The Pirates Have Cracked The Matrix and Sit in First Place

They said it couldn't be done. It's been over 20 years since the Pirates even sniffed a playoff game or even had a winning record. But The Marte has helped change all that. He is the one.

Well one of many who have helped Pittsburgh into first place in the NL Central. Currently they have 69 wins to 44 losses and sit 3 games ahead of the St. Louis Cardinals. With 49 games left all they have to do is go 13-36 to insure a winning season. But these Buccos have much bigger plans. If they only go .500 ball then they win 94 games and would probably win the division and most certainly will be guaranteed a Wild Card spot. Are they a World Series contender? I have a hard time believing it. But then again I didn't think Starling Marte could pull a Neo. So anything is possible.

The US Open Starts Today in Oak Hill, Check Out Rory McIlroy's Pad in Florida

Yeah I know this video of Rory McIlroy's home down in Jupiter, FL has nothing to do with the US Open starting in Oak Hill Country Club up in Rochester, NY today but I've always been fascinated by athlete or celebrities homes. Like where do they keep the dead hookers? Are the slaves always in the bottom dungeon? Just a few of the questions that pop in my head along with number of bedrooms and bathrooms. Since ESPN keeps getting away from actual sports highlights I say they do a show just on athlete's homes. It can be hosted by Darren Rovell and sponsored by Nike and Bose. Nice pad by the way McIlroy. But it's missing a key ingredient: Guinness tap. I thought all rich Irishmen had one of those.

Carolina Panthers Organization are Good People, Let Jack from Make-A-Wish Foundation Coach For a Day

Awesome video. Major props go out to the Carolina Panthers for making one of Jack's wishes come true. Who wouldn't want to coach a NFL team for a day?

Jack sounds like he has some coaching chops in him. Hell he already is taller than Nick Saban. Go get 'em Jack!

Video via ExtraMustard

Peyton and Eli Manning Rap "Football On Your Phone"

Peyton Manning and Eli Manning are obviously not rap artists but I can say with 100% certainty that this "Football on your Phone" rap song is a million times better than anything Jay-Z has produced. It's not even debatable. So good job Manning brothers. You guys have more game than that rich fucker who says he owns the Brooklyn Nets but really doesn't and is more fake than the "baby" he conceived with Beyonce. Awesome.

PS-Do people actually use DirecTV willingly? I had it for about three weeks nearly a decade ago and all I remember is it going out if you sneezed or farted too loud. You might as well hold bunny ears over your flat screen you cheap ass.

Top Ten Trick Plays of College Football

Just to wet your appetite. I know you can taste the blood. It's almost here. College football heaven.

Les Miles Bitched Out and Let Team Vote Jeremy Hill Back on LSU Team

Total bitch move here by LSU head coach Les Miles. Sophomore RB Jeremy Hill was caught on tape sucker punching some dude in the back of the head and will not serve any kind of suspension. Yeah that should teach Hill a good lesson. The lesson being if you rush for 755 yards and score 12 TDs your freshman year you can pretty much do anything you want. Shit he might as well get in his car and run the guy over now.

PS-No joke Jeremy Hill might be the best runningback in the SEC. I know Bama and Georgia fans could argue this for days with TJ Yeldon and Todd Gurley both beasts but Hill has that extra something special. He's the kind of back who could beat the shit out of you without even looking. Yeah that type.

Anastasia Ashley Warm-Up Routine Involves a Whole Lot of Twerking

I'm going to have the "Bubblebutt" song in my head all day. Honest to God this is the first time I've ever heard of this Anastasia Ashley chick who apparently is a professional surfer. It's also the first time I've ever heard of that Bubble Butt song. I felt it was my due diligence (code for Google image search) to find out more about Anastasia and these are the best shots I found. She's talented.

Video via BigLead

Who would have thought Anastasia enjoys working out too? I figured her as a Twinkie eating couch potato. And by Twinkie I mean...never mind.

Johnny Manziel Likely To Be Suspended For Signing Autographs For Money, Picture is Proof

Another new week and yet another new Johnny Manziel controversy. And this one is more than likely to get him suspended.

Allegedly Manziel received 5 figures to sign multiple photos, jerseys, and mini helmets down in Miami back in January before the BCS National Title game from an autograph broker. There were multiple witnesses in the hotel room when Manziel signed the items. If AJ Green can get suspended for 4 games for selling his Liberty Bowl jersey for $1000 you have to imagine the NCAA or Texas A&M will suspend him for as many games if not longer. It's a clear NCAA infraction and every football player knows the rule. While I can agree the rule isn't really fair for the athlete because I think they should be given a chance to make money off their own name it is still a rule and a violation on Manziel's part. He has to be suspended.

Which royally sucks because I wanted to see him play vs Bama. Everybody wants to see Johnny Football play. The only problem is he keeps making stupid decisions off the football field and now this will cost him and his team big time. Some people just can't handle the Heisman hype. And it's not like Manziel needed the money. The kid has rich parents who send him everywhere and he doesn't even have to go to class. His Dad gave him a new Mercedes just because he didn't want Johnny to accept improper benefits. It's pretty clear that Johnny can't handle the spotlight. And you know NFL personnel are taking notes on this.

My prediction is Texas A&M will withhold Manziel from the first two games in hope of appeasing the NCAA and then have him play vs Bama Sept 14th. Just a wild guess on my part.

Image via Joe Schad

Two Russians Too Drunk To Fight

I can only imagine this is what I look like back in my college days after a tough Saturday in the fall.

