Separated at Birth: Dirk Nowitzki and Sloth
Dirk singing "We Are The Champions" is almost as scary as...
Sloth from "The Goonies" screaming...
Friday, June 17, 2011
Friday Funbags
This is a new feature I'm going to try out every Friday. Instead of doing a Friday Mailbag which is boring and I'd rather not answer fucking questions from you people (and by you people I mean all races, gender, etc.) so instead we will do the Friday Funbags. This is just a little taste of what's to come. I'm going to need your help though. If you got a great .gif please post them in the comments section below or email them to me. We will be sure to post it next week. Consider it charity for all the SportsCrack heads out there. Hell you might even be able to write it off on your taxes. Enjoy.
The Mavs and Dirk On Letterman's Top 10
Just go ahead and fast forward to the end. It's fairly obvious NBA players aren't good at reading bad jokes. But Dirk will have none of that. He fucking nails a Kardashian joke at the end. Straight up pile drives it and makes a sex tape out of it. Dirk is the German God of Basketball.
Phillies Fan Getting Phingerblasted
You know the old adage "take me out for some peanuts and cracker jacks" has been changed these days in Philly. Today the kids go out and get fingerblasted in the stands. Just clean and pure family entertainment in that downtrodden city up north. Not only can you smell it but you see it.
Video via BarStool
Thursday, June 16, 2011
FX's The League has some NFL PSAs
The FX Network has a show called "The League." You may have heard of it. If you haven't seen it please do yourself the favor and rent the first two seasons. You won't be disappointed. Trust me. Don't be an asshole. Rent it now.
Anywho "The League" has come out with a PSA. Actually four of them. Watch and learn as Ruxin tickles the funny bone. Everyone on the show makes an appearance except Pete. I'm kinda curious as to why he was left out. Oh well less thinking and more drinking right? Sip up.
DEMANDS...
IMAGINE...
WHAT WOULD YOU DO...
And last but certainly not least a feeling we all get with the thought of no NFL in the Fall. It could get ugly.
FREAKS OUT...
Bubba Watson rocking the camo at the US Open
Via @ajcsportseditor
Bubba Watson is quickly becoming my favorite golfer on the tour right now. The guy rocks out in overalls for boy bands and now he has the balls to wear the camo at Congressional. It's only a matter of time before he says something really controversial. Go Kenny Powers on us Bubba. Golf needs more characters like Bubba. Fuck Tiger!
The MoneyBall Official Trailer is Out
It's been at least 5 years since I have read "Moneyball" and still I am confused why a movie would ever be made of it. I mean it's not the most exciting, gripping story you will ever read. It's for baseball nerds like myself. It's about Oakland A's general manager Billy Beane bucking the old fashion MLB scouting system which values power and batting average and instead valuing on-base percentage and team speed. I mean it's not exactly historic or exciting. I'm sure Brad Pitt will do an excellent job portraying Beane and Jonah Hill will play a stat nerd flawlessly but I honestly have no desire to see this movie. And I'm a baseball fan.
It's an eventual NetFlix movie for me. What about yourself? Would you pay $12-15 to go see this in the theaters?
Lebron James to the WNBA?
Who is Lebron kidding? He's not gonna win a title in the WNBA. He's not manly enough for that league. They would run his ass over. And over. And over again.
Gary Bettman Is The Most Loved Person in Hockey
Holy shit Zdeno Chara is a fucking Mongoloid! Look at that fucking dude. I'm almost positive he can part seas with his farts. No wonder after the Bruins won the Cup the natives of Vancouver started to riot. They thought fucking Godzilla was invading their country.
But yeah. Fuck Bettman. The guy is a smarmy douche.
So Yeah, Canadians Know How To Riot
Last night the Boston Bruins beat the Vancouver Canucks 4-0 to capture their first Stanley Cup in over 39 years. But the real story was the riots that went off shortly afterwards. It's been 18 years since a Canadian team has won the Cup. Apparently America's hat isn't too fond of that fact. Last night Vancouver turned into the Middle East.
Here are some riots footage from Vancouver. People are savages. Go to the 3:00 mark and watch some dude get pummeled because he was trying to protect his store. Crazy.
Here is some guy taking out a Port-a-john...
Flash bang to the balls to the guy wearing the old school Alexander Mogilny Canucks jersey...
And even if you were a Canucks fan who tried to stop the senseless rioting there is a pretty good chance you got knocked the fuck out...
Now I know why Atlanta lost a hockey team to Canada. They take hockey just a tad more serious up there.
All Videos via TheBigLead
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
Jason Heyward can now play since it's his bobblehead doll night
From the AJC...
Hello there, and happy Jason Heyward Bobblehead night….which is going to be a pretty good way to punctuate his return from the disabled list.
Update: The Braves announced this afternoon that Heyward had been activated from the disabled list and is in the starting lineup for the first time since May 19. Freeman is out of the lineup as the Braves are going to play it cautious with his strained right oblique. (Lineup: 1. Schafer CF, 2. Uggla 2B, 3. McCann C, 4. Jones 3B, 5. Hinske 1B, 6. Gonzalez SS, 7. Heyward RF, 8. Mather LF, 9. Hudson P.)
Heyward told a person close to him this morning that he’s feeling good and ready to return to the lineup. After two minor league rehab games with Triple-A Gwinnett up in Indianapolis, Heyward traveled back to Atlanta today. Heyward will likely take batting practice before the Braves make a final decision on activating him but he told this person his shoulder is feeling as good as it’s felt in a long time and he’s “ready to get back to the office.”
Heyward might normally have played another game or two for Gwinnett, but the G-Braves are off today and return home for a long homestand.
