Detroit Tigers (95-67) vs. New York Yankees (97-65)
Regular season: Tigers won 4-3
The Yankees are all about C.C. Sabathia and for good reason. The big guy is a proven winner in big games and this season he again was dominant despite fading down the stretch. After C.C. the Yanks are relying on rookie of the year candidate Ivan Nova who hasn't lost a start since June 3rd. There is no fucking way they start A.J. Burnett or Bartolo Colon because not only do they look like gremlins but they both sucked donkey dick this year. So I guess Freddy Garcia will be the 3rd starter and...holy shit...I just looked at Garcia's stats (12-8 3.62 ERA) and he wasn't bad. Shows you how much I paid attention. Yanks have a good bullpen and have an up and comer named Mariano Rivera closing games. You may have heard of him.
Detroit has Justin Verlander who despite his good stats is NOT A FUCKING MVP CANDIDATE! Verlander will go in games 1 and 4 while Doug Fister (best midseason acquisition this year) pitches games 2 and 5. Fister was lights out down the stretch and actually outpitched Verlander. Maybe we should give him the MVP? Enough of the rambling rants, the Tigers have the best closer in the game in Jose Valverde but it will be interesting to see how he pitches in the playoffs. PRESSURE!!!!
ADVANTAGE: Tigers by a slight margin
The Yankees hit most homeruns in the majors with 222. Their lineup is sick with Curtis Granderson, Mark Teabag, Robinson Cano, and Alex Rodriguez (if the swelling in his labia goes down) all capable of hitting a shitload of homeruns in that little bandbox stadium they play in. You know Jeter will come through because he is the greatest player to ever wear the #2 jersey for the New York Yankees and both be black and white at the same time. Intangibles and leadership right there.
Detroit has a pretty formidable lineup also with Miggy Cabrera and Victor Martinez capable of driving in a ton of runs. My fantasy team relied on SS Peralta and C Alex Avila this season and they put up All-Star numbers but couldn't quite get me to the finals. Kind of disappointed guys. Next year clean that shit up and perform for me. Enough of my fantasy team, the Tigers have a good lineup but not as good as the Bronx Bombers.
Dude it's baseball. Just don't fuck up the lineups and make sure you know when your pitchers are done or not. It isn't rocket science.
ADVANTAGE: Jim Leyland's Marlboro
PREDICTION: Tigers in 5
Tampa Bay Rays (91-71) vs. Texas Rangers (96-66)
Regular season: Texas won 5-4
The defending AL Champs have some of the best starting pitching in the majors this season. Lefty CJ Wilson won 16 games and had an ERA under 3. Lefty Derek Holland won 16 games and had a great second half. They have playoff experience (honestly doesn't mean shit) as does Colby Lewis and Matt Harrison. 3 lefties and a righty should present matchup problems for Cano and Granderson. The Rangers also have a strong bullpen with closer Neftali Feliz at the backend.
Tampa Bay is starting Matt Moore in game 1. No I'm serious. The kid who hasn't only started one game in the majors. Whom am I to argue though? Maddon knows his baseball shit. They also have Shields, Hellickson, and Price in the rotation. While their starters matchup pretty well with the Rangers their bullpen doesn't. Kyle Farnsworth is closing games. Enough said.
The Rangers have the second best lineup in the playoffs behind the Yankees. Josh Hamilton, Nelson Cruz, Ian Kinsler, Adrian Beltre, Mike Napoli, and Michael Young are all crushing the ball. They got shut down last year in the World Series but I think they will be hot versus the Rays.
Tampa on the other hand doesn't have a formidable lineup. Sure they have Evan Longoria but his bat struggled for a large part of the season. Zobrist and Joyce were pleasant surprises and BJ Upton could get hot and steal some bases but I just don't like their lineup. Not even close to the Rangers.
Hey fuckface did you not hear me the first time? Coaching in baseball is all about not fucking up. With that being said Joe Maddon is a fucking genius who somehow got the Rays into the playoffs with his glasses and his beautiful hair.
PREDICTION: Rangers in 4