THE YANKEES AND THEIR FANS COME TO THE TED TOMORROW

This is what happened when the Yankees visited the Florida Marlins this past weekend on Father's Day nonetheless. You would think an interleague game between two teams with zero history would have less fisticuffs and spitting than a divisional game. I guess not. The Yankees and their fans(insert joke here) come to The Ted tomorrow. The place will surely be rocking with plenty of wannabe Italians rocking their Jeter jerseys and cursing at everything in sight. It's in their nature, god blessed them this way. After seeing this fight I'm not so sure I want to be going down to Atlanta on Wednesday for the game. They already have enough inbreds working as ushers and security down there that I would get innocently thrown into the slammer just for being in the general vicinity of a fight while wearing my A-Roids shirt. I want to go just to sit there and laugh at the Yankees fans but they always manage to get under my skin. Actually a lot of team's fans get on my nerves but Yankees fans top it all off with their holier than thou attitude. I got a lot of friends who are Yankees fans who are great guys so don't get me wrong, they are not all scumbags. But the ones who go to games and get in fights right in front of their children and then laugh it off like it's no big deal scare me. General rule in life: don't get in fights with wild animals, retards, and Yankees fans from New Jersey. All possess superhuman strength with an inability to be reasoned with.

Video HT: Barstool Sports

ATTACK CARDIO WITH VINNIE JONES

Little round around the edges are we? Too much flab? Haven't seen your manpiece without the assistance of a mirror in years? Well then you need Vinnie Jones...

YOUR MONDAY MORNING WAKE UP SONG

REDNECK FIRE ALARM

No need for batteries.

Image HT: Joe

GEORGIA STATE TO PLAY ALABAMA IN 2010

You will accept these payments for your blood.

You got to hand it to my Alma Mater Georgia State. They don't even have a football program but in 2010 they will start one and have an agreement with the Alabama Crimson Tide to play Nov. 20, 2010, at Bryant-Denny Stadium in Tuscaloosa. Holy shit! This is going to be a bloodbath. The Panthers program will get $400,000 and the notoriety of getting their asses humiliated by a SEC powerhouse. Actually it's kind of humiliating on the Bama side that they scheduled a football team that doesn't even exist. And I was giving Notre Dame shit for thinking about scheduling Army! Bama and Nick Saban upped the anti on all-time cupcake games with this agreement.

As a Georgia State grad I'm actually excited to see how the Panthers football program develops. Their head coach Bill Curry coached at Georgia Tech and Kentucky and was known to be an effective recruiter so I'm sure he can sell the programs benefits which are...uhhh...let me think...immediate playing time and a chance to play in the Georgia Dome. All of Georgia State's home games will be played in the Dome so that could be an effective recruiting tool. They also might be able to get in the kids who couldn't qualify for UGA or Tech. Before you know it they will be joining the Big East.

YOU KNOW YOU HAVE ARRIVED

Matt Wieters aka switch-hitting Jesus hit his first major league home run last night. In doing so he also collected his first RBIs and got the old shaving cream pie to the face from Adam Jones. Wieters has finally arrived. Look out.

KOBE BRYANT: THE ULTIMATE RAPIS....TEAMMATE

It's great to see that Kobe Bryant is the ultimate teammate and doesn't think of himself as any bigger than the actual Lakers team itself. See how he even wears the same shirt as his teammates at the parade today to celebrate his 4th, I mean the Lakers 15th NBA Championship?

Don't worry, we all know what the four finger shirt means. It's the amount of fingers he got into that poor Colorado gi......oh nevermind.

Image HT: Deadspin

CHECK OUT OKLAHOMA STATE'S NEW DIGS

I'm sorry but where the fuck is the Grey Poupon? Hookers and blow? They want to call this a first-rate college football facility but I don't see those essentials anywhere in the video. I'm very disappointed in T. Boone Pickens. The billionaire donated $282 million for these facilities upgrades for the Oklahoma State Cowboys and I don't see one "escort" for the players. You would think they would have consulted with Pete Carroll or Mack Brown in how to impress their players with those extra "perks." But yeah, the place looks nice and should look great when Georgia comes in September 5th and beats the shit out of them. By the way UGA just finalized a media rights deal with ISP Sports for $92.8 million. The hookers and blow in Athens should be outstanding now.

