JOE PATERNO CAN'T HEAR YOU!
Joe Paterno apparently has a hard time hearing things. Try not to laugh while listening to this Steve Duemig podcast.
Big HT to UseDave
Monday, December 13, 2010
Legends and Leaders... LOLOL
The Big Ten's new logo (apparently)There has never been a conference more underachieving than the Big Ten. With names like Ohio
State, Penn State, Michigan, and Michigan State, you would think you'd be staring at powerhouse after powerhouse. Reality is that the rest of the nation looks at the Big Ten like a fun house. Let's face it, Joe Paterno is old, there's no other way to describe him, he's a figure head, Jim Tressell's nickname is "The Vest". Really?!?! What kind of Stan Lee character would "The Vest" be? I can only imagine an old guy in a Mr. Rogers sweater vest killing the world with kindness. Rich Rodriguez is no "Leader", much less a "Legend", unless you look at his epic fall from grace since being the "feel good" WVU coach who learned how to win. Little did we know, that too was all a scam.
The Big Ten hasn't been relevant in years. Some of you may argue that Ohio State is a powerhouse, but Ohio State plays a lower strength of schedule than Boise State who they were criticizing. Let's be realistic sports fans, the Big Ten is no longer Big and hasn't been Ten in years. Who's go two thumbs and still can't figure out why in the hell the Big Ten is still going to be called the Big Ten?!?!? THIS GUY!
Before I get too much backlash from the Big Ten fans of the world, please, go win a real game. Stop bragging about Ohio State never losing a game to a team from the state of Ohio. Seriously, the rest of the planet is over it.
Muschamp's a GAY-tor!!!
Photo Courtesy of Getty ImagesTo scare me even more, there have been rumors that Muschamp is going to pull Kirby Smart from Alabama. I'm in no way advocating for Richt to leave, but Smart is my one hope for UGA's next coach if Richt is not around in the next couple of years. While pulling Smart would be a genius move by Muschamp and Florida, I'm praying they can't pull it off.
It's going to be interesting to see a shift in mind set from offense to defense for the Gators. Florida has the atheletes, the recruiting base, and a hell of a recruiter as their head coach. The Gators are going to stay scary good for a long time if things work out. I'm not sold on the idea of "hot assistants" being able to perform at head coach consistently, but if anyone can do it, Muschamp can. The good news is that even the best head coaches have issues in their first year and with a shift in mind set and a new coaching staff being brought in, next year may be another tough year for Florida. The bad news for Dawgs fans like me, Florida's sun is still shining and it's going to shine brightly for years to come.
Stokesypants... YEAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH BOY!
Yes, this blog is a sports blog, but every once in a while you are inspired and you have to share. A cheap promotion, maybe, a shameless promotion, definitely, but my boys deserve some props. Atlanta's own Stokeswood has been tearing it up in Atlanta for a few years now and while they are now tearing down Miami on a monthly basis, New York every once in a while, and the rest of the globe soon enough, Ole Stokesypants is stopping by their hometown of Newnan to do a show at the Brickhouse on Friday night. Anyone who reads this blog knows I have no shame in plugging whatever I damn well please so if you are into great music and want to have a great time in the Atlanta area, come check out Stokeswood Friday night. Trust me, it'll be well worth the drive and you can even poke fun at my "ridiculous" college picks to my face.
Until Friday, check out Stokeswood online at stokeswood.net, on iTunes, and soon to be in your hearts. Check out a couple previews of the guys rocking out, don't know about you, but my fist is pumping as you're reading this...
Sunday, December 12, 2010
JETS ASSISTANT COACH PULLS A TOTAL DICK MOVE
I don't usually get too pissed off at sports, actually never mind I do, but this shit really irritated me. How in the fuck does this Jets assistant coach have the balls to pull a stunt like this? He should be castrated and kicked out of the country. Not only is this embarrassing to the Jets but it's a fucking disgrace. I hope the Jets go down the shitter and lose the rest of the way. Plus those dickheads cost me a clean sweep on my NFL picks today. If you are going to cheat so blatantly at least win the fucking game and help out my pockets. Fucking dicks!
METRODOME ROOF COLLAPSES
Just a wild guess here but I don't think they will be playing football tomorrow at the Metrodome.
