Wednesday, August 20, 2008
BUSTED COVERAGE has some new pictures of swimmer Michael Phelps enjoying his college days at the University of Michigan. The one above is of him and Brady Quinn exchanging phone numbers. These two are clearly planning a way to slay all the college poon they can while being famous athletes just out of the college grind of boozing and threesomes.
"Dude, we are going to get so much ass, I'm talking like crazy boy band ass!"
Posted by Matt Fairchild (email@example.com) at 3:41 PM
MATT FAIRCHILD BREAKS DOWN THE ACC AND GIVES HIS PREDICTIONS
The ACC has two divisions called the Garbage and Crap divisions. Both smell of pure shit and produce some of the most boring football one can bare to watch on Saturdays. Okay, maybe I am being a little harsh on the Atlantic Coast Conference but when I look back at the last two ACC Championships down in Jacksonville I really have nothing nice to say. The conference has sucked donkey balls. So with that being said here is your preview...
THE ELITE TEAMS:
CLEMSON TIGERS-Tommy Bowden's squad is going to swim or sink on the right arm of senior QB Cullen Harper. Harper had a great year as a junior in which he threw for 27 TD's and only 6 INT's. If he continues to play up to his standards or perhaps excels those numbers of last season then the Tigers could contend for a National Title, albeit a small chance. RB's James Davis and CJ Spiller form the most explosive tailback tandem in the nation and should be counted on this season for over 2500 yards rushing and 20 plus TD's. They are that good and should remind people of the great Cadillac and Ronnie Brown combo at Auburn that should have played for a National Title. The WR's are one of the conference best with Aaron Kelly and Jacoby Ford both having the ability to get behind defenses and make plays in the quick slant patterns. The offensive line is less experienced this season but has the talent to form a wall of protection for Harper and holes for Davis and Spiller to run through. The defense is loaded with experience and talent and look out for freshman DE Da'Quan Bowers. Bowers is a manbeast who enrolled early during the spring and is already being touted as one of the best freshman to play at Clemson. We will get to see if the production lives up to the hype but I expect big things from Bowers. Honestly the defense could be one of the best in the nation with players like Dorell Scott, Ricky Sapp, and Michael Hamlin all possessing the potential to earn All-American accolades this season. Of course one of the keys to Clemson football is the ability to finish off the season. Under Bowden Clemson has had a reputation for starting off really strong and then fading down the second half of the season. If Bowden can get his finger out of his ass and provide the Tigers with some inspired second half football this team could be top 5 material after the regular season in a relatively weak conference. The opening game against Alabama at the Georgia Dome (I will be tailgating at this one) could be their toughest game of the season. After that opening game they don't play a potential top 25 team till the final game against interstate rival South Carolina. But we all know, or last I think I know, Clemson will slip up somewhere against some pathetic team in which they should dominate. Prove me wrong baby Bowden.
VIRGINIA TECH HOKIES-
Does anyone outside of Hokie alumni actually enjoy watching this team play football? This team is so fucking boring to watch I really don't even enjoy mentioning them as a contender. We all know Frank Beamer's teams play great special teams. Awesome, I get hard just talking about special teams. See what I mean. RB Branden Ore got kicked off the team for being a lazy asshole. I read lazy asshole in the media guide for the Hokies so don't laugh, it's true. QB Sean Glennon is a white senior who can throw the ball and the other QB Tyrod Taylor is a black sophomore who can run the ball. Stereotypes is the name of the game with this team. Their out of conference schedule is garbage with East Carolina, Furman, Western Kentucky, and Nebraska all having the ability to be really bad this season. Throw in a horrible in-conference schedule and this team has the ability to win 9-11 games because all they play is retards. And by retards I mean mentally and physically challenged college football programs. In summation: fuck this team!
FLORIDA STATE SEMINOLES-Bobby Bowden is still alive and slowly destroying the empire he built. I know it's fun to watch as an outsider but you have to feel sorry for the Seminole Nation. Their tomahawks have gone limp. Their offensive line this season is young and inexperienced and could be in for some tough times but their defense should be solid with one of the best secondaries in the nation with the likes of Myron Rolle, Tony Carter, and Patrick Robinson. They have numerous players suspended for the first 3 games for a cheating scandal but they do have 15 starters returning which is the most since their 1999 National Title team. This team, like the past 6 or 7 teams could either be really bad in big games or really good. They have a senior QB in Drew Weatherford and a senior RB in Antone Smith who should provide leadership for which Pappa Bowden clearly has none anymore if ever. FSU will win 8 or more games.
WAKE FOREST DEMON DEACONS-The Deacons have one of the best coaches in the conference as Jim Grobe hopes to lead his team to a third straight winning season. They return 14 starters including QB Riley Skinner who lead the NCAA with a 72.4% completion percentage last season. RB Josh Adams had almost a 1000 yard rushing season and is back to break the defenses back so to speak. The defense basically returns every starter and they play their roles really well. If the Deacons get some breaks they could contend for a conference title despite being way less talented than Clemson. A huge Thursday night game against the Tigers awaits on October 9th which should determine who wins the conference. Don't underestimate Grobes program, they could be top 15 material.
