OFFICIAL CONFESSION OF LAZINESS

Courtesy of the HolyTaco comes this list of laziness which about half I checked off on...

TONY GONZALEZ AND WIFE GO NUDE FOR PETA

Come on Tony, for PETA? It must have been the old lady's idea. No self respecting tight end would pose nude for those liberal assclowns. I don't even get the ad because the last time I saw somebody wear a fur coat was back in the 80's.

SPORTSCRACK TOP 10

Above image courtesy of HOTSECPOON.COM

1. FLORIDA GATORS-Urban Meyer's troops are getting stronger along with their defense. In handling Vandy 27-3 last week they move just a step closer to their 3rd National Title in 4 seasons.

2. TEXAS LONGHORNS-I'm convinced now that Texas is going undefeated till their bowl game which will be the BCS Championship. Colt McCoy passed for a career record of 470 yards while his roommate Jordan Shipley set a Texas record with 273 yards receiving.

3. ALABAMA CRIMSON TIDE-BAMA won the SEC West and a future date with Florida in the SEC Championship game by beating LSU 24-15. If the Tide can win out against Miss State, Chattanooga, and Auburn then whoever wins the SEC Title game will play for the BCS Title. By the way, I have looked into getting tickets for the SEC Championship since it's here in Atlanta and I have yet to go to one. Tickets start at $700 a piece in a shitty economy. Looks like HDTV will be my friend that day.

4. TCU HORNED FROGS-TCU gets College Gameday this week with Utah visiting. The campus should be electric and if the Horned Frogs can win out at the minimum they should get a BCS Bowl game. If 2 of the top 3 slip up then I think TCU should be playing for a BCS Championship if they win out because I think their defense is one of the best in the nation.

5. CINCINNATI BEARCATS-Brian Kelly still has them undefeated at 9-0. He is setting himself up perfectly for another BCS Bowl game. In order to do so they must beat West Virginia this week. They should.

6. BOISE STATE BRONCOS-Still undefeated so I have to put them up here. They won't play anybody the rest of the season which will hurt their BCS rankings but they can still make a BCS Bowl game considering at least 1 if not 2 or 3 teams ranked ahead of them will lose before the season is over.

7. GEORGIA TECH YELLOW JACKETS-The Jackets survived on Saturday against Wake Forest thanks to the cajones of Paul Johnson. In overtime, instead of kicking the field goal on 4th and short to send it to another overtime Johnson decided to go for it. The Jackets won. They travel to Duke this week in what should be a blowout.

8. IOWA HAWKEYES-Their luck finally ran out but they still have a chance to win the Big Ten by winning their next two games. They travel to the Horseshoe this Saturday. If they had a half way decent QB they would still be undefeated.

9. PITTSBURGH PANTHERS-I have a gut feeling they will blow out Notre Dame this weekend and get a lot more publicity for being a top 10 team. Wanny has Pitt playing excellent ball and should have little trouble with Charlie Weis this Saturday.

10. LSU TIGERS-Their only two losses have come at the hands of Florida and Alabama. Both of those games could have been won too. It's too bad they won't be playing in a BCS game this year.

ON THE OUTSIDE: Oregon, Utah, USC, Ohio State, Miami

CLEMSON ROWING TEAM WANTS YOU TO READ THEIR LIPS

Deadspin was the first to introduce the world to the Clemson Tigers rowing team which sometimes goes by the nickname of the Cameltoes. I feel kind of bad for these 9 women. Too much labia in college sports can be detrimental to future endeavors such as employment so I won't publish their names. Trust me, my labia has gotten me ridiculed for years.

THE SOLUTION FOR SWEATY BALLS: FRESH BALLS

How did it take this long to get antiperspirant for your manbags? We got people to the fucking moon 40 years ago but we are just now coming up with a product to get rid of sweaty balls. Our priorities are so whacked these days. Living in Hotlanta means I could use FreshBalls a solid 9 months of the year. My suffering is now over and so can yours. Sweaty Balls are a thing of the past. God bless.

