If Koji Uehara hits T-Bag Teixeira in the neck he will instantly become a cult hero in Baltimore. By next week they will have a bronze statue with his goofy smile right next to the Babe statue. I'm just saying....Go Koji! Go O's! FU T-Bag!
Time to call up Tommy Hanson. The Braves bullpen simply can't throw strikes. They walked in four guys in one inning while also hitting another batter, blowing a 7 run lead in the 7th inning. This loss hurts big time for the Braves. And yes, I am available to throw strikes over the plate Frank Wren. Just wanna throw that out there.
Jessica Biel would like to get something off her chest. Everything in fact. The scene is from her new movie called Powder Blue where she plays a stripper. One can only hope she has a Halle Berry type Monster's Ball scene to help her win that elusive Oscar.
Video HT: Barstool Sports
Here is a Biel practice video for "research" purposes...
Only 2 games into the season and there are already riots among Phillies fan over their play. Come on guys, there are still 160 games left to catch up with the Atlanta Braves. Go spread some Whiz over your vaginas and buck up. Remember who won the championship last year...
Yeah, I know it's only two games into the season but you have to admit the Atlanta Braves look really good so far. Their starting pitching has completely dominated the defending champion Phillies lineup with Derek Lowe and Jair Jurrjens both throwing gems. With the 2-0 record against the Phillies it already matches their win total against them last season after 16 games against their rival. The team this year appears to be completely different and I should give Frank Wren some props.
During the offseason I pretty much criticized Wren's every move early on. I hated the fact that they were going hard for AJ Burnett and throwing out a ridiculous contract offer to a guy who has had one healthy season. Luckily the Yankees "stole" him away from the Braves and gave him a Carl Pavano/Mike Hampton deal that will surely blow up in their pinstripe faces. I got mad when it sounded like they were going to give up Yunel Escobar, Kelly Johnson, and most notably hot shot prospect Tommy Hanson(autograph baseball available here) for Jake Peavy. Luckily those rumors never came true and the Braves still have their middle infield along with Hanson who is going to be best Braves power pitcher since John Smoltz in my opinion. Wren has moved on to trade for starter Javier Vasquez (a deal that is still up in the air with me), signed Derek Lowe (overpaid but needed to be done), signed Kenshin Kawakami and he let John Smoltz go. I have gotten over the Smoltz leaving Atlanta issue. I don't blame Wren for it. The Braves were put in a bad position where they honestly couldn't win in the PR department with a guy who won't be ready till midseason at best. The point is Wren addressed the starting rotation in the offseason and it now appears if all of them can stay healthy the Braves can compete with anybody in the National League.
The Garrett Anderson signing appears to be paying off after Griffey decided to go back to Seattle. I can't blame Junior for wanting to prove something in Seattle but it would have been great to see him in a Braves uniform. Either way Wren had a backup plan and Anderson appears to fit in well. They resigned Chipper Jones so he can remain a lifelong Bravo and brought up a young centerfielder by the name of Jordan Schafer who reminds me a lot of Grady Sizemore. The future looks extremely bright through these Tomahawk glasses.
What really has me excited is seeing guys like Schafer perform early on and knowing Brian McCann and Jeff Francoeur are both still young guys under the age of 25. Hot shot prospects Jason Heyward and Freddie Freeman are both future middle of the order sluggers who should remind Braves fans of the David Justice and Fred McGriff combo. The Braves could have a murderous row of hitters for the next 8-10 years if all these guys pan out to their enormous hype.
So I need to eat my words so to speak on Wren. He has done a good job assembling a team that is ready to compete in 2009. What more can you ask for? A World Series banner would be nice.
With baseball season underway we figured it was a good time to reveal our brand new RELIEF PITCHER shirt. At the cheap price of $15 you too can get this one of a kind Sportscrack Tee. So go ahead and belly up to the bar or go hang with your buds at the tailgate this summer with this vintage look and feel "Relief Pitcher" shirt. Available exclusively at Sportscrack Tees.
It seems like everything is right in the world when you see Ken Griffey Jr. swing effortlessly in a Seattle Mariners uniform and take one deep. His 8th Opening Day long ball ties him with Hall of Famer Frank Robinson for the all-time lead. It was also his 612th career home run and his 399th in a Mariners uniform. Junior looks a little chubbier than his climbing the wall days in the 90's but "The Kid" can still hit with the best of them.
