Thursday, January 03, 2008



A NEW DRINKING GAME
If you have watched any of the first 3 BCS games covered on Fox for more than 30 seconds then you realize that they have a serious fucked up fetish over the school's bands. In fact tonight I decided to count how many times they showed the band and lost count at 80. I've never seen so many ugly fat band chicks since...well, Wednesday nights Fiesta Bowl. So anyways I figured this calls for a new drinking game for the BCS Championship on Monday. At first I thought we should do shots of liquor every time they show the band but then realized all of us would either lose our jobs on Tuesday or die. So I think we should make it a shot of beer. I know it sounds kind of pussy to do shots of beer and might remind a lot of people of getting drunk in high school but if we do liquor I will pass out and piss on myself before the end of the 1st quarter with the rate Fox loves to show the band geeks. So let's keep it beer and I recommend everybody getting at least a case of the light stuff per person. The lower the alcohol percentage the better. I don't want any lawsuits from your wives or girlfriends for causing any brain damage or bladder infections.

Be sure to spread the word this weekend to all your buds, family, and dogs and let's see how many people we can get aboard this great new drinking game called the Sportscrack BCS Band Drink Till You Drunk Dial An Ex Type of Game. Sounds catchy doesn't it?

In fact I might try to live blog it and see how ridiculous my posts/rants/screams of love and pain get as the game goes on and the band continues to strike our beer loving palate.

Please do it at home, you don't want to end up like this guy...

TONIGHT'S ORANGE BOWL MATCHUP

Need I say more. It's Kansas vs. Virginia Tech. Both are as fun to watch as a prostate exam.

Prediction: Kansas 17 Virginia Tech 14

DARK KNIGHT TRAILER

I'm going to go out on a limb and say this will be the best "Batman" film yet. The Joker is without a doubt the best villain in any comic-based film series and the biggest mistake of the original "Batman" film was killing off Jack Nicholson's Joker. After that there was no way the Penguin, Mr. Freeze, or the Riddler were ever going to match the insanity and pure brilliance of the Joker. It appears from the trailer Heath Ledger has nailed the role harder than Maggie Gylenhaal's brother in Brokeback.

In other film news, Batman's Christian Bale has signed on to play John Connor in the upcoming "Terminator" film set to be released in 2009. Also in other film news Lindsay Lohan is still an alcoholic whore and the ending of "No Country for Old Men" completely destroyed a potentially great film up to that point.

JENNIFER ANISTON IS LIKE FINE WINE
It baffles me, the older Aniston gets the better she looks. Take for instance the picture above which was recently taken by stalkerrazzi. Just a year under 40, Aniston continues to shine while ladies like Pamela Anderson turn into transsexual hookers. She is like the Roger Clemens of actresses minus the smug attitude and swollen vagina.

BASEBALL PLAYERS NAILING FAT CHICKS DRINK
Apparently Boston Red Sox 1B and all-around ugly dude Kevin Youkilis has signed on to be the official pitchman of a new drink called "Slump Buster." How great is it that we now have a drink that is inspired by baseball players breaking a hitting slump by nailing the fattest chick possible? Of course in high school we called it hogging and it wasn't to break a slump or anything. Just for shits and giggles and a bruised pelvic area and occasionally the dislocated hip. Ahhh, the good times!

Anyways if you want to add them to your MySpace friends feel free to check them out.


WHITE SOX ACQUIRE NICK SWISHER
Finally we have some hot stove news after a couple weeks off due to the holidays. The Chicago White Sox have just acquired OF Nick Swisher from the A's for minor leaguers Gio Gonzalez, Faustino De Los Santos, and Ryan Sweeney. Swisher will more than likely be the starting center fielder in the Southside and is a great pickup to go in the outfield along with newly acquired Carlos Quentin from the Diamondbacks. Instantly the White Sox and GM Kenny Williams have revitalized the Sox offense with some youth in the outfield for at least the next 2-3 seasons.

Swisher should be an instant fan favorite especially with the ladies(pictured above) and is good for 20-35 HRs along with a .380 plus on base percentage. His big bang potential in Chicago is at least 50 ladies too.

But you know with dealing with Billy Beane and the A's the White Sox were going to have to give up a lot to get Swisher. Gonzalez and De Los Santos are the two best pitchers in the White Sox farm system and Sweeney used to be a highly regarded center fielder with All-Star potential. The A's are rebuilding right now so don't be surprised if more guys like Joe Blanton or Huston Street are traded in the coming weeks.

I think this was a good trade for both teams. The White Sox needed to add more punch to their lineup and get a guy in Swisher who is 27 years old that can add that dimension for at least the next 2 seasons. In a division as tough as the AL Central with the Tigers and Indians looking as viable World Series contenders it was imperative for the White Sox to make a move like this. The A's are just reloading their talent base and will be an up and coming team 2-3 years down the road.


RYAN MALLETT PLANNING TO TRANSFER
According to ToledoBlade.com new Michigan head coach Rich Rodriguez might have already lost his best returning offensive player. Freshman QB Ryan Mallett is apparently looking elsewhere with the hot rumor leading him to Rick Neuheisel and UCLA...

There is speculation out of Ann Arbor that freshman quarterback Ryan Mallett has decided to leave Michigan and will transfer to UCLA, according to a person close to the team.

Michigan associate athletic director Bruce Madej said no paperwork has come across his desk regarding Mallett's transfer and that as far as he knows, Mallett is still enrolled at Michigan.

"He came back with us, so I just saw him yesterday," Madej said. "He was talking with the guys about seeing them next week."

Mallett told The Blade on Dec. 26 during the team's preparations for the Capital One Bowl in Orlando that he wanted to remain a Wolverine next season.

Retired Michigan coach Lloyd Carr said Wednesday he was aware of Mallett's decision but would leave it up to him to make the announcement.

