Caddie Steve Williams Needs A Reality Check

Do you swing the clubs? Negative.

Do you play on the PGA Tour? Negative.

Have you made a shitload of money carrying a bag? Positive.

Did Tiger Woods make you a household name? Positive.

Are you an asshole for your attitude after Tiger fired you? Fucking A.

In conclusion "caddie" Steve Williams comes off as a positive A asshole for taking away the spotlight from Adam Scott's win yesterday at Bridgestone and putting it on himself. You are a fucking bag carrier and a prick to boot. Go suck on that Kiwi.

I'm going to the PGA Championship this week. I think I found my #1 guy to heckle. The douche who carries the sticks who thinks he is the winner of all these tournaments. How about having a little appreciation for Tiger giving you the opportunity to be his caddie? Unbelievable. Stevie comes off as a spoiled brat who just got his BMW taken away because he was late for curfew.

Alabama and Auburn are serious about their football...and their child support

It's called "Operation Iron Snare" and the Lee County (AL) Police Department set up the sting to snag parents who had failed to pay child support. The police department sent out letters to the parents who had failed to pay child support saying they had won tickets to the coveted Alabama_Auburn Iron Bowl Game. When the parent showed up they were arrested. Which makes you wonder why they wouldn't just arrest them at their homes if they knew where they lived? I'm not sure who I feel worse for: the parent or the police officers. Both come off as complete asses. You be the judge.

Friday Funbags

CFB Coaches Preseason Poll Released

We are only a month away from college football kicking off (thank fucking God!) and today the USA Today released their preseason top 25 Coaches Poll. Here are some initial thoughts from the poll.


1.Oklahoma (42)-It's hard to argue with the amount of starters Oklahoma has coming back and with Texas being down. The Sooners are a legit #1 preseason but you could make compelling arguments for Alabama, Oregon, and LSU. Landry Jones would be the answer to most of those arguments.

2.Alabama (13)-Bama is going to be really good this season even with the heavy losses at key positions. I think they will be a lot more hungry and Trent Richardson will be a beast.

3.Oregon (2)-Scoregon is back and the Ducks will continue to put up a lot of points on the scoreboard. I wouldn't be surprised if they went undefeated if they can get by LSU in the season opener.

4.LSU (2)-I like this LSU team a lot. Not a huge fan of Les Miles but talent wise the Bayou Bengals are ready to contend for a SEC Title.

5.Florida State-Probably a little overrated considering their defense got worked in big games but then again FSU always seems to be overrated so why not preseason?

6.Stanford-The best QB in the nation and a relentless defense coming back off a one loss season is the reason why Stanford has their highest preseason ranking...ever. A very good team it will be interesting to see how they react without Jim Harbaugh on the sidelines.

7.Boise State-All they do is win and win big. If they crush Georgia in Atlanta chances are they go undefeated.

8.Oklahoma State-Good team but certainly not great. Mike Gundy needs to beat Oklahoma before he earns my utmost respect.

9.Texas A&M -I like the Aggies a lot I'm just surprised they are ranked this high preseason. Apparently not all of the coaches are as dumb as they vote sometimes.

10.Wisconsin-The Badgers are one of my sleeper teams for the BCS Title but now I see they are ranked top 10 preseason it's not much of a sleeper like Auburn was last year. The Badgers or Nebraska will win the Big Ten.

11.Nebraska-Kinda surprised they are not ranked higher. The season will ride on how healthy they can keep Taylor Martinez in their Big Ten inaugural season.

12.South Carolina-The Cocks should win the SEC East and if they had a better, more reliable QB they would be a top 5 team preseason.

13.Virginia Tech-The only team that can contend with FSU for the ACC Title.

14.Arkansas-Don't laugh but Arkansas could be this year's Auburn. Everybody expects one of either Bama or LSU to run away with the SEC West but the Razorbacks are loaded and should be tough. I would have Arkansas ranked way higher.

15.TCU-Trust me I love the Horned Frogs and I think they deserve all the respect they can get but this might be a tad too high for them preseason. They lost a ton of starters and despite an easy schedule I don't see them going undefeated.

16.Ohio State-The Buckeyes actually might be underrated. Yes they got a new coach and a new QB but they still have elite talent and they pretty much have owned the Big Ten for the past decade. It wouldn't surprise me at all if they finished top 10 again.

17.Michigan State-The Bama and Iowa losses must have left a bad taste in voter's mouths. Sparty will be better than this preseason ranking.

18.Notre Dame-This seems about right. ND has almost every starter back and should take another step up in the second year of the Brian Kelly era. I think a 10-3 season is attainable. The defense should carry them.