Chicago Cubs Fan Doesn't Know Proper Trough Toilet Etiquette

While it is a bit shocking to see a Cubs fan peeing while standing up at one of Wrigley's piss troughs at least he isn't dropping a deuce in there. Too many Old Styles for this poor guy. You never go full ass in the men's pisser. Never. Ever.

Image via BarStoolSports

Notre Dame Unveils 2013 Shamrock Series Uniforms

Via adidas.com press release...

adidas and the University of Notre Dame today unveiled alternate TECHFIT football uniforms the Irish will wear on October 5 for their annual Shamrock Series game. Notre Dame will face off against Arizona State in this year's Shamrock Series game at Cowboy Stadium in Arlington, Texas.

Notre Dame's new Shamrock Series adidas TECHFIT jersey is all-white with metallic gold and Kelly green shamrock accents, Celtic numbers and an interlocking "ND" logo on the back neck. Notre Dame's Kelly green adidas TECHFIT baselayer highlights "FIGHTIN' IRISH" on the chest and "ND" on each bicep. Notre Dame's helmet features Notre Dame's signature textured gold with a gold chrome shamrock detail on each side and a Kelly green chrome face mask. The Irish will wear adidas Team Speed vertical socks with Crazyquick and adizero 5-Star 2.0 cleats.

I got to say these new Shamrock Series uniforms are tight! I love the clean look to them and I really dig the helmet with the matte finished Shamrock on it and the metallic green facemask. Now I just need to get my hands on one of those helmets. I'm sure we will have them up for sale in the near future.

J.B. Shuck's Amazing Over The Fence Into the Stands Catch

This has got to be the catch of the year right? Angels outfielder J.B. Shuck sacrificed every one of his limbs in going over the fence and into the stands to rob the Blue Jays Jose Bautista of a home run. Not only does he make the catch but he has the wherewithal to fire the ball back into play to prevent the runner on base from advancing. Sick catch brah!

Oregon's New Football Performance Center is Amazing

Very impressive Oregon. You just one upped Bama in terms of ridiculous football facilities. And people want to bitch and complain about the football players not getting enough compensation for their services. Shit. I wish I had a state of the art facility I could use every day in college to prepare me for the next level. On top of that a free education, food, room and board, clothes, women, fans, etc. Yup college football players at Oregon have it rough. Poor slaves.

Video via SI.com

Further Proof Soccer Players are the Biggest PussBalls in the World: Cristiano Ronaldo Throws Out First Pitch To Yasiel Puig

World's greatest athlete my ass. My 2-year old daughter has a better arm than this "athlete" named Cristiano Ronaldo. Apparently he's some famous soccer playing fairy. And yes I get it soccer players don't use their hands or arms but throwing a baseball is one of the things you have to do in order to survive. It's like the assholes you always hear about drowning at Lake Lanier every summer. If you don't know how to swim why the fuck would you go swimming or near a body of water? Ronaldo only uses his arms when he's doing reach arounds his teammates so why the hell would he be allowed to throw a first pitch at a real sporting event? It just makes no sense. People who can't swim and Ronaldo should be grateful they survived this long because God obviously hates them.

Video via ExtraMustard

American Hustle Trailer

Holy film licking testicle balls. It's like the film gods read my mind and decided to put all of my favorite current actors in one movie. Bradley Cooper? Check. Christian Bale? Check. Amy Adams? Check. The goddess Jennifer Lawrence? Check! Jeremy Renner? Check. Fuck the story I just want to go see Cooper's perm for all it's glistening glory. Add some guns, 70's clothing, and a Scorsese feel to it and I'm sold.

Riley Cooper Used The N-Word at a Kenny Chesney Concert

I'm not sure what is more embarrassing for Philadelphia Eagles WR Riley Cooper. Using the N word is obviously very stupid and wrong but we are talking about a guy who plays for the Eagles who also sports a pony tail while taking in Kenny Chesney concerts. Plus he was a teammate with Aaron Hernandez and Tim Tebow at the University of Florida. Poor racist pony tail white receiver who plays in Philly.

Cooper apologized for getting caught using the racist word and now Michael Vick's outstanding citizen brother Marcus has put a bounty on his head. Life should be grand for new coach Chip Kelly. No controversies at all.

Braves Rookie Todd Cunningham Collected His First MLB Hit Last Night, Has A Rap Video Called "Rock Yo Jock"

With another injury to an Atlanta Braves outfielder rookie Todd Cunningham got called up last night and collected his first career hit in his first career at-bat. When Cunningham isn't rocking line drives to left field he is rocking the mic with his debut song "Rock Yo Jock." It's some sort of rap song about Christians and the birds and the bees and blah blah blah. The rookie needs to stick with baseball. Leave the christian rapping to the head fryers at Chick-Fil-A.

Video via TheBigLead

Miami Reliever Chad Qualls is as Graceful as a Swan

Tiger Woods has nothing on Marlins reliever Chad Qualls in fist pumps. Just pure grace and determination by Qualls. The newest attraction in that monstrosity of a stadium they got in Miami should be Niagara Qualls.

This Bengals Fan Has The Tailgate Like A Champion Look Perfected

A bearded 6-pack? Brilliant.

Social Experiment: Asking Guys For Sex

I don't see what the big deal is. This kind of shit happens to me everyday. I have to constantly remind my wife how lucky she is to have won this once in a lifetime prize. For the other 99.9% of dudes out there this must have been unusual. Sort of like someone handing you the winning lottery ticket for no good reason.

Via HotClicks