This Would Be The Perfect Sports "Crack" Commercial

I mean does it get any fucking better? You know if I actually made money and wasn't scraping by on government cheese I would definitely make a commercial like this for SportsCrack. Some model just going around cracking stuff with her ass. It's Marketing 101. Shit we would probably be making more money than that dickhead who invented 5 Hour Energy. Who cares about having energy when you could be wearing a SportsCrack t-shirt that will get girls cracking nuts in their backside? It's fucking genius I tell you. First model to send in a video of her cracking nuts while wearing a SportsCrack shirt gets a free shirt and a thank you email. Ok shit I'll do two free shirts. I swear my generosity has kept this company from reaching it's ultimate goal: world domination.

The New Marlins Park Has An Aquarium Behind Home Plate

When I first heard the Marlins new stadium was going to have an aquarium behind home plate as the back stop I imagined something way over the top with an actual marlin or sailfish swimming around in a frenzy. Maybe it was all the drugs that still sweat out of my body to this day but now I am not nearly as excited after seeing this video posted of the aquarium. I mean there is no fucking way we are going to see the fish in the background when Hanley Ramirez decides not to run out a grounder in April. I'm sure they planned out the glass to be bullet proof but what if a foul ball somehow manages to hit a weak spot in the glass and it shatters? All in all though I think it's a cool feature and makes the new Miami Marlins stadium unique from others.

What isn't cool about the new stadium is the tacky home run feature that looks like it was designed by the production designer of The Birdcage. If you are going to go over the top go with the aquarium and not this monstrosity in the outfield.