I wonder if Junior is the best player of my generation? I always thought he was a better player than Barry Bonds even when Bonds was juicing. Griffey just had something magical about him. He played the game hard and seemed to come up big all the time in clutch situations.
Baseball's best pitcher put on a performance yesterday before even taking the mound. Johan Santana put on an eclectic mix of hand shakes and high fives with his Met's teammates yesterday before taking the field and putting in a solid 6 innings against the Reds. After seeing this I'm not sure what is more impressive. Santana's changeup or hand shakes? You be the judge...
North Carolina proved to the nation last night that they were the best team in basketball this year by completely destroying Michigan State in front of a record 70,000 bored spectators in Detroit. The Tarheels capture their 5th National Title and bring yet another championship back to the ACC. As much hoopla as the Big East received this year from the media and it's fans it was kind of ironic that they didn't even get a team in the championship game. Hmmm, makes you wonder if the Big East will ever match up with the ACC in terms of dominance. Here is your one shining moment in a rather uninteresting tournament...
Now we can move on and talk about what's really important. Baseball, football, and boobs. Lots of boobs.
This is probably a completely bias opinion but I don't see how the Michigan State Spartans are going to hang with North Carolina tonight. Carolina athletically and depth wise are light years ahead of the Izzos. While it's true the Spartans will have home court advantage in Detroit which should work in their favor in the first half I just don't see them stopping Ty Lawson. Tyler Hansbrough will finally leave the spotlight as this is his final game in Carolina blue and more than likely his final staring role in the hoops game. His NBA future looks about as bright as Amy Winehouse chances in rehab.
But acid flashback eyes Hansbrough will have a memorable game as he gets his points by throwing up his patented ugly jump/hook/spike shot into the hole for at least 20.
PREDICTION: NORTH CAROLINA 83 MICHIGAN STATE 70
Mark Teixeira, affectionately known as dickhead fuckwad, from my hometown of Severna Park, MD spoke with reporters today before taking the field at Camden Yards. Get a load of this priceless quote he delivered to Orioles beat reporter Rock Kubatko...
"In a perfect world, the Orioles would have won the World Series every year that I was alive and I'd be an Oriole right now," he said. "I have so much love for this city, for this organization, but in the business world and in the baseball world, sometimes you have to make difficult decisions. And when it came down to it, the Yankees were a better fit for me."
of a Gay Foreigner in a Mesh Shirt...
Has there ever been a better title for a movie than this one? Schindler's Fist perhaps?
It's called "You're Fucking Out, I'm Fucking In!"...and it's a work of miracles and dreams come true...
"They named it San Diego, which of course in German means a whale's vagina!"
I will never forget the scene in which Ray Allen, I mean Jesus, is doing the campus tours during his recruitment and he gets laid by two porn stars. I hope all hoop prep stars are treated that way.
Arizona Diamondbacks:
If the Diamondbacks are going to come back this season and beat the Dodgers for the division then they are going to have to cut out the strikeouts. Their young hitters strike out way too much. They fanned 1287 times last year. Chris Young, Stephen Drew, Conor Jackson, Mark Reynolds and particularly Justin Upton all have future stars written on their young faces but they need to learn how to hit with runners in scoring position. A lot of teams are envious of the Diamondbacks young talent and it's now their turn to come together and compete.
The pitching features two of the best starters in the game in Brandon Webb and Dan Haren. Both are capable of having Cy Young type seasons and new addition Jon Garland should eat up at least 200 innings. The bullpen will be improved and it should be able to lock up wins for the starters. The season will essentially come down to the young hitters. If they mature and learn how to hit in certain situations this team could win it all. If they don't then this team will miss the playoffs again.
Colorado Rockies:
The Rockies fairy tale 2007 season seems like decades ago. Last year the Rockies season was all but over as soon as Troy Tulowitzki went on the disabled list. They traded their best hitter in Matt Holliday this offseason after it became apparent he wouldn't resign and would elect to become a free agent. The Rockies got some good young pitchers in the deal but they lost their Rock in Holliday. Todd Helton is still getting overpaid to produce jack shit and their overall lineup is nothing to be feared outside of Tulowitzki, Helton, Garrett Atkins, and Brad Hawpe.
