Mother Russia literally has huge shit explosions from their sewers. Yeah I think I will pass on the shit sandwich today thank you very much. You know one of those poor bastards was just walking to get their ration of bread and vodka and next you know they have a fresh nugget wedged in their mouth.
Rex Ryan in a restaurant...who would have thought? Now let's go get a god d---- snack!
Via BarStoolSports
Fucking hysterical. You can't trust those New Yorkers with their luscious apples. Beware of the forbidden fruit Tebow.
According to Dave O'Brien 2012 will be the final season we see Larry "Chipper" Jones playing in an Atlanta Braves uniform.
This will be it for Chipper Jones.
The Braves third baseman will announce later today that he is playing his final season.
According to a statement by the team, the Braves and Jones have expressed interest in rejoining the organization in a yet-to-be-determined capacity after 2012.
NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell waved his iron fist and then pounded it right on the Fleur De lis in New Orleans for the "BountyGate" fiasco today.
Here is what Goodell has taken away from the Saints, or now called the Taints.
-Head Coach Sean Payton suspended one year.
-Assistant coach Mickey Loomis suspended 8 games.
-Saints fined $500,000
-2nd round draft pick in 2012 and 2013.
Basically Roger pulled out his white glove and bitch slapped the Saints franchise. To say it's been a bad offseason for New Orleans would be an understatement. They have lost personnel, alienated their franchise QB, and now have been basically put on sanctions while losing scholarships. The good news is the city has not flooded...yet.
2012 does appear to be the end. The end of the Saints franchise that is.
If there was any lingering doubts whether Peyton Manning was in fact the only man in Denver who would be taking starting snaps behind center without annoying Tim Tebow questions being pestered at him those changed today upon news that Tebow has been traded to the New York Jets.
Tebow will now be a Jet and the Broncos will get a 4th round draft pick this year.
So now the media firestorm surrounding Tebow will move from Denver to New York with the most polarizing quarterback to play near Broadway since Joe Namath himself. I wonder what Mark Sanchez thinks about all this?
Sanchez shouldn't worry too much because Tebow is about as accurate of a passer as himself. Oh shit he should be worried. The first time Sanchez throws an interception you know the fans and media will be screaming for Jesus, I mean Tebow, to come in and save the day. If anything Tebow going to New York is going to dominate the headlines for at least the next few months. Wildcat talk will be all the rage on ESPN and I'm sure we will cross examine the personal lives of Sanchez and Tebow so much that neither will be beloved in NY.
It's kind of funny though we are in late March when college basketball and the upcoming baseball season should be all the rage of talk yet we can't get enough football whether it be college or the NFL. It's almost like we have a Tebowner for the pigskin.
In the meantime I got some Jesus 15 shirts I need to get rid of. Any takers? Should I just go ahead and ship them to Haiti?
Oh great, what's next? Voting or perhaps letting them drive. What is this world coming to?
/Rick Santorum
Sure Ohio State had it's Liar Liar Vest on Fire scandal and Miami had it's Boats N Hoes but this new story about Oklahoma State taking out life insurance policies on their own boosters makes me sick to my stomach. Seriously I got to take a shit after reading this...
T. Boone gave some bad advice. Oklahoma State’s athletics department took out $10 million life insurance polices on 27 elderly boosters in 2007. The scheme was expected to reel in as much as $350 million. The Cowboys paid $33 million in premiums over two years before canceling the policies in 2009, when not one of the old codgers passed from this earth.
OSU tried to get out on a technicality, though a U.S. District Judge ruled the life insurance company could keep the money. This is sort of like that time where the athletics department lost $77 million investing in T. Boone’s hedge fund before the financial crisis.
Here is our newest shirt called MILE HIGH MANNING. You may have heard the news about some guy named Peyton Manning going to Denver. 6 foot 5 with a rocket arm now in the Mile High City.
Taking preorders today. Adult sizes S-3XL.
Click here to order MILE HIGH MANNING SHIRTS
3 separate fights right off the opening faceoff! God I forgot how much I miss hockey. If you aren't a hockey fan it would be hard to explain but for my money the most entertaining live sport to go to is hockey. The passion, speed, hitting, passing, changing lines all on the fly while skating on a thin sheet of ice is often poetic. Clearly the New York Rangers and New Jersey Devils have a deep desire to beat the shit out of each other with fisticuffs and whom am I to argue?
The Rangers mean while "punched" their tickets to the playoffs with a 4-2 win. They have the #1 seed in the Eastern Conference with 10 games to play and a 3 point lead over the Pittsburgh Penguins. Good for them.
