SportsCrack Blog

Tuesday, July 08, 2014

Prince Fielder in the new ESPN Body Issue is as Disturbing as one would expect


ESPN did a good job finding all the athletes we don't want to see naked and put them in their new Body Issue.  Thanks assholes!  Once again you guys are creating the news instead of reporting it.  Seeing Prince Fielder in the buff will haunt my nightmares for years.  Therapy will only do so much after seeing that round, overpaid "athlete" holding a bat naked.  Prince is the new Freddie Krueger.  Don't close you eyes kids!  Prince is coming for you.

The only decent athlete they found was Hilary Knight who apparently plays women's hockey.  Some guys find muscles on girls attractive.  I'm not one of them but it's better than being fat I guess.


Monday, July 07, 2014

Danish HandBall is Indeed Very Handy...



Got a hand it (pun intended) to the girl in yellow.  She just went for it.  Full hands all over blue.  Surprised she didn't make a Peter Griffin honking noise when squeezing them.  I'm going to need to do some more research on Danish Handball.  Yeah.  "Research."

Video via Ebaum's World

Australian Football League Looks Fun and Completely Safe



If you are into getting choked out by blokes in tight white shorts then I highly recommend trying out for the Australian Football League.  Only a gentleman could survive such a light hearted affair.

No Big Deal Just Johnny Manziel With a Rolled Up Bill in a Bathroom



Oh just another day in the life of Johnny Fucking Football.  According to BustedCoverage a tipster sent in this picture of Manziel rolling a bill in a Vegas bathroom before laying a kisser on Playboy Social model Dallas Parks...



Johnny's eyes tell the whole story.  Just a guy having a good old time with millions of dollars in his back pocket.  One rolled up bill at a time.




Wednesday, July 02, 2014

There isn't a player I hate more in the game than David Ortiz



When ever Big Papi gets popped for steroids will be the day justice was finally served for this egomaniac fraud.  If Ortiz played for any other franchise besides the Red Sox he would be 100% hated.  It would be Barry Bonds-like hatred.  But instead he plays in Boston and everybody in the Northeast (except Yankees fans of course) likes him because he helped lead the Red Sox to 3 World Series titles.  I hate his fucking attitude.  He bitches and moans at his coaches, teammates, and even official scorers if he feels the least bit slighted.  I call him the Black Shrek not just because he's an ugly dude who resembles an ogre but his heart is black too.  He's the biggest phony in the game since A-Rod isn't technically playing right now and his stats along with his shriveled up grapes are 200% PED induced.

By the way if I was the pitcher I would hit him straight in the neck.  He may be big but you know just like everything else about him Big Papi is all talk and would go down fast with one good punch.

One of the Strangest Triple Plays You Will Ever See



After two reviews, one by the Cleveland Indians at 2nd base and one by the Los Angeles Dodgers at home plate, a triple play was confirmed by the Indians.  Mark this in "shit I've never seen on a baseball field."  Great throw by Michael Brantley.  Brought back memories of my hose.

Tuesday, July 01, 2014

Johnny Football Now Hanging Out With Justin Bieber and Floyd Mayweather, Internet Will Crash with this Picture


After seeing this picture all my bets on Johnny Manziel having a successful NFL career are over.   While Justin Bieber and Floyd Mayweather are massive successes in their fields Johnny Football is still a rookie who has yet to take a snap in the NFL.  But he is already partying like he is Tom Brady.  I would say I feel bad for Cleveland Browns fans but shit didn't we all kind of expect this when the Browns drafted him?  Somehow "they" would fuck it up is now turning into Johnny will go Len Bias on us and vanish before we even had a chance to watch him try to turn a dreadful franchise around.  Look I'm not here to hate on Manziel.  Shit I would be doing the same fucking thing if I was in his size 15 cleats.  I'd be out partying and banging 10's with my ugly mug posing for selfies with every celebrity you could name.  But at the end of the day there is no way I could succeed because the game is second to the fame.  Maybe Johnny grows up but why should he?  He's Johnny Fucking Football and it's his world.

