Monday, October 22, 2007

IRISH LAND 5 STAR RECEIVER
Call me crazy but it appears the Notre Dame coaching staff can recruit a hell of a lot better than they coach this year. Despite a terrible performance again on Saturday against arch rival USC, Notre Dame secured a commitment from Michael Floyd, a 6'3 punishing big-play threat receiver they missed out last season when Arrelious Benn chose Illinoi$.

Here is some video highlights of Mike Floyd along with some comments from Mr. Turtleneck.
In fact the Irish now have 20 commitments who are all either at the top of their class in rankings or near it. Here is an article from Scout.com's Mike Frank on the recent success on the Irish recruiting trail which is located at this link:

"The news of five-star wide receiver Michael Floyd committing to Notre Dame over the weekend lifted the spirits of Irish fans after a disappointing loss to USC this past weekend. It also sparked my memory to how well this Irish coaching staff recruits. I think you might even be surprised by how well they're doing.

Anyone who has followed my work over the years knows that I always say one thing about recruiting. I don't care about stars. I only care about knowing which players the Irish wanted early, and how many they landed in the end. That is how I believe you should judge a recruiting class. Rankings are biased, and some players just can't be recruited by Notre Dame. Some are also not a good fit for Notre Dame.

The very first offers that go out by the Irish coaching staff are almost always their top players at any particular position. It's important to know this because then you can judge how well they're doing as the recruiting season unfolds. Using this method of measurement, this staff is hitting a grand slam thus far this year. Let's take a look.

On September 1, 2006, Notre Dame was allowed to offer any junior they wanted in compliance with NCAA regulations. The Irish offered four players on September 1, 2006, Steve Filer, Michael Floyd, Dan Buckner, and Trevor Robinson . Obviously, all four were very high on Notre Dame's wish list, and they currently have two committed and are sitting in pretty good shape with Robinson. If Robinson commits, they'd go 3-for-4 on these four important recruits. But their high hit rate doesn't stop there. Let's take a look.

Quarterback

The Irish coaching staff offered one player—Dayne Crist—and they landed him. Notre Dame was very high on his very strong arm, mobility, and his ability to process information quickly. Many feel Crist has more "upside" than Jimmy Clausen. He has the five-star ranking to back those claims.

Running back

The Irish missed on a few, but that is to be expected considering two freshmen are playing a large role in the Irish offense. Darrell Scott was Notre Dame's first offer, but he showed little interest. The Irish then offered a number of players all at the same time including Ryan Williams, Carlton Thomas, Cyrus Gray and Sam McGuffie. They have recently offered Jonas Gray after he officially visited this weekend. The Irish have a good shot to land at least one of those left on the board. I think they'll only take one--Cyrus or Jonas Gray being the most likely of the bunch. While they didn't get their top guy, they'll be getting a great one none the less.

Wide Receiver

The Irish came out of the gate offering both Floyd and Buckner. Buckner chose Texas over the summer and they then sent out another offer to John Goodman. Right now they have two out of their top three. That is outstanding. The staff will likely want another player, and Jonathan Baldwin , Chris Harper, Deion Walker and Gerell Robinson are still left on the board. All are currently ranked in the top 110 players on Scout.com.

Tight End

Kyle Rudolph is universally known as the top tight end in the country. He was their first offer and he's committed. They then offered three other tight ends— Joseph Fauria, Blake Ayles and Jacob Stoneburner. Fauria, the perfect compliment to Rudolph, committed on his unofficial visit to Notre Dame over the spring. Again, outstanding work by the Irish staff.

Offensive line

The Irish offered Robinson right out of the gate and they have a great shot to land him. The Irish staff then sent out a number of offers early in the year including offers to Mike Adams, Michael Brewster, Braxston Cave, Mike Golic, Jr. , Josh Jenkins, Stephen Good, Lane Clelland and Art Forst. They all pretty much went out at the same time. Thus far the Irish have three of those players committed and are looking for at least one more. Kenneth Page was offered early in the summer, and also is a strong possibility for the Irish. Notre Dame has missed on a number of the above, but they've also landed three and look good for two others at this point. Robinson's commitment would be big for this group, as would Page, but Robinson was obviously very high on their wish list being the first offensive lineman offered.

Nose Tackle

The Irish offered four players right out of the gate—Omar Hunter, Marcus Forston, Brandon Newman and Hafis Williams. I'd say you're doing pretty well when you land three out of your first four offers. I still believe Corwin Brown could've landed Forston had the other two not committed. An outstanding job done by the Irish staff with this much needed position.

Defensive end

Ethan Johnson and Sean Cwynar were the first two players offered at defense end. Chancey Aghayere, Kapron Lewis-Moore and Garrett Goebel we also offered later, but the Irish landed the top two guys they offered. Again, outstanding work by the Irish staff.

