GO AHEAD LANE KIFFIN, THROW DOWN

If you don't recognize the movie then just get the hell off of this damn blog I tell ya. I think Urban Meyer has had enough of Lane Kiffin already and the little blondie kid has yet to even coach an actual game in Knoxville. Now Kiffin is recruiting 13 year olds to come join him. Who does he think he is...Michael Jackson?


Video HT: EDSBS

JOSH WOMACK IS THE NEW BATMAN

Last week we profiled Bruce Manley and his ability to hit ridiculous behind the back shots from anywhere on or off the basketball court. This week we take a look at Josh Womack, an independent league baseball player for the Long Beach Armada, and his wacky ability to make a bat do things that don't seem possible. The 25 year old outfielder's career is pretty much in the shitter these days. It doesn't appear he will ever make it to the Big Leagues as a player but that doesn't mean he can't be on the field someday. This guy would make a hell of a bat boy. Could you imagine him doing these tricks before handing the bat to Ichiro? Hell, I would pay to see it. If that doesn't work I'm sure the porn industry could find a long lasting career filled with broken dreams and lost self worth.

Video HT: WithLeather

YUNEL ESCOBAR IS A CLASS ACT

I've gotten a few emails from Atlanta Braves fans saying I've been over reacting to shortstop Yunel Escobar's play and how he carries himself on the field. As I have said before I think Escobar is a good shortstop. The problem is he comes off like a spoiled brat when things don't go his way. He pouts, he doesn't hustle, and he sure as hell hasn't made a great impression to his teammates and/or opponents. Escobar isn't mature enough and doesn't possess superstar talent for Bobby Cox to put up with his shit. He zones out and makes bone head plays much in the same way Kelly Johnson did yesterday against the Red Sox. Both Escobar and Johnson are extremely lucky they play in Atlanta. If this kind of play occurred in New York, Philly, Boston, or Chicago they would be booed off the field for the lackadaisical mental errors. It's too bad for Atlanta because the Braves have a championship-caliber pitching staff but they got a bunch of guys who seem to be going throw the motions. The heart isn't there. Or brains for that matter.

THE HIGHLIGHT OF THE BRAVES-RED SOX SERIES

Forget about a flu-stricken Tommy Hanson extending his scoreless innings streak to 20 yesterday at The Ted, if you were at the Braves-Red Sox game yesterday this was the highlight of the game you couldn't see on television...

It appears Jeff Francoeur's older, fatter brother had a few too many in Hotlanta and decided charging the field with two outs in the 9th was a fantastic idea. Decent take down by security. I give it a 7. With only 9 combined runs in the entire series between the two teams this got the crowd the loudest.

Video HT: Deadspin via Red Sox Monster

SUGGESTIVE BURGER KING ADVERTISEMENT

Yesterday we had foot longs, today we got 7 inchers...



So ladies, what do you think about this Burger King ad? A little too suggestive or just right?

Image HT: Barstool Sports

TOP 10 NCAA QUARTERBACKS

1. Tim Tebow, Florida-One Heisman Trophy and two National Championships later while playing in the toughest conference in college football it's hard to argue that Tebow isn't the best quarterback of his generation. Everyone knows he can run the ball (673 yards rushing with 12 TD) but his arm was deadly too with an accuracy rate over 64% while throwing for 30 TDs and only 4 INTs. He should have another great season with an experienced offensive line back in Gainesville and plenty of weapons around him.


2. Colt McCoy, Texas-Hard to believe but it seems like Colt McCoy is a forgotten man when it comes to QB talk in college football. Last season he led the Longhorns in rushing with 561 yards and scoring 11 TDs. Very Tebow-like. Passing he surpassed Tebow with an incredible 77% completion percentage while throwing for 34 TDs and only 8 INTs. Texas returns a ton of experience so expect huge numbers again from The Real McCoy.


3. Sam Bradford, Oklahoma-It's almost insane to think that the reigning Heisman Trophy winner is only the third best QB on my list. It's not a knock on Bradford by any means it's just that Tebow and McCoy faced a lot more pressure last season than Bradford. Bradford threw for 50 TDs while amassing a Dan Marino-esque 4700 yards passing in helping the Sooners reach the BCS National Title game. It was very rare last season to see Bradford get hit but this year they replace 4 starters on the line so it could be a difficult season for him. And by difficult I mean don't expect him to throw for 40 or more TDs. But then again he does play in the Big 12 where defenses go to die.



4. Jevan Snead, Ole Miss-Snead grew into his own last year as he helped lead the Rebels to a 9-4 record including very impressive wins over Florida and Texas Tech. The Texas transfer will have the full spotlight on him this season in Oxford as the Rebels are expected to compete for a SEC Championship. With an out of conference schedule consisting of Memphis, SE Louisiana, UAB, and Northern Arizona he should have plenty of opportunities to pad his stats against inferior competition. Ole Miss will only go as far as Snead leads them this season. 30 plus TD passes will be a given but he needs to improve his accuracy and cut down on the INTs like he showed the last quarter of the season in 2008.


5. Jimmy Clausen, Notre Dame-Thunderlips as I like to call him is expected to have a huge junior campaign on par with Brady Quinn's 2005. Clausen spent most of his first two seasons in South Bend running away from defenses and getting picked up off the ground after being hit numerous times. Largely this was due to an inexperienced team taking their licks. 2009 there will be no excuses. Clausen throws a tight spiral and is deadly accurate from 20 yards and in. With the best set of receivers in the country (Golden Tate, Michael Floyd, Duval Kamara, Kyle Rudolph, etc.) returning along with a stable of quality backs and the most experienced offensive line in the country it should be an incredible season for the youngest Clausen. Expect Clausen to put up over 3500 yards passing and 32 TDs. He will be judged on how he performs against USC on October 17th. If he performs well along with the rest of his teammates and leads the Irish to victory then he will be a legitimate Heisman frontrunner.


6. Zac Robinson, Oklahoma State-A lot of people have ignored Mr. Robinson, myself included, the past two seasons and I'm not sure why. Zac has 24 starts under his Cowboys belt and has been very impressive with a 62% completion rate while throwing for 51 TDs and only 19 INTs. He has also managed to rush for over 1500 yards. He gets overshadowed in the Big 12 conference because of McCoy and Bradford but with WR Dez Bryant returning along with 1st Team AA RB Kendall Hunter he should have plenty of weapons at his disposal. The Cowboys have won 13 straight season openers and to make it 14th Robinson is going to have to have the game of his life against the Georgia Bulldogs in Stillwater. If Robinson can lead them to victory then the next 3 opponents are Houston, Rice, and Grambling State before they start conference play.



7. Dan LeFevour, Central Michigan-The 2-time 1st team All-MAC quarterback is back and ready to go for the Chippewas in 2009. The 6'3 senior QB is a highly touted NFL prospect and is only the second QB all-time to throw for over 3000 yards while rushing for 1000 (Vince Young the other). He will have his 3 leading receivers back but the O-line is questionable with a lack of experience returning. Playing in the MAC conference he should put up some huge numbers and don't be surprised if he rushes for over 800 yards this season.


