REY MAUALUGA DIGS THE LITTLE PEOPLE

BARSTOOLSPORTS has this candid shot of former Condom linebacker Rey Maualuga groping some midget's boobs on a new recruiting tactic implemented by coaches Lane Kiffin and Ed Orgeron. The NCAA is looking into it. Not sure if grabbing little people funbags is a major or minor recruiting violation. I would say minor since they are smaller right?

HOLY MASOLI A THIEF?

GIVE ME ALL OF YOUR MACBOOKS AND GUITARS BEFORE I QUACK UP THE WHOLE PLACE!!!!

Rumors are swirling that Oregon Ducks starting QB Jeremiah Masoli is one of two football players accused of theft this weekend at a fraternity party in Eugene. Masoli and backup WR Garrett Embry are accused of stealing two Macbook Pro computers, a guitar, and a projector from Sigma Alpha Whogivesafuk as revenge for Embry being kicked out of a party earlier. Here is the juicy cover up part via the OUSportsDude:

UPDATE (10:00 PM): “KMTR is reporting that Masoli was named in the Eugene theft report, but police say he’s not a suspect.”

I don’t want Masoli to be guilty, but my source at the frat said they “are very big duck fans” and want to protect the program. Therefore I can’t fully believe the report that Masoli is not a suspect in the case. Just speculation, but they are going to try and save Masoli from any legal ramifications.

I know I’m sounding like a hater, but the fraternity has very good reasons to say Masoli is innocent and blame it wholly on Embry. Embry is the perfect scape goat: reputation as a trouble maker, connections with SAE and most importantly, NOT THE BEST PLAYER ON THE TEAM.

Damn, you know what this means right? Yep, Masoli is only going to get 11 pairs of free Nikes this offseason and 2 PS3 Consoles but with only one controller as punishment and will be required to attend at least 3 of his classes. This is what happens when you quack with the law Masoli in Eugene. They about to get strict on the starting quarterback for a potential top 10 team next year. (/shakes head in doubt)

Big ASS HT to TheBigLead for bringing this to our attention.

URBAN MEYER ISN'T GOING ANYWHERE

Sorry to have to kick you in the nuts SEC and Semenholes fans but The Pope Urban Meyer is coming back in case you didn't already know...

Florida football coach Urban Meyer met with the media at halftime of the Florida-South Carolina basketball game Saturday and said he plans to be coaching the Gators on the first day of spring practice.

“I’m going to have a series of tests in February to try to figure this thing out,” Meyer said. “I have to take some time off. I’ve been instructed to by my bride and my boss. I have to change some things. That’s obvious.”

Asked if the tests would be for his heart or for stress, Meyer said, “yes and yes.”

Meyer said he has cut way back on his travel during recruiting.

“They don’t want me traveling,” he said. “I did most of my traveling before the bowl game. I keep hearing about this time off. I tried it for a day and a half. That didn’t work out.”

Seriously why wouldn't Urban come back? They have the #1 class in the nation right now just waiting to get into Gainesville and start building another legacy now that Tim Tebow is gone. They have 3 guys who are 5 star defensive lineman in the class alone. Why the hell would Urban just leave? Because of his health and family? Get the fuck out of here. The guy is an admitted perfectionist who is still steaming from losing the SEC Championship to Alabama. He will take a little time off once he gets his recruiting class signed but you know he will be back in Gainesville giving Eskimo kisses as soon as spring rolls around.

I feel bad for all my friends who are die hard Georgia fans. They know they can't beat Florida with Urban there. It's the exact opposite feeling of how Notre Dame fans felt when the news broke of Pete Carroll leaving. Rejoice. Thankful that the Poodle would no longer bark on the sidelines while consistently beating the shit out of Notre Dame over and over. Georgia fans thought Urban was gone but it was all just a sad illusion. It's demoralizing to think UGA will struggle to compete with their fiercest rival for the next five years because most of the alumni are putting out thousands of dollars just to get tickets to see a vastly inferior product to the one residing in Gainesville currently. It shouldn't have to be this way because Georgia has talent but Urban Meyer is clearly head and shoulders above anybody not named Nick Saban in the college coaching ranks right now.

Urban is going to be at Florida till he dies. Trust me on this. If not just ask his wife Shelley. She knows it.

PRICELESS AUDIO OF BRETT FAVRE'S INTERCEPTION

Talk about shitting away the game yesterday. The Vikings did everything possible to hand the game over to the New Orleans Saints including 3 crucial fumbles combined from Adrian Peterson and Percy Harvin but those paled in comparison to this final Brett Favre pass. Oh the gunslinger just had to throw across his body with less than a minute to go and the Vikings only needing a field goal to go to the first Super Bowl in decades.

The sound of disgust in the Viking's booth is immortal. Click here to listen. It's fitting that Favre's third retirement ends with an INT. You know he will be back now. He isn't going to leave like that. Damn. I was hoping we wouldn't have to talk about him anymore after this season.