Monday, June 29, 2015

The "I Am Chris Farley" Trailer Is Must See



Man it's nuts to think Chris Farley passed away 18 years ago.  I still remember exactly where I was and what I was doing when the news broke.  I had just driven 10 hours south from Baltimore to Atlanta.  I was in a great mood and then as soon as I pulled into my Mom's driveway it all changed.  I was sitting in my old Nissan 200SX just stunned.  I didn't know how to react.  Sad and surprised were the first two emotions as the radio DJ first reported the news of Farley's death.  Then I got angry because I knew I would never get to hear or see Farley in another movie or sketch.  He was at the time my generation's greatest comedian.  He was laugh out loud funny all the fucking time.  His personality and his screen presence just pulled you in no matter how bad the writing was.  He could turn a bad sketch into a great one just by his physicality.

Anyways not to be all doom and gloom but this trailer for "I Am Chris Farley" brought back all those memories of him.  This will be a must see documentary for everyone and hope the younger generation gets to witness the brilliance of Farley.

It will be available August 11th.  For more information go to http://www.iamchrisfarley.com

Wednesday, June 24, 2015

Lindsey Pelas Knows How to Throw the Perfect BBQ



Seriously who eats ribs like that?

Savages.  God damn savages with BBQ sauce all over their cleavage that's who.

Always good to see Bud Light get back in the marketing game for the male demographic.  If Lindsey Pelas and her hindenburgs don't have you thirsty for some cold Bud Lights then you my friend got a case of the gay.

Key & Peele Football Pre-Game Pump-Up Routine Video Will Get You Hyped For Another Season



73 more days till football is back.   "Play the game like it's the last game of your life."

England's "Come On Our Girls!" Soccer Banner is Enticing


If England insists then so be it.

Who am I to argue?

Josh Donaldson Sacrifices His Limbs With This Diving Grab into the Toronto Stands



I still am trying to figure out why the Oakland A's traded him to the Blue Jays for a bag of dog shit.

Michigan Coach Jim Harbaugh Goes Off The Map To Add a Zero Star French Canadian Player

Well if Michigan is ever going to catch up with Ohio State in football it will be because their zero star French Canadian player is better than the Buckeye's five star guy.

Listen I'm not here to shit on Jim Harbaugh or this frenchy named Benjamin St-Juste because clearly a shirtless Harbaugh would kick my ass.


I'm just kind of questioning Harbaugh's reasoning on taking a Canadian zero star player at this point.  They already have 18 commits for their class and 4 of those are rated 2 stars.  Basically if you know how to put on your pads you get rated a 2 star.  You can only give out so many scholarships (85 max on current roster) so I'm presuming either Harbaugh has an eye for talent unlike any other or he really thinks his team is going to suck donkey balls in 2015.

Harbaugh is a proven winner and Michigan is a storied football program but I'm starting to think there is a good reason why Michigan has only won one National Championship (split at that) in the past 80 years.  Farewell Michigan.  It was good knowing you.

No it wasn't.



This Mexican Weather Girl Yanet Garcia Will Keep You From Changing the Channel





You know how I know this country is going to hell?

We get Al Roker while Mexico gets Yanet Garcia.

Game.  Set.  Match.

Mexico clearly wins in the game of life when it comes to weather "personalities."

Atlanta Hawks Reveal New Uniforms and of course they Fucking Suck

Listen I'm an Atlanta sports fan so I can say this without hesitation: this is so typical of an Atlanta sports franchise move.  You have the best season in your history (getting swept in this Eastern Conference Finals!) and instead of riding the train in the right direction you pull an U turn and say "fuck it" lets change everything.  Take a look at these jersey abortions...




Atlanta sports are like this.  We just can't have nice things.  We had to add a completely unnecessary neon green to the uniform because some marketing genius thought it was cool.  We will also go ahead and run out GM Danny Ferry (turned around the franchise in less than 2 seasons) because he read out loud a scouting report in private that had "insensitive" remarks about Luol Deng who doesn't even play on the fucking team.

This uniform proves that Atlanta sports are cursed.  Cursed by morons.  Somewhere Maryland Terps officials are laughing out loud at these monstrosities.





Cubs Fan Catches Foul Ball While Holding a Baby and Feeding Him


Somebody needs to give Cubs fan Keith Hartley a contract!