8. Max Hall, BYU-The Cougars senior QB returns in what could become a storybook season. Last season Hall was impressive, completing nearly 70% of his passes for close to 4000 yards and 35 TDs. This season they are the leading preseason favorite to win the Mountain West Conference and perhaps play in a BCS Bowl game with TCU and Utah both coming to Provo. Hall and the Cougars open up with Oklahoma in Arlington in what should be a very entertaining battle between two high scoring offenses.


9. Robert Griffin, Baylor-"Track Guy" as his teammates call him earned All-American honors in the 400 meters last year as a true freshman but what was even more impressive was his stats as the starting QB. He ran for 843 yards and 13 TDs while throwing for over 2000 yards, 15 TDs and only 3 INTs all season. Griffin took a ton of hits last season but always bounced right back up despite playing for the worst team in Big 12 history. With his two leading receivers back along with him and RB Jay Finley in the backfield we could be looking at Baylor making their first bowl appearance since 1994. If you like to watch fast guys, or "Track Guy" play QB then watch Griffin tear it up this year. You won't be disappointed.



10. Terrelle Pryor, Ohio State-The true freshman held his own last year leading a senior laden Buckeyes team to their 4th Fiesta Bowl trip in the past 7 seasons. He was the second leading rusher on the team behind Beanie Wells with 631 yards and 6 TDs. His passing stats were also impressive as he threw for 12 TDs with only 4 INTs and completed over 60% of his throws. This season he will be the lone focal point of the offense as Beanie is gone along with their top receivers. Many people compare him to Vince Young and for good reason. He is tall, black, fast, and throws like a girl and perhaps like Vince has never kissed one. He will get his chance to destroy some Trojans on the football field in Columbus on September 12th. Win that game and the kid will already be a legend.


Honorable mentions-Ryan Mallett, Arkansas; Jake Locker, Washington; Todd Reesing, Kansas; Joe Cox, Georgia; Daryl Clark, Penn State

WAYNE ELLINGTON'S GIRLFRIEND

Wayne Ellington starred for 3 years in Chapel Hill as a guard who could take it to the hoop, penetrate and score with the best of them. Ellington is from Philly and was hoping his hometown Sixers would take him so he could stay close to home and his girlfriend Amanda Altschuler who attends Drexel.

Of being passed on by the 76ers, Ellington said: "My girlfriend [19-year-old Amanda Altschuler] goes to Drexel, so she wanted me to stay local, as did my family. I'm not upset at all, though. This is a blessing."

Usually I'm the first to say why would a guy who is about to make millions want to hang on to his girlfriend at such a young age. You should be going out and experiencing the world (brunettes, blonds, redheads, Asians, midgets, etc) till you see what you like and want to stick with. Hell the NBA is full of crazy sex parties offering up the latest and greatest. But after taking a look at Ellington's girl Amanda I can now see why getting drafted by the T Wolves and leaving Philly is going to be really tough...





HT: Deadspin

BRUCE MANLEY: IS THIS REAL?

I got this email today from one of our blog readers. You be the judge, is this real?

Hey Matt, I'm a long time reader of the blog I just wanted to give you a heads up on an interesting recent Internet occurrence. About a year ago Bruce Manley submitted a video into the Gillette Search for the next contest, Bruce was awarded the second best prize which was given by Gillette, the Grand Prize winner was voted on by the fans and some guy won for his beer pong shots, which I'm sure Gillette wasn't too please about. Here is Bruce's entry video:


As you can see Bruce is incredibly accurate at shooting balls behind his back.


Bruce then released a high quality production video:



Bruce also hooked up with a great slam dunker to film an alley oop session:


Ok, so for all that back story but I wanted to get it all in there, so the real story starts with this video:


This video was seen by Shaquille O'Neal, Shaq then proceeded to Twitter a challenge, calling out to Bruce, to a game of horse for $1000

http://www.slamonline.com/online/blogs/sole-searching/2009/06/shaq-vs-the-maybe-goat-at-horse/

Bruce is now planning on going down to Florida early next week to accept this challenge, the horse game will be filmed and put online, this has viral video popularity written all over it.

Just wanted to give you the FYI if you feel this is news worthy of Sportscrack, I guess it's time to add that Bruce is a personal friend of mine that I have known since we were about 10.

Thanks Matt

Well there you go, you got your wish, it is Sportscrack material. I'm a pretty big cynic when it comes to shit like this especially after seeing how David Blaine and others full the public with video tricks and CG. So I will let the Sportscrack readers chime in. Do you guys think it is real? I'm going on record as saying yes.

SEPTEMBER 18 1979

On 9/18/1979 I was not even 8 months old when Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett made guest appearances on The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson, which was co-hosted by Ed McMahon. All 3 of them of course have passed away this week. They say death comes in 3's. Who they are I have no clue. But maybe this is some weird Final Destination shit going on. Death got Johnny Carson first five years ago but then managed a long vacation of knocking out people at God's on deck circle, otherwise known as Florida till taking out McMahon this week. He then said fuck it and knocked out Farrah and then hit a staggering left with the King of Pop. Come to think of it the Pittsburgh Pirates won the World Series over my Baltimore Orioles a month after Michael and Farrah appeared on The Tonight Show. The Pirates have been pretty much dead ever since. See, I tied yesterday's sad news about the passing of a Hollywood sex goddess and an icon who "touched" so many young people's lives into a sports analogy. Bob Costas could only dream of such a seamless transition. Anyways I hope the Pittsburgh Pirates, Ed McMahon, and Farrah Fawcett rest in peace. Feel free to insert inappropriate and insanely humorous jokes below.

#1 PICK BLAKE GRIFFIN LOVES FOOT LONGS

Subway foot longs to be exact. Here is a video of Griffin playing S-U-B-W-A-Y, known as HORSE to everyone else, against pitchman Jared Fogle in the mean streets of New York City. I say mean because Jared is a mean mofo and I see more black people than white people in this video...



Tonight as you probably know is the NBA Draft. There should be plenty of trades and speculation leading up to it. Apparently Shaq is going to Cleveland to play with Lebron which would be significant if it was the Shaq from a decade ago. The Atlanta Hawks are getting Jamal Crawford from Golden State and quite possibly, fingers crossed, they could pick up UNC guard Ty Lawson with the #19 pick. Lawson is by far my favorite player in this draft and I don't even like the Tarheels. I hope the Hawks get Lawson so they don't have to resign Mike Bibby. Knowing the Hawks luck Lawson will be picked at #18 and they will go with Tyler Hansbrough who will have a career on par with Adam Morrison. Wait a second, Morrison just won a ring playing the bench for the Lakers. I could dig that.

HERE YA GO TENNIS FANS

Don't ever say I fail to post anything about tennis. Here is a Wimbledon highlight of tennis player Michael Llodra taking out the ballgirl...


If you are going to hit it that hard Llodra at least by "court"eous and leave a number on her nightstand.