THE GRIZZLIES ARE GOING TO TAKE THIS GUY?

The Memphis Grizzlies have the #2 pick in the NBA Draft this year and mock draft boards everywhere have them selecting UCONN's Hasheem Thabeet. Excuse but can I ask "Why?" I get he is 7'2 and centers are hard to find but the guy blows. Have any of these scouts actually watched this guy play? He gets pushed around like Tony Romo on a Jessica Simpson tour. And please don't even try to compare his game to Dikembe Mutombo. Mutombo had skills and knew how to rebound, block shots, and score when needed when he wasn't waging his finger at the opposition. Sorry for the NBA post but I think it needs to be stated: Thabeet blows balls and the Grizzlies are retards if they draft him.

I think TLC should look into getting Thabeet a show. He is carnie material for sure.

FUNNY HEADLINE

Hitting is sports related right guys? Don't act like you don't know who this mom is either. I got pulled in as soon as my wife said there was a show about this couple involving sextuplets. I thought sextuplet was some weird, freaky sex position I never heard of before. Low and behold I find out it's not some crazy sex practice and instead focuses on these little kids who are obviously Nike shoe makers living right here in America. The world is a fucked up place I tell you and if you don't agree then try watching TLC for a night. It's like an open audition for carnies on there.

Anywho, I thought the headline was pretty funny "CAUGHT HITTING HER DAUGHTER!" Well yeah, everybody gets hit as a kid. It's part of growing up. The kid probably fucked up the stitching on the Air Jordans and had to be reprimanded. It's called learing a lesson where I come from. Plus I hate it when my Nike's stitching starts coming undone when I'm trying to dunk on a 8 foot goal. This is a lesson that little Gosselin girl will learn quickly. But seriously, who the hell calls the cops? It must have been Phil Knight. He always calls the cops when one of his "little" workers isn't sweating in some warehouse to the sweet sounds of R. Kelly's "I believe I can fly!"

NOTRE DAME VS. TEXAS IN 2013...GO ON!

A couple of weeks ago I trashed Notre Dame pretty hard for thinking about scheduling Army to play at the new Yankees Stadium. Basically I thought it was a bullshit idea and it had no recruiting or fan viewing advantage for Notre Dame and their followers. I still hate the idea by the way and hope Notre Dame continues to play only one service academy every year in Navy. But with all the shit ideas Notre Dame comes up with (playing Washington State in San Antonio this year, WTF?) it's refreshing to read that their athletic director Jack Swarbrick is waking up to the possibility of scheduling the Texas fucking Longhorns in 2013!!!

QUESTION: As we understand it, there are potentially some financial issues that could hinder you in making the Army game happen in Yankee Stadium. But can you talk about the prospects of a game between Notre Dame and Texas in 2013 — and we’re assuming that would be at one of the two campuses?

I’m not really in a position to talk about the prospects of that game in any particular year. What I can say is that we would love to play Texas. We love playing the schools that have had a comparable history. But also that share our values.

I think Texas is one of the great athletic programs in the country. Not just now, but for many years. I’m a huge fan of the program, their coaches, and (athletic director) DeLoss (Dodds) is one of the giants of our industry. So, if we can figure out how to play Texas at some point, we would love to do it.

Now this idea makes my balls tingle. Notre Dame already has the Oklahoma Sooners on a home and away meeting in 2012 and 2013 as well as adding Brigham Young, Arizona State, and Rutgers. Adding Texas would be great because it shows to their students, alumni and the nation that they will play anybody, anywhere. This is what Notre Dame was built on, playing the big boys all around the country. A matchup with the Longhorns would also get high school football recruits from the great state of Texas interested in Notre Dame. The Fighting Irish have a 14-5 record in the state of Texas and are 4-0 playing in Austin.

This is a win-win proposition for both Notre Dame and Texas. Texas passed Notre Dame into 2nd for most wins in college football (Michigan is 1st) in 2008 so there is some sort of bragging rights rivalry that could be made between these two programs. These games need to happen because if Swarbrick is as concerned as he makes it out to be about college football tradition being important in their future football schedules than he needs to know that the nation and Notre Dame people want to see them play Texas, not Army. Make it happen.

EVERY WEEK ON ENTOURAGE

I like the new Turtle a lot more than that tub of shit they have currently. No worries, it will all work out. YEEEEEHHHHHHH!!!!!

