Football Just Needs To Get Here Already

I'm sick and tired of this fucking heat already and June just started. I need my football fix and I need it fast god damnit. The NFL owners need to stop being greedy assholes and renew the collective bargaining agreement and end the lockout. Let free agency begin. Now. And the college football season most definitely needs to get here fast before some other program is thrown to the NCAA wolves. While I like talking about the controversies I also like talking and watching the pigskin. In the meantime while my ball sweat drips down to my taint and slowly nestles in my hairy a-hole I will force you people to look at these pictures of Holly Madison throwing a pigskin. I know I'm such an asshole. A sweaty one apparently.

Go Irish!

Terrelle Pryor Undecided About Supplemental Draft

Seriously how in the holy hell is Ohio State Quarterback Terrelle Pryor undecided about entering the NFL Supplemental Draft? Do they not give away free rides in the pros? Oh that is why...

Via Adam Rittenberg's College Football Nation Blog...

As of now, Pryor remains an Ohio State Buckeye and only faces a five-game suspension at the start of the 2011 season. But a new NCAA investigation into Pryor and his use of cars -- coupled with the news that Pryor has been driving on a suspended license -- leave many wondering whether the quarterback has played his last down at Ohio State.

Now comes this tidbit from Willie Burns, Pryor's godfather and legal guardian, who tells colleague Joe Schad that Pryor is undecided about whether to enter the NFL's supplemental draft.
"He makes up his mind in a minute," Burns told Schad. "He says no one minute and then he may go the next."

The supplemental draft will take place in July if any players apply (none currently have). But Burns' quote indicates Pryor is considering the draft as an option.

The quarterback likely would only be eligible for the supplemental draft if his eligibility status at Ohio State changes. I hope whatever happens with Pryor and the NCAA, a solution is reached in time for the quarterback to enter the supplemental draft if it's his best recourse.

Listen TP. Your college career is over. It's as suspended as your license. Do the people of Columbus a favor and just get the hell out. We all know you aren't there for the education. You want to play football right? Well then move to Canada.

84 Egg Sandwich - Epic Meal Time

Could you imagine if you watched this in Africa? I can only imagine the looks you would receive. "What are you looking at toothpick?"

Via SI Extra Mustard

West Virginia's Dana Holgorsen Likes To Party

You know what they say. It takes a drunk to know a drunk. Well I have had my Ph.D secured for over a decade now and I can damn well tell you that Dana Holgorsen, West Virginia's new offensive coordinator and head coach-in-waiting, is as big as a drunk as there is. And now officials at West Virginia are getting worried.

Holgorsen has reportedly been involved in at least three and, perhaps, as many as six alcohol-related incidents in the last six months, according to multiple sources with knowledge of the situation.

The first five were hushed up, but the sixth incident at Mardi Gras Casino in Cross Lanes on May 18 has blown the cover off Holgorsen's embarrassing antics. Nitro police were called to the casino at about 3:20 a.m. on May 18 to remove an apparently intoxicated customer who didn't want to leave. Holgorsen was asked to step outside, sit on a bench and await a taxi. No charges were filed.

West Virginia school president James Clements is apparently not much of a partier and has considered Holgorsen's alcoholism/having a good time/behaving like a drunk college coed are not qualities he would consider as an outstanding reputation amongst the Mountaineers faithful. He has called on Athletic director Oliver Luck (father of Stanford QB Andrew) to keep a tight leash on Holgorsen or Luck will lose his job. Hmm, you wouldn't hear about this happening in Columbus. So Holgorsen is cleaning up like all good drunks do right? Not exactly.

The Intelligencer/Wheeling News-Register reported Saturday that Holgorsen allegedly was asked to leave both a bar inside Oglebay Park and, later, at Wheeling Island Hotel, Casino and Racetrack earlier this year.

Sources say there was also an incident at Pete Dye Golf Club in Bridgeport, W.Va., which involved Holgerson being told to leave and not come back. And, then, there are rumors of three incidents at the Morgantown hotel in which he lives, including being banned from the hotel bar.

Dude, how do you get fucking banned from the hotel bar? Apparently Holgorsen is close to hitting rock bottom. Nothing says drunk asshole then "guy who is not allowed to drink at the hotel anymore" tagged on you.

So what do you take from this story? Holgerson likes to drink and gamble and get kicked out of casinos. I think I just found my new best friend.

Shaq Retired Today...What A Second, Shaq Was Still Playing?

I could have sworn Shaq retired like 4 seasons ago. I don't follow the NBA religiously because it gets in the way of my alcoholism but I thought Shaq was done when he left the Miami Heat. I just now realized he played on the Boston Celtics last year. Fuck I'm so out of it. Well after 19 seasons Shaq is hanging up his size 23 shoes (you remember the Reebok Pumps? I had a pair) and going off into the sunset. Actually the big guy is more apt at creating an eclipse but you get the point. So what is next for Shaq? I'm going to say reality star. The guy will appear on The Apprentice or whatever other reality show will pay for his appearance and show off his goofy ass smile. The big guy lives an extravagant lifestyle so I'm sure we will be hearing an Antoine Walker-like tale in a few years about how he lost all his Benjamins. Maybe he can tour with the Fu Schnikins? What's up Doc?