And made him more grumpy. Don't get me wrong I like the Orioles but this is how I feel when I watch them the past...shit basically my whole life. Poor Robert Andino. He's lost the joy of baseball. By the way the "new" Orioles uniforms are the tits. They are basically identical to their 70's/80's uniforms with some minor tweaking of the cartoon bird.
Via Reddit
I could watch these Taiwan animations all day. In fact I think we need to start doing these for our news. They nailed the Petrino story with Jennifer Dorrell falling off the bike and the cash payment of $20k she received to be quiet. Hilarious.
Great job of analysis in the century old question of which sports figures are bros and which are douche bags? I couldn't agree more with what they said but I think we need to look at some more just for the hell of it.
Dustin Pedroia: Douche bag. On a team filled with plenty of douche bags he might be the smallest in stature but clearly the biggest in ego with Papelbum pitching in Philly now.
Justin Verlander: He won the MVP and Cy Young last year but more importantly he appears in a commercial with Kate Upton currently which means he probably fucked her so he definitely has ultimate BRO status.
Lebron James: Lebron is the rich kid that wants everyone to love him but everybody fucking hates him including his teammates so he is most certainly a DOUCHE BAG.
Urban Meyer: Not as easy to pick this one as you might expect. Sure Urban lies to recruits and he also left Florida in shambles but he won more National Titles in half the time as the Ole Ball Coach so I would say that is pretty BRO -like. With that being said if he isn't currently coaching your team then we can all agree he is a douche bag.
Feel free to add your comments below on this life or death question. And be sure to check out SB Nation's Dan Rubenstein and Matt Ufford if you are a BRO. If your a DOUCHE BAG go check them out too.
The Naval Academy is not for the faint of heart when it comes to the physical, academic, and schedule demands it puts on it's Midshipmen to perform every day. Luckily for the football team head coach Ken Niumatalolo has a new stretch routine that breaks up the monotony that is every day life in Annapolis, MD. With just under 5 months left to prepare for a trip to Ireland to play Notre Dame in their season opener this Navy team proved it's not your grandfather's Navy. They get down. Ladies be afraid. Very afraid.
Video via HotClicks
The story that just keeps on giving. I promise I'll eventually stop talking about Bobby Petrino but I can't not post this great LSUFreek gif. With Petrino now gone I've been hearing some whore mongering rumors on the interweb that there was no motorcycle accident. Jessica Dorrell's fiance found out about the affair and beat the shit out of Petrino seems plausible. I mean how does Dorrell not have a scratch on her if she was in the accident with Petrino? Petrino suffered broken ribs so those had to be kicks in the gut while on the ground crying for mercy right?
BTW I love the Bill Clinton thumbs up. It just tops it all off for me. Complete epic gif from LSUFreek.
According to ESPN's Joe Schad Arkansas has decided to part ways with football head coach Bobby Petrino. Who would have thought the whole "if you nailed a girl half your age in your office who was engaged to someone you work with you yourself a currently married man with kids and then crashed your hog with your mistress with you while giving you reach arounds and then lie to your superiors about the whole thing" would get you fired? I just didn't see this coming at all. Sometimes the heart wants what the heart wants and now Petrino can enjoy his time off from his job, his family, shit basically his whole life.
Before you even ask the leading candidate and pretty much the only candidate I can think of to replace Petrino will be Arkansas State head coach Gus Malzahn, a former Razorback player and offensive coordinator. Malzahn is familiar with the conference, the state, and can recruit with the best of them. This might turn into an Ohio State situation where the school actually upgrades at the head coaching position despite a scandal. You gotta love college football!
Via The Chris Vernon Show comes the ballad that is bound to become the state song of Arkansas. Alabama may have "Sweet Home Alabama" but they sure as shit don't have "The Ballad of Bobby Petrino."
Now go ahead and get the Bobby Petrino shirt you've been dying for...
The Miami Herald has this picture of hundreds of protesters freaking out because an idiot baseball manager said he likes Fidel Castro. This is actually great news for the Marlins organization. They now have more fans showing up to protest than people who buy tickets. As they say in business there is no such thing as bad publicity and the Marlins and Ozzie Guillen are getting a ton of it right now.
I still think they are there to protest that monstrosity in the outfield and not Guillen's words of support for ole Fidel. But hey maybe that's just me. Here are Guillen's exact words about Castro:
“He’s a bull—- dictator and everybody’s against him, and he still survives, has power. Still has a country behind him,’’ Ozzie replied. “Everywhere he goes, they roll out the red carpet. I don’t admire his philosophy; I admire him.’’