TRIUMPH VISITS BONNAROO

My main man MacG has this entertaining video of Triumph the Insult Dog paying a little visit to the hippie music fest that is Bonnarroo. On a completely unrelated note I got the chance to see Eddie Vedder play live last night. He played some old classics like "Elderly Woman Behind the Counter in a Small Town" while also playing more recent tunes such as "Rise" and closing it out with "Hard Sun." It was a fantastic experience and it was actually the first time I got to see Vedder live. Yep, I have never seen Pearl Jam play live. Should be criminal to admit this. Any way the show was awesome except for the two smelly shitbags sitting to the right of me. I call them shitbags because they smelled like a mixture of fresh baby pooh, stale cigarettes, and the Chattahoochee River in a hot August summer night. They smelled like hippies. Triumph would have had a field day with those two. They couldn't ruin it for me and my wife though. Hearing Vedder jam the mandolin was on par with seeing the Sistine Chapel for the first time. Pure genius.

HIGH WIRE JONATHAN DWYER

Coming back to The Flats this fall is Georgia Tech junior runningback Jonathan Dwyer. The returning ACC Player of the Year is only the third Yellow Jacket to accomplish the honor, joining Calvin Johnson and Josh Hamilton whom were both serious Heisman Trophy candidates. Dwyer should be one too this season. Last season he rushed for 1395 yards while averaging 7 yards a carry. Expect huge numbers from him this season as Paul Johnson puts in more plays utilizing Dwyer's speed and power.

Check out these highlights from 2008:

Absolutely running over the Miami Hurricanes...


Running past their hated rival Georgia Bulldogs...


Showing off his strength, determination and power against Duke...


And here is another one against Miami showing off his Barry Sanders-like jukes...


So keep an eye out this fall for Dwyer of Georgia Tech. He most certainly deserves the attention and the pub. I'm having a hard time finding a more complete back in the college game right now. I guess most could say Cal's Jahvid Best has more speed which can't be argued but I think if I had to pick a back in college right now to give the ball 20-30 times a game and help carry my team to win it would be Dwyer. Who would you want toting the rock this season?

PHILLIES ANNOUNCER LIKES TO ROCK AROUND THE COCK

Phillies announcer Chris Wheeler meant to say clock...or did he? You be the judge.

Video HT: Deadspin

TOMMY HANSON AND THE BRAVES SHUT DOWN THE YANKEES

Tommy Hanson extended his scoreless innings streak to 14 as the Atlanta Braves beat the New York Yankees 4-0. It was the Braves second consecutive shutout and kept them within 4 games of the division leading Phillies. What else can you say about the kid Hanson? He is already dominating major league hitters and yet he still hasn't pitched like he is capable of according to himself.

"I was pretty pumped up," Hanson said. "I felt like I made some good pitches, and I felt like I made some not-so-good pitches. I definitely battled the whole game. It just feels good to come out of here with a win."

Hanson is going to be nasty. If only the Braves could find some offensive pieces not named Chipper and McCann then this team could go deep in the playoffs with their pitching.

SOCCER + ICE CREAM + KID= TELEVISION GOLD

I can't stop laughing at this kid's face. The little pudge monster has the same exact look as myself whenever I see a hooker reading Phil Steele's College Football Preview.

GAYTORS VS. CRIMINOLES: WHO YOU TAKING?

The game is still 5 months away but I thought this gif image from EDSBS was too funny not to post. I will go ahead and take the Gaytors over the chunky melons of Criminoles any day. Dam gum it!

GOLDEN IS THY FAME

Reason #1 to be excited about Notre Dame football in 2009: Golden Tate is back!

THE YANKEES AND THEIR FANS COME TO THE TED TOMORROW

This is what happened when the Yankees visited the Florida Marlins this past weekend on Father's Day nonetheless. You would think an interleague game between two teams with zero history would have less fisticuffs and spitting than a divisional game. I guess not. The Yankees and their fans(insert joke here) come to The Ted tomorrow. The place will surely be rocking with plenty of wannabe Italians rocking their Jeter jerseys and cursing at everything in sight. It's in their nature, god blessed them this way. After seeing this fight I'm not so sure I want to be going down to Atlanta on Wednesday for the game. They already have enough inbreds working as ushers and security down there that I would get innocently thrown into the slammer just for being in the general vicinity of a fight while wearing my A-Roids shirt. I want to go just to sit there and laugh at the Yankees fans but they always manage to get under my skin. Actually a lot of team's fans get on my nerves but Yankees fans top it all off with their holier than thou attitude. I got a lot of friends who are Yankees fans who are great guys so don't get me wrong, they are not all scumbags. But the ones who go to games and get in fights right in front of their children and then laugh it off like it's no big deal scare me. General rule in life: don't get in fights with wild animals, retards, and Yankees fans from New Jersey. All possess superhuman strength with an inability to be reasoned with.

Video HT: Barstool Sports

ATTACK CARDIO WITH VINNIE JONES

Little round around the edges are we? Too much flab? Haven't seen your manpiece without the assistance of a mirror in years? Well then you need Vinnie Jones...

YOUR MONDAY MORNING WAKE UP SONG

REDNECK FIRE ALARM

No need for batteries.

Image HT: Joe

GEORGIA STATE TO PLAY ALABAMA IN 2010

You will accept these payments for your blood.

You got to hand it to my Alma Mater Georgia State. They don't even have a football program but in 2010 they will start one and have an agreement with the Alabama Crimson Tide to play Nov. 20, 2010, at Bryant-Denny Stadium in Tuscaloosa. Holy shit! This is going to be a bloodbath. The Panthers program will get $400,000 and the notoriety of getting their asses humiliated by a SEC powerhouse. Actually it's kind of humiliating on the Bama side that they scheduled a football team that doesn't even exist. And I was giving Notre Dame shit for thinking about scheduling Army! Bama and Nick Saban upped the anti on all-time cupcake games with this agreement.

As a Georgia State grad I'm actually excited to see how the Panthers football program develops. Their head coach Bill Curry coached at Georgia Tech and Kentucky and was known to be an effective recruiter so I'm sure he can sell the programs benefits which are...uhhh...let me think...immediate playing time and a chance to play in the Georgia Dome. All of Georgia State's home games will be played in the Dome so that could be an effective recruiting tool. They also might be able to get in the kids who couldn't qualify for UGA or Tech. Before you know it they will be joining the Big East.

YOU KNOW YOU HAVE ARRIVED

Matt Wieters aka switch-hitting Jesus hit his first major league home run last night. In doing so he also collected his first RBIs and got the old shaving cream pie to the face from Adam Jones. Wieters has finally arrived. Look out.

KOBE BRYANT: THE ULTIMATE RAPIS....TEAMMATE

It's great to see that Kobe Bryant is the ultimate teammate and doesn't think of himself as any bigger than the actual Lakers team itself. See how he even wears the same shirt as his teammates at the parade today to celebrate his 4th, I mean the Lakers 15th NBA Championship?

Don't worry, we all know what the four finger shirt means. It's the amount of fingers he got into that poor Colorado gi......oh nevermind.