Linebacker

Notre Dame needed linebackers in this class, and they went out and offered a ton of linebackers early. Steve Filer was obviously a high priority—mission accomplished. The Irish also offered a number of players like Arthur Brown, Shayne Hale, David Posluszny, Anthony McDonald, Andrew Sweat, Darius Fleming, Brendan Beal and Etienne Sabino. The Irish wanted at least four and got four of their top guys. Yes, Brown and Hale were probably more coveted than some others, but they landed four outstanding prospects out of this group. The only real disappointment was Sabino, but we all know Corwin Brown did all he could to land him. Again, another fantastic job by the Irish coaching staff.

Defensive back

The Irish wanted two corners and one safety in this class. Will Hill and Dan McCarthy were the two safeties offered—both at the same time—they landed McCarthy. Robert Blanton, Jamoris Slaughter and Patrick Johnson were offered at cornerback. They landed Slaughter and Blanton. I'd say that is a very good hit rate.

Notre Dame did look hard at T.J. Bryant, and I'm sure they would've offered him as well eventually, but I'm not sure he was qualified to be admitted into Notre Dame at that early part of the recruiting process.

Final Totals

If you're keeping score, the Irish have now landed at least one of their top two targets at quarterback, wide receiver, tight end, nose tackle, defensive end, linebacker, corner and safety. They still have a chance to land their top player at offensive line.

While not all of these players are considered the top player at their position by Scout.com, they are the top players the Irish identified, qualified, and had interest in Notre Dame. Some players just had no interest, which happens to all schools. But, these were Notre Dame's very top targets of those available to recruit. As a fan, you can't ask for anything more than that.

The Notre Dame football season has been a tough pill to swallow for all Irish fans. Nobody is happy with the results, but better days are just ahead. The next time you feel the urge to vent and take out your frustrations, I strongly recommend you re-read this article. It will give you some perspective of what should be on the way.

The now 20 commitments represent the most talented recruiting class ever assembled at Notre Dame."


Great, now if only we could coach them up for Crist's sake(pun intended).


FINALLY, SOMEBODY SAID IT
I wish I could take credit for this but I can't. This is straight from the mouth of Kissing Suzy Kolber, one of the great blogs out there unlike my piece of shit blog which gets by on fart and boob jokes. Anyways, it's a "Guide to Being an Insufferable A--hole S--tface F--kface Fan of Boston-Area Sports Team."

With the Red Sox advancing to the World Series, Boston College still undefeated, KG moving to the Celtics, and this year’s Patriots in the process of becoming the best team in the history of the NFL (and you’re deluding yourself if you can't accept the reality of that), we are on the verge of witnessing a perfect storm of douchebaggery emanating from the greater Boston area. We’re talking the absolute zenith of self-important fuckfacery. The sky will turn pitch black and rain vinegar upon us all.

I have done all that I can to stop this. I’ve offered bounties, yet NFL defenders remain too dumb, and NFL defensive coaches too incompetent to call for a drop kick right to Tom Brady’s patella. We at KSK have also tried repeatedly hammering the point home that Bill Simmons is a fucking douchebag (see below, or just wait for the next post). It’s a like a political talking point: the more often we say it, the more likely it is to stick in your brain, regardless of whether or not you actually believe it (“Oh, Bill Simmons? Yeah, he’s a douche. No, wait! I kinda used to like him! Damn you, KSK!"). But those efforts have done nothing to stem this growing doucheflood.

We are left with two options. The first option is to cultivate the hatred the rest of the nation has for these people, so that, even when the Patriots or Red Sox win, they cannot savor the victory fully. After all, if there’s any group of fans that has a “Why can’t you be happy for us?” mentality, it’s New England sports fans. Not only do they act douchey when they win. But they fully expect you to jump on the bandwagon with them. Witness Simmons’ infamous Pats-hater bitchfest from earlier in the year, one of the sorriest sports columns ever written.

Boston fans fail to grasp a standard rule of sports fandom, which is: Any team that wins a title that is not your team is fucking annoying. It doesn’t matter how the other team won. They’re not YOUR team, so they can eat a fat dick. Fuck this “appreciating” other teams shit. Normal fans don’t do that. At least Cowboy and Yankee fans have a solid understanding of just why people can’t fucking stand them. But Mickey from Natick? Nope, he’s not gonna grasp that concept. In fact, he’s not gonna grasp much of anything.

So that’s one option. But there is another option, and is, of course, to join them. Is this a lame thing to do? Oh, yeah. Total fuckhead move. But hey, maybe you’re a Dolphins fan and you’ve abandoned all hope. Maybe becoming a dipshit asshole cumguzzler like Jimmy Fallon is your only way to stay happy. I don’t approve, but I’m not here to judge. We at KSK are here for the people, so we’ve come up with a few rules, listed below, of just how to turn yourself into one of these fans. One bonus of becoming an insufferable Boston bandwagon fan is that it gives the rest of us extra ammunition to want to gut New England fans with a paring knife, which I’m more than okay with. Hate feels good. It really gets me through my day.

