In honor of porn star Marilyn Chambers, who passed away today, Milwaukee Brewers second baseman does his best impersonation of a facial...
Marilyn would have been proud. She took facials like a champ and so did Weeks on this pitch. Mike Piazza took in the rear at the christening of Citi Park to pay his respects. True story.
Big props goes out to Weeks. The guy actually stayed in the game. Ladainian Tomlinson could learn something from Weeks. How not to be a pussy.
It's been a tough week for baseball fans. First we lose 22 year old pitching sensation Nick Adenhart of the Anaheim Angels and then today we lose legendary Phillies Hall of Fame announcer Harry Kalas as the age of 73. Kalas with his distinctive voice that used to crackle "Outta here" will be sorely missed to not only Philly fans but sports fans worldwide. He provided voice over commentary for NFL Films which made him sound like God. Seriously, as a kid I thought Kalas voice was God. Here is how I will choose to remember Kalas, as the play-by-play Phillies announcer since 1971 calling the final out of the 2008 World Series...
As if getting their asses kicked on national television wasn't worse enough, what in the hell happened to the Celtic's Ray Allen yesterday? I know the heat of the battle can get the most of some people but I have never thought about elbowing some guy in the nuts. He might as well used Varejao balls as a speedbag. That's just low man. Real low. Too low. Ray Allen better get suspended for a while by David Stern.
The Celtics are crumbling quickly. Ever since they got Starbury they haven't seemed the same. It was a bad move chemistry wise and it doesn't help to lose KG for an extended period of time. Right now the Cavs have to be the overwhelming favorite in the East because they will have home court advantage and have lost just one game in Cleveland all season. Plus they got the best player in the game in Lebron and have the experience of reaching a NBA Finals.
But what about the Magic with Dwight Howard and the Atlanta Hawks with a team that almost beat the Celtics in the first round last year? Could they come up with a couple of upsets and win the East? Sure they could but my money right now is on the Cavaliers. When you get guys like Ray Allen taking low blows then you know people fear you. Right now the Cavaliers are scaring a lot of people.
We got another brand new, completely original Sportscrack Tee called MVPUJOLS. For the low price of $17 you can show your support for the 2-time MVP with this great red, navy, and white MVPUJOLS shirt. Only available at the Sportscrack Store, this trademarked designed shirt is a hit at any ballpark Phat Albert clobbers long balls at this season.
Get one before the Machine finds you and has to eliminate you...
Sublime could have gone on to do even more great things if lead singer Bradley Nowell didn't die of a heroin overdose. At least they left us with this awesome jam...Santeria.
Other than this random boob grab on the 15th hole yesterday the Masters coverage on ESPN and CBS sucked. As you probably know I'm not a huge golf fan but I love to watch the Masters. It's suppose to be the best golf tournament in the world yet we only get 3-4 hours of live coverage per day? I want to see every hole and not just the back nine with the leaders. They didn't start live coverage till 3:30 on Saturday which meant all of America missed Tiger's third round for the most part. That seems pretty smart on their part. The one player that everybody identifies with and knows is shown for all of ten minutes finishing up his round. I was forced to watch the coverage on the internet via masters.org which just isn't the same as watching it on live HD television.
Both Tiger and especially Phil put on a hell of a show. Phil's front nine 30 was one of the best stretches of clutch golf that I have ever seen. I don't like Phil but I found myself rooting for him. You could see Tiger seething as Phil was getting the crowd behind him. Both players would wind up non factors though as Kenny Perry appeared to be on the cusp of winning his first major. A Masters green jacket no less. But then it all came crashing down. He finished bogey bogey on 17th and 18th to blow a two stroke lead and force a 3 man sudden death playoff with Chad Campbell and Angel Cabrera.
And of course the one guy who doesn't speak English wins as Cabrera captured his second major on the 2nd playoff hole because Perry and Campbell choked. It was memorable because of the Perry choke. It could have been even more memorable if we could have the option of watching more coverage starting in the morning. They only play this little golf tournament once a year. I don't think it's asking too much to start showing live coverage beginning at 10 am all four rounds. If I want it I sure as hell know golf fanatics want it.
"DAD, What's a double dicker?"...is that the main character from Kids? You know, the one with the messed up New York accent who always wanted to hit up the virgins. Kids was so disturbing I can still never go back to New York without thinking of those characters. I'm going to take a hot bath in vinegar and tears right now.
Horrible news out of Anaheim this morning as it was learned that Anaheim Angels rookie pitcher Nick Adenhart was killed in a hit-and-run accident shortly after pitching the best game of his young major league career. Just 22 years old and making his 4th big league start, Adenhart pitched 6 scoreless innings last night while striking out 5 against the Oakland A's. Adenhart was a highly regarded prospect out of Silver Springs, MD who was expected to fortify an Angels rotation this year with injuries to 3 of their starters including John Lackey, Kelvin Escobar, and Ervin Santana.
I've followed Adenhart's career pretty closely since he was drafted. As a Maryland boy I was hoping somehow he could be traded to his hometown Orioles this past offseason. It sucks to see someone so young be taken so quickly. It appears his father got a chance to maybe say goodbye to his son according to the Baltimore Sun...
"His father flew out here from Baltimore to watch him start last night, so his father is here, obviously going through a great deal of grief," Angels spokesman Tim Mead said at the stadium.
My heartfelt condolences go out to the Adenhart family and friends as well as the Angels organization. There are no jokes to be written. I will pour one out for Adenhart tonight.
This shitty video footage is from Tuesday at the Masters with Vijay Singh skipping a shot over the water and getting a hole-in-one. Tiger laughed when told about the shot and simply walked over water. He placed the ball into the hole when all of a sudden the clouds parted and the songs of angels and sunlight came down from the skies showing that Tiger is the true God of Golf.
Is there really any doubt Tiger will win this tournament? It appears Vegas thinks Tiger is pretty much a cinch to win his 5th green jacket. Here are the odds for the top 10 guys...
Tiger Woods 4/11 Phil Mickelson 7/5 Padraig Harrington 11/4 Geoff Ogilvy 3/1 Retief Goosen 4/1 Sergio Garcia 9/2 Paul Casey 9/2 Ernie Els 5/1 Rory McIlroy 5/1 Anthony Kim 11/2
So you would literally have to throw down 110 bucks to win back 40. Those are some sick odds. A lot of people think Mickelson will be there with him on the final day but I don't think so. If anyone has a chance it's Padraig Harrington who has a chance to win his third major in a row. It would make a hell of a story this weekend if Tiger and the Fighting Irishman were battling hole-to-hole to number 72.
Oh yeah, why is Sergio Garcia listed at 9/2? Garcia is notorious for taking his sweet time to hit the ball and for not winning a major. He won't this weekend either. The guy just doesn't have it. I blame it on Martina Hingis. She royally fucked up his luck.
PREDICTION: Tiger wins by 2 strokes over Harrington.
This was in Vancouver last night at Britney's Circus Tour. Apparently she walked off stage at one point in the show because she smelled weed. In Canada the weed laws are not enforced with such brute force as they are here in the States. Law enforcement accepts for what it is...a way to get high and why are you not passing it over here. Puff puff give mofo. So anywho Britney spouts off these words of wisdom to all her Canadian fans, this coming from a girl who shaved her head and shows off her box at the drop of a dime...
"Thank you Vancouver. Drive safe, don't smoke weed and rock out with your cock out. Peace out mother fuckers!"
Yes, Britney is back and more dirty than ever. God blessed her in so many ways. What an angel.
If Koji Uehara hits T-Bag Teixeira in the neck he will instantly become a cult hero in Baltimore. By next week they will have a bronze statue with his goofy smile right next to the Babe statue. I'm just saying....Go Koji! Go O's! FU T-Bag!
Time to call up Tommy Hanson. The Braves bullpen simply can't throw strikes. They walked in four guys in one inning while also hitting another batter, blowing a 7 run lead in the 7th inning. This loss hurts big time for the Braves. And yes, I am available to throw strikes over the plate Frank Wren. Just wanna throw that out there.
Jessica Biel would like to get something off her chest. Everything in fact. The scene is from her new movie called Powder Blue where she plays a stripper. One can only hope she has a Halle Berry type Monster's Ball scene to help her win that elusive Oscar.
Only 2 games into the season and there are already riots among Phillies fan over their play. Come on guys, there are still 160 games left to catch up with the Atlanta Braves. Go spread some Whiz over your vaginas and buck up. Remember who won the championship last year...