Image HT: Deadspin

CHECK OUT OKLAHOMA STATE'S NEW DIGS

I'm sorry but where the fuck is the Grey Poupon? Hookers and blow? They want to call this a first-rate college football facility but I don't see those essentials anywhere in the video. I'm very disappointed in T. Boone Pickens. The billionaire donated $282 million for these facilities upgrades for the Oklahoma State Cowboys and I don't see one "escort" for the players. You would think they would have consulted with Pete Carroll or Mack Brown in how to impress their players with those extra "perks." But yeah, the place looks nice and should look great when Georgia comes in September 5th and beats the shit out of them. By the way UGA just finalized a media rights deal with ISP Sports for $92.8 million. The hookers and blow in Athens should be outstanding now.

THE GRIZZLIES ARE GOING TO TAKE THIS GUY?

The Memphis Grizzlies have the #2 pick in the NBA Draft this year and mock draft boards everywhere have them selecting UCONN's Hasheem Thabeet. Excuse but can I ask "Why?" I get he is 7'2 and centers are hard to find but the guy blows. Have any of these scouts actually watched this guy play? He gets pushed around like Tony Romo on a Jessica Simpson tour. And please don't even try to compare his game to Dikembe Mutombo. Mutombo had skills and knew how to rebound, block shots, and score when needed when he wasn't waging his finger at the opposition. Sorry for the NBA post but I think it needs to be stated: Thabeet blows balls and the Grizzlies are retards if they draft him.

I think TLC should look into getting Thabeet a show. He is carnie material for sure.

FUNNY HEADLINE

Hitting is sports related right guys? Don't act like you don't know who this mom is either. I got pulled in as soon as my wife said there was a show about this couple involving sextuplets. I thought sextuplet was some weird, freaky sex position I never heard of before. Low and behold I find out it's not some crazy sex practice and instead focuses on these little kids who are obviously Nike shoe makers living right here in America. The world is a fucked up place I tell you and if you don't agree then try watching TLC for a night. It's like an open audition for carnies on there.

Anywho, I thought the headline was pretty funny "CAUGHT HITTING HER DAUGHTER!" Well yeah, everybody gets hit as a kid. It's part of growing up. The kid probably fucked up the stitching on the Air Jordans and had to be reprimanded. It's called learing a lesson where I come from. Plus I hate it when my Nike's stitching starts coming undone when I'm trying to dunk on a 8 foot goal. This is a lesson that little Gosselin girl will learn quickly. But seriously, who the hell calls the cops? It must have been Phil Knight. He always calls the cops when one of his "little" workers isn't sweating in some warehouse to the sweet sounds of R. Kelly's "I believe I can fly!"

NOTRE DAME VS. TEXAS IN 2013...GO ON!

A couple of weeks ago I trashed Notre Dame pretty hard for thinking about scheduling Army to play at the new Yankees Stadium. Basically I thought it was a bullshit idea and it had no recruiting or fan viewing advantage for Notre Dame and their followers. I still hate the idea by the way and hope Notre Dame continues to play only one service academy every year in Navy. But with all the shit ideas Notre Dame comes up with (playing Washington State in San Antonio this year, WTF?) it's refreshing to read that their athletic director Jack Swarbrick is waking up to the possibility of scheduling the Texas fucking Longhorns in 2013!!!

QUESTION: As we understand it, there are potentially some financial issues that could hinder you in making the Army game happen in Yankee Stadium. But can you talk about the prospects of a game between Notre Dame and Texas in 2013 — and we’re assuming that would be at one of the two campuses?

I’m not really in a position to talk about the prospects of that game in any particular year. What I can say is that we would love to play Texas. We love playing the schools that have had a comparable history. But also that share our values.

I think Texas is one of the great athletic programs in the country. Not just now, but for many years. I’m a huge fan of the program, their coaches, and (athletic director) DeLoss (Dodds) is one of the giants of our industry. So, if we can figure out how to play Texas at some point, we would love to do it.

Now this idea makes my balls tingle. Notre Dame already has the Oklahoma Sooners on a home and away meeting in 2012 and 2013 as well as adding Brigham Young, Arizona State, and Rutgers. Adding Texas would be great because it shows to their students, alumni and the nation that they will play anybody, anywhere. This is what Notre Dame was built on, playing the big boys all around the country. A matchup with the Longhorns would also get high school football recruits from the great state of Texas interested in Notre Dame. The Fighting Irish have a 14-5 record in the state of Texas and are 4-0 playing in Austin.

This is a win-win proposition for both Notre Dame and Texas. Texas passed Notre Dame into 2nd for most wins in college football (Michigan is 1st) in 2008 so there is some sort of bragging rights rivalry that could be made between these two programs. These games need to happen because if Swarbrick is as concerned as he makes it out to be about college football tradition being important in their future football schedules than he needs to know that the nation and Notre Dame people want to see them play Texas, not Army. Make it happen.

EVERY WEEK ON ENTOURAGE

I like the new Turtle a lot more than that tub of shit they have currently. No worries, it will all work out. YEEEEEHHHHHHH!!!!!

HT: WWTDD

TOP 10 COLLEGE FOOTBALL GAMES OF 2009

We are less than 3 months away from loading up the car with the tailgating essentials (Beer, brats, and babes) and driving to our favorite campus to embark on a fall tradition unlike any other: COLLEGE FOOTBALL! Can you feel the excitement? If you can't then buck up fucker. 2009 is going to be a great season full of upsets and thrills starting September 3rd so let's take a look at the top 10 games which I believe will be exciting to watch and could determine the pecking order of the elite programs who have a chance to contend for BCS glory.

10. Nebraska at Virginia Tech, September 19th-This might come as a bit of a surprise to those who know that I usually trash Nebraska and Virginia Tech for being overhyped but this year is different. The Cornhuskers will be in their second season under Bo Pelini who had an impressive debut of 10 wins including a bowl victory in 2008. It may not sound like a lot to Husker Nation but they are headed it the right direction under Pelini. They have a ton of muscle and experience on both sides of the line and the defense should be greatly improved with a secondary that might be the best in the nation. Beamer-ball is coming off a season in which they won the ACC Title with an incredibly young team. I expect this game to be a close and exciting one like last year when the Hokies won 35-30 in Lincoln.

9. Georgia at Oklahoma State, September 5th-If you like to watch two of the best wideouts in the nation battle it out for bragging rights then this is your type of game. Oklahoma State's Dez Bryant is coming off an All-American season which saw him catch 19 TDs with nearly 1500 yards receiving in 13 games. True freshman AJ Green had a season to remember too in Athens last year as he was named first team SEC compiling nearly 1000 yards receiving. A lot of college football pundits are thinking this is a rebuilding year for Mark Richt and they will have a hard time winning in Stillwater. I think they are wrong. Georgia will have a ton of people jumping on their bandwagon especially if the defense is as good as I think they will be with the likes of Rennie Curran, Reshad Jones, and Geno Atkins returning.

8. BYU vs. Oklahoma at Arlington, September 5th-This should be a fun game to watch if you like high scoring offenses. Heisman Trophy winner Sam Bradford and the Sooners will score a shitload of points in this neutral site game. But so will Max Hall and BYU. The season opener for both programs I fully expect Bradford's Sooners to come out on top but from a pure entertainment standpoint I think this game will be one of the most exciting to watch.

