Friday, September 21, 2007


WEEKEND PREDICTIONS

Georgia Tech(-3) at Virginia:The first time I saw this line I almost pissed on myself. Okay, not really, but I felt a little trickle out. You know when you get scared or confused, sort of like watching a bad SNL skit or just watching Dane Cook try to perform comedy. Terrifying as that might seem, the Yellow Jackets are only 3 point favors in Charlottesville. Tech hasn't won up in Cranberry Spritzer land since 1990, oddly I remember the game quite fondly because it was a classic.


Virginia is 2-0 in conference play after beating up patsies North Carolina and Duke. Their one loss came against Wyoming. I know, stop your laughter, it's pathetic. But what do we really know about Tech? They dominated their first two games against Notre Dame (who hasn't) and Samford (school of the deaf and dumb)but then were throttled last week by Matt Ryan and his Backup College teammates. So something has to give.

I'm going with my first instinct which usually always involves alcohol, pissing, or changing the channel. Tech should win this game comfortably. Tashard Choice has gotten the go ahead to play and I think we will see a more confident Taylor Bennett this week. The Tech defense is going to be stoked for this battle with their ears pinned back (no idea what it means, it just sounds good) ready to prove last week was a fluke.

Prediction: Nerds 27, Lemon Drops 13

Penn State(-2.5) at Michigan:Holy shit, how many fucking games does Michigan play in the Big House this year? Both of these teams have been far from impressive but right now the Nittany Lions are playing better. They both beat the FUPA off of Charlie Weis and Notre Dame but who hasn't so far. I'm not really a firm believer in any one of these teams but I think Penn State has the upper hand.


Michigan is starting a freshman QB who will be playing a really good Penn State defense. Whether or not Ryan Mallett can refrain from turning over the ball will be a huge part in deciding the outcome. I'm looking forward to the matchup of Mario Manningham vs. Justin King. Both guys will be playing on Sundays and are among the best in the nation at their respective positions.

I think I have to go with Brains on this one. Michigan has looked horrible all season and one week of beating up ND does nothing in changing my mind. I wish Mike Hart would have made a guarantee for this game, it would have made it more interesting.

Anthony Morelli makes less mistakes than Mallett (no logic here, just going with the senior vs. freshman dynamic) and Penn State gets revenge against the Skunkbears.

Prediction: Penn State 28 Michigan 20

Michigan State(-13.5) at Notre Dame:I don't think I need to go in details about what is wrong with the Irish to deserve a ridiculous spread like this at Rock's House. Sparty has had the Irish number in South Bend the last five times. No team has ever won 6 straight in South Bend and of course no Irish team has ever started 0-4.


Is Michigan State that good to deserve a spread of nearly two touchdowns? Of course not. Michigan State's program has evolved into a giant pile of shit stained expectations that never come to fruition. Wow, what a shock, Sparty is 3-0. They always are because they play shit teams just like Purwho does in the beginning of the season.

So what gives? Notre Dame is a fucking mess right now. They can't wipe their ass properly let alone convert a third down. As much as my Irish blinders say they can win this week it's hard to ignore the brutal truth.

Prediction: Fucking Sparty 27 Irish 12

Oklahoma(-23.5) at Tulsa:
Tulsa gave up almost 700 yards total offense to BYU last week...this could get ugly, very, very, u-g-l-y. I'm actually surprised the spread isn't wider. I'm talking Pamela Anderson canyon wide. Right now the spread is manageable for Oklahoma with Sam Bradford leading the way. Bradford has been hitting on all cylinders and nothing about Tulsa makes me think it will change this week.

The Sooners defense has been reminded the whole week what Boise State did to them in the Fiesta Bowl. Non-BCS schools aren't going to surprise the Sooners anymore.

Prediction: Oklahoma 62 Tulsa 14

Oregon State(+12) at Arizona State:The line just seems way too big for this game. The Beavers are going to want to show their former coach Dennis Erickson that they are tougher than his current team. Sammie Stroughter will have a big game against a suspect Sun Devil's defense. RB Ryan Torian is expected to miss the game against for Arizona State.

I got to go with the Beavers on this one. The line is just too big and I think Oregon State can win this game straight up. The PAC-10 blows this year except for USC and Cal. This game will be entertaining and close.

Prediction: Oregon State 34 Arizona State 30

Arizona(+16) at Cal:
I'm really hoping this game is on TV here in Atlanta because I want to see All-Americans Desean Jackson and Antoine Cason battle each other. The Wildcats aren't that bad and Cal isn't that good. Cal will win and Jackson will have a highlight play no doubt, but it will be closer than what Vegas thinks.

Prediction: Cal 28 Arizona 17

South Carolina at LSU(-16.5):LSU's defense is going to destroy South Carolina. LSU is just too good and too loaded for this game to be close in Baton Rouge. I could see South Carolina taking the open kickoff and having a decent drive and then all of the Cock fans get all excited and start looking at each other and right before they make out Glenn Dorsey tears their fucking soul out with a forced fumble sack and the game is over before you even knew it. Click-clack Spurrier.

Prediction: LSU 42 South Carolina 10

Kentucky(+6.5) at Arkansas:A game featuring a pair of Heisman contenders in Darren McFadden and Andre' Woodson, I'm actually surprised the Hawgs are favored by almost a touchdown. Kentucky is playing sky high right now after beating in-state rival Louisville last week. This isn't your everyday Kentucky squad and they will be able to put up points on the board against a suspect Arkansas defense.

D-Mac and Felix Jones will again play like beasts and put up a lot of yards. But Arkansas has a Dick as their QB and I think it is really going to fuck them in this game. Woodson is a great QB and will clearly outplay him while getting the ball to his playmakers in Rafael Little and Keenan Burton.

Both of these teams played shootouts last week and this game will be a high scoring affair too. I'm taking the big Wood-son over the little Dick.

Prediction: Kentucky 38 Arkansas 35

Georgia(+3.5) at Alabama:
Mark Richt's teams usually play good on the road, winning 10 of their last 11. The Bulldogs need this win or they will be 0-2 in the conference and you can kiss their BCS chances good bye. Matthew Stafford will outplay his counterpart John Parker Wilson and the Dawgs will squeeze out a victory with a late TD.

Prediction: Georgia 20 Alabama 17

TIGER LEAVES A FLOATER

The video footage is from the US Open with a bunch of grown men waiting for Tiger to squeeze out his last drop. You know some sick asshole fished out a turd and tried to sell it on Ebay. How much would a Tiger Turd get you? I'm thinking at least a grand. You could put it in a formaldehyde jar and display it on your fireplace mantle. Hell, you could throw Tiger Turd partys. Bring it with you to special occasions like graduations or birthday partys. Oh fuck it, if I won it I would bring it to a tailgate and have it root for my favorite team. You could never lose with the Tiger Turd by your side. Okay enough of the turd talk, I'm going to go check out Ebay...

Via Deadspin

THE WEEKLY LOU HOLTZ PEP TALK
Here is Holtz latest pep talk to the Penn State NNiiittannyy Wions. Remember folks, there may be 108,000 people in the stands, but they don't have weapons. Words of wisdom to live by...

"Remember men, Michigan is a rather arrogant group, they probably use pens to fill out their crossword puzzles because they think they are never wrong."
That is gold Jerry, gold!!