Manti Te'o Runs a 4.71, Talks To Jon Gruden

First round lock. Some team will fall in love with Manti Te'o. He won't go in the first 15 picks but I think either the Giants or the Bears get him in the 19-20 range. They both need middle linebackers. If they decide to skip out on Manti no way he lasts past the Vikings who have the 23rd and 25th pick.

Florida Gulf Coast University Dunk City

Admit it... you had never heard of FGCU four days ago.  And now Florida Gulf Coast is the first ever 15th seed to make it to the Sweet 16 with all those alley-oops.  These kids make it fun to watch college basketball.  Dunk City indeed.

Sergio Garcia Hits A One-Handed Shot From a Tree

In typical Sergio Garcia fashion he takes 20 practice swings before he finally hits the ball back into play on the 10th hole of the Arnold Palmer Invitational.  One-handed mind you.

DeAndre Jordan With The Dunk Of The Year Over Poor Brandon Knight

I hope DeAndre Jordan left some change on Brandon Knight's nightstand after that pile driver of a dunk last night.  At least be a gentleman about it.

Marc Staal Took A Chris Brown To The Face

I don't think there could be anything worst in sports than taking a puck to the face like the New York Rangers Marc Staal did last night vs the Philadelphia Flyers.  It's got to be worse than taking a high fastball because the puck is much more solid, cold, and it has edges.  Rihanna was in the stands and laughed off Staal's theatrics after the blow while muttering "Not so fun is it pussy?"

Kobe Bryant Asks Josh Smith "How Does My Greatness Taste?" With A Posterizing Dunk

So Josh Smith wants a max contract eh?  Sounds good.  I also want to go balls deep in Kate Upton but guess what?  It isn't happening.  Not now.  Not in the future.  Not ever.  Trust me because every time I remove the duct tape from Kate's mouth she insists on screaming and crying.  I can't stand crying.  Such a turnoff.

In other words Kobe Bryant still has it and Josh Smith will never get it.

The Golf Boys Are Back With "2.0h" Music Video

One thing I love about athletes, or in this case golfers, are ones that don't take themselves too seriously. You're playing a sport not solving the national debt crisis.  Have some fun while you are making millions right?  Well clearly the Golf Boys are having a great time.  Whether it be "Flat Bills" Rickie Fowler, Bubba "Button Up" Watson, Hunter "Grizzly Beard" Mahan, or Ben "Going Insane Kaw-Kaw" Crane you know these guys are not uptight pricks like Tiger and Phil.

Apparently Rory couldn't make an appearance in the video.  He was too busy nursing his "tooth ache" while quitting in the middle of a round.  That's a bitch move Rory.  Go eat some Lucky Charms and tighten that shit up.

Via Ben Crane

NC State's Brett Williams With The Circus Catch of The Year

I've seen a lot in my 34 years in baseball (yes I'm old, fuck off) but this is a first.  NC State centerfielder Brett Williams did a flip while diving for a catch in left centerfield vs New Mexico State.  Luckily the ball didn't get lodged in his blowhole.

Cheerleader Half Court Shot

She can cheer for my team any day.  I love the bros just sitting in the stands acting like it's no big deal.  Like somehow they have seen this shit before.

NEW PAROLE TIDE T-SHIRT

Here is the brand new Parole Tide That's a Crime, Son T-shirt.  With the latest arrests Parole Tide has not only cemented themselves as Oversigning U but also #1 both on the field and in the Fulmer Cup Standings.

Order the original Parole Tide Shirt today!  Shipping starts in a couple of days.

Maryland Basketball Students Do Flash Mob and Harlem Shake During Duke Game

I can't believe I missed this while slugging Red Stripes and chowing down jerk chicken and lobster down in Jamaica.  Maryland students did a flash mob and the simply awful Harlem Shake before their basketball team helped seal the deal on a tourney bid with a 83-81 victory over hated Duke.  While Scott Van Pelt was texting/twittering/whatever in front of the kids in suits I was piss drunk relaxing in the Caribbean on a beach.  WTF was I thinking?

Australian Body Slamming Cactus is Youtube Gold

No shit I laughed out loud so badly I started tearing up at this poor dumb asshole.  Just the sheer agony of screams after the body slam are priceless.  When they are pulling out the pricks on his back it was like somebody recorded me down in Miami last month while watching Notre Dame getting throttled by Bama.  "It fucking hurts man."  Yeah it does.

