DAYNE CRIST: "I'M 100% NOW!"

Photo courtesy of UHND.com

Today Notre Dame starting quarterback Dayne Crist (otherwise known as the last chance for a winning season for the Irish) said "I'M 100% NOW" which means he will be ready to go for Michigan State this week. Crist was knocked out after the first series in which he rushed for a touchdown and came away with a hit to the head that caused blurry vision throughout the first half. He came back in the second half and led a spirited comeback from 21-7 down to take the lead at 24-21 with 3 minutes to go. After that Shoelace took over.

Having Crist back completely healthy is huge going into a pivotal game in East Lansing. The Irish offense looked awful without him and the two backups in Tommy Rees and Nate Montana clearly aren't ready to lead them at this point. With the Irish looking to seize momentum in their first road game start for Crist they will need him to play the whole game, not just a half. Sparty has been a thorn in the Irish side for decades and night games in East Lansing have turned into nightmares quite often.

A healthy Crist means the Irish have a fighting chance. Right now the spread sits at Michigan State favored by -3.5. My bet is the Irish to bounce back and win outright Saturday night.

FLORIDA WR CHRIS RAINEY IS IN CRAZY LOVE

Look at those glistening adoring eyes. Those are Gator eyes ladies. He loves you so much that he could text you this beautiful sonnet at 12:22 A.M: "Time to Die [expletive] u and ur???"

See the heart wants what the heart wants for Gators WR Chris Rainey. If he can't have your love then nobody deserves it. Sounds plausible right? Oh wait, what he did was apparently "stalker"-ish according the Gainesville Po-Po and they locked him up. And now if you are head coach Urban Meyer you have to kick him off the team for at least a quarter right? I mean you can't start losing a player of Rainey's ability going into the Tennessee game. Morals and laws be damn. I got money on the Gators.

Hugs are in order. A simple apology and then a start this Saturday for Rainey will solve all of my problems... I mean the whole stalking crazy boyfriend act.

In other words Rainey is fucked. But that is just love man.

Pissed off mugshot via BaltimoreSun

RAY LEWIS DESTROYS DUSTIN KELLER

Is there any doubt that Ray Lewis is the greatest defensive player to ever play in the NFL? The guy is in his 15th season and still dominates the league. It's astonishing what he can do at his age 35 season. For all intended purposes inside linebackers who crush skulls 16-20 games a season should not be playing the way Ray does. He is the Ray-vens.

I hope you put some money on the Ravens last night at +1. It got close there with Baltimore turning over the ball three times but the Jets couldn't move the ball at all last night. Mark "Checkdown" Sanchez isn't ready to be an elite quarterback by any means but the rest of the Jets didn't help with all the penalties. I know it's only the first weekend of games but it looks like my prediction of Packers vs. Ravens SuperBowl is as good as any right now.

TAKE THE RAVENS +1 OVER THE JETS

I know it's the first game of the season and the preseason doesn't mean shit but I think the Baltimore defense is going to force Mark Sanchez to scramble a lot and throw into coverage. The Ravens don't have Ed Reed back there tonight but Zibby and Landry will get their hands on some errant Sanchise throws. I'm looking forward to seeing Ray Lewis blitz and go against the Terminator John Connor. If Connor can pick up the blitz like he did in preseason and showed on Hard Knocks then it could be one of those perfect storms. Two incredible forces colliding and causing the East Coast to shift.

This will be a low scoring game. The Jets probably have the best defense in the league but I think the Ravens will get at least two touchdowns tonight. The Jets won't put a lot of points on the board unless they come from Raven's miscues. Joey Flacco will outshine the Sanchise tonight on the big stage.

Prediction: Baltimore 17 Jets 13

SUCKS TO BE A DETROIT LIONS FAN

I know the rules are the rules but this has to sting any ref who has to make this call. Lions wide receiver Calvin Johnson caught the ball. There is no doubt. He got three feet down and had possession. But the rules state you must have the ball firmly even after falling to the ground whether in bounds or out. Damn. So instead of beating the hated Bears in Chicago and finally winning a road game despite Matthew Stafford getting knocked out with a shoulder injury the Lions are back to familiar territory: a loss.

