BIG PAPI NEEDS ROIDS...BADLY

2009 STATS

150 AT-BATS

0 HOME RUNS

15 RBI'S

.317 SLUGGING PERCENTAGE

.650 OPS

Less than 3 years after he hit a league leading 54 bombs in 2006 the great Big Papi can't even hit one in a fucking hitter's park. And people were giving Andruw Jones shit in LA for sucking. They better start piling on David Ortiz up in Boston. The incredible shrinking Papi is a shell of his former self since they started testing. But who gives a shit right? They got two rings with him in Boston. If I was a Red Sox fan I still wouldn't consider the two championships tainted even with Manny and Big Papi obviously cheating the whole time. Every team had somebody cheating on it. If you weren't cheating then I guess you weren't trying.

But I think Big Papi might want to keep his mouth shut the next time he says something like this...

"I would suggest everybody get tested, not random, everybody," he said. "You go team by team. You test everybody three, four times a year and that's about it." And if a player tests positive for steroids? "Ban 'em for the whole year," the slugger said.

MY PICK FOR THE PREAKNESS

Since you are no longer allowed to BYOB at Preakness I could really give two shits about it. Way to take the fun out of Preakness. No more Port-a-Potty races or naked slip n slide. Instead you will have an infield full of overpriced beer with only the "rich" college kids attending from schools like John Hopkins. Can't wait to see a bunch of Hopkins brainiacs slugging Black-Eyed Susans while their slutty girlfriends give head to whomever will buy them a drink. Bring back the Natty Light. Bring back the fun. And bring back the normal people.

Anyways my pick to win the Preakness is Fergie. As you can see in the picture above the horse-faced, former singer of The Black Eyed Peas will no doubt win a close race thanks to the numerous Black-Eyed Susans she will consume before exiting her stable. That beast of a Filly has been getting either heavy dosages of Chris Brown love smacks or her face has turned into a Cinnabon.

So throw $100 on Fergie and thank me later. There is no way that horse face doesn't win in Pimlico.

CHARLES BARKLEY HITS BAMA FAN WITH HIS SWING OF BEAUTY

It goes to show you that no matter how many lessons you receive from the world's best golf pro in Hank Haney you can not cure the shit that is Charles Barkley's golf swing.





Hey Bama fan, how about next time you not stand in front of Charles Barkley while he is teeing off.


Video HT: Al.com