Happy Turkey Day everyone! Today is the day we can celebrate being with family and friends* and it's perfectly normal to be completely shit face by 5 pm on a Thursday. God I love the Holidays.
Anyways if you are like me you probably need some extra cash to pay for the delicious Winter 12 pack you just bought when really you should be spending it on the gas bill so you can start taking hot showers again. So here are my NFL Picks for today. Get it while it's hot people.
New England (-7.5) at Detroit
It's a crime the NFL insists on putting Detroit on Turkey Day despite them actually never being good but whatever, it's all those people got. If this game was in New England the Pats would be 13 point favorites easy. Even in Detroit I think Tom Brady goes nuts and throws minimum 4 touchdown passes.
Prediction: Patriots 35 Detroit 21
New Orleans at Dallas (+5)
The Cowboys look like a completely different team with Jason Garrett as the head coach. In other words they don't look like a blind retarded monkey trying to fuck a wet football anymore. These two teams I genuinely don't like because they are the two biggest bandwagon teams in the NFL. Nobody gave a shit about the Saints till last year. Hurricane Katrina...blah blah...Drew Brees...blah blah...the city deserves a championship...blah blah. Fuck em. Fuck em all I say. I'm taking Dallas with the upset.
Prediction: Cowboys 21 Saints 20
Cincinnati at New York Jets (-9.5)
The Bengals are playing god awful football right now. The Jets are one of the 5 best teams in the NFL. It's in New Jersey at night with a bunch of drunk fat Yorkers screaming obscenities at Ocho Cinco. Blowout City.
Prediction: Jets 28 Bungholes 12
Bonus College Football Pick: Texas A&M (-3.5) at Texas
I never thought I would be taking the Aggies on the road in Austin but Texas is fucking terrible this season. I still have no clue how you go from BCS Championship game to being the laughingstock of college football. Texas might have the beer and steers but they play like a bunch of _________.
Prediction: Aggies 35 Texas 20
*=alone with Scotch