What do you think about the rule? Should it be changed or is it good the way it is?

NEW AXE COMMERCIAL: WASH YOUR BALLS

This might be the greatest fake infomercial I have ever seen. I'm surprised it would ever air in the US of A considering how conservative we are. Nothing like a clean set of balls to start off your day right.

Video HT to Josh

THIS IS HOW MY WEEKEND FELT

Watermelon Facial - watch more funny videos

What an absolutely frustrating weekend of football. First all three Georgia teams (UGA, TECH, and Georgia State) lose and look horrible in the process. Second Notre Dame loses to Denard "ShoeLace" Robinson at home. The guy had over 500 total yards of offense. Fuck he's good. And then third the Atlanta Falcons lose in overtime to the Pittsburgh Steelers because Matt Ryan can not stop locking into receivers.

It was like a melon to the face all weekend long. The Notre Dame loss stung the most of course. They looked great with their first possession as they marched down the field at ease against a weak Michigan D. And then Dayne Crist gets some mysterious injury/concussion/the football Gods hate ND ailment. The backups Tommy Rees and Nate Montana come in. Holy shit it looks like 2007 all over again and I'm literally on the edge of throwing up. Turnover after turnover and Michigan takes advantage to go up 21-7 at half. "No Dayne no win" is what I tell everybody who will listen (my dogs). Then all of a sudden Dayne is back in the second half. He looks great. They go down and score immediately and all of a sudden we have ourselves a ball game. The defense steps it up and "contains" Shoelace after he ripped off 178 yards rushing in the first half. When Notre Dame is given chance after chance (two huge missed field goals by the Michigan kicker) they still can't take advantage until Dayne hits Kyle Rudolph for a 96 yard touchdown pass with 3 minutes to go in the game. I'm screaming my fucking head off. Notre Dame has finally taken the lead and all of a sudden I get about 2000 texts saying what a play and game. But as a Notre Dame fan you know it's far from over especially when it comes to Michigan. Shoelace takes over. He can't be stopped and they march down the field and score with 30 seconds left in the game. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK. But then Notre Dame gets good field position and Dayne hits Michael Floyd for two completions to put us within striking distance. We need a touchdown to win because Brian Kelly elected not to kick a field goal at the end of the first half and instead went for the touchdown. It failed of course when Nate decided to throw it to the guy in the third row instead of one of his receivers. Hindsight is a bitch and now it appears to have fucked them. So no game tying field goal but instead Dayne has the chance to put himself in the history books. All he has to do is lob it up to one of his many talented and tall receivers and hope they come down with it against a very porous and undersized Michigan secondary. And then what happens? No clue. I blacked out and don't even want to talk about it.

Straight melon to the face all thanks to Shoelace. I said on Friday that one player can't win a game in college football. I was wrong. Robinson lived up to everything the pundits were saying last week. Notre Dame couldn't stop him and it's the reason why they lost. If you are a Notre Dame fan please stop with the "it's not fair because Dayne was out for almost a hole half" excuse. Michigan won the game fair and square. They had no turnovers and ND had three. Ballgame right there. I will give a ton of credit to Notre Dame for fighting back and making it a ball game. They didn't quit and you could tell this is a much different team from last year with their expressions after the game. They looked pissed off. They looked hungry. They didn't want to sing the Alma Mater at the end. You could tell in their eyes. They just wanted to win.

It's about time.

CAMZILLA SHIRT

CAMZILLA has taken over the college football game. He is the "INCREDIBLE UNSTOPPABLE QUARTERBACK TERROR." Get your shirt today at SportsCrack.com.