19.Auburn-Last year Auburn was underrated preseason and this year they might be overrated. They lost a ton from their BCS National Championship team but if they can run the ball they have a shot at shocking a lot of teams in the SEC West.

20.Mississippi State-Seriously? The Bulldogs played out of their minds last year but I think a thing called reality will hit them in the face this season.

21.Missouri-No arguments here. Mizzou with the right QB could be scary this season.

22.Georgia-Top 25 right now on name alone. UGA has been a huge disappointment the last 3 seasons in my opinion. If Mark Richt doesn't turn around the downward trend this could be his last season in Athens.

23.Florida-Like Georgia the Gators are top 25 on name alone. They have a ton of talent but their QB is horrible and both lines could struggle this season.

24.Texas-The Longhorns were horrible last season but should rebound to a 8 or 9 win season.

25.Penn State-Well they still have JoePa.

Others receiving votes
Arizona State (6-6) 158; West Virginia (9-4) 149; Utah (10-3) 50; Miami (Fla.) (7-6) 49; Iowa (8-5) 41; Northwestern (7-6) 30; Arizona (7-6) 28; Central Florida (11-3) 22; Michigan (7-6) 19; Air Force (9-4) 15; North Carolina (8-5) 14; Houston (5-7) 13; South Florida (8-5) 9; Hawaii (10-4) 8; Clemson (6-7) 7; Tennessee (6-7) 7; Southern Miss (8-5) 6; Brigham Young (7-6) 5; North Carolina State (9-4) 4; Northern Illinois (11-3) 4; Oregon State (5-7) 4; Pittsburgh (8-5) 3; Washington (7-6) 3; Georgia Tech (6-7) 1; Nevada (13-1) 1

Not a whole lot to argue with since it is a preseason poll. I would have had West Virginia in the top 20 no doubt and am kind of surprised how low South Florida is and that Baylor didn't receive any votes. All in all the sports directors did a great job of voting for the coaches. Now go give yourself a raise.

Notre Dame lands lucky number 13 in Sheldon Day, lose out on Tommy Schutt

Notre Dame landed one of it's "biggest" commitments on Tuesday when Indianapolis Warren Central defensive tackle Sheldon Day confirmed his verbal. Day who is listed at 6'2 286 lbs is the second prospect out of Indianapolis to join the class with the other being Cathedral safety John Turner.

As you probably know Notre Dame has always had difficulty getting defensive tackles. For whatever reason it's been a big time swing and miss position for the Fighting Irish when trying to get the elite recruits. Day isn't as heavily recruited as Gerald McCoy or Marvin Austin but he is extremely important for Notre Dame in order to build depth along the defensive line. Last year the Irish brought in elite defensive ends in Aaron Lynch and Stephon Tuitt among others and this year the interior is being focused on.

Day looks like a beast on film. He reminds me a lot of Trevor Laws. Quick hands, good burst, and a body that appears at least on film ready to contribute right away. Louis Nix, aka Irish Chocolate, was overweight when he enrolled and needed time to get into playing shape with the grueling workouts executed by strength and conditioning coach Paul Longo. Day will have the benefit of coming in at a much lighter weight and will backup Nix at the nose tackle position starting in 2012.

If Notre Dame wants to get back to an elite defense it is imperative to land more recruits like Day. Defensive tackles are always hard to find but it looks like defensive coordinator Bob Diaco got a potentially great one in Day. Day picked Notre Dame over offers from Arkansas, Florida, LSU, Michigan, and many others. The 4 star d-tackle is the third ranked prospect in the state of Indiana and 22nd overall at his position nationally.

With the verbal commitment of Day top defensive tackle prospect Tommy Schutt has been informed by the Notre Dame coaching staff that he would no longer be recruited despite a visit set up for this week. Schutt told Irish Illustrated.com's Jake Brown that he planned on committing this week to the Irish. Look for Schutt to verbal to Florida soon.

And don't bother asking me why Notre Dame would stop recruiting Schutt with the verbal of Day. You can never have too many defensive tackles and it makes absolutely no sense to stop recruiting a kid who was about to commit and is currently the 29th overall prospect in the whole nation.

Ichiro clone disgraces the game

I just added Dustin Ackley on my fantasy team so I should have known there would be assassins in the stands wearing Ichiro outfits trying to take points away from me. I gotta give props for the outfit though. He just didn't come in with a jersey and a hat. No he came in with the pants, shoes, belt, glove and sideburns. The guy is almost a dead ringer for Ichiro. They could have put him out there in right field and nobody would have noticed a thing. It's good to see they ejected him for interfering. Fans shouldn't be allowed to reach over and mess with the game.

