THIRTY FUCKING FIVE

35. It's a number. A very shitty number for the Baltimore Orioles right now.

It's the combined number of RBIs on the season from their #2-4 hitters in the lineup. Yep. Nick Markakis, Derrek Lee, and Vlad Guerrero have a combined 35 RBI's in the first 33 games of the season. Pathetic. Horrid. Fucking old guy Lance Berkman has almost as many by himself.

I shouldn't just pick on Markakis, Lee and Vlad since pretty much the whole Orioles lineup has sucked balls this season but these guys get paid the big bucks to drive in runs. They are suppose to be the leaders of a resurgent Orioles squad. And so far they haven't done dick. Until these three start to hit their weight the O's are doomed for last place in the AL East. Again.

Time to wake up ya fucking dicks.

NBA PLAYOFFS STONE COLD LOCKS TONIGHT

How many of you assholes out there had the Lakers getting swept? I know I didn't. How many of you dickheads had the Atlanta Hawks tied with the Chicago Bulls 2-2 in round 2? Not I. So the law of averages says I should at least be able to nail 50% of my picks or I'm a complete fucking moron.

Tonight we get the old ass Boston Celtics with a hurt Rajon Rando playing a much better squad in the Miami Heat. Listen I don't even fucking like the Heat. I've lost so much money on them this season because Lebron and Wade decided to take games off and of course Chris Bosh was too busy popping craters on his face to realize I had some serious juice on those fuckers. But now it's the playoffs and they let the Celtics gain some confidence by letting Boston win Game 3. Yeah I said it. They let them win. There is absolutely no way they don't win tonight in Boston and spit all over those banners in the Garden. Lebron is going to fuck shit up and have one of those 30 plus points, 10 plus boards, and 8 plus assists game tonight. On the other hand the Celtics will look slow and old and Ray Allen will be clanking shit left and right.

Miami covers the -1.5 easily.

Prediction: Miami 92 Celtics 83

The Memphis Grizzlies have been playing incredible basketball the past two weeks. They beat the shit out of the #1 seed in the San Antonio Spurs and right now they have a 2-1 series lead on the Oklahoma City Thunder. The playoffs are where your superstars come out to shine and it's time for Kevin Durant to take over this series. The Thunder can't afford to lose another game right now and Durant won't let them. I say he goes for at least 44 tonight. The Thunder are dogs on the road at +2.5. Take the Thunder to win a close one.

Prediction: Oklahoma City 101 Memphis 99


Go ahead and parlay these two picks. It pays out over 3-to-1.