USC Trojans Denied Appeal By The NCAA

The dirty filthy Trojans of USC were hoping to get off sanctions with an appeal to the NCAA. Well those dickheads found out today that their appeal has been denied. USC will be on probation and will still lose 30 football scholarships plus they can't play in a bowl game according to USCFootball.com.

Wednesday, according to multiple sources inside and outside the university, the final decision of the NCAA's Infractions Appeals Committee was in hand and being reviewed by USC before its Thursday release by the NCAA.

And it's not good news for USC football.

Despite speculation and media reports that there might be a willingness on the part of the NCAA to listen favorably to a USC appeal that had asked that the 30 scholarships lost over three years with a maximum of 75 allowed and a two-year postseason bowl ban be cut in half, USCFootball.com's sources indicate that USC's appeal has been denied completely.

The Trojans football team will be allowed to sign no more than 15 players to scholarships for the next three seasons (against a top limit of 25 for schools not under sanction).

And of even more immediate impact, USC would not be able to compete for the first-ever Pac-12 championship or appear in the first-ever postseason championship game in 2011 as well.

Of further concern, the NCAA's unprecedented additional sanction allowing players affected by the postseason ban this year to immediately transfer to another institution without sitting out a season would still be in play for this year's seniors.

It's a good thing head coach Lane Kiffin keeps selling recruits his blatant lies about the sanctions being removed. With USC football being irrelevant for the next 5 or so years (one could argue it was irrelevant as soon as they hired Kiffin) it will be interesting to see how the power shifts west of the Mississippi River. We all know Texas was down last season and Oklahoma plays like shit in the BCS Bowls for the most part so is this the opportunity for a school like Oregon to take full advantage of USC's plight and start dominating the West Coast? I think so. They already stole 5 star recruit and admitted USC fan De'Anthony Thomas from the Trojan's backyard last season. Oregon is the new USC.

Suck it Trojans!

It's So Hard To Say Good Bye To Oprah Winfrey

I can just see it now. Tate Forcier wondering who Oprah Winfrey is. Come to think of it maybe I wish I was as dumb as Forcier.

Tate Forcier Obviously Is Geographically Illiterate

Now we know why Tate Forcier flunked out of Michigan last season. The sophomore who started all 12 games for the Wolverines during his freshman season but saw limited time as a sophomore thanks to Shoelace transferred from Michigan and was supposedly headed to Miami. That is before he looked at a map and realized "Da U" is on the exact opposite coast of where he would like to be playing. There is no reason for me to explain any further. Here is what the "student" athlete had to say in regards to his transfer....

"I just didn't feel comfortable and wanted to be closer to home," Forcier said. "Miami is completely on the other side of the country. It would have been fun playing there. But I just wanted to be closer so my parents can afford to come to the games."

Ok that would make sense. He wants to be close to family and it had nothing to do with playing time or not getting along with new Miami head coach Al Golden who doesn't put up with me-first attitudes. It's all about geography and being close to California. So what school is he looking at now you ask?

"I'm looking into Auburn," Forcier said.

Seriously? How did this 'tard ever qualify to play at Michigan? Last time I checked Auburn was in Alabama. It's not exactly a short car ride away from California. You never go full retard Tate. Never.

WTF is Ray Lewis talking about?

Now I'm definitely convinced he killed those guys in Buckhead. If anyone wants to know what the rapture looks like then just stare in Lewis' eyes for a moment. The greatest middle linebacker to ever play in the NFL thinks in all honesty the lockout is going to lead to an increase in crime. What the fuck is he talking about? Personally I don't agree with him. Now would I say that to his face? Hell no! I value my life.

In conclusion Ray Lewis is a bat shit crazy dude who is bound to go on a crime spree if the NFL Lockout doesn't end. Your move owners.

Kim Kardashian is engaged to Nets Forward Kris Humphries

Who the fuck is Kris Humphries? Apparently he plays for the New Jersey Nets and is engaged to Kim Kardashian. That's who. The reality star who is famous for her sex tape with Ray J (NSFW link) and who dated Reggie Bush before meeting Humphries is now engaged to some guy I had never heard of before today. They have only been dating for six months and he is about two feet taller than she is. It should work out well between these two lovebirds. She got the athlete and he doesn't need to worry about spreading any NBA STD's since Kim already has them. Just another fairy tale story.