FAIRCHILD'S PICKS WEEK 2

Try to ignore McPeters picks below. I think he has been hanging with the wrong crowd too much. Granted he is a UGA guy so the likelihood of him being arrested for a traffic violation is significant. It's time to step up to the big boy table. Here are my picks:

UGA vs USC(-3)
All week I have been hearing about how the Bulldogs defense is back and how the South Carolina defense won't be able to stop Caleb King and Washaun "The Impala" Ealey. Well, I'm sick of it. Listen Georgia fans. You beat the Ragin Cajuns. Big fucking deal. The Gamecocks have the best runningback in freshman Marcus Lattimore that the Dawgs defense will face all year. If you can stop him then you can force QB Stephen Garcia into some mistakes eventually. I don't see either happening. It's the first road game for QB Aaron Murray in a very hostile situation in Columbia. I'm not going to say he is going to have the deer in headlights look but I will say he is going to get his bell rung a couple of times if he tries to tuck the ball and run like he did last week. The Cocks defense wins this game.

Prediction – Cocks 23 vs UGA 19

Notre Dame(-3.5) vs Michigan
Did McPeters actually pick the Skunkbears to win by 11 at ND? Holy shit! If you are looking for a Meth dealer I know a great guy apparently. Listen McPeters. The Wolverines front 4 on defense is great but their linebackers and most importantly their secondary is garbage. They can't cover shit. Michael Floyd is going to have a huge game today and Dayne Crist will get more comfortable as he doesn't have to worry about getting stripped by Ryan Kerrigan this week. Denard Robinson is a hell of an athlete and he looked amazing last week but one guy can't win a football game alone. The forecast looks like it's going to be another wet one and as always this game will come down to the wire. Michigan's D won't be able to stop a consistent Irish offense that continues to pound 6-9 yards per play.

Prediction – Notre Dame 27 vs Michigan 23

OSU(-8.5) vs Miami
Why does everybody insist Miami is back to being an elite program? I don't see it at all. Their offensive line is going to get destroyed today by Cameron Heyward and company. Back in 2002 when these teams faced off in the BCS Title game the Hurricanes had elite players across the board. They don't have those same players anymore people. They don't have a McGahee or a Shockey or a Portis or a Andre Johnson or a Ed Reed or a Sean Taylor. I feel bad for Jacory Harris today. He's in for a rude awakening in the Shoe. Buckeyes win big.

Prediction – Buckeyes 28 vs Miami 16

FSU vs OU(-7)
The Sooners are going to ride Demarco Murray all day long. The Semenholes can't contain him. The Sooners don't lose home games under Bob Stoops. The Criminoles have a Jimbo coaching them and a Christian QBing. This isn't bible camp. This is a college football game.

Prediction – Oklahoma 31 vs. FSU 20

PSU vs ALA(-12.5)
This game will be over by the end of the third quarter. You don't bring a freshman QB with inferior talent and coaching into Tuscaloosa and expect to hang within 2 scores unless you create a lot of turnovers and/or Alabama has an off day. Bama won't do either today. GameDay is there and the focus will be to show the world how dominate the Tide can be when facing a top 20 team.

Prediction – Bama 38 vs. State Penn 10

Oregon(-11.5) vs. UT
The battle of the hideous uniforms. This game will be such an eye sore on television I probably won't even watch. Knoxville is a tough place to come in and whoop up on the home team so I think it will be closer than what others think. Oregon isn't going to put up 72 and shut out the Vols. I expect a high scoring game battle to the very end.


Prediction – Oregon 35 vs Vols 31

McPeters' Picks Week 2

Image Courtesy of Sports Illustrated and The Sporting News

Hey Buckeyes... Remember this?!?! Just putting it out there...

Last weekend, I was 4 and 1. I really wanted Vandy to pull one out. I guess it's new coach, same Vandy. On to the next one.

So I’m too late for the Thursday night game, shoot me. I also picked 6 games instead of 5 so shoot me twice. For the record, I would’ve picked 7 and that would’ve been Auburn over MSU and said it would be a close one, but who cares, on to the weekend.