Speaking of reaching over and ruining a game I always have flashbacks of that fucking douchebag kid in New York some 15 years ago in the Bronx. I've tried to let it go and I don't even like to mention his name. But then yesterday I saw we had a t-shirt order from a Jeffrey Maier and for a moment (actually I was contemplating it for hours) I thought about putting some fecal matter or anthrax inside the shirt. I literally had dreams about it. But then I did some research and found out it might not be the same Jeffrey. Apparently there are a lot of Jeffrey Maier's out there. Poor souls. I'd rather be named Adolf Hitler than share the same name as that prick kid. Anyways short story made even shorter I apologize for urinating on your Captain Clutch shirt Jeffrey. Please don't sue me.

Yadier Molina goes ape shit and spits on an umpire

I would just like to point out the pitch was a strike. But who am I to argue with Yadier Molina? Molina will no doubt be suspended for numerous games after bumping and spitting on ump Rob Drake last night. It seems like as the temperature continues to rise so do the tempers of both players and umpires. Obviously Molina didn't mean to spit on Drake. He didn't pull a full on Robbie Alomar here. Molina was probably more pissed at himself for taking a third strike in the 10 inning then at Drake and thought the only way he could vent his frustrations was by yelling at the umpire. Not a bad acting job by Drake here either. Nobody likes a close talker and the only way to get out of it is by acting like you are being hit by projectiles. In other words pull a Kramer.

Buckeyes are wearing wristbands in support/honor of Coach Jim Tressel

If I'm new Ohio State head coach Luke Fickell I squash this shit immediately. The Buckeyes don't need any more controversy. They are going to get away with a slap to the wrist from the NCAA when they should have gotten scholarships and/or postseason appearances taken away. If anything this is giant FU to the NCAA and their "rules." They support departed head coach Jim Tressel and his ability to dot the i in liar.

Picture via Jerod Smalley

Casey Anthony Is a Buckeyes Fan?

Excuse me if I'm not well versed in my baby killer trivia but is Casey Anthony an Ohio State Buckeyes fan? I know she's from Florida and enjoys long nights of drowning toddlers in baby pools but I was not familiar with her affinity for the Buckeyes. If you are the Buckeyes what do you do about this? Do you embrace the fact a hot baby killer likes to sport the scarlet and gray or do you hang your head in shame? At this point if I'm Terrelle Pryor I go full force for Anthony. She's still young and her chest continues to get bigger (breast implants?) and you could dot the i on her all night and day. Plus everybody knows your football career was killed and left in the woods once you decided to cash in on tattoos and memorabilia. I give two months before we see TMZ photos of Pryor and Anthony together. It's only a matter of time before the Hilton has odds up.

Kevin Durant is kinda decent at Streetball at Rucker Park

Oklahoma City's Kevin Durant is en fuego from behind the arc in this pickup game at Harlem's Rucker Park. Apparently with the NBA Lockout the stars of the league have to find something to do with their time and instead of venturing off to China like Kobe Durant is straight ballin' in Harlem. Durant looks mad, intense, and focused. Probably has to do with him playing basketball with shit for security in fucking Harlem of all places.

Via TheBigLead

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Do Yankees Fans Never Learn?

Just because you are savage animals with shit for brains doesn't mean you try to catch the ball with your face. I swear to God these people will just never learn. You have to use your hands to catch the ball! Thousands of years of evolution and still we got these imbeciles trying to catch it with their enormous nostrils like they are sucking up blow off toilet seats on Wall Street.

And yes I recognize the Yankees swept the pathetic Orioles once again. Summer wouldn't seem the same without that storyline.

Kate Upton: Enjoys Milking and Grabbing Cock

You know sometimes the pictures just write the headlines themselves. It's not necessarily my perverse view of the world. It's that sultry Kate Upton who thinks of shit like this while posing for "The Complex" and killing all men inside...and out.

Keep on rocking it Ms. Upton...

Peter King Reaffirms My Belief the Carolina Panthers will be God Awful

The Carolina Panthers went 2-14 last season with a rookie QB in Jimmy Clausen taking the majority of the snaps. They had by far the worst offense in the NFL last season ranking dead last in points, yards, and passing yards. Clausen didn't help matters with an abysmal 52.5% completion percentage and a 58.4 QB rating along with a 3-to-9 touchdown to interception rate. So this year it appears they are going to bench the young Clausen in favor of #1 pick Cam Newton. Cam is a player who Peter King describes as "a little inaccurate...but he had a couple of great deep throws." Sweet. He basically described another Jamarcus Russell.