NFL PICKS
Today is a great day to make some money on the NFL. We are getting down to the final stretch of the season towards the playoffs and teams are jockeying for home field advantage. Right now the Patriots and the Falcons are sitting in the driver's seat and will not be letting up because they know one slip up could cost them home field. That is why I am betting big on two road teams who just happen to be leading the NFL Power Rankings according to ESPN.com.
These odds come courtesy of our friends at NFL ODDS at BetUS:
New England Patriots (-3) at Chicago Bears
Yes I know the Patriots are coming off a short week after dismantling the Jets on Monday Night Football 45-3 and the Bears have had the extra day of rest but Tom Brady is going to carve up the Bears secondary. The Bears have been playing above and beyond this whole season and I think we are due for one of those Jay Cutler WTF was he thinking days when he throws about 3 picks. Take the Pats on the road.
Prediction: Patriots 28 Bears 17
Atlanta Falcons (-7) at Carolina Panthers
On paper this is a total mismatch and if it was in the Georgia Dome the Falcons would be favored by 15 points. The Falcons come in at 10-2 and like I said before they are not going to let up knowing they are almost unbeatable when it comes to their home field which they still need to clinch. The Panthers on the other hand are awful at 1-11 and have a rookie QB in Jimmy Clausen who might be having one of the worst statistical NFL seasons for a QB. The Falcons will come in focused and will punish the Panthers big time.
Prediction: Falcons 34 Panthers 13
Miami Dolphins at New York Jets (-5)
The Jets were humiliated Monday Night. It was a wakeup call for Rex Ryan and his team. They still have an outside chance of gaining a home game in the playoffs but they have to continue to win. The Dolphins have been a thorn in their side for decades but I don't think they will put up much of a fight.
Prediction: Jets 27 Dolphins 17
Friday, December 10, 2010
"THAT'S A SHITTY HOCKEY GOAL JOE"
You gotta love the honesty in the voice of hockey announcer Craig Laughlin. I honestly didn't think it was that shitty of a goal. I've seen shittier.
Video HT: TheBigLead
Thursday, December 09, 2010
FUCK THIS COLD WEATHER, BAR RAFAELI TO THE RESCUE
It warmed me up. Got the blood flowing so to speak.
BUSTER OLNEY NAILS IT WITH THE ORIOLES ANGST
The last few days of the MLB Winter's Meetings have been exciting for this Orioles fan. They filled major holes in the infield by trading for Mark Reynolds and JJ Hardy and also resigned their closer Koji Uehara. But honestly I can not get too excited because the Red Sox signed Carl Crawford for a billion dollars after trading for Adrian Gonzalez. And the Yankees will probably sign Cliff Lee because like the Red Sox they overpay for everybody. ESPN'S Buster Olney sums it up perfectly to how this Orioles fan feels even after the major moves....
"If they were in the American League West, we'd be talking about if X, Y and Z happened, maybe they would contend. But in this division, they are 100 miles away," Olney said. "They have so far to go upstream, it's like watching a salmon at the mouth of whatever river. … That's why, in my own feeling, I wish baseball would realign and take out the divisions. The Rays' window may have just closed for good.
"There is a huge gap between [the Yankees and Red Sox] and the rest of their division. It's almost like it has to be a combination of brilliant work by someone like [Rays GM] Andrew Friedman with luck to get one of the other teams in the mix. For somebody that covered that team, I feel bad. You just have this huge generations of Orioles fans waiting to be inspired and I can't see it anytime soon."
Until there is a hard salary cap the game is always going to be in favor of the major market teams. The two shitbirds (Yankees and Red Sox) should honestly just join as one team. There is no difference between them. They have formed into two perfect Evil Empires. And it's not their fault because Bud Selig is too fucking dumb to do anything about it. As long as he is getting paid and the owners are cashing it in he could careless about competitive balance. And please don't give me the argument about how their have been 8 different World Series Champions in 10 years. The playoffs are a crap shoot. Anything can happen. The problem is over a 162 game schedule it's not fair for the Orioles, Blue Jays, and Rays to have play 19 games each against all the other teams in the AL Beast.
If they aren't going to do a hard cap then realign the divisions like Olney says. The Mets, Cubs, Phillies, Red Sox, and Yankees can all be in the same division. Let them beat the shit out of each other and spend the most money to win the division.
USC GRANDMA FURTHER EMBARRASSING THE SCHOOL
As if Lane Kiffin and the sanctions weren't enough. Now you have some horny old ass grandma freak dancing at your tailgates. I don't know whether to laugh or throw up.