Video HT: HolyTaco

JENNIFER LOVE HEWITT FINALLY GOES FOR THE POLE

JLH has been playing the sweet, innocent girl for too long. It's time for her to grow up. It looks like she has finally grasped what it takes to make it "big" time in Hollywood: pole dancing. She needs to bring out her inner-Halle Berry and realize she isn't going to be nailing big movie roles without nailing some top notch producers and/or showing a little more skin. Berry took it all off for "Monster Ball" and won an Academy Award. Hewitt is now pole dancing on her show the "Ghost Whisperer" which is just a step to full frontal and an eventual sex tape. Do it for all the kids out there aka middle aged men.

Video HT: TheDailyFix

AFROS - AMERICA'S FINEST RECEIVERS ON SATURDAY SHIRT

Buy one or two right now. It will make you feel better. Trust me. Chances of you getting laid are greatly improved while sporting the AFROS.

SPORTSCRACK STORE PAGE

KELLY BROOK DOESN'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT NOTRE DAME

Which really means I don't want to talk about it because honestly it hurts too much. She also doesn't want to hear from all the Charlie Weis apologists. Just look at her and enjoy your day...



Picture HT: WWTDD

RICHMOND ANNOUNCER GOES OFF

Fast forward to the :37 second mark. His sentiments were how I felt watching the Notre Dame-Navy game this weekend. "What a bum!"

THIS GUY HAD MONEY ON HIS TEAM LOSING RIGHT?

Kick Return Fail - watch more funny videos

I will let you know Pete Rose never did something this malicious against his teams while he was coaching.

DEANGELO HALL IS A PUNK

What is it with the Falcons and Virginia Tech head cases? DeAngelo Hall might be as dumb as Michael Vick. Shut your mouth and play the game the right way. You got cut because you suck balls. It wasn't personal. You sucked then and you still suck now. Your suckiness is all knowing. Hell, the Raiders thought you sucked and released you. You play on the Deadskins now. I'm so happy the Falcons don't have players like DeAngelo on their team anymore. The result is an actual team with winners.

SAMMY SOSA IS THE NEW KING OF POP

This is a recent photograph of former MLB slugger/roid user Sammy Sosa and his new look: white. He has become the new King of Pop.

ABSOLUTELY PATHETIC

2 home losses to Navy the last 3 years will get you canned. I have officially ran out of excuses for Charlie Weis. I've always been a fan of the "give coaches five years to turn around a program" but it's clear as day that Notre Dame Football is just as mediocre as the day Weis took over for Ty Willingham.

From now on ND's athletic director Jack Swarbrick better be burning up the phone lines looking for replacements as soon as the Stanford games final whistle blows. Personally I think the best man for the job is Urban Meyer. Do I think it is realistic to get him? No, not really. He has a great job right now at Florida and will probably win his 3rd National Title in 4 years thus turning the Gators into a dynasty. Why would he want to leave? He wouldn't. So if you can't get the best you have to settle for one of the rest. Any of these coaches would be better than Charlie Weis: Gary Patterson (TCU head coach), Brian Kelly (Cincinnati head coach), Jon Gruden (Super Bowl winning HEAD coach and current MNF announcer), Mark Richt (yes, I said it, he would be a great representative for ND and he can recruit), or Paul Johnson (Georgia Tech head coach).

I've always wanted Weis to succeed because I think he is a good man and I know he busts his ass 24/7 to make Notre Dame football competitive. It's just simply not working. When you have elite Heisman caliber players on your roster (Jimmy Clausen, Golden Tate, and Michael Floyd) and you are still struggling to put points on the board against teams like Navy then you are what you are: over your head. A coach is always measured with wins or losses whether it is right or wrong. And right now the Fighting Irish are 16-20 in their last 3 seasons. Absolutely pathetic. Thanks for the memories Charlie. It's time to bring in a proven winner. Finally.

