MIKE HOLMGREN HATES JIMMY CLAUSEN

New Cleveland Browns GM Mike Holmgren is a huge fan of mustache rides but not Notre Dame quarterbacks. First he trades away Brady Quinn to the Denver Broncos and now he shits all over the notion of Jimmy Clausen being a Brown...

As for the second-ranked quarterback in the draft, Jimmy Clausen of Notre Dame, Holmgren was characteristically honest.

"I wish I liked him more," he said. "You know how you have a type of player that you like? It's not scientific. People like him a lot. He'll go high. But it would be hard for me [to take him]."

Apparently Holmgren is in love with Sam Bradford but thinks he goes #1 to the Rams. I'm sorry but I don't see the fascination with Bradford. He's coming off surgery to his THROWING SHOULDER and played almost exclusively out of the shotgun at Oklahoma. The kid is going to take some time to recover from both. I have my doubts with Clausen too but I think at this point he is the safer bet. Jimmy may be an asshole but so are a lot of QB's. I met Joe Montana once on Notre Dame's campus and he seemed like a prick to me. But guess what? It doesn't matter because Montana won Super Bowls. I'm not saying Clausen is going to win big time in the NFL because God knows he didn't win shit at Notre Dame but the kid has an edge that Bradford doesn't. He's been through the shit and got hammered at ND for every little thing and still he put up an amazing season in 2009 without a consistent running game or pass protection.

But honestly who gives a shit. The Rams are going to take Sam Bradford at #1. Hilarious.

TIGER WOODS EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH ESPN

Well after watching this I think we can all safely assume that Tiger Woods is a victim of spousal abuse. Elin beats the shit out of him. Tiger is in denial. It's sad. Poor guy. No wonder he stuck his Buddhist dick in so many orifices...."GET IN THE HOLE!"

AL HORFORD SAYS "HOW'S MY SHIT TASTE TIM DUNCAN?"

The Atlanta Hawks clinced a playoff spot last night with a 114-109 victory over the San Antonio Spurs. Hawks power forward Al Horford made sure Timmy Duncan knew who's ass to kiss once the playoffs start. That is right folks. The Hawks are going to come out of the Eastern Conference this playoff season and take on either the Los Angeles Lakers or Denver Nuggets in the Finals How do I know this you ask? Because mother fuckers I got mad skillz at predicting future bball champions. Take for instance the NCAA Tournament. I had Kansas winning the whole thing. And last time I looked they were going to beat the shit out of Northern Iowa in the second round. Ain't no fucking way they lose to a bunch of pasty Iowa ballers.

So just go ahead and put your life savings on the Hawks. You earned it.

OBAMA REACTS TO HEALTH CARE REFORM

For $10 co-pay I can get a fat joint and some pot brownies and a sticker? DUDE, sign me up!