Via TheBigLead

Nike Might Want To Rethink This Oscar Pistorius "I Am The Bullet In The Chamber" Ad

By now you have probably already heard about Oscar "Blade Runner"Pistorius giving his girlfriend Reeva Steenkamp a shotgun wedding on Valentine's Day but I doubt you saw this completely insensitive NIKE Ad.  I mean what a bunch of assholes to treat poor little Tink Tink as some sexual object like a bullet.  Men are not sexual toys you women can just play with.  Before you know it we might just explode.

Serious question though:  Does Pistolius, I mean Pistorius, allowed to bring his blades in jail?  I'm completely stumped.

Johnny Manziel Game Worn Cleats and Jersey vs Alabama Up For Auction

With an estimated value of at least $10000 Heisman Trophy winner Johnny Manziel  has put his game worn cleats and jersey vs Bama up for auction at Heritage Auction.  The cleats are autographed but that's not what makes them so unique.  Johnny Football isn't the biggest guy on the college gridiron.  By most accounts he is under 6 feet and has a slight build.

But holy shit the kid wears a size 15!

You know what they say about big feet right ladies?

Big nose.

Notre Dame Closes With Eddie Vanderdoes

Eddie Vanderdoes Defensive Line, 6' 3" 285 lbs. Auburn, CA (Placer) MaxPreps Bio

First-team defensive lineman on 247Sports All-America team . . . second-team USA Today All-USA high school All-American . . . ranked 33rd player nationally on ESPN 300 list . . . ranked 43rd on MaxPreps/Tom Lemming Top100 list . . . ranked sixth on 247Sports list of top 247 players . . . rated 21st overall on Rivals 250 list and fourth among defensive tackles . . . ranked ninth overall and second among outside defensive tackles on Scout 300 by Scout.com . . . first-team defensive lineman on Sacramento Bee All-Metro team for 2012 . . . made 72 tackles, nine sacks, 10 tackles for loss, two forced fumbles and one fumble recovery as senior in 2012 for Placer High School in Auburn, Calif. . . . added 65 tackles, 10 sacks, three forced fumbles, ands two fumble recoveries as junior in 2011 . . . earned MVP honor for defensive linemen at The Opening elite combine in 2012 . . . played in U.S. Army All-American Bowl in San Antonio and was credited with three tackles and a sack for West squad . . . played for coach Joey Montoya.

Here are some highlights of the future ND defensive tackle:

National Signing Day Is For Closers

Big props go to the coaching staffs at Notre Dame, Alabama, Ole Miss, Ohio State, Florida, and LSU for closing strong on National Signing Day.  They deserve coffee.

Joe Flacco Thinks The Super Bowl is "Fucking Awesome"

Yeah I would be saying the same exact thing after winning the Super Bowl, claiming the MVP trophy, and now a shiny new $100 million plus contract waiting to be signed.  Fucking awesome indeed Mr. Flacco.

Good Job New Orleans Hosting Your Last Super Bowl

Just a great venue to hold the Super Bowl.  I'm actually surprised the SuperDome didn't collapse into itself with Bane coming out saying "LET THE GAMES BEGIN!"

Best Super Bowl Commercials

Congratulations go out to the Baltimore Ravens for winning their second Super Bowl in stirring fashion over the San Francisco 49ers 34-31.  But who gives a shit about some dumb football game right?  Let's take a look at what really is important: the best Super Bowl commercials.

My personal favorite is this Old Milwaukee commercial.  It's a classic love story between Will Ferrell and some old Asian lady making out in a bus.  Brings a tear to my eye.


My second favorite is the Taco Bell Viva Young commercial.  Nothing beats seeing old people get fucked up while going for a late night romp at Taco Bell.   Live Mas indeed.


And of course my third favorite is this instant classic Go Daddy commercial.  Supermodel Bar Rafaeli making out with some tech nerd.  Yummy.


The award for the "cutest" Super Bowl commercial goes to Kia's Space Babies.  And by cute I mean the one commercial where all the girls in the room go "AAAWWWW!"


My bad.  Somehow I completely forgot the Dikembe Mutombo Geico commercial.

True story: Mutombo works out at the same gym I go to.  He comes in with full suit.  Changes into workout clothes.  Then changes back to full suit and leaves with suitcase every time.  Fucking weird right?

Do You Even Lift Bro?

I can't believe how many chicken arms were in that video.  Embarrassing.