7. Georgia at Georgia Tech, November 28th-Last year the Jackets stunned, or stung if you prefer, the Dawgs in Athens with a 45-42 victory. It was the first victory in 7 years for the Jackets against UGA and completed a very successful first regular season for new coach Paul Johnson. Georgia will be looking for revenge in Atlanta against a Tech team that returns 8 of their top 9 tacklers and all 5 of their top rushers from last season. As a Georgia resident who has attended over 20 games in Athens and Atlanta this will be my first time seeing these two battle on the same field. If it lives up to last year's battle then it shouldn't disappoint.

6. Oklahoma State at Oklahoma, November 28th-Yes, these games are usually lopsided in favor of the Sooners (79 wins vs 17 losses) between the two state rivals but this year should be different. Both of these Big 12 teams have high scoring offenses led by senior quarterbacks who should be in the battle for the...wait a second, let me get permission, calling lawyer, yes, the HEISMAN Trophy is okay to type without fear of being sued, okay, thanks...biggest singular achievement award in sports. The Sooners won last year in Stillwater 61-41 so expect more fireworks this season.

5. LSU at Georgia, October 3rd-As you may have noticed the majority of games I have listed were games that were extremely high offense last season. The same can be said of Georgia vs. LSU. Joe Cox is going to be a pleasant surprise for Dawg fans thinking the QB position is due for a step down with the departure of Matthew Stafford. Not so fast my friends. The Dawgs will have plenty of offensive fire power to work with even without Knowshon and Stafford. Caleb King and Richard Samuel as well as freshmen Carlton Thomas and Washaun Ealey are expected to fill in for Knowshon at the RB spot and Cox will have a talented group of receivers to work with led by AJ Green. The Tigers are looking to bounce back from ugly loss at home against the Dawgs and as always return a team full of elite talent but this year they have a lot more experience.

4. USC at Notre Dame, October 17th-We all know the recent history of these two rivals playing. USC has dominated minus the 2005 game. Last year USC embarrassed Notre Dame to the point where ND didn't get their first 1st down to the final play of the third quarter. With Mark Sanchez gone Aaron Corp is expected to fill in. Corp is not the same QB as Sanchez. Notre Dame will be blitzing nonstop trying to disrupt Corp because they have the benefit of boasting a secondary that ranks among the nation's elite. Jimmy Clausen and Charlie Weis legacy at Notre Dame will be defined by this game. Win and they have a legit shot of finishing the season with 1 or less losses and perhaps a shot at a BCS Title. Lose and they will be under the microscope for failing to deliver a long awaited Fighting Irish victory over the Trojans. For what it's worth Notre Dame hasn't lost a game I've personally attended since 1990. I will be at this game. Goal posts be damned.


3. USC at Ohio State, September 12th-We all know about the Trojans dominance on the football field since Pete Carroll took over and it showed last season when these two perennial powerhouses clashed in the Coliseum with USC whipping up on the Beanie-less Buckeyes 35-3. The Buckeyes were breaking in a new QB in Terrelle Pryor but that isn't the case in 2009 as Pryor should build on an impressive freshman season and be ready for a reloaded Trojan defense. The Buckeyes need to prove they can win the big game on a big stage. Too often they have been blown out when facing elite talent. This will be their chance to silent the critics like myself who believe Big Ten talent is inferior to the SEC conference and USC.

2. Florida at LSU, October 10th-I honestly believe this game is going to be an epic showdown in Baton Rouge. For some reason people are forgetting how talented LSU is especially where it counts: upfront. The Fear Les Tigers will be looking for some revenge for the ass kicking they took from the Gators last year in the Swamp. LSU will have home field but they will be coming off a tough road game in Athens the week before while the Gators enjoy an off week in preparation. I'm looking forward to seeing how Tim Tebow adjusts his game with Percy Harvin now in the NFL and going against the likes of DE Rahim Alem who should have an All-American season.

1. Texas vs. Oklahoma at Dallas, October 17th-These two fan bases absolutely hate each other. It's great and what college football is all about: the passion. The Red River Shootout lived up to it's billing last season as the Longhorns came back and beat the Sooners 45-35. The Longhorns got screwed out of the Big 12 Championship game thanks to the BCS ranking system and missed out on the BCS Title game because of it. They want to prove they belong there this year again. The Sooners will be looking to get revenge on their arch rival in Dallas. It's the biggest game of the year and it just happens to be on the same date as the USC-ND game. Holy fuck, we are talking college football Armageddon bitches. Colt McCoy vs. Sam Bradford. Mack Brown vs. Bob Stoops. Beer vs. Liver. The battle will be epic and you have no rights whatsoever to ever come up with an excuse to miss this game. Wedding and funerals be forgotten. This is college football.

SCOTT VAN PELT IN THE NEW TIGER WOODS EA GAME

WithLeather has the preview for the new EA Tiger Woods 2010 game. Actually there is no preview. It's ESPN's Scott Van Pelt talking as a cardboard cutout to Tiger Woods. It's actually quite funny. I was waiting for a "I banged my European nanny too!" joke but it never made it into the commercial. Maybe the game. We shall see.

CONGRATULATIONS GO OUT TO THE LAKERS AND PHIL JACKSON

If you hadn't noticed the Los Angeles Lakers won the NBA Championship last night. In doing so they captured their 15th NBA Title and Phil Jackson won his 10th as a coach. He now has the most championships as a head coach in any professional sport passing Red Auerbach who captured 9 with the Boston Celtics. He also has a fancy hat displaying the Roman Numeral "X" and the years of the titles he won in Chicago and LA. Before you get all huffy puffy about the hat let it be known his kids made it for him. 10 championships is ridiculous no matter how you cut it. And to think he would have 12 if MJ didn't decide to start playing baseball after his father got killed. I'm not a Lakers fan by any means but I've always respected the way they play the game. Not sure what it is but they just a flair about them. I don't even care about Kobe anymore, he is just so likable...

BOBBY COX BENCHES YUNEL ESCOBAR

The Atlanta Braves are playing embarrassing baseball right now and after losing 2 of 3 to the Baltimore Orioles this past weekend Bobby Cox needed to send a message to the team. Shortstop Yunel Escobar, aka Frosty tip douchebag, received it in the bottom of the third inning when he was benched for Diory Hernandez.

“I thought we should have turned a double play in the first inning,” Cox said. “They get no runs. And [it] wasn’t heads up on the rundown either. We pride ourselves on doing things right and being in the game [mentally] and don’t do things lackadaisically. I just felt we should have turned a double play easy. I’m not saying it cost us the game, but it cost us three runs in the first and you don’t know what’s going to happen in the second.”

I would show you replays of the two botched mental mistakes by Escobar if the MLB Gestapo would let me. But apparently showing MLB highlights without their consent is so Anne Frank. Listen, enough of the Nazi talk, Escobar needed to be benched yesterday. Actually he needed to be benched a long time ago. Escobar was begging for a wake up call and hopefully Cox delivered it loud and clear. Pay attention and hustle. Escobar has a ton of talent but the guy has the brain the size of an ant's penis.