Video HT: George Lee
THE RED SOX CLINCHED THE AL EAST LAST NIGHT, SIGNED CARL CRAWFORD
Don't worry Red Sox fans. Your long postseason void of one whole season will all be forgotten in 2011. Red Sox Nation no longer has to suffer the plight of being labeled "3rd place" in the best division in baseball. Yes, they have agreed in principle to sign the biggest free agent on the market in LF Carl Crawford.
7 years. $142 million. What recession?
In the past 5 days the Red Sox have added All-Star first baseman Adrian Gonzalez and now Crawford. It's actually quite fucking sick how nasty their lineup is going to be minus Salty at catcher and JD Drew in right. Sure they are heavy left handed but who is going to beat them? Old man Yankees? Nah. The depleted Tampa Bay Rays who lose all their stars to free agency? Nah. The Toronto Blue Jays? Get the fuck out of here. The Baltimore Orioles? Sure they have added Mark Reynolds and JJ Hardy but they can't hang with Boston.
This is how baseball works. The teams with the most revenue get the best players. There is no salary cap because Bud Selig is too busy lining his pockets with TV revenue. The Yankees will surely sign Cliff Lee now. They have to now that the Red Sox got a heavy hitting lefty lineup.
I don't blame the Red Sox for dishing out all the cash to sign Crawford. Shit I would. Crawford is a bona fide superstar in my book. Great player. Great teammate. Hustles. Boston will love him. It's just kind of sickening when you know teams like the Red Sox and the Yankees have built in advantages that other teams don't.
Congratulations go out to your 2011 American League East Champion Boston Red Sox.
Wednesday, December 08, 2010
30 YEARS AGO: JOHN LENNON ANNOUNCED DEAD BY HOWARD COSELL
I was only 1 at the time so I have no recollection of this Monday Night Football game but it still sends chills down my spine when you hear announcer Howard Cosell say "an unspeakable tragedy...John Lennon...shot twice in the back...dead on arrival!" I don't even know how I would react. There are those times you remember exactly where you were when you heard so and so died. The one I can remember most vividly besides a relative was Chris Farley. I had just gotten home from college after driving the 11 hours down 1-85 from Baltimore. My mom told me as soon as I walked in the door. I was devastated and I didn't even know the guy but I thought I did. I couldn't imagine how people felt when trying to enjoy a Monday Night football game to learn the great John Lennon was shot down so cowardly by obsessed fan Mark David Chapman 30 years ago to this day. Fuck Chapman. Tonight you should "Give Peace A Chance" and hug and thank your family and friends. Life is too short. Sorry to get all sentimental. It's just hard to "Imagine" something like this happening today.
URBAN MEYER QUITS
It seems like we have been down this road before. Urban Meyer again cited health and family as the reason why he will quit (sounds better than "steps down" since he isn't taking a demotion) as the head football coach of the University of Florida effective immediately after the Outback Bowl on January 1st. This according to GatorZone....
“I have been a Division I football coach for the last 25 years and, during that time, my primary focus has been helping my teams win titles,” Meyer said. “I have thoroughly enjoyed every minute of it, and I am a fierce competitor to my core. At this time in my life, however, I appreciate the sacrifices my 24/7 profession has demanded of me, and I know it is time to put my focus on my family and life away from the field. The decision to step down was a difficult one.
“But after spending more than two decades motivating and celebrating the young men I’ve been so proud to coach, I relish the opportunity to cheer for my three terrific kids as they compete in their own respective sports. I know how fortunate I am to be in a position to make this choice and to have a family that is as loving and supportive as my amazing wife and children have always been.”
Of course we heard this last year when Meyer pulled his first Brett Favre and told the media he was going to "step down" and focus on his health and family. A few days later, actually hours later, he changed his mind and decided to come back to Gainesville. Without Tim Tebow and aided by the ineptitude of offensive coordinator Steve Addazio's play calling the Gators struggled to a 7-5 record this season. They got their asses handed to them by numerous teams including FSU and Alabama.
So now the question is who will replace the great Urban Meyer? Here are my three choices. You decide for yourself.
