LSU vs Mississippi State Pick

Since Dan Mullen has arrived in Starkville, MS the Bulldogs have enjoyed some success on the gridiron. They have beaten the likes of Georgia, Michigan, and Florida. Unfortunately the only SEC West team they have beaten is Ole Miss. LSU comes into Starksville having won 11 straight in the series by an average score of 39-13. The cowbells will be out and the crowd will be loud and drunk but it won't matter because LSU will win.

Right now the spread is -4.5 in favor of the road team in LSU. The Tigers have a really good run defense and they for the most part stuffed Oregon and LaMichael James in the season opener. The Bulldogs are going to look to establish the run. Unfortunately two starting Miss State offensive linemen are questionable tonight with injuries so you would think it's going to be awfully tough for RB Vick Ballard to break some good runs off. That means QB Chris Relf is going to have to throw the ball downfield and not throw interceptions against a LSU defense that loves to force turnovers.

LSU is going to come in with same gameplan as Mississippi State. They are going to try to pound the ball. LSU's offensive line is much better than the Bulldogs. In fact both sets of lines favor the third ranked Tigers. In a game where turnovers will happen I expect LSU to outmuscle and out talent the home team Bulldogs. LSU is 7-1 against the spread in the last 8 meetings in Starksville. They know how to win there and win convincingly.

Prediction: LSU 26 Miss St 17

Vinnie Verno Week 3 College Football Picks

I love the character Vinnie Verno. He's funny. But his picks are horrible. And this week is no different with taking Mississippi State straight up over LSU. Are you fucking high Vinnie? LSU is going to kick the living shit out of those annoying cowbells. Dan Mullen doesn't beat good teams. He beats average teams. LSU is not average and Les Miles always finds a way to win because he has so much talent it's ridiculous. Take LSU on the road.

Not Sports Related but Funbag Related: Scarlett Johansson Nude Pics Leaked

Oh it's always bound to happen. Like the sun that rises and the sky is blue there is bound to be nude "private" celebrities pictures leaked on the internet. Today we get actress Scarlett Johansson. It's been a long time coming but we knew this day would eventually happen. The former Mrs. Ryan Reynolds needs the attention. She wants the attention. And this is why she leaked the pictures. Sure she can act all Erin Andrews but come on...all these celebrities are media whores.

Here are the UNCENSORED NSFW PHOTOS. I hope this makes up for me completely missing Friday Funbags last week. You be the judge.

Who's Nailin' Sarah Palin? Glen Rice That's Who

You know the old saying "once you go black you never go back?" Well apparently Sarah Palin has come back. According to the book "The Rogue: Searching for the Real Sarah Palin" author Joe McGinniss claims "Sarah had a steamy interracial hookup with basketball stud GLEN RICE less than a year before she eloped with her husband Todd."

Sarah hooked up with the NBA great, then a 6-foot-8 junior at the University of Michigan when he was playing in a college basketball tournament in Alaska in 1987, the book says. At the time, Sarah, just out of college, was working as a sports reporter for the Anchorage TV station KTUU.

A publishing source told The ENQUIRER that McGinniss claims Sarah had a “fetish” for black men at the time and he quotes a friend as saying Sarah had “hauled (Rice’s) ass down.”

Glen Rice has confirmed the one-night stand. So what does this say about Palin? Not sure other than she likes big black muscles. Hard muscles.



Just in case you were wondering Palin nailed Rice a few months before she got married. The old one last athlete before I get married kind of deal. I've seen it a million times. Oh yeah and she apparently enjoys cocaine and fucking her husband's business partner. I think we found our new president...of Vivid Entertainment.

SI Cover Says It All: "Kickin' Sweet Live Ass"

Via Dan Patrick

Umm. Forget about what I said about the Pro Combat Uniforms. Navy's Nike Pro Combat Uniforms Are Tight.

As I just posted my distaste for the Ohio State's Nike Pro Combat uniforms I came upon the Naval Academy's uniform they will be wearing against Army this year and all I can say is WOW. These Navy uniforms are incredible. I love the white helmet with the gold anchor on it. These uniforms really pop and I dig the "Don't Tread On Me" slogan on the uniform. Nike did a great job on these bad boys and if they want they can send me some free shit for giving them a plug. I know they gotta be hurting for business. Anything to help out the little guys right?