Look at the concentration while Hartley is feeding his seven-month-old son in his left arm and yet manages to bare hand a foul ball while protecting his son from a possible ricochet.  Bravo Keith!  Bravo.

Hartley's catch was later overturned by MLB replay officials and deemed an out since Dodgers Adrian Gonzalez appeared to be ready to make the catch but you can't fault Hartley on this one.  All he is doing is watching a ball come directly towards him.  It's human nature to try to catch the ball and shield your son from it.

Hartley's catch of course went viral and his 15 minutes of fame are extending into today...

A few hundred texts and emails came his way. Interviews on morning shows on WGN-Ch. 9 and WMAQ-Ch. 5 and the “Eric and Kathy” radio show were completed. And appearances on “Inside Edition,” ESPN’s “Waddle and Silvy Show” and Dan Patrick’s radio show were on deck.

“It’s been nonstop,” Hartley said Wednesday morning. “I haven’t gotten much sleep over the course of the evening, but with a new baby, he prepared me for it. Not really a new thing.”

The only thing that would have made this viral video better is if Hartley was wearing a Krush Bryant shirt.   Oh well we can't all be perfect.


Tuesday, June 16, 2015

New CHINASTY Chicago Hockey Dynasty Shirt


It's kind of hard to imagine but after 10 years of making t-shirts this is our first hockey related shirt.

It's called CHINASTY and it celebrates Chicago's Dynasty of 3 Cups in only 6 years.


SEC Championship Odds Per SI are an Interesting Debate



Sports Illustrated released their odds to win the SEC Championship.  It's always an interesting debate even when it's not the best conference in the nation.  Deep breath SEC Mouth Breathers.  I am only kidding.

It's only interesting in the South.

Alabama 5-2 Until someone knocks them off via miracle aka Auburn 2013 there is no reason not to have the Crimson Tide as the proverbial favorite.

Auburn 15-4 Will Muschamp is going to have their defense playing the greatest it's ever been.  If not they will be fucked because their gimmicky spread offense is not going to be putting up 40 plus points a game.

Georgia 5-1 UGA is consistently the most overrated team in college football when it comes to preseason rankings.  The Dawgs might not have a QB worth a shit but they still got a roster full of NFL talent just ready to be under utilized by Mark Richt.

LSU 8-1  How is it all these teams in the SEC have so much talent but such shit QBs?  Seriously I think LSU has Taco's eskimo brother playing QB this season or whoever was that shitbird who took the field vs ND in the bowl game.

Ole Miss 8-1 I keep telling myself not to fall for this Ole Miss bullshit. I keep telling myself they are still the same God forsaken piss pot program they have always been.  But like a fresh faced 5 star recruit with thousands of dollars pilled up in front of him on a recruiting visit I am starting to think Ole Miss is the place for me.

Tennessee 8-1 Now this is just some kind of funny hick joke right?  I mean nobody actually believes Tennessee, who hasn't been good this century, can win the SEC right?  Someone has been drinking too much of that fine whiskey up there to think Rocky Top is anywhere close to be a top contender.

Arkansas 10-1 No joke I could actually see Arkansas make a run for a SEC Title this year.  They shut out LSU and Ole Miss last season and you know they can run the ball.

Missouri 12-1 Mizzou is the Rodney Dangerfields of the SEC.  They get absolutely no respect even though they are the 2x defending SEC East Champions.  What we have come to learn is the east really is dogshit these days.

Mississippi State 12-1 I can't believe this team was #1 in the country at one point last season.  Fucking Miss State #1 in the nation?  It's so fucking asinine to even think it especially when they lost 3 of their last 4 games and got absolutely throttled by Georgia Tech in the Orange Bowl.

Texas A&M 15-1 Unless Johnny Manziel decides to come back and quit rehab the Aggies are irrelevant.  Yeah they got a good coach and some talented offensive playmakers but unless they got 10 more Myles Garretts on defense they can't stop anybody.

Florida 18-1 Well the good news is Will Muschamp is no longer roaming the sidelines looking for someone to yell at.  Gator fans can also look forward to a cake September schedule.  But once October rolls around expect many, many losses.

South Carolina 25-1 This will be Steve Spurrier's final season and it won't be a pretty one.

Kentucky 75-1 Basketball school.

Vanderbilt 100-1 Nobody gives a shit.

