Oakland A's Beer Swigging Baby All The Rage Right Now

Now this is definitely NOT legal: pic.twitter.com/twhJIjiHHZ
— Isaac Ropp (@iropp) September 23, 2013

This baby knows how to party!  While others were shitting in their pants, sucking their thumbs, and looking gross this baby stepped up his game for the Oakland A's AL West Division Champs celebration.  This baby can play on my team any day.

Top 10 College Football Teams and Heisman Contenders

Last Saturday was by far the worst college football weekend in terms of match ups and upsets.  No upsets.  No good games.  But luckily for us it will be the only weekend since the games get much more tougher as the season goes on and conference battles start.

Here are my top 10 teams.  These are how I would rank them in terms of overall performance and the strength of schedule they have faced.

1. Oregon 

2. Alabama

3. LSU

4. Stanford

5. Clemson

6. Baylor

7. UCLA

8. Washington

9. Texas A&M

10. Georgia

I got Oregon over Bama because the Tide despite the strong win in College Station have looked rather miserable in wins over Va Tech and Colorado State.  I know it goes against my premise of you can't drop the #1 team until someone knocks them down but they just aren't the same Bama from last year.  Oregon on the other hand is playing way better than I expected after Chip Kelly left for the NFL.  I thought they would take a step back but they haven't skipped a beat.  Similar to what Stanford went through in their head coaching transition a couple of seasons back.  LSU might be the best team in the country.  Unfortunately they also have the toughest schedule.  They have to go to Athens this week and still have games against Bama, Johnny Football, and Ole Miss.  Don't laugh but Baylor could be the Oregon from 3 years ago who played Auburn for the Natty.  Their offense is ridiculous (over 60 points 3 games in a row) and Art Briles can coach with the best of them.  I think right now they are clearly the best team in the Big 12 over Oklahoma and Okie State.

Now I know SEC people will want to rip my throat out for this but look at my top 10 and think for a second (maybe two if that is possible) about the PAC 12 as a legit power football conference.  Oregon and Stanford have already proven they are top 10 programs with big BCS Bowl wins in recent years.  But UCLA and Washington are coming on strong too.   I wouldn't take them over Bama and LSU but I could see them beating UGA and the Aggies on a neutral field.

TOP 5 HEISMAN CONTENDERS

1.  Johnny Manziel - He's the best player in the nation.

2.  Marcus Mariota - He only gets to play a half of football but when he does it's flawless.

3.  Jameis Winston - Jameis Christ is already a God in Tallahassee.

4.  Todd Gurley - Still the best RB in the nation but Baylor's Seastrunk is coming on strong.

5.  Tajh Boyd - He looked rather pedestrian vs NC State on Thursday.  One more bad game and he's out.

Braves Clinch NL East Title

It's hard to believe it's been since 2005 since the Atlanta Braves won the NL East.  The streak ended  yesterday in Chicago with a shower of champagne and Bud Light in the visitor's clubhouse. Congratulations go out to general manager Frank Wren for constructing a club that is solid from 1-to-25 and could sustain multiple major injuries (Huddy, Venters, O'Flaherty, Heyward, McCann, etc.) and player slumps (BJ and Uggla) and really not skip a beat all season. Also big props go out to manager Fredi Gonzalez. He's kept a loose clubhouse all season and you can see in the players that they love playing for him.

 I love seeing the Falcon's game in the clubhouse when they are celebrating.

 Now go out and win the homefield this last week. If the Braves are going to make it back to the World Series for the first time in over a decade they have to clinch it over St. Louis and the Dodgers. Currently they are up 1.5 games on the Cards for it. The Braves have the majors best record at home.  When they are away from the Ted they are only a .500 team.  Winning homefield at the Ted is imperative for a successful postseason.

With just a week left and if Heyward can come back completely healthy this would be my lineup for the playoffs.

1. Heyward - CF
2. Justin Upton - RF
3. Freeman - 1B
4. Chris Johnson - 3B
5. McCann - C
6. Gattis - LF
7. Simmons - SS
8. Elliott Johnson - 2B
9. Pitcher

I'm going with a 3-man rotation of:
1. Medlen
2. Teheran
3. Minor

Put Alex Wood and Paul Maholm as the long relievers if needed. No way either one of them should start a playoff game in my opinion. Roll with the 3 Aces and go from there.

Also get Jordan Schafer in there starting if Gattis is scuffling because his defense and speed are the best on the team in the outfield.  But there is no way you can start either one of BJ Upton or Dan Uggla.  They don't deserve to start and I don't care how much money they make.  It's playoff time.  You start your best players who have performed.

Now go out and win a World Series!