"What I hope is Ryan Mallett stays at Michigan," Carr said Wednesday before boarding a team bus at Orlando's Peabody Hotel. "Because I think potentially he can be one of the great quarterbacks that's come along. He's matured dramatically in the last two or three months."

In a fill-in role for oft-injured quarterback Chad Henne, Mallett started three games this season for the Wolverines and appeared in eight others, throwing for 892 yards with seven touchdowns and five interceptions. He was 3-0 in his starts against Notre Dame, Penn State and Minnesota.


Mallett seems like an odd fit for Rodriguez's spread offense attack so it should come as no surprise he is looking elsewhere. It's an unfortunate situation because Mallett has the skills and fortitude to be a great QB in the future and would be a big loss for the Wolverine program and all the lovely Ann Arbor poon. If Mallett decides to leave Michigan it is presumed by many Wolverine fans that #1 recruit QB Terrelle Pryor will be wearing the Maize and Blue next season. Unfortunately for UM fans that seems far fetched since Pryor seems to be a heavy lean to arch rival Ohio State and has been seen budding it up this week with some Buckeye commits such as OL Mike Adams at the US Army All-American practices. If Rodriguez loses both Mallett and doesn't secure Pryor this could be a real short term marriage with Britney Spears like nastiness ensuing in Ann Arbor.

Meanwhile in West Virginia people laugh as they celebrate their Fiesta Bowl victory and salivate at the chance of watching another full season of Pat White and Noel Devine in the same backfield.

TEXAS' RB CHARLES ENTERING DRAFT, #1 RECRUIT TO REPLACE?
Yesterday superfast, superfly tailback Jamaal Charles (1619 yards rushing, 18 TDs) declared himself NFL worthy by throwing his hat into early entry for the NFL Draft. Charles will be a big loss for the Longhorns who are looking to build momentum off a Holiday Bowl victory over Arizona State into the 2008 season. But could the loss of NCAA All-American sprinting champ Charles make them the favorite to land the #1 RB recruit in the nation in Darrell Scott? It appears so...

Darrell Scott said before Longhorn running back Jamal Charles declared for the NFL Draft, "Really, it's whether or not Jamal Charles comes back. It will be big if he leaves. I don't want to sit out my freshman year. I'm trying to hop in and make some chaos somewhere," the Austin American Statesman reports.
Additionally, it appears that Colorado, where his uncle Josh Smith plays, LSU, and Florida are the other programs in the mix for his signature on national signing day.


Earlier in the week ND commit Jonas Gray stated he and a lot of the other players attending the US Army All-American game thought Scott was already a Longhorn. If Scott does indeed become a Longhorn as expected he has a good chance of at least splitting carries with sophomore Vondrell McGee at tailback next season. It's interesting to note that QB Colt McCoy was the second leading rusher for the Longhorns this season with almost 500 yards.

Oh yeah, Scott had over 3000 yards rushing during his junior campaign! Here is an interview I found of Scott with stalker/high school recruit expert Tom Lemming from a year back...

Also here are some more highlights of Scott to the music of Rage Against the Machine...

CAM CAMERON FIRED, KIRK NEXT?
Bill Parcells is taking his new job as VP of Football Operations very serious and destroying any poor soul involved with the massacre that was the 2007 Miami Dolphins season. The latest to get fired is head coach Cam Cameron after a 1-15 season.

Parcells made the decision to fire Cameron in consultation with new general manager Jeff Ireland, hired Wednesday after seven years in player personnel with the Dallas Cowboys.

"We just felt in order to move forward and not look back, we needed someone in place who shared the same philosophical compatibilities we shared," Ireland said. "We didn't really know the guy that well. We were going to try to get someone that does share those things, and we weren't completely sold that he did."

Ireland said the philosophy he and Parcells share involves creating a culture of winning.

"We want strong character around here," Ireland said. "The vision of the team will be discipline, passionate players, highly competitive. And we'll be a big team."


So I guess you are telling me drafting a punt returner/third receiver with the #9 pick in Ted Ginn and then justifying not taking Brady Quinn with that pick by drafting John Beck in the second round was a not so smart pick. The Dolphins thought they were drafting the whole Ginn family last year only to realize they drafted a guy who is not even close to a poor man's version of Devin Hester.

In essence we all saw the writing on the wall for Cameron and GM Randy Mueller by this reaction from the Dolphin's fan base on learning they made one of the all-time dumbdick moves in NFL Draft History...

I love Chris Mortenson's line at the end: "Yeah, but what do the fan's know?" Apparently a lot more about football than Cameron or Mueller.

OWEN SCHMIDT=RUNAWAY BEER TRUCK

I don't even know what it really means in relation to mohawk wearing Schmidt but I like the nickname given to him by the Fox announcer. West Fuckin Virginia pounded the Oklahoma Sooners into submission last night giving the Sooners their 4th straight BCS loss. If this was Notre Dame of course the whole nation would be screaming bloody murder but that is another discussion for a drunk day. The blowout win convinced West Virginia officials to name interim coach Bill Stewart the new permanent one today after a convincing 48-28 win in which the Mountaineers played with more passion and determination than the Sooners. Anyone thinking that passion doesn't play a part in the college game today needs to hit the playback button on this game because West Virginia won it simply because they wanted it more.

I'm not going to lie this game was brutal to watch because of the band factor. After every fucking play the stupid Sooners band would break out their dumb fucking tune that was more annoying than a mariachi band. I know I'm going to get a lot of shit from band geeks and band lovers but I could really do without bands all together in the college game. I don't mind the halftime stuff or them leading the team out before the game starts but I can't stand hearing them play their stupid gay tune after every play. It's more annoying than a case of severe beer diarrhea.

Video HT: AwfulAnnouncing