Thursday, October 18, 2007

JOE TORRE TURNS DOWN YANKEES
Does anybody really care? I mean yes, it is the New York Yankees and they have 26 World Series Championships and they will no longer have a manager who picks his nose on national television more often than I masturbate, but does it really matter? Baseball managing is like flipping the channel. Just don't fuck it up and know where your strong stations or players are and play them.

They can pay me 1 million, I will drink my ass off, and I will still be able to pencil in a lineup that will win 90 plus games next year. This isn't brain surgery. You need someone to cover up Derek Jeter's dead hookers or sweep away Roger Clemen's cattle pills then I am your man also, just don't expect me to clean
A-Rod's dirty whore infested cup without asking for at least 2 mil.

After hearing Torre turned down a 5 million dollar contract because he wants to die in Florida I pretty much reacted like this kid....


HEISMAN TOP 5
First of all I want to say with strong conviction that just because you beat Notre Dame doesn't make you a Heisman frontrunner. I repeat, just because Matt Ryan and Boston College beat ND last week, you know, the 1-6 Irish, doesn't make him any better than Tim Tebow, Andre Woodson, or Sam Bradford for that matter. I'm so sick and tired of the national media picking up a guy and proclaiming him the leading guy whenever someone beats Notre Dame. I'm a fan of the Irish but even I know we suck donkey balls this year and beating us is like graduating high school: If you can't do it then you should probably just cut your losses and light the candles while you soak in your blood bath.

Speaking of blood bath I got laid this week. No, seriously, and I didn't even have to pay her afterwards. I'm not sure where I'm going with this but I just felt like typing it out so everyone could read it. Life must suck when you have to pay for sex all the time, thus my reason why I will never get married. Speaking of marriage I'm tying the knot next May so that must make me the biggest hypocrite in the world but in all honesty(unlike 95% of the rest of this blog)I love the lady and can't wait.

Okay, enough of my boring life, let's talk Heisman.

1. Andre Woodson-He beat LSU. He beat LSU. Again, he beat LSU. -And for everybody in the media who can't imagine a black QB not running for TDs he actually ran for one against LSU while also throwing for 3 in the upset win. So there you go, let your racist tinted glasses dim for a moment and understand that he is on pace to throw for 37 touchdowns and only 7 interceptions in the toughest conference in college football. If he beats Florida this week I think it will be a safe bet to say everybody will be jumping on his bandwagon for the Heisman. I'm already on.

2. Mike Hart-
Let me first start off and say this: I hate Michigan. Always have, always will. But you know what, I also love and respect the way Mike Hart plays the game. If you want to talk about putting it all out on the line and carrying your team I believe we can't look any further than #20 for the maize and blue. If Michigan wins the Big Ten it's not going to be because they have the most talent or the better coaching or the easiest road, it's going to be because of Hart. He might not be as talented as McFadden or as fast as Desean Jackson but the kid knows how to play the game and be a leader. Again, I hate Michigan, but I have no problem with Hart winning the Heisman.

3. Tim Tebow-The Ultimate QB is on pace to throw for 26 TDs while running in another 18 TDs. I mean could you honestly imagine what life is like for Tebow down in Gainesville? He has thousands of hotties wanting to rock his world and yet his Christian background tells him to remain celibate till marriage. No wonder he goes ape shit on opponents on Saturdays. Me on the other hand, I would have semen dripping out of my ears and nose while looking for my next victim like Austin Scott (the room just got very quiet, awesome!).

4. Sam Bradford-

Leads the nation in passing rating and is on pace to throw for 34 TDs and only 7 interceptions with a good chance Oklahoma will make the BCS Championship game. There I said it. Oklahoma will be playing in the BCS Championship because of the play of redshirt freshman Bradford.

5. Matt Ryan-
Look, look, he tore up Notre Dame he has to be the frontrunner, let's compare him to Doug Flutie, look, see, see. Okay, he's good. I will admit that Ryan is one of the top 10 QBs in the college game. But his stats are not impressive enough for me to even consider him a frontrunner for the trophy. He is 40th in the nation in passing rating and you (the national media) want to put him as the frontrunner. Put down the needle, back away from the ledge, and let's get real for a change. Ryan and Boston College will fold faster than origami.

Just missed the cut: Darren McFadden, Chase Daniel, Dennis Dixon, Brian Brohm, Graham Harrell