MUST SEE TV: THE LEAGUE ON FX

The League on FX - Exclusive Clip - The Birthday Song - The most popular videos are here

I watched the series premiere last night of "The League" on FX Channel and I admit I haven't laughed so hard since I watched the latest "Curb Your Enthusiasm" on Monday night. "The League" is hysterical and worth the time. It comes on tonight on the FX Channel at 10:30, right after "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia." The show follows the lives of friends who are in a fantasy football league together. The cast is great and the writing as far as the pilot goes was outstanding. If you are a fan of Curb or Kenny Powers then I'm pretty sure you will enjoy "The League." Give it a shot tonight. If you don't enjoy it then clearly you are a communist who can't enjoy humor of any kind.

27 TITLES RETURN TO GLORY SHIRT

Our newest Sportscrack t-shirt is called "27 Titles Return To Glory" with the "Putting the Nasty Back in Dynasty" on the back. Please note how the 27 and DYNASTY are in pinstripes. We are taking preorders now, shirts will start shipping starting next week.

27 RETURN TO GLORY SHIRT

NUMERO UNO REASON TO WATCH THE HILLS

Audrina Patridge is on the show. At least I think she is. Honestly I have no fucking clue. I stopped watching MTV when "Beavis and Butthead" was canceled. Any network dumb enough to cancel that show doesn't deserve my attention. Patridge on the other hand does deserve it...




Image HT: WWTDD

PICKING UP CHICKS WITH TOP GUN LINES

Holy Taco went to the Bahamas and boarded the Bud Light Party Cruise with one goal: to pick up girls with lines from the movie "Top Gun." The results varied...


EMBED-Hot Chicks Love the Top Gun Song - Watch more free videos

So this is what I have been doing wrong all these years. I always tend to use lines from "Silence of the Lambs." For some reason girls don't dig the line "it puts the lotion on it's skin or it gets the hose again!" I mean come on, it makes perfect sense ladies. You are on the beach getting sunburned. I'm offering you protection from the harmful UV rays. So just go ahead and get in my windowless van.

CONGRATS TO THE NEW YORK YANKEES ON TITLE #27

The long suffering is over for you Yankees fans out there. Now you can know that when A-Roid makes out with himself in front of the mirror he is doing it as a World Champion. Actually the only two players I feel some what happy for is Derek Jeter, Mariano Rivera and Jorge Posada. Both are homegrown products who never left the Yankees (unlike Andy Pettitte) and remained loyal to Mr. Steinbrenner despite the fact that they brought in douchebags like Mark Teixeira and A-Hole. All is right in the baseball world today. The Yankees bought themselves another World Series. And here I was laughing when they spent over $430 million during the offseason while moving into a $1.3 billion stadium and thought to myself "God I hope they fail miserably again like 2008!" I guess the joke is on me. Mark this down as another win for Wal-Mart.

JUST ANOTHER REASON TO ROOT FOR THE PHILLIES: CHASE UTLEY'S WIFE

Her name is Jennifer Cooper Utley and she met Chase at UCLA where they were both attending. Let's just say Chase aka The Greaser hit a home run with this Megan Fox look alike...

SEXUAL HARRASSMENT VIDEO

"Smells like vagina in here! Smells like fresh vagina in here." Sounds like something Pete Carroll would say to his team before charging the field. In all seriousness I think I watched one of these videos in high school before starting my job as Photo Technician at Eckerd's Drug Store. It basically said sexual harrassment is if an ugly person hits on someone out of their league. No worries for me mate. Working in the photo lab was one of the greatest jobs. I could see everybody's pictures and blow them up to 8x10 if I felt like blackmailing people. We would get naughty pictures of couples, spring break pictures of girls making out, and of course the always entertaining drunk prank pictures. Those were the days back in my beat up Nissan 200SX, making $7 a hour, and not worrying about bills, mortgages, lawyers, STD's. The world was much simpler back then. The Yankees still sucked at baseball and Notre Dame was just starting to suck at football thanks to the transition to Satan, I mean Bob Davie.

But forget about all that. This should cheer us all up right guys?...