Thursday, August 26, 2010


The SEC is the elite conference in all of college football. There is no debate. Just stop before you even try to argue. The conference has won the last 4 National Championships with three different teams (LSU, Florida, and Alabama) and one could argue Auburn got fucked in 2004. This year will be no different in terms of domination by the conference as a whole. Alabama and Florida are ranked in the top 5 preseason in most people's polls and even the poon dominates in the South. It's big boy football with the best athletes and the best coaches with the best fans. It's not just a football game for SEC fans. It's a religion.


ALABAMA CRIMSON TIDE-Bama claimed their 76th National Title (really they have 8 legit championships but their program considers) last year by laying a whooping on Texas in the BCS Title game. They have the returning Heisman winner in Mark Ingram and a great 1B option in Trent Richardson if Ingram goes down. Greg McElroy isn't great but he is consistent and honestly all he needs to do is not fuck up. Bama and Nick Saban come in this season with a huge target on their back. Can they live up to all the expectations as the defending champs? Hard to say especially when you have just 2 returning starters on defense. Plus throw in the fact that their final 6 SEC opponents have a week off before they face the Tide which makes running the gauntlet even tougher.

FLORIDA GATORS-No more Tim Tebow but that won't necessarily be a bad thing. New Qb John Brantley will thrive in Urban's spread offense. He might not have the legs or drive of Tebow but he has a better arm and is more accurate. The Gators will actually put up more points on the board this year. What separates the Gators from other teams is their outstanding line play on both sides of the ball. Right now it looks like they are the best at both in the SEC despite losing Xavier Nixon and Matt Patchan. The defense is exploding with NFL talent and they have depth. The Gators are going to be nasty folks. Sorry Georgia fans.


AUBURN TIGERS-Don't be shocked to see the Tigers 11-0 going into the Iron Bowl. Florida transfer QB Cam Newton is done stealing laptops and is now ready to blossom to his 5 star recruit hype. He will be working behind one of the best offensive lines in the SEC led by All-American tackle Lee Ziemba. Ben Tate is gone but Auburn just reloads at tailback. This year expect big things from senior RB Mario Fannin. He is due for a huge breakout season. I had my doubts with coach Gene Chizik when he was hired as did most of the Auburn faithful but he went above and beyond last year. They almost beat Alabama and Georgia which would have given them 10 wins. Auburn takes a big step up this year and contends for the SEC West with Bama.

ARKANSAS RAZORBACKS-Bobby the snake Petrino has his deepest and most talented team so far in Fayetteville. They have one of the best QB's in the game with Ryan Mallett and their offense returns nearly everyone. They will score a shitload of points. But what separates the good teams from the great teams is defense and I don't see one in Arkansas. I expect a lot of 42-31 games this year. They can win 10 games and could beat Bama at home but they got at least two SEC losses in them.

GEORGIA BULLDOGS-No more Joe Cox. You can breath easy Dawg fans. Now it's time for Team Murray. Here is what you should expect this season between the Hedges...

Don't worry, they aren't Australian. They are from New Zealand. New QB Aaron Murray will be playing behind one of the nation's best offensive lines this season and has two good running backs in Caleb King and "The Impala." If he does get in trouble he can throw it to the best receiver in the college game in A.J. Green. Georgia's offense should be much better but what about the defense? The front 7 should be good but the secondary could be horrible. They don't have their usual badass safety ready to rip heads off. The special teams will be excellent and it will help them win a lot of close games. Georgia will be better than last season but they are still far off from competing with Florida. I see 9 possibly 10 wins.

SOUTH CAROLINA GAMECOCKS-The Ole Ball Coach has his best team yet in Columbia. They return 16 starters and will have one of the best defenses in the nation. If Stephen Garcia steps up and puts the baby bottle down then big things could be looming for the Cocks. Perhaps bulging. They get Georgia, Bama, Tennessee and Arkansas all at home. I think they could win 3 of 4 at best. Auburn and Florida on the road will take perfect games. The Cocks won't go undefeated by any means but they could win double digit games which happens..well...never.