Los Angeles Dodgers:
Manny...blah blah...Manny being Manny...blah blah. It's going to be the same old shit this year in LA. What is Manny doing? Why does he seem like he doesn't care? Why won't Joe Torre bench him? Blah blah. Listen, the guy is a fucking Hall of Famer who might be the best right handed hitter in the game outside of Albert Pujols. He is loaded beyond our wildest imaginations and could give two shits what I, you, or even his booger flicking manager thinks. Why? Because he is fucking Manny Ramirez and all he does is hit for extra bases and drive in runs. Let him do his thing and worry about the rest of your team. The Dodgers are a really good team with him in the lineup. The addition of Orlando Hudson is huge for the real LA team. Hudson will hit behind Rafael Furcal and should score a ton of runs and see a lot of good pitches to hit with Manny protecting him. The lineup should be excellent from top to bottom. James Loney, Matt Kemp, and Andre Ethier are all young and up and comers who should continue to get better in 2009.
the pitching on the other hand has a ton of question marks. They lost ace Derek Lowe to free agency and most of it's bullpen. They are banking on Clayton Kershaw, who is only 21, to emerge and become a fixture in the rotation. It could get ugly if Kershaw can't throw strike one consistently. Hiroki Kuroda is the de facto ace of the staff with Chad Billingsley coming off an impressive 2008 season which could have been a fluke. New addition Randy Wolf could surprise. The hitting will carry the Dodgers this year. I'm just not so sure it can carry them to the playoffs.
San Diego Padres:
The Padres are a franchise running backwards right now. They don't have much talent and what little of it they have should be traded for younger players to build up the farm system. The only problem is nobody was willing to give the world for Jake Peavy during the offseason. Most of that is due to the economy. Adrian Gonzalez should again crush the ball in Petco Park but other than him and Peavy this team doesn't have much.
They will struggle again in 2009 and the only thing they will contend for is the #1 pick in the draft.
San Francisco Giants:
The Giants could be the ultimate sleeper pick coming out of the NL West. They got a potentially devastating starting rotation if Barry Zito bounces back from his all-around shittiness. Tim Lincecum is straight filthy and Matt Cain pitched better than his record indicated. Randy Johnson could stay healthy and be a solid 2 or 3 in the rotation.
The hitting is nothing to get excited about but it does have some speed on it. Randy Winn, Fred Lewis, and Emmanuel Burriss all have the ability to steal a lot of bases and give pitchers and catchers headaches. Edgar Renteria will need to regain his National League form this year as he is put in the 2 spot.
The Giants will go as far as their starting pitching takes them. If they come together they could shock the world.
Sportscrack NL Central predictions:
1. Arizona Diamondbacks
2. Los Angeles Dodgers
3. San Francisco Giants
4. Colorado Rockies
5. San Diego Padres
MVP: Manny Ramirez
Rookie of the Year: Dexter Fowler
Coach of the Year: Bob Melvin
Let this tryout practice video for the New England Euphoria of the Lingerie Football League be a lesson to all those who doubted my fair balanced view on gender in sports. Women should be playing sports...in nothing but lingerie. Case closed.
Video HT: FanIQ
Chicago Cubs:
The Cubbies are coming off a season in which they won a shitload of regular season games but again failed in the postseason. It's now been over a 100 years since the Lovable Losers from the Northside won the World Series but who's counting? Oh yeah, everybody. The Cubs should have one of the best rotations in baseball this year with Carlos Zambrano, Ted Lilly, Ryan Dempster, Rich Harden, and Sean Marshall all capable of winning over 15 games a piece with healthy seasons. Any time you have a pitcher with the talent of Harden as your 4th starter then there really is no excuse for the Cubs to struggle this year.
