Three Guys Go to Heaven
Three guys die and end up at the gates of heaven, talking to St. Peter.
"So," Peter asks the first guy, "how many times did you cheat on your wife?"
"None. I had a perfect marriage."
"Great," says Peter. "You get to cruise around heaven in a Mercedes. And you, how many times did you cheat on your wife?"
"Only twice, I think," says the second guy.
"Okay. You get to cruise around heaven in a Cadillac. And you, how many times did you cheat on your wife?"
"12 times. Maybe 13," says the third guy.
"Okay," says Peter. "You get a rusty Ford."
Later that day, the guy in the Cadillac sees the guy in the Mercedes crying.
"I just saw my wife."
"She was riding a skateboard."
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
HOW CAN YOU NOT SEE THE FACE RAPE?
Seriously, Texas just face raped a dude and no flag. How can you not see it?
Posted by Matt Fairchild (firstname.lastname@example.org) at 1:20 PM
I LOVE YOU WILL MUSCHAMP
I thought my mouth was dirty, but damn, Auburn defensive coach Will Muschamp is one high intensity motherfucker. Seriously, I would go through a motherfucking building for that guy. I guess his language works, Auburn held Darren McFadden and Felix Jones to under 100 total yards rushing combined.
This is just another reason why the SEC beats the shit out of a lot of conferences including those pussy liberal motherfuckers over in the PAC-10.
HT to DeepSouthSports for the clip.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (email@example.com) at 1:10 PM
ATLANTA REWARDED WNBA FRANCHISE, NATION LAUGHS
Seriously, what is the point of the WNBA? And why are they now bringing the freak show to Atlanta, a city that really could care less about basketball?
Well now that Atlanta has been awarded(I thought awards were prizes) a WNBA franchise I thought we could come up with some good team names.
Since Atlanta still has a deer population to go along with the smog, how about the Atlanta Nappy Headed Does? It rolls off the tongue. Or maybe the Atlanta Swallows. Okay, that is not right, the Atlanta Spits is more appropriate for a women's franchise.
Well, I've got it started, now you can help out with a kickass team name. Post your comments below and if we come up with a good one we might make a Sportscrack shirt out of it.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (firstname.lastname@example.org) at 12:33 PM
FORGET JIMMY CLAUSEN, THIS GUY IS THE NEXT BRADY QUINN
Just watch this interview on Rivals.com and tell me you can't see the similarities between Dayne Crist and Brady Quinn. I'm not ready to throw Clausen under the bus because he is only a freshman, but I think Crist is going to have a way brighter future than him because of his size(6'5), his arm(throws the ball with a lot more velocity), and his leadership abilities(Crist even interviews as well as Brady).
In fact, I will make the bold statement right now: Crist has a better chance of leading Notre Dame to a National Championship in 2009 than Clausen.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (email@example.com) at 12:15 PM
The buffoon on the left needs to go.
FIRE DON WADDELL!
As some of you know I am a huge Atlanta Thrashers fan, seriously, I am. They are a NHL hockey team in Atlanta for the uninformed. Anyways, today they fired their head coach Bob Hartley after an abysmal start at 0-6 while being outscored 27-9.
Unfortunately they fired the wrong person.
This season's roster stinks because of the GM Don Waddell. This is the same guy who gave Bobby Holik and Slava Kovloz ridiculous contracts to either come or stay in Atlanta. He traded away first round draft picks for a two month rental of Keith Tkachuk who promptly left Atlanta to go back to St. Louis in the off season. In case you were wondering one of those first round picks is probably going to be the #1 pick in the draft. Fucking brilliant Waddell.
So instead of firing Waddell we fire a head coach who has not only won a Stanley Cup with the Avalanche but also managed a winning record of 136-123-32 for a little over three seasons here in Atlanta and led them to their first playoff berth. Hartley isn't the problem.
Waddell stinks of cheap vodka and brown stained underwear. He went out this off season and picked up two undersized and soft veterans in Todd White and Eric Perrin to center his first two lines! They both are more floppy than Hugh Hefner trying to get hard between cocktails of coke and Viagra. He has one of the most exciting players and scorers in the game in Ilya Kovalchuk but instead of resigning Marc Savard two seasons ago to keep him as Kovy's center man they let him go and have replaced him with absolute garbage.
Simply putting it Waddell has to be fired. The Thrashers are horrible because of the moves of one man alone. His original plan was to have the Thrashers competing for the playoffs and the Stanley Cup on a consistent basis by year 5. Instead it took 7 years to make the playoffs in which they mortgaged the future just to get there and had no contingency plan if the veterans left because of the GM.
FIRE DON WADDELL NOW!
Posted by Matt Fairchild (firstname.lastname@example.org) at 11:41 AM