give a fuck about the Orange Bowl and I probably won't even watch it. I hear Brian Kelly is a helluva coach and that Frank Beamer's growth knows how to teach special teams but whatever, I don't care. I've probably seen all of 20 minutes of film on both these teams combined so this prediction is as garbage as one you would get on the WWL.
Prediction: Frank Beamer's growth 17 Big Least 14

OREGON'S LEGARRETTE BLOUNT HURDLES OVER THE COWBOYS

The Holiday Bowl is known for having one of the most exciting bowl games because it usually matches up two teams that don't know how to play defense. Last night was a perfect example as the Oregon Ducks beat the Oklahoma State Cowboys thanks to this incredible run by Oregon RB Legarrette Blount...

Hell of a run by Blount but seriously, what was up with the safety on the play? It's like he decided to play grab ass for five yards thinking those hideous Duck uni's might be toxic. I know Nike is a global brand and people love it for the most part because they have Asian kids making them for 15 cents a day but can they please come up with a better uniform to represent the Oregon Ducks? Their uniforms remind me of the disco fabulous 70's and early 80's uniforms sported by teams like the Houston Astros, Pittsburgh Pirates, and Baltimore Orioles. They made you sick just to look at them. Maybe that is the allure of the Oregon uniform. Defenders are so turned off they don't even want to get near it let alone tackle it.

I also wanted to show this clip of St. Louis Ram's RB Steven Jackson hurdling an Atlanta Falcon's defender on Sunday. After watching the game there is little doubt in my mind that Jackson is one of the 2-3 best runningbacks in the game right now. He plays on a shit team but the guy brings the business 100% of the time he touches the ball and I personally would love to have a player of Jackson's ability and heart on my team unlike nancy boy Tomlinson....


Video HT: FanIQ

CHASE DANIEL'S FAMILY IS HIGHLY EMOTIONAL

The bat shit crazy lady on the left is the mother of Missouri QB Chase Daniel. She appears to be somewhat normal in comparison to her daughter, the girl in the middle, who had the look on her face like she just witnessed 2 Girls 1 Cup for the first time. And the awesome lassie on the right of the screen is Daniel's girlfriend who is looking forward to traveling with him while he auditions for scout QB jobs in the NFL. Missouri won the battle of the journalism schools last night by beating Northwestern in another bowl game I had absolutely no interest in and honestly can say I didn't watch one highlight of it.

On the other hand I watched about 10 hours of the NFL on Sunday because the games actually meant something. Starting with the Falcon's game against the Rams and then proceeding with the Eagles unbelievably awesome beat down of the Cowgirls followed up by the nightcap of the Chargers laying the River's lumber down on a terrible Broncos team to get in the playoffs. By the way, LT is one of biggest vaginas in the world. People love him but as soon as he gets a hangnail or his anal cavity flaps in the wind he comes out with an "apparent" injury. Man up for once LT and play like a leader you piece of shit.

Sorry for that readers, had to get it off my chest. Never been a huge fan of Tomlinson who really doesn't deserve his nickname. The real LT would do blow all day and then kick the living shit out of QB's whom I sure were doing blow too while murdering runningbacks like they were Ray Lewis in Atlanta. He deserves to be in the Hall of Fame. Tomlinson should be in the Hall of Roast Beef ends. If you don't believe me then why don't you ask his "action" figurine...



Video HT: Barstool Sports

HAKEEM NICKS SECURES A GREAT CATCH AND FUTURE NFL MILLIONS

North Carolina WR Hakeem Nicks put on a one man show today against West Virginia in a losing effort on the field at the Meineke who gives a rat's ass bowl. But Nicks will be winning millions of future NFL dollars in April once he is selected in the first round after brilliant catches like this one today...

Michael Crabtree would still be my #1 choice for a receiver in the draft but the way Nicks uses his size and his ability to snag some difficult balls would make it very hard for any NFL GM to pass on. Especially the Detroit Lions. Seriously, the Lions are dumb enough to take another receiver. It's not even funny anymore.