Via TheBigLead
This is just a prototype but I would love to see this helmet implemented for one game next season. The first game against Navy in Ireland would be perfect with the shamrock on it in my opinion. What do you think? Do you like it?
Here are some more faux Notre Dame helmet designs.
Phoenix news anchor Kaley O'Kelley was clearly not ready for the "Peyton Manning to Broncos" news. You got to like the passion she displays and at least she did cry on air like that pussy college kid from St. Louis.
Via Jimmy Traina
Did someone run over his dog? Did his parents just die in a plane crash? Did he just find out his brother is stricken with stage 4 cancer? Did two of his Final Four teams lose before the weekend? If not then why the fuck is this pussy crying about a basketball game? Good lord this is pathetic. I understand that you are passionate about the game but I would never cry about losing a game. Man the fuck up bro!
Via Barstool Sports
Well if you ever wondered if Tim Tebow was going to lose his virginity never fear because Peyton Manning just screwed him. Not really but this is definitely a bold move by John Elway and the Denver Broncos organization.
Manning was reportedly down to San Francisco (who just signed Randy Moss and Mario Manningham to help entice Peyton) and Denver and apparently the Elway connection sealed the deal. Supposedly Manning and Elway are close and it probably didn't hurt to know that Elway won two Super Bowls after the age of 35 in Denver. Personally I'm still skeptical that Manning will have anything left in the tank.
So what happens to Tebow? Well Jacksonville would seem like a good fit but they just signed Chad Henne. Brady Quinn is no longer in Denver as he signed a free agent contract with the Chiefs this weekend so there is room for Tebow as a backup to Manning for at least the next year. Manning is one hit from his career being over so it would be a little early to say Tebowmania is done in the Mile High City.
I'm still lost why Manning didn't choose San Francisco. They got to the NFC Championship last year behind a great defense and they have playmakers on the offensive side of the ball in Frank Gore, Michael Crabtree, Vernon Davis, Moss and now Manningham. Plus they have a young, good offensive line and were shopping Alex Smith. The only reason I can think of not going to the 49ers is because Peyton wanted to stay in the AFC.
Between Stevie shaving his head and eyebrows and Kenny throwing the ultimate Independence Day party that nobody showed up to because his Russian teammate was throwing a rave you had classic Kenny Powers on full force last night. You got racial jokes being thrown out left and right and you even have Kenny's retarded half brother show up. Vintage Powers folks. If you haven't watched this season of Eastbound and Down then you need to do yourself a favor and reattach that needle you call a cock and get on it.
By the way that shirt is fucking awesome.
And to think I thought my bracket was totally fucked up after Mizzou and FSU both lost this weekend but it doesn't even compare to this Dick Vitale interview on Chicago's WGN New station. My chances of winning any money went in the shitter as soon as Norfolk State couldn't miss a shot against Missouri on Friday. The thing that is the most frustrating is that Missouri didn't play all that bad it's just they couldn't prevent the ball from going into the hoop on defense. FSU just never looked comfortable yesterday versus Cincy and two late turnovers by Luke Loucks sealed the Semenholes fate.
My championship game remains alive with Kentucky and North Carolina both rolling into the sweet 16 but even that looks doubtful with the news that UNC point guard Kendall Marshall fractured his shooting wrist. The Tarheels have been battling the injury bug all season including big man John Henson who just returned from a sprained wrist. Without a healthy Marshall it will be hard to project the Tarheels in the championship game but they can always rely on crucial Tyler Zeller flop on a charge late in the game so you never know.
The only thing satisfying from this past weekend was watching Duke lose to Lehigh. It never gets old seeing Coach K squirm on the bench as his 2nd seeded Blue Devils got crushed by Lehigh in basically their backyard in Greensboro, NC. It was one of those David vs Goliath games and this time David kicked Duke square in the nuts and then pissed all over them. It was truly that beautiful of an anology.
May your day be filled with Guinness, Jameson, and drunk leprechauns on this glorious Saturday. May your liver explode in delight as you search for your pot of gold. May your spirits be lifted by this classic Leprechaun in Mobile Youtube clip.
I think Blake would have been better off trying to dunk those shots from the free throw lines then actually shooting it. If you ever wonder why Griffin seems to get anally penetrated every time he drives the lane then remember these free throws. He is only hitting 55% from the charity line this season. That is still 10x higher than anybody willing to buy a KIA.
