TOM BRADY MANCRUSH

I'm sorry but if I was gay I could never date Tom Brady. He went to Michigan and has an asshole for a chin. But yeah, the Giselle-look-alike in this video might be better than the real thing. As far as I can see she doesn't have an adam's apple either.

I.F.H. MONDAY'S

I worked at a restaurant in Maryland for two weeks while I was broke in college, it looked a lot like this except worse...

Dude, was that MTV VJ Simon Rex saying "tastes like dookie, you got any blow?" Hell yeah it was. The Rex Effect is still alive.

JEFF FRANCOEUR HATES HARRY POTTER

Athletes get a lot of flack from people whether it be their political views or issues with banging pop stars and then losing NFL playoff games. But a guy like Atlanta Braves outfielder Jeff Francoeur is the closest thing to being a God in Atlanta. Think of him as being the opposite of Michael Vick. The kid is like an Eagle Scout who hits walk-off grand slams(I witnessed it in person) and has enough time in his day to smile to his fans while not flipping them off and help out others whether it be charity causes or signing autographs. With that being said I've always thought you could judge a person's character by the movies they enjoy watching. Considering I got a degree in film (yes, I got a degree watching 4 years of films) I tend to value film more than say a guy who majored in political science or engineering. That being said Francoeur has my same idealistic views on recent films he has seen:

1. "The Kingdom." Jeff: "It was OK. I like war movies, but there's nothing like 'Braveheart' anymore."

2. "Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix." Catie: "I read all the books, and the movies don't have it." Jeff: "It [stinks]."

3. "American Gangster." Jeff "I like those kind of movies."

4. "SuperBad." Jeff: "I think it's hilarious." Catie: "Please don't say we watched that."

5. "Eastern Promises." Jeff "I hope it's good. That's what we're watching tonight."

If Francoeur would have said he loved "Harry Potter" and couldn't wait to see what happened I would have called him a candy ass who loves to take bubble baths. Thankfully he didn't. The fact that he acknowledges "Braveheart" as the best war film of all-time further establishes his good standing with me and grants him good standing in the man card department. Nothing will ever match "Braveheart"! Don't even try to make an argument because you are wrong already. I also give Francoeur props for voicing his love and admiration for a comedy like "SuperBad" even though his wife Catie is clearly embarrassed by her admission of viewing it.

No matter how great of a spouse you have never lose your opinion or your voice in fears of being reprimanded. I believe Pacman Jones uttered those words once while punching a stripper. Anyways I salute Francoeur for saying "Harry Potter" sucked and that any guy over the age of 18 who willfully or not admits they love the film should be castrated and shipped to Canada where they belong.