I LIKE GRAPHS

Thank you EDSBS, you guys rock...

TIGER WOODS IS DOING GREAT

I fucking knew it. Elin is the reason why his dick keeps falling out of his pants into some cocktail waitresses hand. Those Swedes can be so ruthless. Poor Tiger.

GOLDEN TATE DECLARES FOR NFL DRAFT

(Fast forward to the 1:50 portion of the video)


Easily one of my favorite Notre Dame players of all time, it's going to be tough saying goodbye to Golden Tate. I feel like Tim Tebow on the sidelines at the end of the SEC Championship. Sad. Golden is one of the greatest football players to ever put on the pads in Notre Dame Stadium. He broke all kinds of records this season and brought back memories of Tim Brown and Rocket Ismail with his electricity and his ability to always make the big play. I'm honored to have witnessed his last collegiate game at Stanford. He always gave it his all and if the Irish would have won a few more games we would be talking about him winning the Heisman Trophy. Golden is going to be a great pro. Mark it down. He is a mixture of Hines Ward and Steve Smith from the Carolina Panthers. Simply he is a playmaker who should excel on Sundays. I have my fingers crossed for the Atlanta Falcons to draft him.

Thanks for the memories Golden. You are a warrior on the field and you will be missed.

AND TO THINK WE ALL THOUGHT SHE WAS CRAZY

WE BOWLING BABY!!!!!!! WE BOWLING BABY!!!!! WHOOOHHHH....OOOOWWWWW!!!!




And by the way, expect me to act the same way when Notre Dame hires Brian Kelly. In fact I might just have to camp out at South Bend Airport come tomorrow.

JIMMY CLAUSEN GOING PRO, SET TO ANNOUNCE IN CANTON

Following his announcement of his commitment 4 years ago to the University of Notre Dame at the College Football Hall of Fame, Sportscrack has learned exclusively that QB Jimmy Clausen will declare for the NFL today at the Pro Football Hall of Fame in Canton, Ohio. Jimmy followed in the great steps his brothers laid down in college by not winning many games in college. Of course one should blame the defense at Notre Dame for the 6 losses this season and not Jimmy who was nothing less than spectacular all season. Jimmy finished with 3722 yards passing with 28 TDs and only 4 INTs in 12 games and a completion percentage of 68%. He will go on to make millions upon millions in the NFL on a horrible franchise because in all likelihood he will be drafted in the top 10 in the NFL's April Draft.

Personally I have mixed feelings in regards to Clausen leaving and his place in history at Notre Dame. We all know he was one of the most hyped prep quarterbacks to come into the college game. Some people called him the "Lebron James of football" whether it was fair or not. After watching him play for 3 seasons I can safely say he lived up to the hype. His accuracy was deadly and in every game minus the Nevada and Washington State games he needed to be nearly perfect just to keep Notre Dame in the games and he rose up each time. It was never his fault the running game was pretty much nonexistent during Charlie Weis's tenure or the defense couldn't tackle or prevent freshman quarterbacks from tearing them up. It's surreal to see him leave with a 16-21 record while wearing the blue and gold during his 3 seasons. His record in high school was undefeated but in college all he knew was defeats.

I can't blame him for leaving early. He is ready for the NFL. True he could be a little bigger and a little more nimble (part of that is to do with the turf toe he played with all season) but the guy has the arm, accuracy and the smarts to be a successful NFL quarterback for a long time. Hopefully when he declares for the NFL he doesn't make wild proclamations of championships and MVP's are for him only. If anything playing at Notre Dame should humble you. God knows the last 3 seasons of Jimmy ball have been nothing but humbling. It would have been nice to see him play in one more game but the Notre Dame players decided to skip their bowl game once Weis was fired. Why I have no idea. You have to wonder how much Jimmy's influence had as a captain on deciding not to play one more game in his college career and go out a winner instead of a 4 game winning streak. He came in with his head high (lots of gel) and leaves with a black eye (literally). This is how I will remember Jimmy's legacy at Notre Dame.

BEAT TEXAS! BEVO IT'S WHAT'S FOR DINNER SHIRT

Bama is going for lucky number 13th Championship in Pasadena California. On the menu is Bevo. Show your Crimson pride with this great shirt from Sportscrack Tees. Beat Texas! will get people talking and noticing your Saban-loving ass.

BUCK YOU DUCKS! 2010 ROSE BOWL SHIRT

You asked for it Ohio State fans and here we deliver it for ya. BUCK YOU DUCKS! shirt will make a great Christmas present for any Buckeyes fan. Order it today. Shipping starts in a couple of days and we have a limited edition of these kickass tees.

Of course these are 100% non-licensed t-shirts.

TIM TEBOW CRIES LIKE A CHAMPION

I'm not here to make fun of Tim Tebow. Hell, if I was 22 years old and had a Heisman Trophy, two National Titles and two SEC Championship rings in my possession I could probably do whatever the hell I wanted to do including crying. We all know why he has tears flowing right? It isn't the fact that they lost to Alabama and thus blew a chance to go play for a National Title again. It's the fact he is still a virgin while attending a school full of hot coeds. The kid is so backed up he has semen flowing from his eyes. Poor guy.