UGA vs USC

Dawgs all the way. I know that UGA is missing AJ Green and I understand that takes away the best playmaker on the team, possibly the best in the country, but it doesn’t take away the team. South Carolina is still missing Saunders so let's not handicap the Dawgs without looking at what the Cocks are playing without.

This will be a test to the UGA defense, the young receivers, and running backs for the Dawgs, but South Carolina is over matched. Everyone wants to talk about Stephen Garcia, Alshon Jefferies, Marcus Lattimore, and Stephon Gilmore. Yes, those guys had great games last week. So did Kris Durham, Jakar Hamilton, Justin Houston, Aaron Murray, etc. We can go at this for days. South Carolina beat up on a team that hasn’t been relevant since Brett Favre was their Quarterback and let’s be realistic, that was before Spurrier was even a QB at Florida and Spurrier is not a young man by any stretch of the imagination. Georgia beat UL Lafayette last weekend and looked good doing it, but some Georgia high schools could take on the Ragin Cajuns.

USC has a genius of an offensive mind in Spurrier, but hasn’t had the talent to play consistently and now that they do, they are freshmen and sophomores too. Ellis Johnson is also a genius, UGA would’ve loved to hire him, but don’t discount Todd Grantham and the 3-4 at UGA quite yet. Grantham came along under some of the best defensive mindsets to ever coach and has been very successful in both college and the NFL so it’s not a far stretch to say he will have a game plan in place to put Garcia on his ass and make Lattimore wish he would’ve selected UGA over USC.

The problem here isn’t a lack of talent or coaching on either side of the ball, the issue is going to be the athletes that step on the field and position for position, the only place USC may have an advantage at QB, but only because of the inexperience of Murray. Garcia is a head case and Connor Shaw may be good, but if the “experts” say that Murray isn’t ready for this game, after a full year and a half of seasoning with Richt’s system, there is no way in hell a true freshman is ready to step up. This game is going to be close, it always is, but USC has never beat UGA in Columbia under Spurrier and Richt isn’t going to let Spurrier’s punishment for owning his Dawgs at Florida stop this year.

Prediction – UGA 24 vs USC 16

Notre Dame vs Michigan

For the record, I hate the Little 11, Big 10, mediocre mania, or whatever you want to call the new “SuperConference”. I still don’t know that Notre Dame quite has what it takes to handle Denard Robinson. I could care less if the rest of the Michigan team even steps on the field, that guy is incredible. Sorry Tate, you should transfer, you’re a great QB, but you play at a school where they use a QB as a third running back. Go to Notre Dame, they could use a new QB after Crist is done.

Notre Dame looked better last week against Purdue than they have in a couple of years. The new 3-4 defense looked great and I have no doubt that Brian Kelly is going to do a hell of a job once he gets the Irish used to his playing style, but this year is not the year Irish fans. I hope the Leprechauns pull one out. I like ND, I want ND to win, I’ll be pulling for ND all the way on Saturday, but being realistic, I don’t think it’s going to happen. Sorry Matt, but I have to go with UM. I did pick ND in our pool though, I couldn’t go against you twice after all.

Prediction – ND 17 vs UM 28

OSU vs Miami

Let me repeat a very important fact, I cannot stand watching the Little 11 play any sport. The conference is mediocre, the teams are heavily over rated, and just because ESPN likes you, doesn’t mean you’re good. If you are a Little 11 fan, shut up, no really, just shut up. Don’t come to me telling me how the “Big 10 is the best conference in the whole galaxy” and how “Ohio State is an elite team because they beat every other team in Ohio and have never lost a game to an in-state school”. Miami is not Toledo, Miami of Ohio, or Moorehead State. You’re facing a much more focused Miami team than they have been in several years. Randy Shannon has this team of what used to be viewed as undisciplined thugs turned into a team of the legitimate talented young men that they all showed promise of being. Miami will win this game and will not leave a doubt about the fact that they are back and they are hungry for the respect that they have lost.