And what does Escobar have to say about his benching? No habla English! Escobar is pulling the Sammy Sosa treatment and acting like he doesn't understand English. Relief pitcher Mike Gonzalez is his "translator" for any questions directed towards him. Have I told you how much I hate Escobar lately? The guy is such a piece of shit. He has been a distraction and he can't even own up to his own mistakes and instead has to hide behind one of his teammates. Fuck him. The Braves need to trade his ass immediately. He has value. The guy can play a mean short when he wants to but apparently he is still bothered by a lack of maturity.

This isn't the first time Cox has tried to get through to Escobar:

When asked if he was trying to get Escobar’s attention, Cox sighed and said, “I’ve talked to him an awful lot since he’s been here.”

Hopefully Gonzalez can translate it to him. You are gone amigo. When one of the greatest and most respected managers in MLB history has had enough then it is time to cut ties. The same with Jeff Francoeur. Both could use a change of scenery and both should have trade value. Personally I would want neither but I could see the Baltimore Orioles or Boston Red Sox expressing interest mainly because Escobar can swing a mean bat.

What do you guys think? Is Escobar and Frenchy the main problems on this team or does it run deeper? Why is hitting coach Terry Pendleton not a candidate to be replaced?

YOUR MONDAY MORNING WAKE UP SONG

Can't Tell Me Nothin' from Zach Galifianakis

PITTSBURGH PENGUINS WIN LORD STANLEY CUP

Penguins goalie Marc-Andre Fleury with the save of the year to preserve the victory for Pittsburgh in game 7. I thought you guys would enjoy the French Canadian broadcast more than the NBC feed. Those poor Canadians, we have to give them some recognition. After all it's only been about 2 decades since one of their own teams won the Cup. Evgeni Malkin was named MVP proving he is the best player on the Penguins. Sorry Sid but if it's any consolation you get your name on the Cup and the NHL will continue to kiss your ass for years to come. Congrats go out to the city of Pittsburgh. They have suffered for over 4 months till yesterday without a major sports championship. You really have to feel for them. So now it's up to the Pirates to keep the streak going. Ruh roh.

Sorry Boston, you have now lost your Titletown claim. Pittsburgh owns it for now.

USAIN BOLT CHINESE CHARACTER SHIRT

Now we know what he thinks about China and their government. He needs to wear this shirt the next time he races. The design should be on the back of the shirt so his competitors can see it.

IMAGE HT: DEADSPIN

BARBARO RETURNS TO BALTIMORE

The Atlanta Braves offense has been so pathetic this season that yesterday they called up a Barbaro Canizares
to hit cleanup and man first base. Yes, fresh from the glue factory is Barbaro. He replaced the hot hitting Greg Norton (.098 batting average) who went on the disabled list because of a sore bat. Here is an endorsement from one Braves player in regards to Barbaro:

”I heard he can’t run, can’t throw and can’t field, but the sumbitch can hit,” is what one Braves player told me this morning.

Barbaro struck out twice yesterday but did get his first hit in a 3-1 loss to the Pittsburgh Pirates.

Sweet! I'm looking forward to watching the Braves travel to Baltimore this weekend. Nothing like exciting 2-1 ballgames to keep you on the edge of your seat. Watching the Orioles and Braves the past couple of months has been like watching a soccer game. Eventually somebody might score.

Oh yeah, and the last time Barbaro visited Baltimore he broke his leg and eventually had to be put down. Canizares might want to skip this road trip.

A-ROIDS CHANT "YOU DO STEROIDS"

BRAVO RED SOX FANS, BRAVO! I want to see all my Atlanta Braves buddies loading up on the A-Roids shirt when the Yankees come to town on June 23rd. In fact, I would love to see the Ted filled with this shirt or the Yankees Suck shirt. Southerners are known for their politeness, let's debunk that myth with a little humor...


Video HT: Peter

MANNY DIDN'T RAPE OR KILL ANYBODY

According to Manny Ramirez as quoted in the LA Times, MLB officials should just get off his puss filled back about his steroid suspension and let him show up and practice with the rest of the team...

"I didn't kill nobody, I didn't rape nobody, so that's it," Ramirez said. "I'm just going to come and play the game."

Wait a second, Manny has double negatives which turns into a positive right? Sorry, it's been a while since I took grammar. So is he saying he did kill somebody and did rape somebody? I'm confused. He does swing a mean stick.

SCOUT'S HONOR

The MLB Draft is wrapping up today and after 50 rounds we pretty much will know nothing about how good a team drafted till at least 5 years down the road. But of course that doesn't stop ESPN's Keith Law in claiming the Red Sox were the big winners in the draft. Seriously, how do you keep up with all 50 of their picks and decide they were the big winner against 30 other teams picking 50 or more players? The MLB Draft is a lot about luck as much as it is about scouting. Guys who could pitch or hit in high school and college might not be able to adjust to playing baseball every day for a living.

As a fan of baseball I for the most part have to go by what scouts say in terms of talent evaluation because a lot of the players I haven't seen in person. There are way too many players out there to keep up with 10% of them so I always find it funny that experts like Keith Law can tell you who the winners and losers of the MLB Draft are before the thing is even over. What makes me laugh even more is Law is basing a lot of his judgements on what scouts tell him. Which makes me wonder if the scouts are being honest or just blowing smoke up his ass about certain prospects because they "discovered" them. Who knows but I did find this quote from an anonymous scout regarding the Nate McLouth trade to Atlanta very interesting if not borderline hysterical in Jayson Stark's latest Rumblings and Grumblings:

• Pitt Stop: We've heard mixed reviews around baseball on the package the Pirates got back for Nate McLouth. But one scout who has seen a lot of all three players thinks all three could be stars.

"I really like [left-hander Jeff] Locke," he said. "To me, he has a chance to be Jon Lester. And if [right-hander Charlie] Morton just throws strike one, he'll win 15-16 games a year, if not more. And one thing no one can dispute is that [outfielder] Gorkys Hernandez has five tools. Those tools still need a lot of work. But he can be a top-of-the-order guy who can give you power and produce runs. And he can run and throw and play some kind of center field. So to me, that was a deal where both teams got what they wanted and needed."

I've seen all three of those kids play and had a chance to look at their stats in the minor leagues. Locke "has a chance to be Jon Lester" is one of the funniest things I have read in a while. Sure he could be Lester. If only he had his stuff and his arm. Other than both throw lefty they don't have a lot in common. Locke had a ERA north of 5 in A ball as a 22 year old but yeah, he has a chance to be just like Lester. Lester by the way as a 21 year old was posting ERA's in the 2's at AA and AAA. But yeah, Locke could be just like Lester if he gets cancer perhaps.

I'm not even going to argue the Charlie Morton winning 15-16 games in the majors. Morton blows. He walked as many guys as he struck out last year in Atlanta. It's not like he is 21 years old and just had a bad run. The guy is 25 years old. He should be able to show something in the majors but he hasn't. But yeah, if he throws strike one he will magically start winning 15-16 games in the majors if the Pirates magically score 8-10 runs in every one of his starts.

And Gorkys Hernandez has "5 tools." One of them must be a vibrator for this scout because I don't see any power in Gorkys' game. In over 250 plate appearances this year Gorkys has yet to hit a home run in AA ball. Throughout his minor league career he has nearly 1500 plate appearances and has a total of 14 home runs. Yeah, the guy is bristling with power. And with drug testing as prevalent as it is now it's not like Gorkys is just going to suddenly develop power once he reaches the majors.