HT: WWTDD

TOP 10 COLLEGE FOOTBALL GAMES OF 2009

We are less than 3 months away from loading up the car with the tailgating essentials (Beer, brats, and babes) and driving to our favorite campus to embark on a fall tradition unlike any other: COLLEGE FOOTBALL! Can you feel the excitement? If you can't then buck up fucker. 2009 is going to be a great season full of upsets and thrills starting September 3rd so let's take a look at the top 10 games which I believe will be exciting to watch and could determine the pecking order of the elite programs who have a chance to contend for BCS glory.

10. Nebraska at Virginia Tech, September 19th-This might come as a bit of a surprise to those who know that I usually trash Nebraska and Virginia Tech for being overhyped but this year is different. The Cornhuskers will be in their second season under Bo Pelini who had an impressive debut of 10 wins including a bowl victory in 2008. It may not sound like a lot to Husker Nation but they are headed it the right direction under Pelini. They have a ton of muscle and experience on both sides of the line and the defense should be greatly improved with a secondary that might be the best in the nation. Beamer-ball is coming off a season in which they won the ACC Title with an incredibly young team. I expect this game to be a close and exciting one like last year when the Hokies won 35-30 in Lincoln.

9. Georgia at Oklahoma State, September 5th-If you like to watch two of the best wideouts in the nation battle it out for bragging rights then this is your type of game. Oklahoma State's Dez Bryant is coming off an All-American season which saw him catch 19 TDs with nearly 1500 yards receiving in 13 games. True freshman AJ Green had a season to remember too in Athens last year as he was named first team SEC compiling nearly 1000 yards receiving. A lot of college football pundits are thinking this is a rebuilding year for Mark Richt and they will have a hard time winning in Stillwater. I think they are wrong. Georgia will have a ton of people jumping on their bandwagon especially if the defense is as good as I think they will be with the likes of Rennie Curran, Reshad Jones, and Geno Atkins returning.

8. BYU vs. Oklahoma at Arlington, September 5th-This should be a fun game to watch if you like high scoring offenses. Heisman Trophy winner Sam Bradford and the Sooners will score a shitload of points in this neutral site game. But so will Max Hall and BYU. The season opener for both programs I fully expect Bradford's Sooners to come out on top but from a pure entertainment standpoint I think this game will be one of the most exciting to watch.

7. Georgia at Georgia Tech, November 28th-Last year the Jackets stunned, or stung if you prefer, the Dawgs in Athens with a 45-42 victory. It was the first victory in 7 years for the Jackets against UGA and completed a very successful first regular season for new coach Paul Johnson. Georgia will be looking for revenge in Atlanta against a Tech team that returns 8 of their top 9 tacklers and all 5 of their top rushers from last season. As a Georgia resident who has attended over 20 games in Athens and Atlanta this will be my first time seeing these two battle on the same field. If it lives up to last year's battle then it shouldn't disappoint.

6. Oklahoma State at Oklahoma, November 28th-Yes, these games are usually lopsided in favor of the Sooners (79 wins vs 17 losses) between the two state rivals but this year should be different. Both of these Big 12 teams have high scoring offenses led by senior quarterbacks who should be in the battle for the...wait a second, let me get permission, calling lawyer, yes, the HEISMAN Trophy is okay to type without fear of being sued, okay, thanks...biggest singular achievement award in sports. The Sooners won last year in Stillwater 61-41 so expect more fireworks this season.

5. LSU at Georgia, October 3rd-As you may have noticed the majority of games I have listed were games that were extremely high offense last season. The same can be said of Georgia vs. LSU. Joe Cox is going to be a pleasant surprise for Dawg fans thinking the QB position is due for a step down with the departure of Matthew Stafford. Not so fast my friends. The Dawgs will have plenty of offensive fire power to work with even without Knowshon and Stafford. Caleb King and Richard Samuel as well as freshmen Carlton Thomas and Washaun Ealey are expected to fill in for Knowshon at the RB spot and Cox will have a talented group of receivers to work with led by AJ Green. The Tigers are looking to bounce back from ugly loss at home against the Dawgs and as always return a team full of elite talent but this year they have a lot more experience.