It's all about forgiving, forgetting, and of course winning in Arkansas. Woo Pig Sooie!!!!
Show your support for a non licensed t-shirt seller by buying this shirt.
Oh yeah here is a not weird at all video of the Save Coach Petrino Rally via ShirtsWithRandomTriangles
Oh those funny Canadians are at it again. Our friendly neighbor up north gave us the hilarious "Kids in the Hall" series and imported such stars as Jim Carrey, Dan Akroyd, Leslie Nielsen, and Phil Hartman among others to our national airwaves. And now two young females Canucks are going after the funny sexual innuendo t-shirt business. Their infatuation is for Blue Jays catcher JP Arencibia who is known to throw from his knees...
"HEY JP, IT'S B-JAY TIME!" and "JP, CHECK OUT MY DUGOUT"
Remember ladies, no glove, no love.
Via TheBigLead via Jimmy Traina
Patriots tight end Rob Gronkowski is a free spirit you could say. Gronk led the NFL in touchdown receptions last year, fucks porn stars, rocks out Jersey Shore style with a gimpy ankle in night clubs after a Super Bowl loss, and now apparently has the smallest flat screen I've ever seen for a professional athlete. I guess I just presumed all famous athletes had like 90 inch televisions with 3D, LCD, Double D's, whatever included. Shit was I wrong. You gotta love the Fathead of himself up on the wall and the framed jersey of himself just chilling on the floor at his abode. It's good to know the NFL has humbled the Gronk when he isn't spiking the shit out of Megatron action figures.
Video via Deadspin
Talk about a fucking moon shot! Oakland A's rookie outfielder Yoenis Cespedes, the recent Cuban import, absolutely destroyed this lefty offering Friday night. Cespedes swing is just violence encapsulated. I was trying to think of who it reminded me of finally it came to me: Dante Bichette. It's uncanny how similar their swings are. Just four games into his major league career and the 26 year old has 3 bombs and 7 RBIs. Can we call him a Bash Brother yet? Nah...too premature. Give it 5 games.
UGA's own Bubba Watson pulled off a spectacular 4 rounds at the Masters this weekend to win his first major and capture the famous green jacket. SportsCrack would like to congratulate Bubba on conquering Augusta with a near flawless performance and one of the best hook shots executed on #10 in the playoffs that we have ever seen. We grew up huge fans of "The Dukes of Hazzard" and it gives us great comfort to know that Bubba can now wear his green jacket while driving one of the General Lees he bought last year. So if you see this guy driving around Atlanta today in his General Lee give him a friendly honk...he just won the Masters!
Here's a tip of the cap to you Mr. Bubba Watson. Keep rocking those overalls and rocking out the pink driver with 350 yard bombs lefty...
It's refreshing in a cynical sports world when an athlete or in this instance a manager can be honest when it comes to their drinking. The Miami Marlins new manager Ozzie Guillen was asked what he does on the road after the game. Guillen as always didn't shy away from the brutal truth according to Larry Brown Sports...
“I go to the hotel bar, get drunk, sleep,” Guillen said, according to Eye on Baseball. “I don’t do anything else.”
Guillen says he doesn’t even do much sight seeing when visiting cities.
“I get drunk because I’m happy we win or I get drunk because I’m very sad and disturbed because we lose,” Guillen said. “Same routine, it never changes. It’s been the same routine for 25, 28 years. It doesn’t change. I don’t like to go out.”
It's seems like it's been months since we have had a juicy college football story hit the news wire. 2012 so far has remained scandalous free up until Bobby Petrino decided to not only get in a motorcycle accident with his helmet off but was also carrying a young attractive blonde by the name of Jessica Dorrell. And like they say when your riding in tandems it's always kind to give a reach around. Deadspin.com has more details....
The police report for Arkansas coach Bobby Petrino's motorcycle crash on Sunday shows he had a previously unmentioned passenger: Jessica Dorrell, recently named student-athlete development coordinator for football.
OPERATOR PETRINO (V-1) WAS TRAVELING WEST ON HIS MOTORCYLE IN THE WESTBOUND LANE OF ARKANSASSTATE HIGHWAY 16 WITH PASSENGER DORRELL RIDING ON THE BACK. FOR AN UNKNOWN REASON, V-1 (PETRINO) TRAVELED ACROSSTHE WESTBOUND FOG LINE AS HE WAS APPLYING THE BRAKES. AFTER TRAVELING OFF THE NORTH SIDE OF THE ROADWAY THE REAROF V-1 (PETRINO'S MOTORCYCLE) BEGAN ROTATING COUNTERCLOCKWISE CAUSING V-1 (PETRINO) TO LAY OVER ONTO ITS LEFT SIDE.WHILE ON ITS LEFT SIDE, V-1 SLID NORTHWEST THROUGH A GRASSY ROAD DITCH, STRIKING A PILE OF DIRT AND TREE LIMBS IN THENORTH ROAD DITCH.