Terrell Pryor is a great athlete, but he can’t do it alone. This game may define his year and his Heisman hopes. Miami is not going to walk away a loser and will avenge their 2003 Fiesta Bowl loss convincingly.

Prediction – OSU 14 vs The U 31

FSU vs OU

I can’t believe that I’m saying this as a positive, but this isn’t Bobby Bowden’s team anymore. What used to be a powerhouse had become average in the last few years. The tradition of great football at Florida State had become just a tradition talked about at Thanksgiving. I remember sitting on the couch with my roommate in college talking FSU football. Sean is a huge FSU fan and it was great to be able to hold that over his head the last few years, but not anymore.

Christian Ponder is a great QB and is out to prove it this year. Landry Jones looked awful in week one, but Demarco Murray is an animal. If the FSU D can contain the Ohio State running backs, this game will be over early. The Big 12 has stepped up its game as a conference and the early rankings this year back that up. Personally, I think FSU has the ability to be much better than advertised and a sleeper on the National Level. I think this year is FSU’s year to put itself back into the spotlight and make a BCS bowl bid after winning the ACC. FSU handles OU in a close one.

Prediction – FSU 21 vs OU 17

PSU vs ALA

I know I’ve said it twice, but the third time is a charm. I hate the Little 11. Alabama rolls. Robert Bolden is made to look like he’s still in high school. Richardson and Eddie Lacy run for career highs. Greg McElroy and Julio Jones light up the PSU defense and Nick Saban and Kirby Smart show Penn State what a true elite team in an elite conference looks like. If you have doubts, go back and watch what the SEC has done to Ohio State, who most fans would agree is much better than PSU, in the last few National Championship games and other BCS bowls. Alabama rolls all over PSU and the game is over by halftime. If it’s not, it should be. Penn State is over matched and Joe Pa may retire after this loss.

Prediction – UofA 42 vs. PU… I mean Penn State 17

Oregon vs. UT

This one is going to be ugly. Welcome to major college football Coach Dooley. While I pray you can bring some class back to Tennessee, and thus far you have done your part, Oregon’s offense looks to be too much of a mismatch. The Ducks are scary fast, scary disciplined, and scary good. If nothing more than the fact that the Ducks have a ridiculous amount of uniform combinations to choose from and will no doubt look better than the puke orange Tennessee uniforms, I have got to go with Oregon.

I don’t often pick against SEC teams, especially those with a storied history, but UT has a new coach, too many new faces, and too many issues still hanging around from LaMe Kiffin. Sorry UT, this week you lose the game by more touchdowns than you’ve lost teeth and that’s saying a lot. The Ducks go back to Oregon touting how good the Pac-10 is and D.D. learns a few lessons in the process.

Let’s face it, Dooley is building a team and if he’s anything close to what his father was, which by all indications he is as amazing of a person as the great Vince Dooley himself, D.D. will have UT back on the map and quickly. Kudos to UT for stepping up the non-conference schedule despite playing in a brutal conference within a much improved SEC East. Florida, Georgia, Florida, Kentucky, and South Carolina may all be in bowl games this year. UT will have their day, it just won’t be Saturday.

Prediction – Oregon 35 vs UT 14

A LITTLE SOMETHING TO GET YOU FIRED UP FOR GEORGIA-SOUTH CAROLINA TOMORROW

South Carolina QB Corey Jenkins had no fucking clue what had just happened. Georgia DE David Pollack intercepted/stripped/stole the ball from him in one big swoop. Hopefully tomorrows game at noon has the drama of this 2002 clash.

A LITTLE SOMETHING TO GET YOU FIRED UP FOR NOTRE DAME-MICHIGAN TOMORROW

The Reggie Brooks "Unconscious" touchdown run against Michigan in this 1992 classic was one of the greatest runs I have ever watched live. The will and determination Brooks displayed is something the Fighting Irish are going to have to show tomorrow against a tough Michigan team.