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Exclusive Breaking Video of Nebraska Head Coach Bo Pelini's Profane Rant

Seems legit. I don't know what Nebraska can do other than axe the coach. I mean it's as clear as day here that Bo Pelini hates all things Nebraska. He probably doesn't even eat corn or buy products with corn in it.

El Oso Blanco With The Dick Shot Homer

Or was it the balls?  Either way that guy got fucking nailed in his junk by an El Oso Blanco blast in Miami last night.  I'd say there is a pretty good chance he has baseball stitches on his shit for days after taking a monster shot from the legend of Evan Gattis.

SportsCrack Week 3 Top 10 Teams and Heisman Contenders

1.  Alabama - Bama conveniently had the week off to prepare for Johnny Football and the Aggies.  What they didn't have time to prepare for is the shitstorm about to hit with players getting paid by agents.  Trouble in Tuscaloosa?  Yup.

2.  Clemson - The Tigers were in cruise control last week vs South Carolina State and get this week off before traveling to NC State for a huge Thursday night game.

3.  Oregon - The Ducks could make a solid case for being the most impressive team so far this season.  They are averaging over 60 points a game and this week they get the Vols who should get crushed.

4.  Stanford - Beat a good San Jose St team.  They travel across the country to get Army this week before a big home game vs Arizona St next week.

5.  LSU - Mettenberger has been lights out so far.  If the Bayou Bengals can keep up their scoring pace they could be playing for #1 in two weeks vs Georgia.

6.  Ohio State - I moved the Buckeyes up a lot because I was impressed how easily they dominated San Diego St despite losing Braxton Miller to an injury.  They get Cal this week in Berkeley.

7.  FSU - Didn't play.

8.  Louisville - Teddy Bridgewater was his normal Superman self with a convincing win against East Kentucky.  This week they get a SEC team...Kentucky.  Whoopity fucking do.

9.  Texas A&M - Their defense looks like shit but they got Johnny Football so who cares.  They got a big game this week vs some team called Bama.  Win and they will get #1 votes.

10.  Michigan - Devin Gardner played great Under The Lights and the Wolverines held off a tough Notre Dame team.  They don't play anybody before traveling to Happy Valley in mid October.

Top 5 Heisman Front Runners

My top 5 hasn't changed one bit since last week.  Not sure if that is a good or bad thing.

1.  Jameis Winston, FSU - He should be able to pad his stats vs Nevada this week and Bethune-Cookman next week.

2.  Tajh Boyd, Clemson - If Clemson goes undefeated Boyd will win the Heisman.

3.  Marcus Mariota, Oregon - He absolutely shredded Virginia.

4.  Teddy Bridgewater, Louisville - He can make all the throws and this week he goes against a "SEC defense."

5.  Johnny Manziel, Texas A&M; Todd Gurley, Georgia - All of these top 6 guys are basically interchangeable at this point.  If Manziel beats Bama again then he's #1 on the list.  If Gurley continues to put up monster numbers vs good teams he will get an invite to NYC.

Braxton Miller Nearly Decapitated, Urban Meyer thinks he can play this week

Urban Meyer has gone on record saying junior quarterback Braxton Miller could play this week vs Cal.  Umm are you fucking serious coach?  Did you not see your QB nearly get his head taken off?  Apparently they are claiming Miller didn't suffer a concussion of any kind but instead has a sprained MCL in his left knee vs San Diego State.  The Buckeyes and more importantly Meyer need to do the right thing and let Miller rest this week vs Cal.  Backup quarterback Kenny Guiton played great on Saturday and the Buckeyes didn't miss a beat.  But more important is Miller's long term health.  Don't be a dick Urban.  Rest the kid.

UGA Finally Beat South Carolina But This Fan Has No Memory Of It

Some people just can't handle Athens.  While South Carolina was trying their Cockiness to stop Aaron Murray and the Dawgs from running up and down the field in Sanford this UGA fan flat out tailgated way too hard.  Luckily for him a Georgia Trooper was there to help him home.  And by home I mean beat the shit out of him, throw him in jail, and charge him with assault and disorderly conduct.

Jason Witten Sums Up My Football Weekend

Saturday was rough enough watching Notre Dame lose yet again in the Big House (I genuinely hate that fucking place) and then Sunday got jealous of Saturday so I got the pleasure of watching the Atlanta Falcons lose yet again in New Orleans.  The football gods were not kind.  But at least it's still early on in the season and both teams can regroup and refocus on winning out.  Chances of that happening are less than 1% but a boy* can dream right?

*=delusional gambling alcoholic with a football problem.

Brady Hoke Thinks Notre Dame Is Chicken

First thing that comes to Michigan head coach Brady Hoke when asked about Notre Dame is chicken.  I'm just as shocked as you.  I would have thought donut or pizza.