Lest you think these rules are farcical, I assure you they are not. No one knows the psyche of New England sports fans quite like I do. I went to dipshit prep school in New England. I went to college in New England. My parents have lived in Connecticut for the past 17 years. You might even call me a “total fucking hypocrite,” which is more than fair. I’ve been in the heart of the douche. I’ve worn the fleece. I’ve heard all the God Street Wine songs. I know what it’s all about. I had plenty of opportunities to join the brood. Despite my own history of wanton douchebaggery, I resisted. But I’m still enough of a preppy dicksmack to help you reach your goal. Here now, is how you become one of “them”:

1. Use Manny Ramirez to justify all your stereotypes about Latin Americans, but do NOT use David Ortiz to refute any of them.

2. Bitch about Dane Cook “representing” you while, at the same time, rocking his exact same haircut.

3. Boast about Bill Belichick’s strategic genius as if it is somehow indirectly your doing. You’ll see plenty of New England fans, when seeing another coach fuck up, say to you, “Now, would Belichick do something like that? Hell no. He’d do it totally different.” You see, pointing out Belichick’s acumen is a way of trying to pass it off as your own. He’s smart, which makes you smart! Talk about Belichick the same way a proud father boasts about his child prodigy. You won’t be any more intelligent. In fact, you’ll still be a fucking eggplant. But you’ll feel more intelligent, and that’s nice.

4. Own $1,000 worth of Red Sox merchandise, but no Patriots merchandise whatsoever. The lone exception: The Wes Welker jersey. Pats fans love Wes Welker because he’s white. Just like them! They also love Tedi Bruschi, because he’s kinda white. And hey, that’s not bad either.

5. Be sure to boast about all the hot chicks Tom Brady gets to nail. Because that’s totally something for YOU to brag about.

6. Complain earnestly about how many ads Peyton Manning appears in while continuing to brag about the Pats' O-line being Brady's five layers of protection. Lord knows Brady's never been in an ad for Stetson, or Movado, or Gap, or any of that shit.

7. If you put a five into a jukebox at any sports bar, you must play “Satellite” by the Dave Matthews Band at least once.

8. Act proudly ignorant of things you already know. Like so: “Hey, who was that colored guy in that “Rush Hour” movie? He was all right.” This works even better if you’re a Boston-area college student. Yeah, you go to Tufts, but you have no fackin’ idea who those Maroon 5 faggots are. Sure, buddy. For a walking example of proud stupidity, consult this dumbshit:


9. Be sure to try and distinguish yourself as a “real fan”. All “real” Boston fans must be able to judge their fellow Boston fans' credibility. Never been to Fenway? Poseur. Didn't like the Pat Patriot logo? Bandwagoner. Went to college outside New England? Turncoat. Too young to remember the '86 Celtics? Faggot.

10. Bitch about the Boston accents in any film or TV show. “Yeah, ‘The Depahted’ was fackin’ great, but they don’t talk like that in fackin’ REVEEEEAH!!!!!” Yes, no film could ever accurately depict just how real, how fierce your hardscrabble Newton upbringing was.

11. Adopt the attitude that you, yes you, DESERVE this success. “Hey, we Pats fans know how it used to be back in the day. We earned these titles.” Don’t treat your team’s good fortune as the stroke of good fortune it happens to be. No, no, no. Your championship has to be deeper then someone else’s championship. It has to mean something more. Why? Because you fancy yourself as being introspective. Cockgobbler. Treat it like some sort of karmic reward for Len Bias dying, or some other twisted, idiotic explanation.

12. Always treat your fandom as membership to some kind of exclusive club of super cool people. Like the whole Red Sox Nation thing. Oooh, you guys all root for the same team? How unique! How special! Fucking die. Be sure to adopt a siege mentality when your team is criticized. “Hey, you can’t rip on Papelbon! He’s fackin’ one of us!” Whatever you need to make yourself feel less alone in the world.

13. Be sure to grow your hair out under your artificially aged Red Sox hat so that little hair wings sprout out the side. That looks great.

14. Laugh at your own jokes. You're so funny, guy!

15. Shun Ben Affleck. Embrace Matt Damon. That apples line never gets old!

16. Finally, bitch about everything: critics, certain players who personally disappoint you, etc. They call it New England for a reason. People in England love to fucking complain. You are the newer, even more annoying model.

Follow these rules and I promise you that everyone from the nation’s remaining 44 states will want to rape you with a hammer. But hey, you’re a Boston sports fan now. You’ll be completely ignorant to your own jackassery. That’s the beauty of it. You are now just as fucking annoying as a Notre Dame football fan, or a Duke basketball fan. That's right, Pats fan. That's the level you're at right now. Enjoy your world titles, you fucking cockhog.


You know what, now that I read it again I see a little of me inside those cocknut fuckers. The only difference is my teams that I follow year round(Notre Dame football, Atlanta Thrashers, and Baltimore Orioles) that I root for are horrible and I don't have some jackass accent. But yeah, I whine a lot because I think I could coach my teams better because their suckiness is at an all-time high right now and I generally laugh at my own jokes even while my dogs beg for me to stop. By the way they are the only ones who will listen besides my blow up doll and she is being such a bitch lately with the deflating.

I got a new one for Boston area fans: Tiny cock syndrome from the fear of all black people.