Barry Bonds Is Actually A Good Guy

Forget about the smug attitude. Forget about the huge head that orbits our Earth which was caused by cow steroids. Forget about the surliness and the fact that most of his teammates couldn't stand him let alone the general public. Forget about all that because...wait for it...Barry Bonds is actually a good guy.

Bonds has agreed to pay for the college educations of the two young children of San Francisco Giants fan Bryan Stow, the single father who was beaten into a coma at Dodgers Chavez Ravine Stadium after Opening Night. Yes sir, Bonds, despite all his legal troubles is willing to stick his own neck out for two kids he doesn't even know.

Well, here's a move that both sides should finally be able to agree on: Bonds has pledged to pay any future college bills for the two grade-school age children of Bryan Stow, the single father and San Francisco Giants fan who was beaten into a coma by two men after attending the opening night game at Dodger Stadium on March 31.
That little heartwarming nugget was revealed by Stow's attorney Thomas Girardi — and first reported by NBC Bay Area — as he announced a lawsuit against the Los Angeles Dodgers on Tuesday for allegedly providing inadequate security at the stadium that night.
Girardi said that donations already made by generous fans of the Giants, Dodgers and other teams will be passed onto other charities if their lawsuit is successful. But the hefty gift from Bonds? Well, that means so much to Stow's family that it's the one they definitely plan on keeping.
One of the coolest parts about this donation is that Bonds made it over a month ago when he visited Stow in a southern California hospital on April 22. No mention was made to the media then and it looks like it would have still been a secret had Girardi not revealed it to the media. Even if you've always been a Bonds hater, there's no way you can say this wasn't done for all the right reasons.

I'm as big of a Bonds hater as anybody but even this story made me change my view on the embattled slugger. I'm still not giving him a pass for juicing and I'm certainly not endorsing him for Cooperstown but I am endorsing him as a good human being. Bonds didn't have to do anything for Stow and his children. He didn't even want the media coverage. But he got both done and I say bravo to Bonds. You earned a tip of the hat from SportsCrack today.

The Navy Seal Who Killed Osama Bin Laden Has Been Revealed

The Navy Seal Who Killed Osama Bin Laden from Rob Riggle

It's about fucking time we found out who the Navy Seal was. An American Hero? Fuck yeah.

TONIGHT'S NBA LOCK!

Everybody, and I mean everybody in the free world is jumping all over the Heat's nuts these days. Yes it is true the Heat have come back and won games 2 and 3 in very impressive fashion to steal away the Bull's home court advantage. But those two games don't mean shit when looking at game 4. The Bulls basically have their collective backs to the wall. They know if they don't win tonight in Miami the series is for all intended purposes over. Win tonight and the series is tied 2-2. I could see Miami being a 3 point favorite but right now 5 is just too much. I think Derrick Rose shows why he was the MVP and outplays Wade, Lebron, and Bosh all by himself. I not only like the Bulls to beat the spread but also win outright. Get to your bookie now and lay everything down on the Bulls. You can thank me tomorrow morning.

Prediction: Bulls 89 Heat 86 (Bulls +5)

Randy "Macho Man" Savage as a baseball player

Many people didn't realize WWF legend Randy "Macho Man" Savage was a minor leaguer before getting into the ring. Like myself growing up Randy dreamed of one day playing Major League Baseball. SI.com's Jeff Pearlman has a great article on the Macho Man and his baseball playing career. He never quite made it to the Show but it's funny to see him in the above picture as a member of the St. Louis Cardinals organization as a catcher. Later on he would be a little more clean cut with the Reds organization. I think he made the right career choice in wrestling after baseball fizzled out. OH YEAH!



Via BigLeadSports

Dan Adler pulls a Rudy reference

Dan Adler is a sneaky son of a bitch. He knows how the movie score of Rudy pulls the heart strings alone but no, he has to go out and get Sean Astin himself to play the Rock role. Game. Set. Match. Adler has already won a seat in Congress. Book that shit. Californians voted The Sperminator in office for God's sake.

Plus Dan Adler gets shit done!

Bikini Contest Fail

Graceful like a swan covered in oil.