A) Dan Mullen
B) Dan Mullen
or
C) Dan Mullen
It will happen. Expect by the end of the week for current Mississippi State coach Dan Mullen to be named the successor to Meyer. He knows the landscape of the Swamp having coached there recently under Meyer and is familiar with UF Athletic Director Jeremy Foley. Losing Meyer hurts the Gators of course but Mullen is the best replacement possible. He should continue to bring in top recruits and win in Gainesville.
So in other words don't get your hopes up Georgia fans. Meyer may be gone but the Gators could be better coached next season with the same players back who beat you this past season.
Fuck.
THE DANNY WOODHEAD THANK YOU SONG
If you watched Hard Knocks this year you should be familiar with Division III runningback/white midget Danny Woodhead. Woodhead was a coaches favorite of Rex Ryan and his staff while in camp with the New York Jets. Unfortunately for the Jets they had roster cuts and with Tomlinson and Shonn Greene getting the majority of the snaps in the backfield there wasn't enough room to keep Woodhead. So he was cut. And the mastermind that is New England's Bill Belichick picked his ass up quickly. He already had one short white guy in Wes Welker crushing it up in Foxsboro so he figured why not give another little poor Caucasian a chance. After New England beat the shit out of the Jets on Monday night 45-3 it is clear as day: little white athletic guys win games. It's time to stop the stereotypes NFL. White guys are athletes too.
Monday, December 06, 2010
TRACY WOLFSON GUZZLES DOWN CAM NEWTON'S JUICE
Little sweet for her liking eh? Apparently CBS Sideline Reporter Tracy Wolfson had been waiting all day to guzzle some of Cam Newton's Cammy-Cam Juice with tremendous anticipation. Anytime you can get a chick to taste your juice on national television means you are a straight up pimp. P. I. M. P.
Oh and I apologize for the awful SEC Championship prediction. Auburn crushed the Cocks and will do the same in 35 days against the Ducks. The line started off yesterday at -2 in Oregon's favor but quickly changed to -3 for Auburn. I've already jumped all over the line. I just put my mortgage on it. I'm ready to guzzle the Cammy Cam juice.
Saturday, December 04, 2010
COLLEGE FOOTBALL PICKS
OREGON (-17) AT OREGON STATE
I know it's the Civil War game and all but I don't see the Beavers hanging with the Ducks. In fact I think it's a blowout. Lamichael James goes for over 150 and the game is over by halftime.
Prediction: Scoregon 35 Beavers 14
AUBURN AT SOUTH CAROLINA (+5)
This is going to be a battle. A knockout drag out battle. It will come down to whoever has the ball last. Marcus Lattimore will come up huge for the Cocks and keep them in the game. In fact I think they will be leading late. But in the end Cam Newton will be too much and Auburn survives. Barely.
Prediction: Auburn 28 South Carolina 25
FLORIDA STATE (+4.5) AT VIRGINIA TECH
Just going on gut feeling here. I think we see the best performance from the Seminoles all season.
Prediction: FSU 24 Virginia Tech 17
NEBRASKA AT OKLAHOMA (-4)
Sooners in a blowout. No, not really but I think they got the better team right now. Landry Jones is going to throw for a ton of yards and minimum 3 TDs.
Prediction: Oklahoma 35 Nebraska 23
Friday, December 03, 2010
JOSH GROBAN SLAMS RICH RODRIGUEZ VIA TWITTER
Via Josh Groban's Twitter Feed comes this statement...
joshgroban: Coach Rodriguez, I'm very flattered but crying to You Raise Me Up is SO five years ago. #playwelcometothejungle
Posted 2 hours 3 min ago via Twitter
Damn it must suck balls to get dissed by Josh Groban of all people. If I was a Michigan fan and thank the Lord I'm not I would just go ahead and pull the trigger now. Go ahead and wrap that rope around your neck. You might as well take all those happy pills because your life is going to be a living hell with DickRod wearing Maize and Blue.
CATHOLICS USE TROJANS 20-16 SHIRT
I don't think this shirt needs much explanation. Clearly we agree with the progressive view of the Pope when it comes to Trojans. In fact last Saturday night I watched a group of Catholics completely destroy a bunch of dirty Trojans in the Coliseum. It was glorious. I know what you are thinking so don't even say it. I will say it for you. This is the coolest fucking shirt I have ever seen and it most certainly will get a laugh and will in all likelihood get me laid.
This is why I make SportsCrack shirts. For the laughs and constant sex games.
Order your shirt today!
Catholics Use Trojans 20-16 Shirt
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