BRAYLON EDWARDS HAS HANDS OF STONE

WTF happened to Braylon Edwards? He was a Pro Bowl wide receiver there for a while in Cleveland until he started dropping passes. Now with the New York Jets he still sucks. Seriously, how the hell do you drop this pass and not get cut the next day?

FINALLY A RACHEL BILSON SEX SCENE

Ever since Rachel Bilson busted on to "the OC" or "OC" or whatever the fuck you want to call it I have been waiting on pins and needles for her to do a completely nude sex scene. Finally my dream has come true. Check out this steamy scene from her new movie called "Hearts of Palm"....



I can dig the little boobs and the 70's style pubic hair that goes all the way up to the bottom of her throat. Just lay it all out there girl.

ANOTHER ONE OF TIGER'S MISTRESS PROTECTION PROGRAM: KALIKA MOQUIN

TMZ.COM reports her name is Kalika Moquin and shockingly she isn't black. Kalika sounds about as black as Detroit. Apparently they met in Las Vegas and then here comes the complete bullshit to make her sound as if she is the victim of Tiger's raging man member...

We're told Kalika Moquin met Tiger in 2006 at Light Nightclub in Las Vegas -- and although she hung out with him all night, she had no clue she was out clubbin' with one of the richest, most recognizable athletes on the planet.

She didn't recognize who Tiger was? Get the fuck out of here! Let me guess, she also had no idea Vegas had casinos filled with hookers and blow. Just another notch in the Tiger belt I guess.

I'M BACK

The hiatus is over and now it is time to get back to business. Or as Tiger Woods would say, "I want prenup!" So much has happened in the sports world since Thanksgiving. I got the chance to shake Charlie Weis hand as he left Stanford Stadium and told him thanks for all the effort. Notre Dame shit the tank in November, again, and Weis is now gone with a whole bunch of coaches already auditioning their denials in interest in taking the best job opening in college football. It will come down to Bob Stoops or Brian Kelly. Either way I will be extremely happy. Stoops has the offer on the table. If he doesn't take it this week then Kelly will next week. Notre Dame will be a much better all-around team in 2010 with Kelly at the helm.

Tiger Woods saw his reputation go to shit as females galore came out of the witness mistress protection program. His wife Elin decided his clubbing in Las Vegas and other places with other women was not on her hot nanny list for hunny do list and decided to take her own club to the back of his Escalade. I'm pretty sure she beats the shit out of him. This whole Tiger cheating thing was obvious before all the shit hit the fan. Rich athletes cheat on their wives. It's a fact of life. They have women throwing themselves at them constantly on the road. It's called "road beef" and every single athlete who has a pulse caves and I'm not about to say Tiger is an asshole for cheating on his wife. But he is an asshole for getting married in the first place. He should have done the Derek Jeter/George Clooney and gone out and banged as much ass and then settle down when your dick is as dead as a Pete Carroll hooker. This all just proves that Tiger is indeed human and he fucks up like all of us. If anybody is an asshole in this whole situation it is Jesper Parnevik. He had Elin as his nanny for his kids before introducing her to Tiger and now he says this shit...

Parnevik said Woods, "should think a little bit more before you do stuff,'' adding, "and maybe not just do it, like Nike says.

"I feel ... sorry for Elin, since me and my wife are at fault, hooking her up with him. We probably thought he was a better guy than he is.''

Parnevik sounds like some douchebag politician who secretly fondles little boys while saying gay marriage is the devil's work. I really can't wait till TMZ busts Parnevik with infidelity. You know that no talent assclown dresser has banged his fair share of toothless hags while on the road.

The SEC Championship is this weekend along with the Big 12 Championship. I have my fingers crossed with Nebraska pulling the upset over Texas. It's not because I hate Texas. In fact I kind of like Texas and Mack Brown. It's because I want to see TCU get into the BCS Title game. I believe they could hang with Alabama or Florida and bring an even bigger case that teams not in the BCS Conferences can compete with the big boys. Plus we need a fucking playoff so this would only help the case.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

I'm thankful for family and friends and all the loyal readers/pimps who actually read this blog without killing themselves. You should be rewarded for such dedication. Most of all I'm thankful this man is finally in jail yet he still remains the face of USC Football...



The blog will be taking a hiatus for a few days as I travel to San Francisco with my wonderful wife to take in Charlie Weis's farewell game in Stanford. (leave jokes in comment section)

Make sure you get stuffed today with some good food and "friends"...



And most importantly don't forget to bast the turkey....


GOBBLE GOBBLE PICTURES COURTESTY OF HOLY TACO

THIS KID COULD START FOR NOTRE DAME RIGHT NOW

Seriously. Besides Manti Te'o their other linebackers have looked average at best. This kid could compete.

BRADY QUINN IS DATING OLYMPIC GYMNAST ALICIA SACRAMONE

Gee, I wonder why?

MATTHEW STAFFORD IS NOW A MAN...MAN...MANLY MAN

You can pretty much put anything with South Park music and I will post it. This could have been highlights of Adam Lambert sucking off some guy and as long as it had this badass song to it you can pretty much guarantee your sweet ass I'm posting it.