Yeah, I know it's only two games into the season but you have to admit the Atlanta Braves look really good so far. Their starting pitching has completely dominated the defending champion Phillies lineup with Derek Lowe and Jair Jurrjens both throwing gems. With the 2-0 record against the Phillies it already matches their win total against them last season after 16 games against their rival. The team this year appears to be completely different and I should give Frank Wren some props.
During the offseason I pretty much criticized Wren's every move early on. I hated the fact that they were going hard for AJ Burnett and throwing out a ridiculous contract offer to a guy who has had one healthy season. Luckily the Yankees "stole" him away from the Braves and gave him a Carl Pavano/Mike Hampton deal that will surely blow up in their pinstripe faces. I got mad when it sounded like they were going to give up Yunel Escobar, Kelly Johnson, and most notably hot shot prospect Tommy Hanson(autograph baseball available here) for Jake Peavy. Luckily those rumors never came true and the Braves still have their middle infield along with Hanson who is going to be best Braves power pitcher since John Smoltz in my opinion. Wren has moved on to trade for starter Javier Vasquez (a deal that is still up in the air with me), signed Derek Lowe (overpaid but needed to be done), signed Kenshin Kawakami and he let John Smoltz go. I have gotten over the Smoltz leaving Atlanta issue. I don't blame Wren for it. The Braves were put in a bad position where they honestly couldn't win in the PR department with a guy who won't be ready till midseason at best. The point is Wren addressed the starting rotation in the offseason and it now appears if all of them can stay healthy the Braves can compete with anybody in the National League.
The Garrett Anderson signing appears to be paying off after Griffey decided to go back to Seattle. I can't blame Junior for wanting to prove something in Seattle but it would have been great to see him in a Braves uniform. Either way Wren had a backup plan and Anderson appears to fit in well. They resigned Chipper Jones so he can remain a lifelong Bravo and brought up a young centerfielder by the name of Jordan Schafer who reminds me a lot of Grady Sizemore. The future looks extremely bright through these Tomahawk glasses.
What really has me excited is seeing guys like Schafer perform early on and knowing Brian McCann and Jeff Francoeur are both still young guys under the age of 25. Hot shot prospects Jason Heyward and Freddie Freeman are both future middle of the order sluggers who should remind Braves fans of the David Justice and Fred McGriff combo. The Braves could have a murderous row of hitters for the next 8-10 years if all these guys pan out to their enormous hype.
So I need to eat my words so to speak on Wren. He has done a good job assembling a team that is ready to compete in 2009. What more can you ask for? A World Series banner would be nice.
With baseball season underway we figured it was a good time to reveal our brand new RELIEF PITCHER shirt. At the cheap price of $15 you too can get this one of a kind Sportscrack Tee. So go ahead and belly up to the bar or go hang with your buds at the tailgate this summer with this vintage look and feel "Relief Pitcher" shirt. Available exclusively at Sportscrack Tees.
It seems like everything is right in the world when you see Ken Griffey Jr. swing effortlessly in a Seattle Mariners uniform and take one deep. His 8th Opening Day long ball ties him with Hall of Famer Frank Robinson for the all-time lead. It was also his 612th career home run and his 399th in a Mariners uniform. Junior looks a little chubbier than his climbing the wall days in the 90's but "The Kid" can still hit with the best of them.
I wonder if Junior is the best player of my generation? I always thought he was a better player than Barry Bonds even when Bonds was juicing. Griffey just had something magical about him. He played the game hard and seemed to come up big all the time in clutch situations.
Baseball's best pitcher put on a performance yesterday before even taking the mound. Johan Santana put on an eclectic mix of hand shakes and high fives with his Met's teammates yesterday before taking the field and putting in a solid 6 innings against the Reds. After seeing this I'm not sure what is more impressive. Santana's changeup or hand shakes? You be the judge...
North Carolina proved to the nation last night that they were the best team in basketball this year by completely destroying Michigan State in front of a record 70,000 bored spectators in Detroit. The Tarheels capture their 5th National Title and bring yet another championship back to the ACC. As much hoopla as the Big East received this year from the media and it's fans it was kind of ironic that they didn't even get a team in the championship game. Hmmm, makes you wonder if the Big East will ever match up with the ACC in terms of dominance. Here is your one shining moment in a rather uninteresting tournament...
Now we can move on and talk about what's really important. Baseball, football, and boobs. Lots of boobs.