Wednesday, June 10, 2015

Lebron James Gets Called a "Pussy Ass Bitch" By a Female Warriors Fan



You gotta respect Lebron's reaction to this.  He knows he's got Warriors fans balls, or in this case labia, in the palm of his hand and there is nothing they can do about it except shout vulgarities at him.  The only thing that would have made this video better is if the camera panned to the women and revealed it was one of Lebron's baby mamas.

Now lady do yourself a favor and buy this shirt.  You can't hear me?  Too fucking bad.  Lebron owns your ass and you need to be forgiven.


Lindsey Pelas Running Slow Motion Makes Hump Day Much More Bearable



Those warlocks are lethal.


Tuesday, June 09, 2015

Texas Softball Girl's Catcher Loves To Throw Elbows at the Plate



Who knew Texas softball could be so rough?

Look I could understand ignoring the first elbow she threw on the girl crossing home plate.  Maybe it was an accident and she didn't realize she was stepping into the runner.  I could fully rationalize it with how uncoordinated females can be at times whether it's putting makeup on in their car while driving or playing catcher.

But the second time?  Holy fuck I would have lost my shit.  Kudos to the base runner for somewhat remaining calm and not knocking the shit out of the catcher.   I would have walked onto the field, even if it was my own daughter who was the catcher, and pulled her out of the game or confronted the umpires and the opposing coach if it was my daughter's team who was on the receiving end.

But in all seriousness if you are Charlie Strong I think you make a few phone calls and signs this chick up as your new starting linebacker.  It couldn't hurt especially with the hurting the Fighting Irish are going to give them on September 5th.


This Nick Chubb Freshman Highlights Video Will Get you Pumped for 2015



Last season as a true freshman Georgia tailback Nick Chubb continued the tradition of Tailback U and replaced suspended Todd Gurley and arguably had the best season for a runningback in the last 8 games.  1547 yards and 14 TDs don't lie.  Could a 2000 yard season be on the docket for Chubb?  It's possible considering UGA and Mark Richt need to ride the Chubb Strong train if they got any legitimate shot at a SEC Title.

Prediction: Chubb runs for 1700 yards nearly breaking Herschel's record.  UGA comes close once again to a SEC Title only to "Georgia" a game against an inferior opponent.


Monday, June 08, 2015

Playboy Model Nasia Jansen is Great at Doing Double Nunchucks



Ok we get it Nasia.  You are really good at flipping nunchucks around like Bruce Lee.  But what we really want to know since you are in a bikini and all is how fast can you make me a sandwich?  Because let's be honest here.  Besides the bedroom activities all we really care about is food and not some silly nunchucks Nasia.

Full disclosure this girl would kick my ass in less than 5 seconds with those nunchucks because the last thing I would be looking at is the actual nunchucks.

Tuesday, June 02, 2015

Joey Gallo Makes His MLB Debut Tonight and Here is a Little League Picture with Him and Bryce Harper


Joey Gallo makes his MLB debut tonight for the Texas Rangers and the highly ranked prospect has already played with a ballplayer you may have heard of: Bryce Harper.  Yup before they even had as much as a whisker on their balls they were playing Little League together in Las Vegas.

There must be some serious radioactive powers out there in Las Vegas because Kris Bryant is also from the area.  So you got three young guys with all plus plus power coming out of the same area.  Baseball might not be as entertaining as it was during the steroid era but you can't deny the young superstars coming up right now will make it must watch television for the next decade.

Help support SportsCrack by buying this official Krush Bryant Shirt!

So Yeah Family Guy Pretty Much Predicted Bruce Jenner Would Become A Woman



This Family Guy episode went live 6 years before Bruce Jenner revealed he was going to cut off his dick and balls and become Caitlyn.  I can kind of get how Seth McFarlane just throws random jokes at the wall hoping one might stick but he nailed the shit out of this one.  Which makes me wonder if McFarlane had some inside info back then because how in the hell would anyone predict the world's greatest athlete from the 70's would eventually become a female?  It's just too inconceivable.  It's almost as funny as ESPN deciding to give Jenner the Arthur Ashe Award because he decided to become a female.  I'm not exactly sure what is courageous about it but then again I've never wanted to slice off my manhood.  But that's just me and I guess I'm the weirdo now in this beautiful world.  That Kardashian family is the gift that just keeps on giving.