Via DCSportsBlog

Ohio State Is Bringing Out the Power Ranger Uniforms Too

Come on Nike. These "Pro Combat" uniforms have to stop. They are disgraceful. This is almost a carbon copy of those hideous ones Georgia wore against Boise State. I know Jacory Harris is starting for Miami but I think I might have to bet on the Hurricanes just because the Buckeyes will be wearing these god awful uniforms. Plus I lost money last week on Ohio State for not covering against Toledo so the smart money is to go with Miami at home.

EDIT: Shit nevermind about the Miami game. Buckeyes are wearing these October 29th vs Wisconsin.

If Sebastian Janikowski Doesn't Date Rape This 63 Yarder I Lose My Bet

I had a heavy bet on the over at 42 on the Raiders/Broncos game last night and I thought it would be a really safe bet. But the betting gods have a weird way of fucking with you. Luckily last night they were kind and probably felt bad for another shitty football weekend for myself. Janikoswki just flat out GHBed this kick last night. Tied a NFL record too at 63 yards right before halftime. If he doesn't hit it then I don't get the over. Thanks Seabass.

Ron Jaworski aka Jaws Drops a Shitbomb on Monday Night Football

Fuck yeah Jaws. The twitter world blew up last night when Ron Jaworski said "shit" and I got to be completely honest: I was watching and didn't even notice it. It's probably because every other word out of my mouth is either fuck, shit, cock, or asshole so I'm immune to being shocked by it. But whatever. Jaws said a naughty word and will probably be lynched for it.

Thank You Tom Brady and Wes Walker for the free money

I gotta admit I was getting a little nervous last night with my Patriots -8 pick. Tom Brady was shredding an awful Miami defense but it took this huge 99 yard TD pass to Wes Walker to pretty much clinch the winning bet. Basically it was a 6th round draft pick to an undrafted free agent for a NFL record to secure my $100. I'll take it anyway I can get it.

Also big thanks to Darren McFadden for ripping off 150 yards last night and getting the Raiders the win and the over on the points vs the Broncos. I went 4-0 last night with my NFL picks and I give them to you for FREE. FREE. So if you want to thank me please buy a shirt or send me some flowers or shit like that. I deserve it and my arm is about to fall asleep trying to pat myself on the back.

TONIGHT'S NFL PICKS

New England -8 at Miami
All of the Vegas money is going on New England here. And honestly why wouldn't it? Tom Brady vs Chad Henne in a matchup of former Wolverines QB is a complete mismatch. Also factor in that Henne doesn't have a run game and is a statue back there and you have the insurance that the Patriots will be sacking him at least 5 times. Now the Dolphins do have a good defense and have a very good secondary but Brady hasn't thrown an interception in over 300 passes and will put a ton of points on the scoreboard for the Patriots. Some key stats to know are the Dolphins are just 17-45-1 against the spread in their last 63 home games and the road team is 6-2 against the spread in their last 8 meetings. I like the Patriots big time and the over at +47.

Prediction: Patriots 42 Dolphins 14



Oakland +3.5 at Denver
Last year the Raiders whooped up on the Broncos (98-37 combined score) but this year both teams have new coaches in John Fox for Denver and Hue Jackson for Oakland so we should probably ignore what happened last season. The Broncos historically start off well with season openers at home winning 16 of the last 22. The Broncos drafted LB Von Miller in hopes he could bolster an awful defense that will be looking to slow down Raiders RB Darren McFadden. I've been going back and forth with this game but I think I'm going to take the Raiders as the road dog. Raiders are riding a 7-0 run against the spread vs AFC West opponents. The line originally opened up as pick em so the hot money is on Denver right now but I think in a close game I gotta favor the Raiders to beat the 3.5 favorites and cover the 42.

Prediction: Oakland 28 Denver 24

Central Florida Fan Fights Cop

I think UCF found a new mascot. He had the whole crowd fired up. UCF! UCF! UCF!

Serena Williams Seems Nice

Nice in a complete self-entitled bitchy way. If you are going to lose at least have some dignity and not blame it on the chair umpire. I mean seriously Serena, did she not cater to your every whim? Did she not bow to you because you are American? Good lord it's people like Serena and Andy Roddick who just bitch and moan at every little call when in reality they realize that they have to play the victim instead of stepping up their game. This is why American tennis sucks. Our players expect to be handed the trophy instead of going out and winning it.

My Reaction to the Michigan Disaster

Gary Gray finally sent me over the ledge. I can't handle it anymore. It's not that I'm surprised Notre Dame lost despite dominating the first 3 quarters it's the fact that I expect them to lose now. I'm done.