Rate This Hakuna Machado Video

I give it a 5.  The song is catchy but how do you have a video about rising superstar Manny Machado and not include Orioles legends Brooks Robinson and Cal Ripken?  Put those two icons in there and it's an easy 10.

Johnny Football Caught Signing Autographs During the Game

If you look a little closer Johnny Manziel is up to his old shenanigans again.  Signing autographs in the middle of a play!  That game used touchdown ball personally autographed by Manziel is worth thousands and hopefully poor little Johnny can get his compensation.

Pay that man his money!



Via CampusUnion

South Carolina Fan Has Some UGA Fighting Words

"Mark Richt... good Christian fellow... you can talk to Jesus and all that and it's cool but you are about to get FUCKED UP!" - South Carolina poet Steve Davisor

Eastbound and Down Trailer for Season 4

Kenny Powers is back for the final season of EastBound and Down on HBO.  Brings a tear to my eye. We have seen Kenny grow from a petulant self-entitled asshole to be a more petulant self-entitled asshole.  It's been a beautiful process.  The final season kicks off September 29th which leaves me in a huge predicament.  The day before I will be up at Notre Dame watching the Fighting Irish kick the living shit out of Choke-la-homa and then on the night Kenny Powers brings his fastball back I will be in the Georgia Dome watching the Dirty Birds put 50 up on the Patriots.  I will be so burned out on ass-kicking football that I can't give Powers my full attention till Monday.  This probably means I need to turn in my Kenny Powers Superfan card.*

* = case of Natty Light

SportsCrack Week 2 Top 10 Teams and Heisman Contenders

Every week this season I will be releasing the SportsCrack top 10 teams along with our Heisman Trophy front runners.  Be sure to add how much you agree with me in the comments.


1.  Alabama - Yes I know they got out gained and pushed around at times by an average Hokies team but they are still the two-time returning National Champs.

2.  South Carolina - They looked awesome even with Clowney shitting the bed in the opener vs North Carolina.  Huge game this week vs Georgia in Athens.

3.  Clemson - The Tigers beat a very good Georgia team.  With Tajh Boyd they can beat anybody.

4.  Oregon - The stat sheet they put up vs Nicholls State is ludicrous.

5.  Stanford - They didn't play.  Too busy watching Revenge of the Nerds.

6.  LSU - I will be the first to admit I wasn't sure if Les Miles and the gang had it in them to beat TCU.
They did impressively.

7.  Notre Dame - Put the cruise control on after scoring early vs Temple.  Brian Kelly has no idea what Michigan football is.  Awesome.

8.  FSU - Jameis Winston put on a show Monday night.  With him at QB the Noles can compete with anybody.  Yes even SEC teams.

9.  Louisville - I don't see anybody on their schedule that can beat them.  Granted they don't play anybody.

10.  Ohio State - Their defense still looks very suspect.  Luckily for Urban none of his players were named suspects by the Columbus PD.  Not this week at least.


Top 5 Heisman Front Runners

1.  Jameis Winston, FSU - Nobody was more impressive this weekend.  25-for-27 with 5 TDs overall.  Flat out stud.

2.  Tajh Boyd, Clemson - Made every big play vs Georgia in an "upset" win.

3.  Marcus Mariota, Oregon - Deadly for Scoregon again.

4.  Teddy Bridgewater, Louisville - If I had the 1st pick in the NFL Draft I'm taking Bridgewater over Clowney.

5.  Johnny Manziel, Texas A&M; Todd Gurley, Georgia - I couldn't pick one over the other.  Gurley is the best back in the nation.  No question about that.  Manziel is of course the reigning Heisman winner.

Famous Jameis Winston Exceeds Lofty Expectations

All spring and summer I've been hearing constant talk from FSU fans about how "Godly" redshirt freshman QB Jameis Winston was playing in practice.  Winston was in their eyes the next Charlie Ward yet better.  Granted I've heard some of the same stories about EJ Manuel and Chris Rix so I tempered my expectations.  Last night not only did Winston meet those expectations he speared them to the ground.

"Famous Jameis" completed 25-of-27 passes for 4 touchdowns and also ran for another vs Pitt in a primetime Monday night game on ESPN.  Winston literally looked like he was playing 7-on-7 with the precision and accuracy he was putting on his passes to his receivers.  Winston was simply unstoppable. He did look like Ward but better.  The FSU fans were right for once.  And it wasn't like he shredded some awful defense.  Pitt was a top 20 overall defense last season who returned 8 starters.

Jameis Winston is the real deal.  He looked like a senior last night.  Is he the Heisman frontrunner?  I wouldn't go that far but with Winston at QB I think this is the first legit Seminoles team to compete for a Natty in over a decade.  Winston is that great.