Picture via BarStoolSports

Notre Dame Unveils New Under Armour Football Cleats


Notre Dame equipment manager Ryan Grooms tweeted out this picture of the brand new Under Armour football cleats the team will wear this upcoming season.  Straight fire!  Anything less than an undefeated season in those will be highly disappointing.  Don't fuck it up Under Armour!  Click Clack.

USA vs Belgium: Are You Ready?



One Nation.  One Team.  Today is the day for USA Soccer to make a whole nation proud and do the impossible: Get to the quarterfinals.  We already survived the "Group of Death" but that's not enough.  We need to win today!  We have to beat Belgium.

Saturday, June 28, 2014

Mike Trout Hits One "Into Bo Jackson Territory" Almost 500 Feet



489 feet into the Kansas City fountain.  It's ungodly how great of a player Mike Trout is.  He should be working on his 3rd straight MVP in his first 3 seasons if only voters weren't so stupid to think that only players on teams who make the playoffs should win MVPs.  Trout is a modern day Lou Gehrig.  We are just lucky to see a player of his skill dominate the game of baseball.




Wednesday, June 25, 2014

Emily Ratajkowski Has Ben Affleck's Approval after seeing these GQ Photos


Model Emily Ratajkowski brought her A game for GQ.  She probably starved herself for weeks on end eating only lettuce and carrots like a bunny just so she could hit it out of the park in GQ Magazine with this spread...




And now Emily is going to be in a Ben Affleck movie because of how talented of an actress she is.  At least that is what Affleck wants you and his wife to believe as he is boning Emily in his trailer.

LOS ANGELES, June 24 (UPI) –Emily Ratajkowski can thank “Blurred Lines” for her upcoming role in Gone Girl.
The 23-year-old model came to fame after she appeared in the Robin Thicke music video in March 2013. Fans and celebrities alike took notice, and her beauty and self-possession helped make her a breakout star.
Ratajkowski covers the July issue of GQ, and director David Fincher also spoke to the magazine for the article. The model will appear as Andie Hardy in Gone Girl, a writing student and mistress of Ben Affleck’s character Nick Dunne. The director reveals that Ratajkowski in “Blurred Lines” was the first thing he and Affleck thought of when they cast the part.
“I was talking with Ben and what I wanted for the Andie role was someone who could be incredibly divisive among men and women in the audience,” the director says. “We needed somebody where, at the moment she appears, the women are going, ‘That is unreasonable and despicable.’ And you also have the men going, ‘Yes, but…’ And so Ben said, ‘Yeah, like the girl in the ‘Blurred Lines’ video.’”
“She was just incredibly mature,” he lauds. “She wasn’t smitten with being the girl of the moment. She’s no bull[expletive]. If [Dunne's] gonna ruin [his] life on a 21-year-old, they have to be special, and she was.”
"Incredibly mature" is code for Emily has great developed ta-ta's.  Good luck with that Ben.  Bastard.








Report: UGA and Notre Dame Have Agreed To a Home-and-Home Football Series



It looks like 2017 and 2018 could be the first opportunity for Notre Dame to schedule a long awaited SEC opponent in their backyard according to the AJC.


Athens — 


The universities of Georgia and Notre Dame are expected to announce this week they have agreed to terms on a home-and-home football series, according to various reports.
Mike Cavan, a special assistant to Athletic Director Greg McGarity and former college football coach, hinted of a “big scheduling announcement” from Georgia later week while appearing as a guest on “The Bulldog Roundtable” radio show on 680 The Fan on Wednesday morning. After the show, its host Buck Belue tweeted that the opponent was Notre Dame.
“Sounds like UGA has struck a deal w/ Notre Dame! Big anno coming next 24-48. Irish in Sanford Stadium, ‘Dawgs in S. Bend = awesome opp!,” Belue said on his Twitter account, @buckbelue8.
UGA officials have not replied to requests for confirmation.
McGarity has confirmed before that Georgia has been in negotiations with Notre Dame — and other major football powers — to play future home-and-home series. 

Most recently, McGarity was asked about the prospect at the SEC Meetings in Destin last month.
“I think it’s an opponent we’ve played, what, one time 1980?” McGarity told reporters then. “For our fans to be able to go up to South Bend, and for our fans to see Notre Dame play between the hedges, I think from a national perspective it’d be off the charts, as far as interest, as far as intrigue. That would be something out of the ordinary that our fans would be very, very excited about.”