Via WithLeather

PETA CAN LICK MY BALLS

If you though PETA pissed you off before well then listen to this bullshit they are suggesting to Georgia Bulldogs athletic director Damon Evans...

People for Ethical Treatment of Animals has a suggestion for the University of Georgia, which is looking for a replacement for Uga VII, the Georgia Bulldog mascot who died last Thursday in Savannah:

PETA says the University should use what it calls an “animatronic dog,” or use a person in a costume. PETA has sent its suggestion via e-mail to University of Georgia Athletic Director Damon Evans. The PETA e-mail follows…

In the wake of the untimely death of the University of Georgia’s (UGA) bulldog mascot, Uga VII, PETA has asked the school’s athletic director, Damon M. Evans, to replace the mascot with an animatronic dog–or to rely solely on a costumed mascot–instead of using another real bulldog. Bulldogs are prone to breathing difficulties, hip dysplasia, heart disorders, and other congenital ailments, and acquiring a dog from a breeder perpetuates the animal overpopulation crisis while causing another dog waiting in an animal shelter to be condemned to death.

Replace UGA with a robotic dog? Are you fucking kidding me? What do these people smoke? I really wish we could lock up those crazy PETA bastards and feed them to Michael Vick's pitbulls.

BREAKING NEWS: JIMMY CLAUSEN PUTS ANOTHER BLACK EYE ON THE NOTRE DAME PROGRAM

No it's not breaking news and no he isn't literally putting a black eye on the Notre Dame football program. I just wanted to write the headline for shits and giggles. I actually feel bad for Jimmy Clausen. People shit on him for the way he committed to Notre Dame at the College Football Hall of Fame but ever since then he has gone out of his way to prove he is worth the hype. The only person who didn't live up to their enormous overrated hype was Charlie Weis. It baffles me with the amount of elite talent that Notre Dame possesses on the offensive side of the ball that the Fighting Irish rank 45th in scoring offense. Absolutely fucking ridiculous. Clausen has had a Heisman like year in terms of stats and comeback wins and yet if he loses this week at Stanford he will have a 16-18 record at Notre Dame as the starting quarterback. And to think Charlie Weis thinks Jimmy "may be the greatest player in Notre Dame history" according to John Walters and you can see why Weis is mostly talk with little substance. It wasn't Jimmy's fault that Weis made all these promises and didn't deliver. Maybe the fan was just sending a message to Weis through Clausen. Shameful to say the least. I'm going to be in Stanford this Saturday for the game. I will be cheering my ass off one final time for head coach Charlie Weis and the boys like I always do but I can honestly say that I can not wait to see Weis and Clausen in the NFL next year. It's time for their era to end and a new coach with a plan to bring optimism back into the program.

BRETT FAVRE LOVES HIS TINY WRANGLER JEANS

It takes balls of steel to wear tiny jeans like Brett Favre does. That is why he is a Hall of Famer and we are just witnesses.

URBAN MEYER NOT COMING TO NOTRE DAME...FOR NOW

For the delusional fans like myself who think Urban Meyer might leave Florida and return to Notre Dame to help them return to respectability, well, sorry, Urban stomped and crapped on that scenario today...

GAINESVILLE, Fla. (AP) -- Florida coach Urban Meyer says he plans to coach the Gators "as long as they'll have me."

With rumors swirling about Charlie Weis' future at Notre Dame, Meyer squashed any potential speculation about leaving Gainesville for South Bend.

Meyer's news conference Monday was his most emotional in five seasons at Florida, with the coach having to pause and compose himself several times while talking about quarterback Tim Tebow and other seniors' final home game Saturday against rival Florida State.

Meyer also said he believes Tebow could coach Florida down the road.

I've contacted a few of my ND contacts, so called "insiders" you could say whose family members have buildings named after them on Notre Dame campus and whom had some direct knowledge when Charlie Weis was hired and when his contract was renegotiated in 2005. They have absolutely no idea what is going on right now with the coaching search. ND Athletic Director Jack Swarbrick is keeping everything to himself right now. He isn't leaking shit. So anybody other than Swarbrick that goes on a message board or proclaims they know who the next coach is going to be is full of shit. Only Swarbrick knows which coaches he is going to contact and try to bring in and right now he will not let it become a media fiasco like former AD/dipshit Kevin White did with the Ty Willingham hire and fire.

Listen, I want Urban Meyer as much as anybody. He is the perfect coach for Notre Dame. He is a proven winner but he isn't coming right now. He has it made in Gainesville and his family is extremely comfortable there. Would you want to leave Florida right now on the verge of competing for a third National Title in 4 years to go to Northern Indiana? I didn't think so.

If I had to place my money on a guy who will get the job it is Brian Kelly. Kelly is interested and don't believe all the BS about past transgressions that won't let him get the offer at a school like Notre Dame. Hopefully Swarbrick gets him signed and delivered by the middle of next week. But then again the only person who really knows who the best pick for head football coach at Notre Dame is Swarbrick.