So this is just one instance where scout's honor is full of shit. Sure, one of those players the Braves traded to the Pirates could become a star. Not likely but they could. Looking at their minor league numbers doesn't suggest stars in the making but what do I know, I'm not a scout.

ROLLER GIRL STILL HAS IT

Okay, her name is Heather Graham, but if you ever saw Boogie Nights she will always be known to penises around the world as "Roller Girl." Here are some pictures of the actress at the England premiere of The Hangover...

JOE MONTANA'S SON SPURNS NOTRE DAME

Nick Montana, a four star high school quarterback who just happens to be Joe Montana's youngest son, has turned down offers from Notre Dame, Georgia, and Ohio State to go play for...get this...hold laughter till I complete the sentence...the University of Washington. Yes, the same Huskies school that went 0-12 last season. Okay, now you can release the shits and giggles.

Nick apparently fell in love with new head coach Steve Sarkisian. Take a look at this zinger:

"He's an awesome coach," Montana said, according to the report. "You just have to look at all the guys he's put into the pros."

I guess Charlie Weis, Mark Richt, and Jim Tressel are shit stains compared to the holy throne of Sarkisian. Sarkisian was instrumental in the development of Matt Leinart and Mark Sanchez while an assistant at USC but I would hardly point him out for the one pro who has actually accomplished anything in the NFL in Carson Palmer. I think Norm Chow was more of an influence on Palmer's career. But let's be honest here, the young Montana picked Washington because of playing time. The Oaks Christian HS rising senior (same school as Jimmy Clausen) wasn't going to steal time from Clausen and Dayne Crist at ND, Aaron Murray and Joe Cox at UGA, and most certainly not Terrelle Pryor at Ohio State. So he picked Washington so he could do his own thing in beautiful Seattle and not be under the shadow of his father at Notre Dame, not face the rigorous SEC competition in Athens, and not be Tressel's clipboard assistant in Columbus.

It's understandable. Some fans of Notre Dame are freaking out. A few of them. Actually not many. Nick is a good prospect but not a 5 star standout like Clausen and Crist. I'm not saying he couldn't eventually develop into a star like his father did at Notre Dame. He has the genes and the skills to be a really good college player. But could you imagine going to a school where everybody will be comparing your every step to what your father did? It's unnecessary pressure and I can see why this Montana decided to skip out on Notre Dame (his brother Nate is a walk-on at ND). Notre Dame fans need not worry about losing this Montana. Sure it would have been a great story but the coaches need to focus on getting at least one quarterback in this class since they didn't sign anybody last year.

The kid they need to sign is Ohio product Andrew Hendrix. And no, he isn't Jimi's son. Hendrix is 6'3 and built like a college quarterback. He has a ton of upside and has offers as impressive as Montana. Weis needs to get him to verbal sooner than later. Hendrix visited Notre Dame last week and almost verbally committed on the spot. A lot of the top recruits are waiting to see what Notre Dame brings to the table in 2009 before committing to a school with only 10 combined wins in the last two years. They should. But landing Hendrix would enhance their recruiting ten fold. They would start picking up receivers and Hendrix could actively recruit other guys much like the #1 prospect Chris Martin has been doing ever since he verballed.

DANNY DEVITO IS MY NEW HERO

It's 9 AM on a weekday in Philadelphia and the Penguin Danny Devito is slamming beers, making midget jokes, and trying to score some strange. I have a new found respect for the little guy. You can't blame him for trying. I can only imagine the stories that Devito has working in Hollywood for over 30 years. If he can become a movie "star" and score tons of ass then you...yes...you the reader...put that away, it's inappropriate, have no excuse not to get off your ass and become something. Devito was the Terminator's twin at one point! Dreams can come true. Now quit your 9-to-5 job and go make me proud!

HT: WWTDD

CRAIGSLIST

I've been thinking about putting some stuff on Craigslist lately. No, not selling my body or anything like that. I'm not that desperate...yet. I've been doing some brainstorming, thinking of clever ways to pitch my junk so it sounds like gold on Craigslist. As you probably know it's all about how you sell it or market it. But I think when all else fails and you don't feel like dealing with people you should put out a classified like this guy did in Richmond...(click on the image to enlarge it)...



I think you get the idea of what he is selling and how he wants to go about the transaction. No bullshitting, just fork over the money and take the cement blocks. With that being said I'm going to copy this guy's approach. Anybody know what I can fetch for Pete Carroll's dead hookers?

Craigslist HT: Joe

NL ALL STAR BALLOT

Yesterday I gave you my American League All-Star ballot. No complaints with my picks so far. Either nobody reads this blog or people actually agree. Any who here are my National League picks, feel free to blast away!

NATIONAL LEAGUE
Firstbasemen-Albert Pujols, St. Louis Cardinals-Adrian Gonzalez for the San Diego Padres and Prince Fielder of the Milwaukee Brewers are having terrific seasons but still, we are talking about Albert freaking Pujols. He is the best player in the game. MVPujols is top 5 in almost every significant batting stat in the majors. The guy is like fine wine. He's only getting better. Pujols was drafted in the 13th round(402nd overall) by the Cardinals in the 1999 draft. What a steal of a pick!

Secondbasemen-Chase Utley, Philadelphia Phillies-Uts is a machine. This season is perhaps his best right now as he has a career high on base percentage of .435 and again is leading the majors in hit by pitches with 11. The guy does it all and is a gritty player that every team would love to have. Utley was drafted in the 1st round(15th overall) by the Phillies in the 2000 draft out of UCLA. The Orioles had the 14th pick that year. They took Beau Hale. I would say the Phillies franchise won that pick.

Shortstop-Hanley Ramirez, Florida Marlins-If you had a pick to start at shortstop who would you take? I'm thinking 80% or more would pick Ramirez. Hanley is again having a terrific season and should only heat up more as the weather becomes unbearable in South Florida. Last season Ramirez had a 30/30 season at the age of 24 while winning the Silver Slugger award. This season he has become more of a team leader and is the franchise player in the Marlins organization. Ramirez was signed as an amateur free agent by the Red Sox as a 16 year old out of the Dominican Republic.

Thirdbasemen-Chipper Jones, Atlanta Braves-The future Hall of Famer deserves to be starting in the All Star game in St. Louis this year. Larry again leads the majors in on base percentage and has a good shot at repeating his batting title. It's almost a crime that he has only played in 6 All Star games in his 16 years of MLB ball. I hope the voters do the right thing and put Chipper in the starting lineup. David Wright is having a fine season for the New York Mets but he still isn't close to Chipper's league. Chipper was drafted in the 1st round(1st overall) by the Braves in the 1990 draft out of high school. The Braves organization wanted to draft Todd Van Poppel but backed away because of signing issues. Thank god.

Catcher-Brian McCann, Atlanta Braves-McCann has bounced back from some eye issues this season and posted All-Star numbers batting in the 4 and 5 hole for the Bravos. In just his 4th season the 3 time All-Star is again leading all NL catchers in on base percentage and slugging percentage. McCann was drafted in the 2nd round(64th overall) in the 2002 draft by the Braves out of high school.