Mark your calendar for October 19th.  FSU travels to Clemson in a game that could essentially be an elimination game to get into the BCS Title game.  With Clemson's impressive win over Georgia it looks like they can compete for a title.  Granted we are still 6 weeks away from FSU vs Clemson but it looks like it will be an epic matchup that could not only determine who plays for the ACC Championship but also who is the Heisman frontrunner and who still has a shot at winning it all.

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USC Looked Solid Last Night

Poor USC.  What's next...the Hawaii kicker going to lay someone out?  Lane Kiffin has slowly destroyed the once proud program.  It's a joke how bad they are now.  They beat Hawaii but the Fighting Rainbows only won 3 games last year and two of those were against non FCS schools.  Go home USC...you're drunk!

Top 10 College Football Impact Freshmen

College football kicks off in less than 3 hours and already the incoming freshmen across this great nation are looking for a keg to drink, a coed to suck face with, and a class to oversleep.  But there are some freshmen who don't have this college luxury because they will be making an instant impact on the gridiron.  From L.A. to PA there are pimple-faced monsters ready to leave a mark on the college game without the dreaded "redshirt" label be stamped on their meal plan.

Here are 10 to keep an eye out for this fall.

1.  Christian Hackenberg, Penn State, QB - State Penn stole a good one from the likes of Alabama and Florida  in getting QB Hackenberg who is expected to start sometime this season.  The Nittany Lions QB situation is a mess right now with Steven Bench transferring and no player returning with any significant playing time in Happy Valley.  Hackenberg can sling it and he stuck with Penn State when every one else fled faster than you can say Sandusky.

2.  Robert Nkemdiche, Ole Miss, DL - The nation's #1 overall recruit was considered a steal for Ole Miss since he's from Georgia and...well...Ole Miss sucks.  But this mammoth beast of a defensive lineman is expected to join his brother as a starter for the Rebels and make a tremendous impact even in the rough and tough SEC West.  He won't get double digit sacks but he should have an equal impact like Aaron Lynch had with Notre Dame two years ago.

3.  Jaylon Smith, Notre Dame, OLB - Speaking of Notre Dame the Fighting Irish found their replacement for retired LB Danny Spond (concussion issues) with the extremely athletic and fast Fort Wayne prospect in Jaylon Smith.  Smith is the most highly touted defensive player to sign with the Irish since Kory Minor back in 1994 and is expected to make or exceed his impact at the college game.  Fast enough to play safety and big enough to play OLB Smith is a freak who many think will be a future multiple All-American player and captain.

4.  Su'a Cravens, USC, Safety - Despite a torn meniscus in spring after early enrolling Cravens is expected to start on a depleted Trojans depth chart hit hard by recent sanctions.  Expectations are sky high on this elite prospect who many compare to Ed Reed with his ball hawking instincts.

5.  Carl Lawson, Auburn, DE - A physical specimen out of Milton High School (Go Eagles!) Lawson should make his presence known for the Tigers and their new coach Gus Malzahn.  Hopefully he plays more like beast and less like Jane since War Eagle is coming off a disastrous 3-9 season.

6.  Derrick Green, Michigan, RB - There is some concern in Ann Arbor about his weight (too much) but Green is one of those elite tailbacks  who is going to be more Jerome Bettis than Knowshon Moreno.  Expect Green to put up nearly a 1000 yards for the Wolverines who don't have a proven commodity in the backfield.

7.  James Quick, Louisville, WR - Perfect name for this elite speed receiver.  The state record holder in the 200-meter dash Quick will be running fly routes and catching bombs from Heisman candidate Teddy Bridgewater all season.

8.  O. J. Howard, Alabama, TE - Three year starter Michael Williams is gone in Tuscaloosa leaving the door wide open for the nation's #1 prep tight end to start right away.  With the same athletic build as murderer Aaron Hernandez had down in Florida don't be surprised if Howard becomes a favorite red zone target of QB AJ McCarron starting in week 1 vs Virginia Tech.

9.  Greg Bryant, Notre Dame, RB - Bryant was a recruiting coup out of the state of Florida and showed up in South Bend already in college gameday shape and size.  With the loss of Cierre Wood and Theo Riddick to the NFL expect Bryant to share some of the carries with junior speedster George Atkinson III this fall.

10.  Marquez North, Tennessee, WR - First-year head coach Butch Jones thinks this 6'3 freshman can be an instant playmaker in Knoxville starting in game 1.  I've heard whispers he looks a lot like Carl Pickens.  For the Vols who lost two starters to the NFL at the WR position that can only be a great comparison.