MICHAEL FLOYD'S GOLDEN SHOWER MOMENT

It's always great to hear porn references during a Notre Dame football game. It's just a matter of time before the money shot comes along. Thank god the bowl curse is over and now Notre Dame can go into an offseason with the momentum of a bowl victory. Sure it was only the Hawaii Bowl but it gets the monkey off their backs.

HAWAII BOWL THOUGHTS

No more excuses for Notre Dame. They have to win this bowl game. Hawaii is not good and for that matter either is Notre Dame but they should win because they have way more experience and talent than the Warriors.

Every position on the field except maybe defensive line they have a huge advantage in terms of playing time and talent. Sure it's a home game for Hawaii but it shouldn't matter. If the Fighting Irish can not find enough motivation to end a 15 year bowl game losing streak tonight and wipe off the disgust of a 6-6 campaign then they don't deserve to wear the blue and gold.

Man up Irish! Come out with some fire and get ready to knock the shit out of your opponent. Stop being the nice guys. This is football. Kill or be killed. Throw bombs to Golden Tate. Run reverses to Golden Tate. Do direct snaps to Golden Tate. The point is get the ball into Golden Tate's hands as much as possible. Stop fucking around with your opponent and show some pride and determination to be the best that you can be and go out there and win one for the Limper.

Prediction:Notre Dame 31 Hawaii 24

The bowl curse is finally over. Michael Haywood leaves ND to go to Miami of Ohio with a good taste in his mouth knowing the last two places he left their programs won National Championships (LSU and Texas) the year after. One can only hope the same happens for the Irish in 2009.

ROY FIRESTONE'S THOUGHTS ON THE TEIXEIRA SIGNING

Just to give you some background information Roy Firestone is a huge Baltimore Orioles fan. He doesn't do "Up Close" anymore on ESPN but still follows sports avidly and is very passionate in regards to his favorite team the Orioles. Here is what he posted today on Orioles Hangout after learning Mark Teixeira was going to sign with the New York Yankees...

Look. You could argue that the O's shouldve ponied up another 2 million more a year..make it 16 or 17 extra million... but somehow I think no matter what, the Yankees would have gone even higher.
This is just wrong.
Baseball should not be run by money. The game should not be dominated by a handful of teams. And theres no way that four of the highest paid players in the game should play on the same team.
Think about that.
Four players on the same team make more than entire budgets of many major league teams.
I think I know where you are going. Well.. what if it had been the Red Sox or the Angels or even the Nats? Would that make this more just? Of course not. I find this whole execise despicable..EVEN if it had been the Orioles who signed him at that number!!
I will make a prediction. And it is not just mine. I think baseball will hit some serious financial problems and one or two teams will go bankrupt. Maybe more.
Most fans will resent the financial inequity and the inability to compete. Baseball could be villified for this.
I believe the Yankee franchise will be in serious financial trouble someday, perhaps in the not too distant future.
Its already unbelievable that it costs a family of four something close to 200 to 250 dollars to enjoy a baseball game at the ballpark. The Yankees have single game tickets in the box area that go for an astonishing 2,500 dollars.
This is wrong. This is an insult to the American sports fan.On top of that with this country teetering into an unemployment rate of 8-9% and maybe higher...baseball has got a lot of nerve.
This is a dark day for sports in America.

I couldn't agree more with Roy. I have this sinking feeling that we will have some MLB teams fold because so many teams are going to be strapped with ridiculous contracts that can not be torn apart. Paying a baseball player $20 million plus a season is beyond ridiculous. Paying one $15 million a season is also way too much. A player like Mark Teixeira doesn't sell tickets. He isn't a Albert Pujols or a Manny Ramirez or even a Derek Jeter. Those guys sell tickets.

MLB needs to adopt the NFL model in pay if it wants to succeed in the future. No contracts are guaranteed except your signing bonus. This way small market teams other than the big market teams can compete for free agents and not be afraid to get caught with a debilitating chokehold of a contract around their neck for years to come. The player doesn't perform up to their pay scales then they deserve to be cut just like all of us do if we don't perform to the highest standards set by our profession.