Rightfield-Justin Upton, Arizona Diamondbacks-As a 21 year old Upton is just beginning to come into his own. A freak of an athlete, the younger Upton is top 10 in slugging percentage, on base percentage, total bases, triples, extra base hits and runs created. He also plays an excellent right field and has a cannon for an arm. Upton was the first pick overall in the 2005 Draft which could go down as one of the best drafts ever.

Centerfield-Carlos Beltran, New York Mets-The 4 time All-Star is having one of his best statistical seasons in 2009. He is top 5 in on base percentage (as you can see this is a very important stat to me) and batting average. He also plays gold glove defense in center. Beltran was a 2nd round draft (49th overall) pick by the Royals in the 1995 draft out of high school.

Leftfield-Ryan Braun, Milwaukee Brewers-The Hebrew Hammer is again on pace to hit at least 30 home runs while driving in over 100. He may not be excellent in the field but his OBP is above 40% this year and he is drawing a ton of walks. Braun was drafted in the 1st round (5th overall) in the 2005 draft by the Brewers out of Miami.

Starting pitcher-Dan Haren, Arizona Diamondbacks-Haren only has 4 wins but that isn't his fault. His stuff has been nasty again this season and his strikeout to walk ratio is nearly 8-to-1. In my opinion he is the Roy Halladay of the National League. Haren was drafted in the 2nd round(72nd overall) in the 2001 draft by the Cardinals out of Pepperdine University. For some bizarre reason Haren has already been traded twice in his young career.

TAYLOR MAYS AND THE USC SONG GIRLS

The #1 free safety in college football for 2009, USC Senior Taylor Mays, does a little interview(i.e. picks his next notch on his belt) with the USC Song Girls. You may have heard of them. Mays is a future top 10 pick in the NFL and many people wonder including myself why he would come back to USC when he was guaranteed a fat paycheck if he left after his junior campaign. Well, now I think we know why. Let's just say the Song Girls can be very persuasive. You can't find top notch talent like that in Green Bay.

I know some of you are wondering how I came upon this video being a Notre Dame supporter. Pete Carroll posted it on Facebook. Yes, I am one of the Poodle's "friends." Why you ask? Because to beat the enemy sometimes you have to sleep with the enemy. Oh and I am also looking forward to giving him some grief come October 17th after the Irish beat them.

MY AMERICAN LEAGUE ALL STAR BALLOT

With the MLB Draft just hours away, otherwise known as the Stephen Strasburg overkill draft, I decided to get my mind off of it a little bit by filling out my All-Star ballot. You can go to www.vote.mlb.com. No longer do you have to bother punching out little circles on a ballot and turning them in at the ballpark. The powers of technology. I'm pretty sure the internet was invented for this alone. Here is my ballot, broken down by position and also a recap of where the player was originally drafted.

AMERICAN LEAGUE
Firstbasemen-Justin Morneau, Minnesota Twins-This was one of the hardest picks for me. Morneau is currently having a great season, batting .329 with the most RBIs at first with 52. The former MVP wins a close race with Mark Teixeira, Miguel Cabrera, Kevin Youkilis, and Russell Branyan all having outstanding years. You could make a case for all of those guys deserving a shot to start but when it came down to picking the one who I would want to be up at bat with the game on the line it was Morneau. Morneau was drafted in the 3rd round(89th overall) by the Twins in the 1999 draft as a catcher.

Secondbasemen-Aaron Hill, Toronto Blue Jays-Hill has been outstanding for the Jays all season. Hitting .310 with 13 HRs and 41 RBIs, Hill has rebounded from an injury shortened 2008 season to establish himself as one of the best 2B in the game. His defense has been solid too. Hill is a big reason why the Blue Jays are still contending in the AL East despite the rest of the offense struggling. Hill was drafted in the 1st round(13th overall) by the Jays in the 2003 draft out of LSU.

Shortstop-Jason Bartlett, Tampa Bay Rays-Bartlett was one of the easiest vote on my ballot. He currently leads the majors in hitting at .373 and has played stellar defense as usual at a premium defensive position. One of the most underrated players in the game, Bartlett should at the very least be named a reserve because there is no way he will overtake Derek Jeter in voting. Bartlett was drafted in the 13th round(390th overall) by the Padres in the 2001 draft out of Oklahoma.

Thirdbasemen-Evan Longoria, Tampa Bay Rays-Evan Almighty is having a MVP season in just his 2nd year in the bigs. Hitting at a .316 clip while leading the majors in RBIs with 55, Longoria is one of the games top 10 players already. His defense is also great and he reminds me a lot of Chipper Jones in terms of his approach to each at-bat. He doesn't get cheated. It should be mentioned that Chone Figgins, Michael Young, and Brandon Inge are also having All-Star seasons and this wasn't a sure fire pick with Longoria. Longoria was drafted in the 1st round(3rd overall) by the Rays in the 2006 draft out of Long Beach State.

Catcher-Joe Mauer, Minnesota Twins-Mauer is just in a different league right now. By far the best catcher in the game, Mauer has been on a tear since he came off the disabled list. He is hitting .413 with 12 HR(13 is his career high) and the 2 time All-Star could garner his first MVP trophy if he continues his torrid start. Mauer was the 1st overall pick in the 2001 draft by the Twins out of high school.

Rightfield-Ichiro Suzuki, Seattle Mariners-Ichiro is just a phenomenal player. The guy does it all. I can only imagine how big of a star he would be if he played on the east coast. I have a serious man crush on Ichiro because the guy plays baseball the way it should be played. Hustler is a good way. Ichiro was not drafted. He was signed as a free agent by the Mariners in 2001 after playing in Japan where he was an established superstar.

Centerfield-Adam Jones, Baltimore Orioles-Bazooka Jones has come into his own in 2009 batting in the 2 hole for the Baltimore Orioles. Top 10 in the AL in a ton of offensive categories, Jones has shown a set of skills that will make him a superstar for years to come. Jones was a 1st round supplemental (37th overall) pick by the Mariners in the 2003 draft out of high school.

Leftfield-Carl Crawford, Tampa Bay Rays-The 4 time AL stolen base champ has rebounded from some injuries in 2008 to again lead the majors in stolen bases with 34. Crawford was drafted in the 2nd round (52nd overall) in the 1999 draft by the Rays out of high school.

Starting pitcher-Zack Greinke, Kansas City Royals-Zack Attack leads the majors in ERA at 1.55 and has a nearly 9-to-1 K to BB ratio. His last start wasn't Greinke like but other than that he has shut the door down on offenses. An argument could be made for Roy Halladay right here and honestly you couldn't go wrong with either. But Greinke gets my pick because overall he has been more dominating than Halladay. Greinke was drafted in the 1st round(6th overall) in the 2002 draft by the Royals out of high school.

LEROY SMITH GET YOUR BASKETBALL ON

Oh how I miss the Charlie Murphy skits on the Chappelle Show. This infomercial made my sides hurt. I'm buying it and you should too.