The lineup should be solid too with Derrek Lee and Aramis Ramirez providing plenty of power in the middle of the order and a healthy Alfonso Soriano adding plenty of plus power from the leadoff spot. Geovany Soto had an excellent rookie season and should continue to improve in his 2nd season. New guy Milton Bradley is coming off his best season ever and is a hobbling time bomb at Wrigley. I have a feeling the Cubs faithful are not going to have fun with this Milton Bradley game. The middle of the defense is decent with Ryan Theriot, Mike Fontenot, and Kosuke Fukudome but none of them will be feared. It's a good thing the pitching should be excellent including a bullpen with Kevin Gregg, Carlos Marmol, Aaron Heilman, and Jeff Samardzija all capable of mowing down hitters.
Cincinnati Reds:
The Reds have a team with a ton of upside in young pitchers Edison Volquez, Johnny Cueto, Homer Bailey and Micah Owings. If 2 or 3 of them come into their own then the Reds could be a team to look out for in 2009. Bailey needs to throw strikes or he could be relagated to the bullpen. He has the stuff and the talent to be a dominating starter but he has to throw strike one. Aaron Harang and Bronson Arroyo both need to bounce back from bad 2008 seasons. If they do then the Reds could have the best starting rotation in the National League if the younger guns live up to some of their hype.
The Reds have the potential to surprise a lot of people in 2009 if the pitching comes together. I wouldn't bet on it but I also wouldn't be shocked to see them contend. 2010 could be a special season for the Reds.
Houston Astros:
Roy Oswalt is one of the best pitchers in the game but after him the Astros have little to nothing. Wandy Rodriguez and a washed up Mike Hampton are the #2 and #3 starters. Holy shit! That is bad, real bad. The lineup isn't bad with Lance Berkman, Carlos Lee and Hunter Pence but Miguel Tejada is diminishing faster than you can you say B-12. Ivan Rodriguez is old and still catching.
The Stros are going to be bad. Very bad. If they played in the AL East they would finish with the worst record in baseball.
Milwaukee Brewers:
The Brew Crew are coming off their first playoff appearance since 1982. They have a lineup filled with excellent hitters in J.J. Hardy, Ryan Braun, Prince Fielder and Corey Hart. Mike Cameron should catch a lot of balls in centerfield. He will also be chasing a lot of balls with the Brewers losing both starting pitchers C.C. Sabathia and Ben Sheets to free agency.
The pitching could be atrocious for the Brewers and the defense isn't very good either. The Brewers will score a ton of runs but they will give up even more. They got hit hard by free agency but should be a fun team to watch.
Pittsburgh Pirates:
The Pirates have been horrible for so long(16 years now) yet they still don't have a good farm system which means the current ownership has no idea how to run a successful ship. It's sad because the Pirates should be good. They have a great ballpark, loyal fans and an established history of past greats. But the ownership has no idea what they are doing. They should just let Pedro Alvarez and Andrew McCutchen take their lumps in the big leagues and grow the team from those two.
The Pirates will be one of the worst teams in 2009 and unfortunately it doesn't look like it will get any better in 2010 and beyond.
St. Louis Cardinals:
Duncan did a hell of a job last season with the pitching staff. Adam Wainwright will be the ace of the staff and Kyle Lohse should continue to build off a very successful 2008 season. If Chris Carpenter can come back then the Cardinals could be serious contenders for the division with the Cubs. 2009 should be very interesting in Busch Stadium. If the pitching holds together then watch out. Also keep an eye out for the debut of Colby Rasmus. He has 5 tool skills and should be the Cardinals center fielder of the future.
Sportscrack NL Central predictions:
1. Chicago Cubs
2. St. Louis Cardinals
3. Cincinnati Reds
4. Milwaukee Brewers
5. Houston Astros
6. Pittsburgh Pirates
MVP: Albert Pujols
Rookie of the Year: Colby Rasmus
Coach of the Year: Lou Piniella
Looks like the San Francisco Dipshits are really doing their homework on Matthew Stafford. Never mind that they are picking 10th and he will be long gone before they can select him...
Niners head coach Mike Singletary told KNBR (680 AM) in San Francisco this week that “if you’re going to look at drafting a guy in the first round, and you’re going to pay him millions of dollars, and asking him about a divorce about his parents, if that’s going to be an issue, uhhh, then you know what, maybe he doesn’t belong here.”
Stafford, a potential first-round draft pick, told the Detroit Free Press that the psychologist presumed Stafford had “unfinished business” about his parents’ split in high school.