Go Irish!!!

2010 NFL PREDICTIONS

The NFL season finally kicks off tonight with a NFC Championship game rematch between the New Orlean Saints and the Minnesota Vikings. It's in New Orleans so they will do the whole Super Bowl ring presentation which is always lovely. Ah fuck it...I hate the Saints. With that being said I expect Drew Brees and company to cover the 5 points because their defense is going to beat the living shit out of old man Wrangler Brett Favre.

Here are my picks for this season.

AFC East: New York Jets. The Hard Knocks series convinced me and now I'm a huge fan of Rex Ryan. The Jets have the best defense in the NFL and their running game behind Shonn Greene and Ladainian Tomlinson will combine for 20 touchdowns minimum. Sanchise might not be a top 20 QB in the NFL yet but all he has to do is not fuck it up. A lot of people are taking the Patriots but I don't see it. They are too old and they got absolutely crushed in the playoffs last year vs. the Ravens. The Dolphins and Bills look like they have a way to go.

AFC North: Baltimore Ravens. Joe Flacco is going to have an Aaron Rodgers type breakout season. He has weapons now with wide receivers Anquan Bolden and T.J. Houshmandzadeh to go along with old standby Derrick Mason. The defense will again be top 5. The Steelers and Bengals have legit shots too but the Ravens are a better overall team from top to bottom. The Browns will still blow.

AFC South: Indianapolis Colts. As long as Peyton Manning is putting up MVP type numbers year in and year out then I will take the Colts. I like the Titans and Texans as legit Wild Card contenders but until somebody knocks off the defending AFC Champs then I got to go with the Colts.

AFC West: San Diego Chargers. This division blows and I have doubts the Chargers even win 9 games this year but who else an I going to take. The Raiders? The Broncos? The Chiefs? All 3 of those teams are not close to playoff contenders.

AFC wild cards: Cincinnati Bengals, Tennessee Titans. I'm actually kind of shocked I don't have the Patriots in the playoffs. The Bengals are legit and their defense will surprise a lot of people by how well they force turnovers. The Titans are just a well coached team with the best runningback in the game.

NFC East: Dallas Cowboys. The Boys still have enough star power to beat the Redskins, Giants, and Eagles. This is the toughest division in football.

NFC North: Green Bay Packers. I gotta admit I have a huge man crush on QB Aaron Rodgers. I think he is the best in the game and carries the Packers over the Vikings. I do see the Lions making huge improvements behind the great Ndamukong Suh. The Bears will still not be good enough to contend.

NFC South: New Orleans Saints. Trust me I hate picking the Saints here. But I don't think the Atlanta Falcons made enough improvement in the offseason to overtake them especially on the defensive side of the ball. Matt Ryan will hopefully have a huge season in the ATL. Carolina and Tampa Bay just don't have the talent to compete with the Saints and Falcons.

NFC West: Arizona Cardinals. I think Derek Anderson steps in and does an excellent job for the retired Kurt Warner. I just have a weird feeling for the Cards and I'm not totally buying in for the preseason hype of the 49ers. The Seahawks could be a mess under Pete Carroll and the Rams have been rebuilding for what seems like a decade now.

NFC Wild Cards: Minnesota Vikings, Atlanta Falcons. I could also see both of these teams not even making the playoffs this year. The Vikings have to ride you know who and the Falcons defense is suspect.

MVP: As I said before I have a serious hard on for Aaron Rodgers. The guy is the best quarterback in the game right now. He gets the Packers into the Super Bowl and gets the MVP Award in the process.

Offensive Player of the Year: Chris Johnson of the Tennessee Titans will win it if he puts up another 2000 yard season. If not then I'm going to go with Larry Fitzgerald.

Defensive Player of the Year: Jared Allen of the Minnesota Vikings. The guy is just a force with a motor that never stops. Plus I love mullets on football players.

