KOBE STOP LOOKING AT MY....

The way the Lakers played tonight I doubt this series goes beyond 5 games now. Kobe was sick.

CONAN O'BRIEN: IN THE YEAR 3000

RANDY JOHNSON ALL SMILES AFTER HISTORIC 300TH VICTORY

Seriously, what the fuck is Randy Johnson's problem? I could have sworn the announcers just said he won his 300th MLB game becoming just the 24th member in the exclusive club but the guy can't as much as fake a smile. He just looks like a miserable s.o.b. Even when his son hugs him he has the look of a guy who is about to jump off the top of a building. Even David Carradine has smiled more in the past 24 hours and he is fucking dead dude. So get rid of the frown Big Unit. You will be going into the Hall of Fame. You have made over $167 million in your career. You got a World Series ring.

But yeah, with this mug life must really suck.

NBA FINALS PREDICTION

In 7 games the Lakers will beat the Orlando Magic. Kobe Bryant will be the MVP and get his 4th ring. I could bullshit you and tell you that the Lakers front court with Paul Gasol and Andrew Bynum will be able to hang with Dwight Superman Howard but I really have no idea what I am talking about. I don't usually watch the NBA regular season unless I am attending an Atlanta Hawks game at Philips. But the NBA playoffs this year has been really exciting to watch and I haven't been this into it since Jordan was playing. I hope the Magic win but I think the Lakers have the better team. It should be a great series.

SAMMY SOSA SPEAKS ENGLISH? NOPE, JUST BULLSHIT

''I will calmly wait for my induction to the Baseball Hall of Fame,'' the former Cubs slugger told the Web site after speaking at a government-sponsored event in the Dominican Republic. ''Don't I have the numbers to be inducted?''

This is what Sammy Sosa told ESPNDEPORTES, otherwise known as the Ocho, in announcing his retirement from the game of baseball because A)nobody wants him, B)they drug test now, and C)he can't understand english when asked about steroids.

Oh Sammy, you ignorant slut. Yes, his numbers would warrant a Hall of Fame selection if he played in any other era. But the guy was a juicer who's career was built on the ability to cheat. The corked bats and the steroids made him put up Hall of Fame numbers. Just looking at his numbers makes me sick to my stomach. He is the only guy to ever hit 60 plus home runs in a season 3 times. He is 6th on the all-time list of career home runs and 2nd all-time in whiffs. He either hit is very far or not at all. He was juicing like there was no tomorrow. He got a shitload of money because of the roids. Over $124 million to be exact.

But he is no Hall of Famer in my book. He maybe in his eyes but who gives a shit, he can't understand what I'm writing. He no speaka English thus no speaka Hall of Fameo.

BRAVES MAKE BOLD BUT NECESSARY MOVES

Yesterday was a great day if you are an Atlanta Braves fan. GM Frank Wren earned his paycheck while making some moves that should set up the Braves as a serious contender for a Wild Card run at the very least. The Braves offense has been struggling all season due mainly to a horrible outfield in terms of offensive production. Outfielder's Jordan Schafer, Jeff Francoeur and Garrett Anderson have been miserable in terms of contributions to the offense minus a couple of highlights this season. Wren saw the glaring weakness and made a great trade yesterday getting Pittsburgh All-Star Nate McLouth.

The best part of the trade was the Braves gave up relatively little to get a guy in McLouth who is wrapped up contract wise through 2011. The Braves traded minor league starters Charlie Morton(complete garbage in my humble opinion) and Jeff Locke(was getting hit hard in A ball) and promising young centerfielder Gorkys Hernandez(who has yet to hit a single HR in 212 AB's in AA). Essentially the Braves gave away minor league scrap metal to the Pittsburgh Pirates for their only All-Star. Hell yeah! If you ever wonder why the Pittsburgh Pirates organization has been shit for so long take a look at this trade along with their deals last season when they let Jason Bay and Xavier Nady go. McLouth will start in center for the recently demoted Schafer tonight against the Cubs and should get a warm welcome in Atlanta. McLouth is a solid defender (Gold Glover last season) who can steal bases with a MLB leading 92.8% successful stolen base percentage since the start of the 2005 season. And he also hit 26 home runs last year which is more than the whole Braves outfield combined last season. Great move by Wren and the Braves. Puzzling move by the Pirates letting go of a 27 year old foundation type player in McLouth.

The other great move by Wren yesterday was to give Tom Glavine his release and usher in the Tommy Hanson era. Braves fans love Glavine because he was instrumental in their only World Series title in 1995 pitching the game of his life against the Cleveland Indians. He was a crafty lefty who won multiple Cy Youngs and over 300 victories. He is a sure-fire first ballot Hall of Famer. But Glavine's time as a MLB starter is done. The 43 year old is way past his prime and was simply atrocious last season in the rotation. Remember the Braves paid him handsomely last season to get 2 victories on his belt while sporting an ERA north of 5.50. Roughly they paid him $4 million per victory. Glavine's career is done and don't feel sorry for him or feel like the Braves organization screwed him in anyway. Nobody was knocking on Glavine's door this offseason trying to sign him. The Braves did him a favor by giving him the chance to come back to Atlanta last year and finish out his career for the team he started. Remember Glavine was one of the union leaders during the strike and left the Braves in 2003 for the hated Mets for a contract that panned out to be one year more than the Braves were offering for similar money. He showed no loyalty to the Braves organization then so why should any Braves fan feel sorry for him now. He is washed up and a huge part of me hopes the New York Mets or Philadelphia Phillies sign him. Both teams need pitching. This would be the collective reaction of Braves fans if this indeed happened...

But anyways that is all water under the bridge. The thing that gets me really excited is to see the #1 pitching prospect in all of baseball in Tommy Hanson make his debut Saturday. Hanson is going to remind Braves fans a lot of John Smoltz. The 6'6 righty has been amazing the past two seasons in minor league ball and the Arizona Fall League. In AAA Gwinnett this season he has struck out 90 batters in only 66 innings while holding batters to a .169 BA. Chipper Jones stated he had the most impressive stuff of all the Braves pitchers in spring training. Hanson will join a staff that includes Derek Lowe, Jair Jurrjens, Javier Vasquez and Kenshin Kawakami. In other words the best pitching staff in the National League. Hanson was clocked up to 99 MPH in spring training and has an incredible curve ball and a very good changeup. He has future ace written all over him and should be the foundation for the Braves rotation for the next decade.

The Braves right now sit at 26 wins and 26 losses. They are in third place, 5.5 games out behind the Mets and Phillies in the NL East. With their arms they have the ability to go the distance. They just need the hitting. Hopefully Frank Wren is still looking for bats because the Braves are still incredibly weak at the power hitting positions(RF, LF, 1B) besides thirdbase with Chipper. And even thirdbase is a question mark with Chipper's health. Players like Luke Scott, Aubrey Huff, Matt Holliday, Lance Berkman, and others could be had if the Braves put together the right package. I would love to see them add Scott because he is a cheap player (2.4 million) who is still under team control for at least the next two seasons. He would add some serious pop to left field and is a great clubhouse guy. I would think the Braves would have to give up prospect 1b Freddie Freeman to get him which would be a great trade for both sides.

The future is now for the Atlanta Braves. Thank God.