Ichiro clone disgraces the game

I just added Dustin Ackley on my fantasy team so I should have known there would be assassins in the stands wearing Ichiro outfits trying to take points away from me. I gotta give props for the outfit though. He just didn't come in with a jersey and a hat. No he came in with the pants, shoes, belt, glove and sideburns. The guy is almost a dead ringer for Ichiro. They could have put him out there in right field and nobody would have noticed a thing. It's good to see they ejected him for interfering. Fans shouldn't be allowed to reach over and mess with the game.

Speaking of reaching over and ruining a game I always have flashbacks of that fucking douchebag kid in New York some 15 years ago in the Bronx. I've tried to let it go and I don't even like to mention his name. But then yesterday I saw we had a t-shirt order from a Jeffrey Maier and for a moment (actually I was contemplating it for hours) I thought about putting some fecal matter or anthrax inside the shirt. I literally had dreams about it. But then I did some research and found out it might not be the same Jeffrey. Apparently there are a lot of Jeffrey Maier's out there. Poor souls. I'd rather be named Adolf Hitler than share the same name as that prick kid. Anyways short story made even shorter I apologize for urinating on your Captain Clutch shirt Jeffrey. Please don't sue me.