Offensive Rookie of the Year: Ryan Matthews of the San Diego Chargers. I just have this feeling you could pretty much plug in any rookie runningback with some talent in San Diego and they would get minimum 1300 yards rushing.

Defensive Rookie of the Year: Ndamukong Suh of the Detroit Lions is a beast who will feast on the NFL this season. I might have to watch some Detroit game this year just to see him.

Coach of the Year: John Harbaugh with the Baltimore Ravens will get them to the Super Bowl.

Comeback Player of the Year: John Abraham of the Atlanta Falcons. Complete homer pick on my part. If Abraham comes back and has his 2008 form (16.5 sacks) then the Falcons will make the playoffs.

Super Bowl Winner: Green Bay Packers over the Baltimore Ravens. I'm riding Rodger's nuts all the way. This probably means he will get injured in week 1. Sorry Packers fans.

PHILLIES FANS SEXUALLY ASSAULTING EACH OTHER

Just another reason those Phillies fans are despicable. Not only have they managed to come all the way back from 7 games and take the NL East lead by 1/2 game over the Atlanta Braves but they manage to grope each other on television. Fucking disgusting. If you are going to grab some boob make sure it's an actual lady who is somewhat attractive. No need to see two dudes going at it while milking "his partner's" beer tits.

/bitter Braves fan

Riddle me this...

Yes Jessica, Tuna Fish IS Chicken of the Sea...



Okay who cares. She's gorgeous and looks like a genius compared to the NCAA's latest ruling regarding the incident known as "AgentGate". It's also a great excuse to stare at a beautiful blonde with amazing... ass...ets!

Here's a question for the intelligent folks out there. If you work for the NCAA, you are not considered intelligent and therefore have no say in this answer. Winner gets a free...
...
high five.

Scenario 1
Future 1st Rounder: Hi Mr. Agent, I'm a future first round draft pick. Show me the $.
Agent: Of course, promise you'll sign with me after the season and I got yo money.
Future 1st Rounder: Fo' Sho'
Agent: Here's $1,800.
Future 1st Rounder: Pimpin' Shawty'

NCAA: You, Mr. Future 1st Rounder, are in trouble. I understand that you need yo' $, but we have to punish you so you will be suspended for 2 games!!!

Scenario 2
Definite 1st Rounder: I want to sell my jersey because I need some money. Is there anyone interested in buying this from me? I wore it in a game.
Shady Character Who May Be An Agent According to NCAA: Hey man, I hear you're selling a jersey, I'll give you $1,000 for it.
Definite 1st Rounder: Thank you sir, here's your jersey.

NCAA: You have committed a sin and will burn. Not only are you going to give that money to charity, but you will sit out for 4 games!!! And after the 4 games, you will have to go to Somalia and circumcise young boys. Then you will be forced to be out of the running for the Heisman, any other future possible awards you WOULD HAVE won this year and you will be forever under our watchful eye because you, yes you young man, are an awful person.

Anyone want to guess how that possibly seems fair? I guess when you're Alabama, projected to win a National Championship, and ESPN loves you, you get away with whatever the hell you want due to "extenuating circumstances". The funny thing is, the NCAA thinks, somehow, someway, they are RIGHT in their month long investigation that didn't turn up a damn thing except a player selling his PERSONAL PROPERTY and have to COVER THEIR BEHINDS by punishing that action to the MAXIMUM possible penalty, yet someone who has direct contact with an agent and reaps the benefits gets a "break".

I think I've figured out why so many people are scared of clowns, they work for the NCAA, hold all of the power, carry tons of tricks, and just when you think they've gotten ridiculous enough, they squirt you right in the eye with that damn flower that shoots the mysterious liquid that the clown refers to as "water". Damn clowns, you got to hate them!

Excuse the awful video, but wait for the end, the 5 1/2 minutes are completely worth it. PS, I still love you Dane, even though I'm no longer in college. We could still be cool man. Seriously dude, hit me up...