But when asked then how close they were to striking a deal, McGarity said: “I think we’re just waiting to work through some verbal communications before we have anything in writing.”

Georgia and Notre Dame have played just once in football. They met in the Sugar Bowl on Jan. 1, 1981, and the Bulldogs won 17-10 to complete an undefeated season and eventually be named consensus national champions.

Georgia is currently in the market for non-conference opponents for the seasons of 2017 and beyond. Stay tuned for more details.

This is a series I have been looking forward to my whole life.  Notre Dame will play anybody, any day.  The problem is they always have a tough time scheduling SEC teams with the exception of Tennessee because those schools don't like to travel outside of the Southeast.  Well now UGA has finally stepped up to the plate and taken on the challenge of scheduling a tough out of conference game in Notre Dame.  Kudos to UGA and ND for getting this series on the schedule.  It will be one of the most watched games of the year no doubt and will have both fan bases fired up.  And to top it all off Athens is only a hour drive for me.  The Fighting Irish between the hedges makes for a perfect Fall afternoon.

Adrian Beltre Collects His 2500th Hit, Still Hates to be Touched on his Head



Be honest how many people besides Texas Rangers fans knew Adrian Beltre was closing in on 2500 hits?  It's a hell of an accomplishment from a great player and this might make the third baseman a sneaky Hall of Fame lock.  But if he ever gets the vote into Cooperstown he has to also have someone try to touch his head before handing him his plaque.  Miguel Cabrera, himself a future HOFer, gave Beltre a little head nod and you could see the pure fire in his eyes.  He's just angry as shit.  Love it.

Miami Hurricanes 5:30 AM Workout Looks Like a NightClub


I guess it's dark to hide all the hookers and blow!  No lie this is how you get recruits to come to Miami. Just turn your 5:30 AM workouts into a full blown nightclub with a DJ and everyone will be jumping at the bit to get up and lift some weights and train.  The Hurricanes and Al Golden are setting the tempo for modern college football.

Our "Catholics vs Criminoles 2014" Shirt Went Viral Yesterday



Big Thanks go out to all the websites and blogs who gave us the great honor of publishing our "Catholics vs Criminoles 2014" shirt on their awesome sites.

Check out some of these great sports sites:










Luis Suarez: The Bite Seen Around The World












Tuesday marked the third time in his career Uruguay's Luis Suarez has bit a player on the pitch.  This time it just happened to be with the whole world watching as Uruguay battled Italy and eventually eliminated them in a thrilling World Cup match.  Suarez is likely facing at least a two game suspension and perhaps as much as a two year suspension from Fifa.  How about we just let a bunch of rabid pitbulls attack the fucker and let him see how it feels?

Here are some of Suarez's other crazy moments.  This guy is a grade A douchebag...



This Might Be the Funniest and Most Terrifying Vine of a Kid I've Ever Seen



This little fucker literally scared the shit out of me the first time I watched it.  I don't recommend watching this human leprechaun while trying to pinch a loaf off.

Tuesday, June 24, 2014

The Tampa Bay Rays Embarrassed Themselves vs the "Knuckleball Princess" in BP



Seriously what in holy hell happened to the Tampa Bay Rays?  They were baseball's small market underdog darlings along with the Oakland A's for the past 5 years but this year they have just completely sucked ass.  You go from nearly winning a World Series to looking like schmucks vs a 17-year-old girl named Chelsea Baker in batting practice.  They should just fold up the team and move them to Charlotte already.  I don't know what's more embarrassing: The Rays MLB worst record of 31-47 or Evan Longoria's blonde mohawk?


I Watched This Crush Davis Walk-Off Homer At Least 50 Times Last Night



And it still doesn't get old.  I'm going to watch it at least another 50 times till my balls shrivel up and erode from exhaustion.

Model/Reporter Andressa Urach Gets Naked for Cristiano Ronaldo



I literally have no fucking clue what she is saying nor do I care.  All I know is that model Andressa Urach is a former runner up in the Miss Butt Brazil (yes their country has this and we don't) and she is not afraid to show off her talent on TV.  Be sure to check out her Instagram or you can just google Image search for her better pictures.