But whatever, it doesn't matter what I think because MLB and their officials could honestly care less. In the end the league will only fail if people stop going. I'm starting now by not throwing out my hard earned money for the MLB package in the spring. I can find better ways to spend my $169 for a product/business that cares less what the fans think. I will go to the games but only if they are free tickets or if I can buy them off a scalper for less than face value. I've been kicked in the nuts way too many times to not learn to protect myself from future ball pain.

THANKS FOR NOTHING TEIXEIRA

Thanks for proving beyond everything that greed wins out in the end. Forget about any boyhood aspirations of playing for the home team you grew up rooting for in the end all that mattered were the number of zeros in your check. Thanks for going to play for the Baltimore Orioles most hated rival in the New York Yankees. Thanks for proving beyond a doubt you are just another one of Scott Boras' lackeys. Thanks for the bullshit you will spew in a few days when introduced in your brand new pinstripes prison suit that you signed the contract because "you just wanted to win." Thanks for letting down the whole state of Maryland and proving you are who you are and that is a greedy, overpaid athlete who is too scared to lead a team on his own.

Thanks for being the bitch you are Mark. $180 million will buy you a lot of friends but it will never buy you loyalty or pride in oneself. So in the end thank you for proving to everyone and finally myself that you are nothing more than a gluttonous reprehensible athlete that is the epitome of everything that is wrong in sports. The almighty dollar wins and you too will win as you get booed for grounding into that crucial double play in Yankees Stadium and again booed unmercifully as your picture comes up on the jumbo tron at Orioles Park.

$180 million just bought you this for the rest of your playing days...

NHL HOCKEY AT WRIGLEY FIELD

It doesn't really matter if you like hockey the concept of playing the frozen game on Wrigley Field is cool. Of course Gary Bettman made the mistake of scheduling it on January 1st when many Americans like myself would rather be watching bowl games that really don't matter. The Chicago Blackhawks should have the homefield advantage taking on the Detroit Red Wings and hopefully like last year there will be a lot of snow involved. I've got a question and it's a serious one since I have never experienced a game in freezing conditions: Do they have to serve beer warm to keep it from freezing? Or do you just stick it up your ass and then dispense once needed?

Video HT: WithLeather

HORRIBLE BREAK FOR FRESHMAN SENSATION DEANDRE BROWN

Lost among the talk of the terrific trio of freshmen receivers this year in college football from the big time programs in Michael Floyd, AJ Green, and Julio Jones is the season Southern Miss Deandre Brown put together. Unfortunately his season came to an end last night in the bowl victory over Troy last night when he leg inadvertently snapped in two. I hope the young man heals quickly and gets back on the football field soon.

PLAYOFFS BABY!!

SO THIS IS WHAT $243 MILLION WILL BUY YOU

A.J. Burnett and his wife Karen(rumored to be an ex-stripper) supposedly wanted to stay near their home in Bowie, MD but then when the Yankees offered $82 mil all bets were off. C.C. Sabathia and his wife wanted to go back to home on the West Coast but then the Yankees blew out everybody and gave him $161 million. Two pitchers for $243 million who with fantastic seasons might win 35-40 games combined if C.C. doesn't blow out his arm on a plate of spaghetti and A.J. doesn't trip over a hangnail to the disabled list.

There is no doubt the Yankees are a way better team today then they were last week. But $243 million for two guys in a terrible economy bordering on the line between shitty and nasty? Now that is just stupid. At least tickets in the new billion dollar plus stadium will be cheap next season. If you want to sit in the lower deck the minimum seat is $100 with prices going up to $2500 per seat. Second deck starts at $75 a ticket. And the cheap seats in the upper bowl, in between air traffic and the Empire State Building go for $20. At least from those seats you won't be able to see Madonna's VD. Have fun Yankees fans taking your family to a ballgame which would make Disney World envious of the cash you spill for 3 hours of boredom.

THIS IS FOR GENE CHIZIK MR. BARKLEY

Bravo C-Webb for pulling a good one on Charles Barkley with the President Bush shoe throwing impersonation.