Dorrell was a four-time letterwinner in volleyball , and progressed to handling fundraising duties for the Razorback Foundation. Just last week she was named a development coordinator for the football team, and will "handle on-campus recruiting and work with incoming players on eligibility issues." It also seems she's supposed to get married in June. Her fiancé works for the swim team.
Arkansas's initial statement on Monday morning said the accident "involved no other individuals."
I'm just going to go out on a limb and say that this was probably not the best decision by UFC star Rampage Jackson. It's a fairly awful attempt at humor. At least that is what I am hoping Rampage was going for. Because you know that whole rape thing is generally frowned upon. Unless it involves Catholics priests. Those jokes just never get old.
Bring me some peanuts, cracker jacks, and some fucking cold brewskis because baseball is back! The cumweed is fresh, the pitchers arms haven't yet fallen off, and every fanbase thinks they have a shot at going to the playoffs. You gotta love the start of the baseball season!
Here are my preseason predictions.
AL East Champs-Tampa Bay Rays. I got the Rays because of their excellent pitching winning a close divisional race over the Yankees. The Yankees have the better lineup but the Rays have the much better starting pitching and also the better manager while also playing in an environment that isn't the pressure cooker of the Bronx.
Predicted finish: Rays, Yankees, Red Sox, Blue Jays, Orioles
AL Central Champs-Detroit Tigers. The Tigers should run away with this division. They added Prince and their pitching will be better. Plus the Central is rather weak this year with the White Sox and Twins crumbling.
Predicted finish: Tigers, Indians, Twins, Royals, White Sox
AL West Champs-I obviously like the moves the Angels made in the offseason but I still gotta stick with the two time defending AL Champs in the Texas Rangers. The Rangers lineup is outstanding and although they lost CJ Wilson to the Angels I wouldn't be surprised to see his replacement in Yu Darvish put up better numbers.
Predicted finish: Rangers, Angels, A's, Mariners
Two Wild Cards-New York Yankees and Anaheim Angels. Yes this year there are two Wild Card teams in each league. Joy. We wouldn't want to focus on a salary cap or anything.
AL Champs-New York Yankees. Nope that is not a typo. It's a gut feeling the Yankees win the AL. Trust me I don't want it to happen.
AL MVP-Albert Pujols
AL Cy Young-Felix Hernandez
AL Rookie of the Year-Matt Moore
NL East Champs-The Phillies might not have a great lineup but their starting three of Halladay, Lee, and Hamels is unmatched in baseball. It will be a closer race than in the past with the Marlins and Nationals improving but the Mets should be horrible and the Braves will take a step back after a horrific September collapse.
Predicted finish: Phillies, Marlins, Nationals, Braves, Mets
NL Central Champs-Cincinnati Reds will bounce back after a disappointing 2011. The Cardinals still have a fighting chance despite losing their best player, their manager and their pitching coach and quite possibly their best pitcher if Chris Carpenter can't come back. This is going to be the best division not named the AL East. The Brewers still have a shot despite losing Prince and the Pirates should be better. Don't worry the Astros and the Cubs will still suck donkey balls.
Predicted finish: Reds, Cardinals, Brewers, Pirates, Cubs, Astros
NL West Champs-The San Francisco Giants should win the division because they have the best pitching. But then again they didn't last season and the surprising D' Backs took it so you never know what could happen. The Dodgers should be better with the best player and pitcher in the league leading the way. The Rockies and Padres just don't have enough talent to compete.
Predicted finish:Giants, Dodgers, Diamondbacks, Rockies, Padres
Two Wild Cards-St. Louis Cardinals and Miami Marlins. Both the Cards and the Marlins will barely miss out on winning their divisions but get the Wild Card as a consolation prize.
NL Champs-San Francisco Giants. I think the Giants bounce back in a big way this season and go back to the World Series.
NL MVP-Matt Kemp
NL Cy Young-Clayton Kershaw
NL Rookie of the Year-Bryce Harper
WORLD SERIES CHAMPS-San Francisco Giants over the New York Yankees in 6 games.