NORTH CAROLINA TARHEELS-Butch Davis program should be one of the most improved teams in the nation. Much like what Ron Zook did at Illinois, Davis has brought in a ton of young football talent to a basketball rich school that could surprise a ton of folks this year. 18 starters return including dynamic offensive playmakers such as RB Greg Little and WR Hakeem Nicks. If they can upset VA Tech on September 20th they have a chance to win their side of the Coastal Division.
FALLING BACK TEAMS:
GEORGIA TECH YELLOW JACKETS- A whole new system comes in as proven college winner Paul Johnson takes over for the boring and uninspired coaching ability of Chan Gailey. RB Jonathan Dwyer will put up huge numbers in the option offense and QB Josh Nesbitt will have some bumps but should get better as the season progresses. The transition could be tough as GT has already suffered some transfers but there is little doubt in my mind Johnson will make GT a winner. Hell, he did at the Naval Academy so there is little reason why he can't make GT a perennial ACC powerhouse.
MARYLAND TERRAPINS-The Terps have a really good coach in Friedgen but just haven't been able to keep in-state recruit studs from leaving the state. Until they can they won't be a serious contender and will still be referred to as the TWERPS.
MIAMI HURRICANES-I just don't think Randy Shannon is the right fit at Miami as a head coach. He is over his head and it will show again this season as the Hurricanes suffer some embarrassing losses. The Canes have the talent to be one of the best teams in the nation but the heart and determination just isn't in the program right now. Complacency is a bitch.
TEAMS THAT SUCK AND BLOW AT THE SAME TIME:
NC STATE WOLFPACK-Sorry Tom O'brien but you return just 10 starters from a horrible team last year with no potential stars in the making.
VIRGINIA CAVALIERS-The Cavs surprised a lot of people last year by winning 5 games by 2 points or less. Luck won't be on their side this season with only 11 returning starters with major holes on both lines and QB.
DUKE BLUE DEVILS-They got themselves a great coach in David Cutcliffe so things can't get worse than 0-24 in ACC play since the conference was split in two divisions. Duke will win 3 or more games this season on coaching alone.
BOSTON COLLEGE-No more Matty Ice means no more wins.
BEST GAME: CLEMSON AT WAKE FOREST (October 9th)-This Thursday night battle on ESPN should be one of the most entertaining games in the ACC and will determine who wins the conference.
WORST GAME: NC STATE AT DUKE (November 8th)-Just thinking of this game being played gives me a bad case of diarrhea.
MOST OVERRATED GAME: FLORIDA STATE AT MIAMI (October 4th)-These games were always boring even when they were good back in the 90's. Yeah, yeah, screw the "Wide Right" snorefests.
BEST OFFENSIVE PLAYER: I'm a big CJ Spiller fan and I think if he stays healthy he is the best offensive player in the conference with a close second to Maryland's Darrius Heyward-Bey.
BEST DEFENSIVE PLAYER: Wake Forest's Alphonso Smith is one of the best pure cover corners in the nation.
BEST FRESHMAN: Clemson's Da'Quan Bowers will have a huge impact on the Tigers defensive line.
MOST LIKELY TO GET ARRESTED: Pick a Florida State Creminole out of a hat and there is a good chance he will have gotten arrested during his 4 years in Tallahassee. Let's just say Bowden runs a loose ship down there.
MOST LIKELY TO BE FIRED: If Clemson doesn't live up to their hype and finishes outside of the top 20 I think Tommy Bowden will get fired.
PLAYER WHO WILL BE BETTER THAN WHAT PEOPLE THINK: Georgia Tech RB Jonathan Dwyer will be a breakout star in Johnson's offense.
DOESN'T MAKE SENSE AWARD: The ACC shouldn't be this bad at football. I know it's traditionally a basketball conference but there is so much talent out there nowadays and the conference actually produces an enormous amount of NFL players that it should be able to compete with the SEC schools.
THE WINNER IS:
I have this feeling Clemson is going to roll over a lot of people this year. I have no empirical evidence since Tommy Bowden's teams are known to choke in the past but I get this feeling their talent will outweigh his ability to fuck it up. Clemson will win the conference and actually be really fun to watch this season while competing for a shot at the BCS Title game.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (firstname.lastname@example.org) at 8:47 AM
Thanks to the hilarious EDSBS blog runned by Spencer Hall aka Orson Swindle comes this video showing JoePa in his finest form among the Big Ten football coaches.
"Brains, Brains, Brains!"
I really can not wait for football season to get here. The tailgate will start next Thursday as I plan on starting at around 4 PM down in Atlanta for the Paul Johnson regime to debut down in the Flats at Georgia Tech. The liver has been prepped, the wife has been warned, and the soul is ready to let loose on a great 2008 season.
College Football: Fuck Yeah!
Posted by Matt Fairchild (email@example.com) at 8:20 AM