The Panthers current Vegas odds on their win total is 4.5. Right now I don't see them beating anybody in the NFL South. The Falcons, Saints, and Buccaneers should go undefeated against Carolina who will be breaking in not only a rookie QB with tremendous expectations but a rookie coach in Ron Rivera. The only winnable games I see on their schedule are the opener vs. Arizona on the road and then an October 23rd game vs the Redskins and a November 13th game vs the Titans. And while I'm fully aware that every game in the NFL should be a "Any Given Sunday" attitude towards the final outcome I can't help but look at the Panthers and think they are going to win no more than 3 games all season if they are lucky.

Bet the under of 4.5 wins for Carolina. They are going to be awful. Trust me.

Kerry Wood with the lone Cubs Highlight of the Year

It's been a long season for the lovable losers from the Northside. But pitcher Kerry Wood brought a ray of sunshine on this cloudy 2011 season for the Cubbies with this nifty behind-the-back snag to start a 1-6-3 double play. Somewhere Steve Bartman is in full clown outfit with single tear going down left cheek.

Netflix Relief Fund

The debt ceiling is your fault Netflix. I wanted two DVDs at one time. Not one like some dickhead. Now I'm the dickhead because of you Netflix. I can't afford the extra $6 a month. That's like 3 months salary for a blogger. What a bunch of heartless bastards!

Friday Funbags

No Friday is complete without funbags. Enjoy.

Kill Me Now: The Atlanta Braves are going after Josh Willingham or Ryan Ludwick

Three days away from the trade deadline and the big move Atlanta Braves GM Frank Wren has made so far to improve a dreadful offense is trade for the great Wil Nieves for a $1. There is no question to anybody with half a brain that the Braves desperately need an outfielder with a right handed bat with some pop. They don't need Nieves even with All-Star catcher Brian McCann on the DL.

So instead of going big and getting a Carlos Beltran or a Adam Jones or even a BJ Upton or settling for a Carlos Quentin the Braves are going to get either a Josh Willingham or Ryan Ludwick. So instead of getting filet mignon Wren is going to settle for a McDonalds burger. Look I'm not necessarily trying to shit all over Willingham and Ludwick because they are good players. But they aren't players who are going to push the Braves over the top and win them a World Series in October.

If I had a preference I would take Willingham because I think he is the better player right now. Before this season in Oakland he was a high on base guy who has about 20 HR a season pop. This season his numbers are down because he hits in a pitchers park and he's an aging 32 years old. But honestly I don't want either of Willingham or Ludwick. They do nothing for me as a Braves fan.

If the Braves want to go big they need to be willing to deal one of their young arms in Mike Minor, Randall Delgado, or Arodys Vizcaino. Julio Teheran is untouchable and I don't blame Wren for making him that unless the Dodgers call and offer Matt Kemp. Then you can say bye-bye to Teheran and not think twice about it. But that isn't going to happen. If I'm Wren I call the Orioles and ask about Adam Jones. I call the Dbacks and ask about Justin Upton. I call the Rays and ask about BJ Upton. If it takes trading one or even two of Minor, Delgado or Vizcaino to get a young, gold glove ability right handed hitter with pop then I make the deal. The Braves have a ton of young pitching and with the way they scout and develop they will continue to stockpile arms. The problem is they don't have any young hitters in their minor league system who will make an impact the next 2-3 seasons.

Wren is known to keep things close to the vest and not reveal much if anything to the media. I have no problem with that. But don't tell me in September that your team is much better after adding a Rick Ankiel-type or a Derrek Lee-type when you could have gone big. It's about winning the World Series and not just making the playoffs.

UPDATED: The Braves are "hot" for Carlos Quentin and the White Sox want one of the Braves young arms according to Ken Rosenthal. Quentin would be a huge improvement over what the Braves already have in left field but they would still be missing a centerfielder. Quentin is salary arbitration eligible next year and a free agent in 2013.

The Albert Haynesworth Era in D.C is Over

Lay Lady, Lay. Yeah I don't think the Redskins are going to miss Albert Haynesworth. Now watch him go to the New England Patriots and turn out a Pro Bowl season next to Vince Wilfork. That fat drunk fuck will probably dominate for Bill Belichick.

Honestly I haven't thought much of Haynesworth since he left the Titans. The guy I think who will make a huge impact next season is Osi Umenyiora. He's going to hold out of Giants camp and the cash-strapped Giants won't have enough money to resign him and stay under the cap. Umenyiora had 11.5 sacks and 10 forced fumbles last season. He would look great in an Atlanta Falcons uniform. With that being said he will probably wind up with the Jets. It just seems like the Jets are going to get every defensive stud available.