4. USC at Notre Dame, October 17th-We all know the recent history of these two rivals playing. USC has dominated minus the 2005 game. Last year USC embarrassed Notre Dame to the point where ND didn't get their first 1st down to the final play of the third quarter. With Mark Sanchez gone Aaron Corp is expected to fill in. Corp is not the same QB as Sanchez. Notre Dame will be blitzing nonstop trying to disrupt Corp because they have the benefit of boasting a secondary that ranks among the nation's elite. Jimmy Clausen and Charlie Weis legacy at Notre Dame will be defined by this game. Win and they have a legit shot of finishing the season with 1 or less losses and perhaps a shot at a BCS Title. Lose and they will be under the microscope for failing to deliver a long awaited Fighting Irish victory over the Trojans. For what it's worth Notre Dame hasn't lost a game I've personally attended since 1990. I will be at this game. Goal posts be damned.


3. USC at Ohio State, September 12th-We all know about the Trojans dominance on the football field since Pete Carroll took over and it showed last season when these two perennial powerhouses clashed in the Coliseum with USC whipping up on the Beanie-less Buckeyes 35-3. The Buckeyes were breaking in a new QB in Terrelle Pryor but that isn't the case in 2009 as Pryor should build on an impressive freshman season and be ready for a reloaded Trojan defense. The Buckeyes need to prove they can win the big game on a big stage. Too often they have been blown out when facing elite talent. This will be their chance to silent the critics like myself who believe Big Ten talent is inferior to the SEC conference and USC.

2. Florida at LSU, October 10th-I honestly believe this game is going to be an epic showdown in Baton Rouge. For some reason people are forgetting how talented LSU is especially where it counts: upfront. The Fear Les Tigers will be looking for some revenge for the ass kicking they took from the Gators last year in the Swamp. LSU will have home field but they will be coming off a tough road game in Athens the week before while the Gators enjoy an off week in preparation. I'm looking forward to seeing how Tim Tebow adjusts his game with Percy Harvin now in the NFL and going against the likes of DE Rahim Alem who should have an All-American season.

1. Texas vs. Oklahoma at Dallas, October 17th-These two fan bases absolutely hate each other. It's great and what college football is all about: the passion. The Red River Shootout lived up to it's billing last season as the Longhorns came back and beat the Sooners 45-35. The Longhorns got screwed out of the Big 12 Championship game thanks to the BCS ranking system and missed out on the BCS Title game because of it. They want to prove they belong there this year again. The Sooners will be looking to get revenge on their arch rival in Dallas. It's the biggest game of the year and it just happens to be on the same date as the USC-ND game. Holy fuck, we are talking college football Armageddon bitches. Colt McCoy vs. Sam Bradford. Mack Brown vs. Bob Stoops. Beer vs. Liver. The battle will be epic and you have no rights whatsoever to ever come up with an excuse to miss this game. Wedding and funerals be forgotten. This is college football.

SCOTT VAN PELT IN THE NEW TIGER WOODS EA GAME

WithLeather has the preview for the new EA Tiger Woods 2010 game. Actually there is no preview. It's ESPN's Scott Van Pelt talking as a cardboard cutout to Tiger Woods. It's actually quite funny. I was waiting for a "I banged my European nanny too!" joke but it never made it into the commercial. Maybe the game. We shall see.

CONGRATULATIONS GO OUT TO THE LAKERS AND PHIL JACKSON

If you hadn't noticed the Los Angeles Lakers won the NBA Championship last night. In doing so they captured their 15th NBA Title and Phil Jackson won his 10th as a coach. He now has the most championships as a head coach in any professional sport passing Red Auerbach who captured 9 with the Boston Celtics. He also has a fancy hat displaying the Roman Numeral "X" and the years of the titles he won in Chicago and LA. Before you get all huffy puffy about the hat let it be known his kids made it for him. 10 championships is ridiculous no matter how you cut it. And to think he would have 12 if MJ didn't decide to start playing baseball after his father got killed. I'm not a Lakers fan by any means but I've always respected the way they play the game. Not sure what it is but they just a flair about them. I don't even care about Kobe anymore, he is just so likable...

BOBBY COX BENCHES YUNEL ESCOBAR

The Atlanta Braves are playing embarrassing baseball right now and after losing 2 of 3 to the Baltimore Orioles this past weekend Bobby Cox needed to send a message to the team. Shortstop Yunel Escobar, aka Frosty tip douchebag, received it in the bottom of the third inning when he was benched for Diory Hernandez.

