Thursday, April 23, 2015

Inside Amy Schumer's Parody of Friday Night Lights is Hilarious

Clear eyes, full hearts, don't rape.

I just finished Netflix binging the whole "Friday Night Lights" series last week so this particular "Inside Amy Schumer" Football Town Nights spoke volumes to me.  It hit me like the Steubenville HS Football rape case but in a non sexual assault covered up by a football obsessed town way.  Rape culture is never funny unless you have a fellow Towson University alum in Schumer doing a spot on Tami Taylor impression with the wine and the spin after sipping a glass.

Cheers to you Schumer!  It's not often you see a real life Cabbage Patch kid make fun of rape culture but she did it.  She really did.

Monday, April 20, 2015

Cubs Fans Know How To Catch a Ball With Their Beer

The Cubs may have not won a World Series since 1908 but don't tell their fans about it.  They are too busy catching foul balls with their suds.  I can't think of anything better than a dirty baseball in my beer and then chugging it like a lunatic.  Actually I can think of a million things but when you have 6 generations of fans who know nothing but losing you can't blame the Bleacher Bums for settling with baseball beer.

Thursday, April 16, 2015

Kevin Pillar Climbs The Toronto Outfield Wall To Rob a Homer

I think we found the new Spiderman.  Toronto Blue Jays outfielder Kevin Pillar proves that even white men can jump while robbing a black man, Tampa Bay 2B Tim Beckham, of a home run.  Not bad for a guy I've never heard of before.  Are we sure this isn't Kevin Millar?

Wednesday, April 15, 2015

Nolan Arenado Makes The MLB Catch Of The Year

Colorado Rockies third baseman Nolan Arenado has won two Gold Gloves in his first two seasons.  Well you can put him down for another.  While running full speed, Arenado sacrificed his body and his career with this incredible catch going into the tarp.  And this wasn't some lightly hitting the tarp action.  This was a full knock-your-shoes off collision between Arenado and the tarp.  He's lucky he didn't break any bones.  With MLB making home plate collisions illegal this is the closest thing we are going to get to NFL type hitting.  Bravo Arenado.

Monday, April 13, 2015

New Spring College Football Preseason Top 25

With most universities having their spring football games completed last week and this week I felt it was time to put out a 2015 Preseason Top 25.  This of course could change drastically with injuries, transfers, coaching changes, suspensions, and incoming freshmen making an impact.  Shit last season we all threw Ohio State in the recycling bin when QB Braxton Miller went down with an injury and they won the whole fucking thing.  So take this top 25 Preseason College Football with a tiny grain of salt...

1. Ohio State 
2. TCU
3. Alabama
4. Oregon
5. Baylor
6. Michigan State
7. Clemson
8. Florida State
9. Notre Dame
10. Georgia Tech
11. Oklahoma
12. Stanford
13. Auburn
14. Arizona
15. LSU
16. Georgia
17. Arizona State
18. Missouri
19. Mississippi
20. Boise State
21. UCLA
22. USC
23. Wisconsin
24. Kansas State
25. Arkansas

Some thoughts: With returning QBs and a lot of depth on both lines of the ball Ohio State and TCU are clearly the top 2 teams in the nation.  They are almost interchangeable but I put the Buckeyes first because of Urban Meyer and because they are the returning champs.  Of course TCU could have won the playoffs last year if the committee got them in but that is another argument.  Honestly the only reason why I have Bama and Oregon so high is because of their recent success.  I think both programs could be due for big let down seasons.  It kills me to put Michigan State so high but other than Ohio State I don't see anybody on their schedule beating them and QB Connor Cook should have a Heisman worthy season.  I got 4 straight ACC teams finishing out the top 10 in Clemson, FSU, Notre Dame and Georgia Tech.  ND returns the most starters while Clemson and FSU return the most talent.  Tech has Justin Thomas back and run an offense that is very hard to game plan against.  I'm not sold on either USC, Georgia, or UCLA as top 10 preseason teams as most prognosticators are.  UGA and UCLA have unproven commodities behind center and USC has Steve Sarkisian as their coach.  Stanford is due to bounce back in a big way.  I could see them winning the PAC 12 and I might regret having them ranked outside of the top 10.  One could also make a case that Arkansas, yes the Razorbacks, might be the best team in the SEC West this year and I got them barely in the top 25.

Tiger Woods Is Full Of Shit, Says a Hand Bone Popped Out but He Fixed It

Come on Eldrick.  We aren't your ex-wife.  You honestly think we are going to believe a bone popped out of your hand and you just "put it back in it's place?"  You must think we work at the local Huddle House.

Tiger shot a 73 yesterday.  He finished The Masters at -5 which is a hell of a lot better than I thought he would going into Augusta.  He did have some incredible vintage Tiger shots that gave you a glimmer of hope he could pull something off.  But he was awful off the tees all weekend.  I think he only hit about 15% of his fairways.

Of course Jordan Spieth stole the show tying a Masters record (and Tiger one of course) finishing at -18 and was the first golfer since Raymond Floyd in 1976 to lead all four rounds.  Spieth is only 21 years old and last year finished 2nd in his first ever appearance in Augusta.  The kid is legit and him and Rory McIlroy could build a classic rivalry for the next 20 plus years.

In other words Tiger may bring in more viewers but the game of golf is in great hands with some young superstars.

Thursday, April 09, 2015

Jaylon Smith: Be Afraid Texas, Be Very Afraid

Come September 5th the Texas Longhorns are going to wish they never scheduled a home-and-home series vs Notre Dame.  Junior linebacker Jaylon Smith has been cross training at multiple linebacker spots and has been a raving tackling lunatic during the spring.  The returning All-American linebacker will surely win the Butkus, Bednarik, and whatever other defensive award you can name in 2015 because it's his season to shine.  If you thought Manti Te'o and his imaginary girlfriend was a special story in 2012 just wait for this fall when the Predator comes a knocking.

I want to say I feel bad for Charlie Strong and the whole state of Texas but they know what they are entering at Notre Dame Stadium.  A world of hurt, blood, tears and dreams crushed.  Bevo, it's what's for dinner.

True Detective Has a New Trailer

Listen nothing will beat Woody and Wooderson in the first season of True Detective but this new tease or trailer or what ever the fuck you want to call it looks down right ball tingly.  An all star cast of Rachel McAdams, Vince Vaughn, Colin Farrell, and Taylor Kitsch aka Tim Riggins should belt out some memorable scenes with the premiere on HBO slated for June 21st.  I cancelled my HBO subscription after the first season concluded but now it's time to fire up a free 3 months promo come June just so I can wet my tv viewing whistle.

This Should Be A New Reality Show: Drunk Girl Avoiding Highway Traffic

Good lord lady.  Can you be any more drunk?  You gotta love the dudes who are actually risking their lives on the highway for this black out drunk girl with the hopes of somehow bringing her home and getting her another Bill Cosby special.  The video starts off with her taking a mean piss right in the middle of the highway, pulling up her pants, and then playing chicken while stumbling in her high heels across San Diego traffic at 1:45 am.  If this was some dude or fat chick she would be splattered all over the highway like a Walking Dead zombie.  Instead she got a DUI and will probably have a new reality show.  God bless America and hot drunk chicks.

With The Masters Upon Us Now is a Good Time To Root For Rickie Fowler and His Girlfriend Alexis Randock

Rickie Fowler may wear goofy ass Puma hats and clothing but the dude is a straight up pimp when it comes to his golf game and his 19th hole ladies game.  Right now the soon to be Masters Champion (fingers and assholes crossed) is dating swimsuit model Alexis Randock which rhymes with you know what and oh my God Fowler is a lucky bastard.  Fowler is yet to win a major but who gives a shit.  He's hitting it in the right hole every single night.  Enough with my crude sexual golf innuendo talk.  Let's take a fair look at Alexis Handonmycock...

And least shocking news ever she went to Arizona State.  I swear they breed an endless supply of swimsuit models, porn stars and shitty football players....

Sunday, February 08, 2015


Work hard, play hard, party hard.  These Gronk Smash t-shirts and hoodies are perfect for any game day, tailgate, or party to show your support for your favorite Patriot.


The Hawks are the best team in the NBA after a convincing win Friday vs the Golden State Warriors.  Now show the world you are #ALL IN with this classic shirt from SportsCrack Tees.