Notre Dame vs Michigan Preview

Notre Dame (0-1) at Michigan (1-0) Sept. 10, 8:00, ESPN

Labeled "Under the Lights" the game between Notre Dame and Michigan will be the first night game ever at Michigan Stadium. It's still hard to believe "The Big House" has never had a game started after sunset but then again it's hard to believe Michigan has only won one National Championship in the last 60 years. Sorry Wolverines fans I just had to get that little zinger in there. As you probably know these two storied programs have a history of close battles and emotions seem to run high for both fan bases due to the regional battle for recruits and bragging rights. Notre Dame has lost 4 of the last 5 including the last 2 games vs Michigan that came down to the last possession. In fact Notre Dame led in the last two games with less than :30 on the clock but the defense couldn't hold. Notre Dame has not suffered a 3 game losing series vs Michigan since 1908.


Michigan Offense:The Michigan offense lives and dies with Denard "Shoelace" Robinson. Last year he thrashed the Notre Dame D with 258 yards rushing and 2 touchdowns while completing 24 of 40 passes for another 244 yards and one TD in the air. Shoelace literally won the game by himself last season. This year Michigan will have to run the ball better with their tailbacks if they want to beat Notre Dame. ND will look to "contain" Shoelace so it's up to tailbacks Fitzgerald Toussaint, Michael Shaw and Vincent Smith to shoulder some of the responsibility in the ground game. Last week Michigan looked pathetic with the passing game against Western Michigan and will face a much tougher secondary in Notre Dame. Make no mistake though Michigan despite what new head coach Brady Hoke says is going to try to run Shoelace all over Notre Dame. Why wouldn't he use his best weapon?


Michigan Defense: The Wolverines defense is still a work in progress. New d-coordinator Greg Mattison has a very good defensive line led by All-American candidates Mike Martin and Craig Roh. Their first goal is to pressure QB Tommy Rees and make him rush some throws while also plugging the lanes so Cierre Wood can't break into the second zone of the defense. Michigan's linebacking crew is inexperienced and their secondary is young and quite honestly...awful. If Michigan wants to stop a Notre Dame offense that despite the score moved the ball pretty well last week vs South Florida they are going to need somebody in the secondary to step up and make some plays on WR Michael Floyd or he could go for 150-200+ yards on them.


Notre Dame Offense: Tommy Rees is the new starting QB and unless he completely botches Saturday expect him to be the starter the rest of the way. Last week Rees stepped in for an ineffective Dayne Crist and threw for nearly 300 yards and 2 touchdowns in just a half of play. The sophomore is 4-0 as a starter and will be looking to get the ball into WR Floyd's hands as much as possible. If Notre Dame wants to win they are going to have to get it to their playmakers including RB Wood, TE Tyler Eifert and slot receiver Theo Riddick. Riddick should bounce back against Michigan after a tough South Florida game. The offensive line will be going against one of the tougher d-lines they face all year and if they can protect the QB like they did last week (0 sacks) then Notre Dame should put up at least 30 points on the scoreboard.


Notre Dame Defense: The defense played really well last week and held South Florida to 254 total yards. This week they will be going against a much more dynamic QB in Shoelace. Last year Shoelace torched a thin Notre Dame defense who's front 7 couldn't tackle a cold. This year the ND defense should be greatly improved with the emergence of nose tackle Louis Nix. Nix should be a key figure in disturbing the Michigan running game with his size and his ability to disrupt assignments on the offensive line. LB Manti Te'o will be the other key as his assignment along with Darius Fleming is to contain Robinson and make sure he doesn't have too many big plays of 15+ yards. Notre Dame's secondary is experienced and despite some bad penalties last week should play much better in Ann Arbor.

What I Expect To Happen: The Notre Dame/Michigan series is always intense but when you add 6 plus hours of tailgating in Ann Arbor expect the crowd to be electric. ND will look to come out and silence the crowd quickly with Wood breaking off some big runs behind an offensive line playing really well. ND will have a couple of mistakes but not nearly as catastrophic as last week and will pretty much control this game despite Robinson having some big plays. Under the cool demeanor of Rees I expect the Fighting Irish to come out focused, calm, and ready to unleash hell on a shaky Wolverines defense. The Irish usually play much better on the road when they are away from the distractions. This week they come together and give Brian Kelly his first win against the hated Wolverines while covering the 4 points they are favored by.



Prediction: Notre Dame 31 Michigan 20

Charles Woodson Should Have Been Ejected For Punching

Typical Michigan man move right there. I'm surprised Woodson didn't try to speedbag his nutsack while he was at it. I've never had a problem with Charles Woodson and I respect his game but this was a total shitbag move. He should have been ejected and at the very least get suspended for the next game. If Roger Goodell is all about integrity and morality he should definitely come down hard on Woodson.