BRAVES PRESIDENT JOHN SCHUERHOLZ GOES OFF ON FURCAL'S AGENTS

Current Atlanta Braves president and former GM John Schuerholz had these choice words for the agent of Rafael Furcal as told by the AJC's Jeff Schultz:

“Having been in this business for 40-some years, I’ve never seen anybody treated like that,” Schuerholz said. “The Atlanta Braves will no longer do business with that company — ever. I told [agent] Arn Tellem that we can’t trust them to be honest and forthright. I told him that in all my years, I’ve never seen any [agency] act in such a despicable manner.

“It was disgusting and unprofessional. We’re a proud organization and we won’t allow ourselves to be treated that way. I advised Arn Tellem that whatever players he represents, just scratch us off the list. Take the name of the Atlanta Braves off their speed dial. They can deal with the other 29 clubs and we’ll deal with the other hundred agents.”

“I expressed my great disappointment to him,” he said. “I watched as Frank shared with me the circumstances of his negotiations with Furcal — negotiations to the point where we increased our offer and he [Kinzer] then asked for a signed term sheet to be sent over. We never got that signed term sheet faxed back to us and we later found out why — because they took that offer and shopped it.”

When asked about Tellem’s reaction, Schuerholz said: “He was surprised. He tried to explain himself. He said he had nothing to do with it — it was the work of Paul Kinzer. I reminded him that [Kinzer] works for him and he has to stand behind the people who work for him. I told him I was making this official, and I was going to make it public.”

As much as I hate agents and some of the things they do in bartering a player's career why don't the owners/GM's ever hold the player accountable? Doesn't Rafael Furcal have some part of the blame on this deal? If he really wanted to come back to Atlanta I think he would have signed the papers and been done with it but they shopped it back to the Dodgers so he would have to have some knowledge of this.

I'm starting to worry that this shit is going to happen to Mark Teixeira in his dealings with Scott Boras. Teixeira wants to play for the Baltimore Orioles. He really does as hard as it is for some people to understand. Mark and I are basically the same person except he makes millions and millions of dollars and is a hell of a baseball player. We both grew up loving the Orioles and idolized Cal Ripken. In fact I believe we were born in the same hospital and our families are both from the Severna Park, MD area. We both went to college in Georgia and met our wives there. And being an Orioles fan there is no way in hell I would sign with the Red Sox, Yankees, or Washington Nationals over my beloved Baltimore Orioles. He could be close to home with family and friends and all the trimmings of being a local hero come home to revitalize a once proud franchise. And if the Orioles offered $140-150 million for 7 years then why would you take that offer and shop it to your rivals and go with those guys instead of the franchise you grew up loving. It just doesn't make a lot of sense. It can't all be about the money right? Tell me it's not just about the money Tex? Sorry, I watched Jerry Maguire the other night.

Anyways this offseason of baseball is making my stomach turn and making more disgusted with the sport as a whole. It's too much about shady agents and dumb owners and GM's giving players who aren't worth the money way too much of it. There seems to be no loyalty anymore and it even seems to trickle down to the writers like Buster Olney and Peter Gammons who think no other teams beside the Red Sox and Yankees should bid for players or think about going after the top free agents because those two teams are the only ones that matter. I'm sick of it to be honest with you.

If Teixeira signs with the Red Sox then I am not going to watch any baseball in 2009. I'm serious. There is no reason why the Red Sox are even bidding for his services. They have an All-Star first baseman in Kevin Youkilis and a great DH in David Ortiz so what is the point in adding him? Hopefully Teixeira goes with his heart and signs with the Orioles and then I can order my MLB package and go to the games and spend $9 on a fucking beer and $15 for parking because it's the "economics of the game."

Oh yeah, on the original point of the article. Good for Schuerholz in stepping up and telling those dirtbag agents to go fuck off. This is what separates current GM Frank Wren from Schuerholz. He has balls and is not afraid to tell an agent or a player to basically go fuck off. I wish he was still the Braves GM because they would have a hell of a lot better product on the field next year.