“I thought we should have turned a double play in the first inning,” Cox said. “They get no runs. And [it] wasn’t heads up on the rundown either. We pride ourselves on doing things right and being in the game [mentally] and don’t do things lackadaisically. I just felt we should have turned a double play easy. I’m not saying it cost us the game, but it cost us three runs in the first and you don’t know what’s going to happen in the second.”

I would show you replays of the two botched mental mistakes by Escobar if the MLB Gestapo would let me. But apparently showing MLB highlights without their consent is so Anne Frank. Listen, enough of the Nazi talk, Escobar needed to be benched yesterday. Actually he needed to be benched a long time ago. Escobar was begging for a wake up call and hopefully Cox delivered it loud and clear. Pay attention and hustle. Escobar has a ton of talent but the guy has the brain the size of an ant's penis.

And what does Escobar have to say about his benching? No habla English! Escobar is pulling the Sammy Sosa treatment and acting like he doesn't understand English. Relief pitcher Mike Gonzalez is his "translator" for any questions directed towards him. Have I told you how much I hate Escobar lately? The guy is such a piece of shit. He has been a distraction and he can't even own up to his own mistakes and instead has to hide behind one of his teammates. Fuck him. The Braves need to trade his ass immediately. He has value. The guy can play a mean short when he wants to but apparently he is still bothered by a lack of maturity.

This isn't the first time Cox has tried to get through to Escobar:

When asked if he was trying to get Escobar’s attention, Cox sighed and said, “I’ve talked to him an awful lot since he’s been here.”

Hopefully Gonzalez can translate it to him. You are gone amigo. When one of the greatest and most respected managers in MLB history has had enough then it is time to cut ties. The same with Jeff Francoeur. Both could use a change of scenery and both should have trade value. Personally I would want neither but I could see the Baltimore Orioles or Boston Red Sox expressing interest mainly because Escobar can swing a mean bat.

What do you guys think? Is Escobar and Frenchy the main problems on this team or does it run deeper? Why is hitting coach Terry Pendleton not a candidate to be replaced?

YOUR MONDAY MORNING WAKE UP SONG

Can't Tell Me Nothin' from Zach Galifianakis

PITTSBURGH PENGUINS WIN LORD STANLEY CUP

Penguins goalie Marc-Andre Fleury with the save of the year to preserve the victory for Pittsburgh in game 7. I thought you guys would enjoy the French Canadian broadcast more than the NBC feed. Those poor Canadians, we have to give them some recognition. After all it's only been about 2 decades since one of their own teams won the Cup. Evgeni Malkin was named MVP proving he is the best player on the Penguins. Sorry Sid but if it's any consolation you get your name on the Cup and the NHL will continue to kiss your ass for years to come. Congrats go out to the city of Pittsburgh. They have suffered for over 4 months till yesterday without a major sports championship. You really have to feel for them. So now it's up to the Pirates to keep the streak going. Ruh roh.

Sorry Boston, you have now lost your Titletown claim. Pittsburgh owns it for now.

USAIN BOLT CHINESE CHARACTER SHIRT

Now we know what he thinks about China and their government. He needs to wear this shirt the next time he races. The design should be on the back of the shirt so his competitors can see it.

IMAGE HT: DEADSPIN

BARBARO RETURNS TO BALTIMORE

The Atlanta Braves offense has been so pathetic this season that yesterday they called up a Barbaro Canizares
to hit cleanup and man first base. Yes, fresh from the glue factory is Barbaro. He replaced the hot hitting Greg Norton (.098 batting average) who went on the disabled list because of a sore bat. Here is an endorsement from one Braves player in regards to Barbaro:

”I heard he can’t run, can’t throw and can’t field, but the sumbitch can hit,” is what one Braves player told me this morning.

Barbaro struck out twice yesterday but did get his first hit in a 3-1 loss to the Pittsburgh Pirates.

Sweet! I'm looking forward to watching the Braves travel to Baltimore this weekend. Nothing like exciting 2-1 ballgames to keep you on the edge of your seat. Watching the Orioles and Braves the past couple of months has been like watching a soccer game. Eventually somebody might score.

Oh yeah, and the last time Barbaro visited Baltimore he broke his leg and eventually had to be put down. Canizares might want to skip this road trip.