By the way how does the ref only call a personal foul on that shit? He saw it up close. He must have been like myself and had Green Bay covering the 4.5 points. I ain't mad at ya bro but let's call a spade a spade.

Game Day in Ole Miss Looks Incredible

Game day in Oxford Mississippi from scottburtonphotography on Vimeo.

I don't even root for Ole Miss but after seeing this montage I feel like running through a brick wall for the old Colonel Rebel. This is what I love about college football. The tailgating is unmatched. The pageantry and traditions remain. And apparently the poon is off the charts down in Oxford. Which begs the question: why has Ole Miss rarely been good in football?

Video via BigLeadSports

Saints Vs. Packers Preview

The NFL is back with the last two Super Bowl winners squaring off in what could be a NFC Championship preview. Both teams have beefed up their running game since last season and will look to run the ball with more authority this season. Packers got Ryan Grant back and the Saints drafted Mark Ingram. I expect both to have good games tonight.

In terms of the quarterback play you have two of the best in the game. Drew Brees and Aaron Rodgers will put a ton of points on the scoreboard. Neither one of the defenses they are going against tonight impress me so I expect over 600 yards passing combined. I expect a shootout so it will probably be a low scoring game because my NFL picks never pan out.

I also like the homefield advantage for the Packers. The defending champs will be playing on their home turf while getting their rings against a team who is used to playing in the SuperDome. The crowd alone should gives them a touchdown advantage in my book.

Call your bookie and bet on the Packers to cover the -4 tonight against the Saints. I also like the OVER at 48.5 points.

SportsCrack.com Prediction: Green Bay 31 New Orleans 23

Brian Kelly's Pre Game Speech Versus Michigan Will Be Just Like This

Brian Kelly should never....I repeat NEVER....apologize for yelling and cursing at his team. Did you guys not fucking see how poorly they were playing? Notre Dame literally Bucknered the 1st half against an inferior South Florida squad. Now all week I've been reading and listening to a bunch of pussies bitch and moan saying Kelly is being too tough on his players. Blah Blah they are kids. What the fuck ever! Players like Dayne Crist, Theo Riddick, and TJ Jones are lucky to be alive after that craptacular performance. If you saw how cherry Kelly's face was well then imagine mine in the first half.


This is football people. We are not watching golf or tennis. It's about passion and focus and the drive to beat the shit out of the other team. And apparently Kelly needs to apologize for it? Bull shit. This week Notre Dame is going to fuck Michigan in their sister's cunt because Kelly doesn't put up with garbage. He's too good for it and Notre Dame is way better than that whore up in Ann Arbor.

In conclusion I've almost fully recovered from losing my best friend last week and am ready to move on. Notre Dame and Brian Kelly can help alleviate my recovery by going out and dominating Michigan in THE BIG HOUSE. I expect it and demand it. Go Irish!

By the way last week's Curb Your Enthusiasm Mister Softee was the best episode ever. Thank you Larry David for making tears of laughter come out of this sad asshole.

Arizona at Oklahoma State Pick

Last year these two teams met for the first time in the Alamo Bowl and it wasn't pretty. Oklahoma State dominated Arizona on their way to a 36-10 pasting in what was anticipated as a much closer game than reality presented. The Cowboys last week beat the living piss out of Lafayette 61-34 while Arizona struggled in the first half against Northern Arizona before winning 41-10.

Arizona has a big armed QB in Nick Foles who last week threw for 412 yards and five touchdowns. He is a legit NFL prospect and will definitely put some points on the board against a suspect Cowboy's defense in Stillwater. Problem is his #1 threat in Juron Criner is out of this game for undisclosed reasons. So Foles is going to have to rely on others to step up in hostile territory. Yeah I'm not counting on that either.

Oklahoma State also has a NFL prospect at QB in Brandon Weeden. Weeden will be throwing to the best receiver in the game in Justin Blackmon. The Cowboys have one of the best offensive lines in the nation and should have their way with a suspect Zona front 4. This game on paper looks like a total mismatch.

Now the line is currently at -14 in favor of the home team. It should be more. Oklahoma State is looking to make a statement on Thursday night (even though most of the nation will be tuned in to NBC) on ESPN. The statement is they are not only a top 10 team but possible a top 5 for the voters to consider.

SportsCrack.com Prediction: Oklahoma State 55 Arizona 28

I think the Cowboys easily cover the 14 at home and I also like the OVER of 66.