Pinata Fail

See what happens when you make racial jokes in grammar school? Oh yeah I'm sure it was just an "accident." He just happened to let the stick slip out of his hand. I'm sure this kid will stop calling him "Toby" from now on.

What the fuck is that? Oh...just another Man-Child

Seriously what the fuck is that? It's like a giant baby freak. I'm almost positive Dick Vitale is a Tampa Bay Rays fan so there is no way it's him. Some people are scared of the dark and some are scared of death but holy shit I've got a brand new fear: Man Child.

Oh and if that's a mask it's the best one ever. It's too life-like. It's a good thing I'm writing this blog on the can because this guy literally just scared the shit out of me.

Kyle Singler Trick Shot Video

Now I am just getting sick of these trick shot videos. Maybe it's just because it's a Duke player and it's the one guy who looks like he could be a James Bond villian. I will give Kyle Singler some credit though. The jumping off the Olympic diving board and sinking one was pretty cool but the one off the top of the church is pretty incredible. I'm sure it took a shitload of misses before sinking one. Probably not nearly as many flops as he took in college. Anyways, fuck Duke!

Joakim Noah loses it, screams F*ck you F*ggot to Miami Heat fan

Talk about losing a series in three words. The Bulls are crumpling faster than origami and Joakim Noah is leading the charge. Well actually Derrick Rose has been anything but a MVP in this series so far. But it still doesn't excuse Noah from shouting out "Fuck you Faggot!" to a Miami Heat fan. Kobe Bryant had to pay a hefty fine for shouting it at an official. One can only imagine the fine will be much steeper for Noah considering he is yelling at a fan and it's in the Eastern Conference Finals.

Tom Brady loves his water slides

Come on Tom Brady. You are 3-time Super Bowl Champion QB and married to a fucking supermodel. Will you please act like one? I don't even need audio here to imagine what you sound like going down this water slide in Mexico. You remember Chris Tucker's character in The Fifth Element? If not then here is a refreshment for your bong and hops filled head.



Via ONTD

Three Way The Golden Rule by Justin Timberlake and Andy Samberg

God I love these Color Me Badd-like sketches from SNL's Andy Samberg and Justin Timberlake. "Dick in the Box" was a classic. It still makes me laugh out loud. Now they got a "Three Way" going with Lady Gaga. Fucking brilliant. I still won't watch SNL since it's oh about 15 years past it's prime but if they keep producing these Digital Shorts with Timberlake I might have to change my mind.

Your Mom says hi! Jinx!

Cam Newton is a Justin Bieber fan

This is the moment where I changed my mind about Cam Newton. I've gone on record saying big Cam will be a collassal bust in the NFL. It's not necessarily his fault. The team that drafted him is in shambles and he doesn't have much for weapons. Take a look at what happened to Jimmy Clausen last season and Cam doesn't have Jimmy's accuracy. But now after seeing Cam sing Bieber's Baby Baby song I'm all in. Anybody that has the cojones to sing that shit out loud isn't afraid of anything.

Via It's Always Sunny in Detroit

R.I.P. RANDY MACHO MAN SAVAGE

The World lost a brilliant entertainer today with the news that WWF legend Randy "Macho Man" Savage died in a car accident. Macho Man was right up there with Hulk Hogan, Sergeant Slaughter, Sting, Andre The Giant, Ultimate Warrior, and Rowdy Roddy Piper as my favorite wrestler back in the 80's. He became a brand with the Snap into a Slim Jim commercials and his "OOOOOOHHHHHH YYYEEEEAAAAHHHH!!!!"

I will have to pour one out tonight for the Macho Man. And yes I will be betting and rooting for Mucho Macho Man at tomorrow's Preakness Stakes. It got to be that horses destiny to win before the Rapture.

THE MCCLUTCH SHIRT

This new shirt may look a little familiar. In honor of the past time's current best clutch hitter we decided to make a shirt and call it "McClutch." This is the kind of shirt that will no doubt get you laid at The Ted. I'm serious. Not even the best roofies will be any match for the McClutch shirt. Girls will literally drop their panties in the the presence of McClutch. If you don't believe me then you have to see it for yourself and order one. For the low price of $17 you can be McClutch.

The McClutch Shirt order here!