F THE CELTICS...JOSH SMITH AND THE HAWKS WILL GET THEM NEXT TIME

So the Atlanta Hawks didn't beat the obnoxious Boston Celtics last night to end their 15 game winning streak and I say who cares. The Hawks match up well with the Celtics and you can tell that KG and Paul Pierce are scared of what this team could do to them come playoff time. The Celtics with the win are now 24-2 and clearly the best team in the NBA(although I'm sure Lakers and Cavs fans would disagree) but they are afraid of this Atlanta squad ever since the Hawks took them to 7 improbable games last year in the playoffs. You don't see KG or Pierce shouting with emotion after a normal victory over the Grizzlies because they don't fear them. Josh Smith and the Hawks will have the last laugh. Sure the Celtics are 2-0 so far against the Hawks but both games could have easily and probably should have been won by Atlanta. I'm going to go out on a limb right now and say the Hawks will eliminate the Celtics in the playoffs.

NBA Finals Prediction: Hawks vs. Lakers bitches!

IRAQ SHOE THROWING STORE

Sorry I have been light on the posts recently. This week has been extremely busy for me with the whole Christmas shopping thing going and shipping out stuff and answering emails like an insane Iraqi shoe salesman. After watching the video above, which made my sides hurt from laughter, I have to give President Bush some props. Way to duck those flying saucers called shoes! And what in the hell was the Secret Service doing? It's almost like they wanted him to get hit. There was no agent throwing his body in front of the second shoe to protect the President. Those guys should be hired to protect Scott Boras.

BETWEEN TWO FERNS

Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifianakis by Between Two Ferns

File that under WHO GIVES A SHIT.

PRO BOWL SNUBS

I will be the first to admit that I could usually care less who makes the Pro Bowl. It's a glorified vacation in Hawaii with worn out NFL players sipping down Singapore Slings and Mai Tais while staring down other things then their wives(call it the Antonio Pierce syndrome) and less about going out and playing tackle football. But this year I have watched a ton of NFL football mainly because the Atlanta Falcons and Baltimore Ravens are both battling for playoffs spots with rookie quarterbacks and rookie head coaches and so I have invested something in the 2008 season.

How these players didn't make the Pro Bowl is a joke and signals how much of the selection is just on past reputation:

JOHN ABRAHAM (Atlanta Falcons)-Abraham has been a beast all season playing on a Falcon's defense which is underrated. Abraham leads all NFL defensive ends in sacks with 15 1/2 yet he got shafted in favor of an underperforming Julius Peppers. We all know Jared Allen of the Minnesota Vikings and Justin Tuck of the New York Giants should be there but picking Peppers over Abraham is an injustice. He has 3 more sacks and has come up huge in big play situations for the Falcons unlike Peppers.

STEVE SLATON (Houston Texans)-Let me be the first to admit, like my prediction on Matt Ryan, that I was completely wrong about Slaton's impact in the NFL. I honestly didn't think he would have one. But Slaton has proved me wrong by rushing for 1,124 yards and 12 TD's while also catching 40 balls. He deserved to get the nod over Ronnie Brown of the Miami Dolphins. Brown has rushed for 300 LESS yards, 2 TD's LESS, and caught 16 LESS balls while averaging LESS yards per carry than Slaton. That is a lot of LESS and therefore Slaton won't be able to enjoy the leis of Hawaii when he should be.

PHILIP RIVERS (San Diego Chargers)-He has 28 TD passes to lead the AFC and has an impressive QB rating of 101.4. Yet Brett Favre makes the Pro Bowl over him despite leading the NFL in interceptions and his 21 TD's and 86.4 QB rating are not even close to comparable to Rivers. What a fucking joke! Favre might be one of the most overrated players in NFL history. Just ask Peter King after he gets off his knees and removes Favre's member from his mouth.

Those are my three biggest snubs. There are others like Ryan Clady of the Broncos who you could make an argument should be there but I felt there was no argument against Abraham, Slaton, or Rivers getting the selection.