How magically delicious! So let me get this straight: Heyward has been out of the lineup since May 19th and couldn't take a swing because of his shoulder up until a few days ago and now he has miracously healed and will be in the starting lineup tonight. All the Braves had to do was rub a little Bobblehead doll magic on him and gusto, the big guy is all good. Crazy how that works out.
Chipper calling him out might have been the wake up call Heyward needed. Everybody plays hurt and I think it's now become apparent to Heyward that he needs to stop being a puss and play. Like Chipper said, 80% of Heyward is still a lot better than most guys in the league. While I still have my doubts Heyward will ever be a legit star in the league because of his numerous injuries (I'm thinking he's more of a Cliff Floyd/Jeffrey Hammonds than a Vlad) there is no doubt the Braves are going to need him especially when vying for a playoff spot.
Let's just hope he doesn't suck it up once they get to the playoffs like last year.
And oh yeah, I will be at the game tonight. Heyward owes me a bobblehead at the very least right?
Terrelle Pryor Apologizes to Jim Tressel and the Buckeye Nation
How do you take this apology if you are Buckeye Nation? To me it seemed sincere even though Terrelle Pryor never admits to what he is apologizing for to Jim Tressel. But at least Pryor did say "sorry" and we still have never heard that from Reggie Bush to the USC program.
I say sorry to all the Buckeye nation and all the Buckeye fans across the country," Pryor said. "I never meant to hurt anybody directly or indirectly with my conduct off the field and I am truly sorry."
So now it's time for the Ohio State football program to move on. Pryor is gone along with Tressel. Sure sanctions are on the way but that will still take a while to get sorted. Until then you got the 2011 season on the horizon. It's time to put your trust back into the program. You've been burned. It hurts. But now you got a new face. A new team. And a new shirt from SportsCrack.com.
In Braxton We Trust .....
Michael Floyd Won't Miss Any Games
Image via UHND.com
According to Brian Hamilton of the Chicago Tribune it has become increasingly clear that All-American wide receiver Michael Floyd won't miss any games in 2011. Can I get a HOORAH ND Nation?
It's increasingly clearer now that Floyd won't miss a game for the Irish this fall.
Not with Irish coach Brian Kelly saying Tuesday he is "very optimistic" about Floyd fulfilling all the requirements that will ensure his return to the field in September. And that means it's more likely than not that the standout receiver suits up for the opener against South Florida.
"He makes one mistake, in terms of how he handles himself, he doesn't play here ever," Kelly said, before a "Football 101" event on the practice fields that benefitted breast cancer awareness and prevention.
"There is no suspension, there is no sit for one game. He's got to live his life the right way. If he does that -- and all the signs point toward he's moving in that direction -- then I expect him to play every game. That's why I've been optimistic."
And Kelly didn't waver when asked for clarification Tuesday: There will be no one- or two-game suspensions stemming from the March arrest. Floyd plays every game, or he plays none.
It can't be understated enough. Losing Floyd for any games would have been crippling for the Fighting Irish. I don't want to say he carries the offense but at times he is the one piece that can keep it moving especially on 3rd downs. Everyone knows Floyd F-ed up when he got caught behind the wheel with too much alcohol in his system. But suspending him wouldn't have accomplished much if anything. Floyd is fulfilling his duties to society for the law he broke. Now it's time to move on. And win football games.
Isn't that right Michael?
I Introduce You To Golf Boys, The First PGA Boy Band
PGA golfers Bubba Watson, Ben Crane, Rickie Fowler, and Hunter Mahan have joined forces to create the first PGA Tour Boy Band called "Golf Boys." You better watch out News Kids. These aren't some weekend hackers. Bubba needs to keep the no shirt with overalls look for this week's US Open at Congressional. It's pure class if you ask me.
Monday, June 13, 2011
Hey Lebron! How's My Dirk Taste? Shirt Is Now Available
If you haven't noticed the newest shirt of ours that has gone viral is the "HEY LEBRON! HOW'S MY DIRK TASTE!" Dallas Maverick's DeShawn Stevenson wore his last night in South Beach while partying with his teammates. Get your shirt today at this link for only $17.
HT to the Big Lead
Hey Lebron, Mark Cuban has something you may want!
How can you not root for a guy like Mark Cuban? I know he's a billionaire and a lot of people are jealous of his wealth but the guy is a winner and he is the main reason why the Mavericks have gone from laughingstock to perennial winner and now NBA Champs. You honestly think Dirk Nowitzki would want anything to do with Dallas if Cuban wasn't there? Get real. Congratulations to Cuban and the Mavericks on their first ever NBA Title. You guys deserved it and I was wrong to underestimate you as a team. Now get that trophy a T and T pronto.
Talking Dog
Dogs are fucking awesome! This is just further proof that man's best friend are smarter than any cat. Plus will you ever find a cat say "I love you?"
I didn't think so. Cats you better step up your game. It's a doggy dog world.
The German Women's Soccer Team is in Playboy
We are just a couple of weeks away from the Women's World Cup kicking off (I guess that is the right term) in Germany and already the natives are beating our American asses in the all important T & A category. The German national team posed for some candid shots for the German edition of Playboy and hopefully started a war with the other teams. As an American we need to strike back. You hearing me Lindsay Tarpley? Don't make me come over there Amy Rodriguez! It is your patriotic duty to go above and beyond what the German soccer team did. We will not finish 2nd to anybody especially in Playboy spreads. You are proud to be an American right? Well then drop those soccer shorts and prove it. USA! USA!! USA!!!
Via BigLead via DailyMail
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