LSU TIGERS-LSU is only 8-9 in their last 17 SEC games. Could they continue to slide with "The Hat?" Yes and no. Talent wise LSU is right up there with any team in the country. They don't let players get out of Louisiana and they use to win games by controlling the line of scrimmage. I'm not so sure they can do that on defense or on offense. Plus Les Miles is do for at least 5 fuckups that kharma will not be so kind to him this season. The Bayou Bengals won't beat Florida, Alabama or Auburn. Fuck it. Go root for the Saints.


The ugliest uniforms in the college game. Worse than Oregon. The Vols are going to struggle mightily this season under new coach Derek Dooley. This is what happens when you hire a dickturd like Lane Kiffin. You get shit all over you when he leaves.

OLE MISS REBELS-Houston Nutt only has 10 returning starters. Jevan Snead is gone which should make them instantly better. It won't. They lost Dexter McCluster who was probably the most underrated player in college football last season. He literally carried Ole Miss all season.


MISSISSIPPI STATE BULLDOGS-Dan Mullen has them on the right track but still, it's fucking Miss State.

KENTUCKY WILDCATS-Hoops season can't come soon enough for the Wildcats.

VANDERBILT COMMODORES-Vandy was 0-8 in the SEC last year. Their coach quit on them already. It's going to be ugly.

BEST GAME: FLORIDA AT ALABAMA (October 2nd)-It doesn't get any better than this. Florida will look to avenge an ass kicking by Bama in the SEC Championship. Whoever wins this game is more than likely in the BCS Title game.

WORST GAME: GEORGIA STATE AT ALABAMA (November 18th)-Alabama should be ashamed of themselves for scheduling this joke of a game. Georgia State has never even played a down of football...ever. And yet the defending champs scheduled the Bill Curry led Panthers (famous alums include myself) for a home game on Thursday night. This will get ugly. Very ugly.

MOST OVERRATED GAME: TENNESSEE AT GEORGIA (October 9th)-Besides the Hob-Nailed boot game there hasn't been any close battles in this rivalry. In fact nobody really cares two shits about this game outside of those two states.

BEST OFFENSIVE PLAYER: Georgia WR A.J. Green is the best receiver in the college game. Mark Ingram may have a Heisman but the Green Machine is a better player.

BEST DEFENSIVE PLAYER: LSU cornerback Patrick Peterson is the best at his position in the college game and will be a high draft in the NFL. He's about as lock down as they come.

BEST FRESHMAN: South Carolina RB Marcus Lattimore was the #1 rated prep running back last year and will start immediately in Columbia.

MOST LIKELY TO GET ARRESTED: Washaun "The Impala" Ealey...oh wait that just happened. I'm going to say a Gator since they are always a safe bet. Will Hill would be my guess. No particular reason.

MOST LIKELY TO BE FIRED: I don't see anybody getting fired but I could see Steve Spurrier stepping down after this season. The Ole Ball Coach might not have a lot left in the tank especially if the Gamecocks struggle this year.

PLAYER WHO WILL BE BETTER THAN WHAT PEOPLE THINK: I got this sick feeling in my stomach that Florida QB John Brantley is going to tear up the SEC.

DOESN'T MAKE SENSE AWARD: For a program with as much tradition and history as Tennessee it really doesn't make sense that Derek Dooley will now be their third head coach in as many seasons. The Vols could be awful this year. You can thank the previous two coaches.

The Florida Gators. Urban Meyer will have this team ready especially with the absolute incredible stock of talent they have all over the field. Alabama will be damn good too but I think the Gators have the slight edge on the lines of scrimmage. I don't expect an undefeated season from the Gators but I do expect them to make it to their 3rd BCS Title game in 5 years.


I honestly had no fucking clue these even existed. Fire fucking tornadoes? This is just another sign the Apocalypse is right around the corner. The Mayans were right! Now everybody go bat shit crazy and give me all of your land and possessions because in two years it will all be gone anyways. You hear me Peter Angelos? Go ahead and sell me the Baltimore Orioles for $1. I can cover it. I'm pretty sure I can find some loose change in between my car seats.

Video via BarStoolSports