Friday, April 18, 2014

What Baseball On Acid Looks Like: The Gatorade Bryce Harper Commercial

Holy Panama City flashback time!  I feel like I just took some really high grade acid and just want the trip to stop.  Make it stop!  Bryce Harper is some kind of liquid trail demon mashing balls that turn into his face to the sweet rift of Welcome to the Jungle.  I don't give a shit if you hate Harper this commercial is legit.  No more clown questions bro!

Release the Kimbrel Shirts in Throwback Royal and Navy Now Available

Let's be completely honest here folks.  There is only one pitcher in the last 10 years who has made grown men look like babies swinging a wiffle ball bat.  Kimbrel is the closest thing to unhittable since that day long ago you thought you had a shot at the prom queen.  It's almost a crime on itself for us to have never made this shirt till today.  Now is your chance to #RELEASETHEKIMBREL with this classic Game Over shirt.  Comes in one of either THROWBACK ROYAL or TRADITIONAL NAVY.

Monday, April 14, 2014

This Jameis Winston Pre Spring Game Speech Gave Me Goosebumps

Chills running up and down my spine.  Jameis Winston won a Heisman Trophy and National Championship last season while avoiding those pesky rape charges at FSU because he knows how to articulate his passion for the game of football.  Famous Jameis aka Jaboo is from the sticks of Alabama but you would never know it by listening to him.  Jim Nantz better watch out for his Masters gig.  After Jameis manages to score the first ever negative Wonderlic he's going to use that mouth of his to secure broadcasting jobs after his motivational speech days are over.  I'm not even going to lie I had tears forming listening to Jaboo talk.

P.S- What the fuck did he say?

Bubba Watson Celebrated His Second Masters Win With a Trip to the Waffle House

Bubba Watson won his second Green Jacket in three years yesterday in Augusta but also managed to make a trip that many of us have made in the middle of the night: Waffle House.  At 1:30 AM to be exact.  I'm guessing there was some celebratory drinks before hand.  I know what you are thinking...where is their 2-year-old son who CBS pinned up there like Bubba and his wife were the parents of the year?  Well who do you think drove these drunk bastards and took the picture?  Yup the kid.  He's already pulling his weight in the Watson family.

P.S- I don't care how rich you are.  The Waffle House is still the best place to get a great breakfast.  I get the All-Star Special all the time.  Substitute hashbrowns for the grits, side of bacon, scrambled eggs, wheat toast, and a waffle of course.  Vanilla coke is the go-to drink.  Just made myself hungry talking about it.

Friday, April 11, 2014

Texas Tech Football Has A Dance Off, Head Coach Kliff Kingsbury Steals The Show With His Stanky Leg

Recruiting 101: Learn the stanky leg, do the stanky leg, make the video go viral.  Boom recruits sign on the dotted line.

Texas Tech head coach Kliff Kingsbury is a renegade innovator.  A man's man.  One stanky leg at a time.

Sign of the Apocalypse: The Duke Flop Has Now Infiltrated Boys League Basketball

Thanks Coach K.  Not only do you teach your overrated players how to pull a patented Shane Battier flop anytime someone penetrates the lane but now we got fucking kids taking dives like they play on the Italian National soccer team.  To be completely honest if I was a ref and saw this little punk pull this shit I would not only kick the kid out of the game but also the parents for raising an asshole.  Hey but that's just me.

Charles Barkley Says He Offered Dirk Nowitzki Money To Go To Auburn

Typical SEC scum move.  I love Charles Barkley and his honesty.  Just tells it like it is.  Yeah I offered German wunderkid Dirk Nowitzki a bunch of money to go to Auburn years ago...whatcha going to do about it?  Shit I don't even blame Barkley.  Have you seen Auburn play basketball?  They haven't been close to competitive since the mid-to-late 90's.

Tuesday, April 08, 2014

40 Years Ago Today: "There's a new home run champion of all time...and it's Henry Aaron"

I don't give a shit how many Barry Bonds hit.  Hank Aaron is still the all-time home run champion.

Good to see Derek Jeter Still Has His Fielding Range

Yeah Jeeeeets!

Oh shit.  He's old.  And slow.  And has the flexibility of a guy who just went through a colonoscopy.  Other than that Derek Jeter looks great.

Go Get Em Kid!

FSU and Notre Dame Joust In Rain Delay Baseball Game

I've always said you can really get to know your fellow teammates during a rain delay.  Last week Notre Dame and FSU had an extended one in Tallahassee and squared off in hijinks to one up one another.  Gotta love the old Catholics vs Criminoles battles.  The only thing it was missing was Jameis sacrificing a young lady in distress.

Riots at UCONN

I don't think I will ever understand the mentality behind rioting after your school or team wins a championship.  Breaking shit to celebrate seems counterproductive but hey that's just me.  Can we get confirmation that Storrs, Connecticut is still a city and not a raging fireball of chaos?

PS - Is the guy shooting this VINE the owner of the car?  Why else would you be like NO NO NO then YES YES YES?  Rioters gonna riot.  The voice sounds identical to a South Park character.

Shabazzketball Destroyed My Bracket, Can Now Eat

"The Hungry Huskies...this is what happens when you ban us!"

Truer words have never been spoken.  Final Four Most Outstanding Player Shabazz Napier is not only a two-time champion for the UCONN Huskies but is now a mouthpiece for the plighted and malnourished student-athlete that the NCAA preys upon.  Poor guy goes to "bed starving" while the rest of college students eat $50 filet mignons and their fancy sides that they find in between their microbrew soaked suede couches.  I feel bad for guys like Napier.  Not only does he get his tuition paid for but he also has to put up with all of his free room and board and books and free tutoring and free five course meals and women and free travel and clothes and future NBA millions while "starving."  It's a hard knock life for Napier and he shows he is true warrior in every fashion.

In conclusion fuck guys like Shabazz Napier.  Not because he is bitching about "starving" but because he completely ruined my bracket.  I had UCONN losing in the first round.  Napier put them on his back and said F that guy and his stupid office bracket.  I gotta eat!

Congrats to UCONN for winning the title.  It was much deserved.  I enjoyed all 45 minutes of the tournament I actually watched. Now we can focus on more important things like baseball and hockey before football finally comes back.

Monday, April 07, 2014

Gene Chizik Not Thrilled With Daughter's Prom Date Picture Goes Viral

My daughter is only 3 years old but already I can identify with former Auburn head coach Gene Chizik in this awesome prom date photo bomb.  The classic "look at this fucking guy" who's about to violate my little angel pose.  It's always a good time to clean the gun right before her date comes over in my opinion.  You answer the door all nonchalantly.  Gun in one hand.  Fist in the other.  Let's all make smart decisions here and get this every father's dreaded nightmare over with as cleanly as possible.

Saturday, April 05, 2014

For Some Reason These Paulina Gretzky Photos Have Pissed Off The LPGA

Lighten up ladies.  It's not too often we guys have some eye candy to look at on the Women's Tour.

Oh wait she doesn't play on the LPGA?

Doesn't matter.  Now get back in the kitchen and make me some pancakes.

Thursday, April 03, 2014

David Ross Recreates "Major League" on 25th Anniversary

Damn now I feel old.  Real old.  Major League was my go-to movie for 3 summers.  Back in the days of Blockbuster and Turtles you had to get these things called VHS tapes kids.  Major League was the best.  It was right up there with Revenge of the Nerds.  I can recite every line.  Back then we didn't even have internet, DVRs, or cell phones or any of that shit you take for granted these days so when you got a movie as gold as Major League you held on to it and watched it endlessly because what the fuck else were going to do?

Kudos to David Ross doing a spot on Lou Brown.  The Pedro Cerrano impression though was minor league at best and how do you not have an impression of Eddie Harris "Are you trying to say Jesus Christ can't hit a curveball?"  It's the best line of the movie...

Artie Lange Kidnaps Pete Rose

The Tony Perez shit story is laugh out funny.  Priceless.

The Masters Thoughts With Will Ferrell

The keychains out of the Eisenhower Tree is marketing genius.  Will Ferrell just gets it.  He understands the Masters unlike any of us.  Corndogs, fast food, and Ryan Seacrest would make the Masters a perfect golf tournament.  Hopefully Billy Payne is listening.

Florida State New Logo is Climax Worthy

This new FSU logo has been confirmed by TomahawkNation and it's not bad at all.  Seminoles fans are of course in full meltdown mode after seeing it but it looks like the Chief is enjoying some satisfaction. 

I dig it.  The Chief looks younger, faster, has teeth, and more climax-worthy.

Here is the old logo which looked like some blind grandpa looking for his dentures in between the couch cushions: