It's fairly easy to get my vote when it comes to elections. Don't support any New York team, be a lover not hater of booze and the general principles that come along with them, and show some sort of admiration for College Football. Well, yesterday Barack Obama did his Heisman pose at the University of Texas which pretty much raps up the election for him. Once you do the pose it is 100% guarantee you will win, it's been scientifically proven by that no talent assclown named Desmond Howard.
And if you are still wondering if Hillary Clinton, aka Satan's daughter, has a chance at winning the Texas primary, well, this picture should pretty much set those dreams or nightmares to rest...
Obama is going to Hook 'Em.
Friday, February 22, 2008
You know I've been running back and forth from South Florida to Atlanta these past couple of weeks while dealing Columbian bam bam and trying to get rid of this annoying crotch rash when I decided that nothing goes better with the aforementioned then a few pints of the cold frosty sweet nectar of God I call NewCastle Brown Ale. In fact I think I have downed at least 4 dozen of my favorite beer in the past 10-14 days alone. Sure I have mixed in some Bud Light or Miller Light here or there but I have been pretty much on a NewCastle kick. On the Fairchild Beer scale it gets an overwhelming 10. It is the unquestioned king of beers in my mind. Potential downfalls of drinking 12 packs like I do include bloating and a nice little Charlie Weis FUPA I seem to be developing.
Anyways, go out and drink at least one today after you buy a Mega Millions ticket with hopes of grandeur. And if you don't win the lottery don't sweat it, at least you enjoyed a great beer to finish off the work week.
But yeah, it will get you fat and unattractive which has never been a problem for me since I was born that way...
Posted by Matt Fairchild (firstname.lastname@example.org) at 2:26 PM
The picture above is of Hope Dworaczyk, a model(cheap lingerie one I'm guessing) who Dallas Maverick's point guard Jason Kidd has been banging for a while now. And by banging I mean sperminating the lovely lady according to the New York Post.
January 10, 2008 -- NEW Jersey Net Jason Kidd is having another kid. A year after his messy split from wife Joumana Kidd, sources told The Post's Hasani Gittens that Kidd's "model" girlfriend, Hope Dworaczyk, is expecting. "Hope, Jason and their parents all celebrated her pregnancy announcement at Sabor Latin Bistro in Edgewater Sunday night," said the insider. "Since Hope started showing, she has stopped sitting courtside."
See, it obviously must be true since the New York Post is such a genuine, truthful and honest publication. Never mind the obvious technical print mistake which claims Kidd is still a Net. This just goes to show you that no matter how ugly your mug may be you can win the affection of a model as long as you make millions and beat your baby mommas like Kidd has done for all these years.
Cheers to you Kidd. And yes, this will be my once a year NBA regular season post in case you were wondering.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (email@example.com) at 2:04 PM
Okay Braves fans, put down the tomahawk and don't get your panties in a bunch, but if star right fielder Jeff Francoeur wins the $270 million in the Mega Millions Jackpot tonight he will decide to trade in his baseball cleats for golf ones.
Braves outfielder JEFF FRANCOEUR, whose new wife Catie bought him a ticket last week, would "play golf the rest of my life."
And quit baseball?
"Quit baseball," he said Friday morning from Braves spring training camp in Florida. "Believe it."
You know, I have also daydreamed about what I would do if I had the winning lottery ticket. I'm sure I would give a lot of it to charity, something like the Michael Vick fund. Actually, the first thing on my list is to put a contract out on a certain owner residing in a brick warehouse in Baltimore. I don't want to know how it gets done or how messy it gets, I just want to know that it in fact happens for my well being and the millions of others who have suffered these tragic 10 years of horrific baseball.
And if they ever came after me I don't speaka no Englisha...
God I hope I win tonight.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (firstname.lastname@example.org) at 11:53 AM
Sportsinteraction.com has their updated 2008 World Series Odds up and running now that the Orioles traded their ace in Erik Bedard and replaced him with Steve TrashCell. And no, that is not a typo. Here are the odds with some lazy incoherent comments from me:
BOSTON RED SOX AT 4.5 TO 1...Even with Curt Schilling down for more than likely the season with shoulder problems stemming from a bloody ego I still think they have to be the favorites because God loves Boston. The Patriots did win the SuperBowl right?
NEW YORK YANKEES AT 5.5 TO 1...The Yankees didn't improve an already old roster but I'm sure the Steinbrenners have some Cuban hot shot locked up in a cellar under Yankee Stadium ready to make his mark. Either that or some of Johnny Damon's weed.
DETROIT TIGERS AT 7 TO 1...Their lineup is filthy with Miguel Cabrera and Edgar Renteria added to an already potent batting order. Renteria could be batting eighth this year for heaven's sake. Tigers have a way better chance of winning with their lineup and pitching than the Yankees in my humble opinion.
NEW YORK METS AT 7.5 TO 1...The Mets shit the bed down the stretch last year but added Johan Santana who should at the very least contend for the Cy Young. If the pitching comes through they should be the favorites to win the NL East.
ANAHEIM ANGELS AT 10 TO 1...When Vladimir Guerrero learns to speak some English then we can talk about the Angels seriously contending for the World Series. Dude, amigo, ese, whatever, you have been over here for 15 years learn some fucking English homie.
CLEVELAND INDIANS AT 12 TO 1...Not that C.C Sabathia has won his Cy Young he is due to fall off the face of the year starting in 3, 2, 1...I would have liked to have seen the Indians add something in the outfield to help Grady Sizemore. The Tigers will be too tough for the Tribe.
CHICAGO CUBS AT 12 TO 1...Umm, yeah, so it's been a 100 years since the last time the Cubs won a World Series. Why not make it another 100 while we are at it? If they trade for Brian Roberts I like their lineup a lot but if they don't and keep Soriano in the leadoff role they will again be irrelevant.
LOS ANGELES DODGERS AT 14 TO 1...I hate to say it but I really like where the Dodgers are going right now. They picked up the booger picker to fill out the lineup card and added Andruw Jones to shag flies and hit long towering balls out of Chavez Ravine. They have a young, up and coming nucleus of Matt Kemp, James Loney, Russell Martin, Andre Ethier, Chin-Lung Hu(Hello O's, make a trade for this kid), Delwyn Young, and a shitload of young pitchers who should have them contending soon. The Dodgers are my sleeper pick this season.
PHILADELPHIA PHILLIES AT 14 TO 1...I like Philly's lineup a lot but I feel the opposite regarding their starting pitching and relievers. Cole Hamels is a stud but other than him they really don't have a lot. Kyle Kendrick will be a good one but Adam Eaton, Jamie Moyer, and Brett Myers are average to what the hell is that smell starters these days. Ryan Howard should be a happy man now that he got his 10 million in arbitration but I wonder if his contract issues will become a distraction this season.
ARIZONA D'BACKS AT 20 TO 1...Webb and Haren at the top of the rotation might be the best in the NL. If Randy Johnson can come back, a big if, the D'Backs are more legit contenders than the Mets in my opinion. Like the Dodgers they have a ton of up and coming stars on the rise and don't be surprised if Justin Upton has a huge year in right field. I would have no problem throwing money on this team this season especially at these long odds.
COLORADO ROCKIES AT 20 TO 1...How did Troy Tulowitzki not win the ROY? The guy was amazing all season, played an incredible shortstop and yet Ryan Braun takes the award despite looking like Stevie Wonder trying to field balls at third. The Rockies were a Cinderella team in 2007 going an incredible 14-1 down the stretch to squeeze into the playoffs and eventually get smacked by the Sox in the World Series. I think the Dodgers and D'Backs are going to be too tough this season in their own division.
SEATTLE MARINERS AT 25 TO 1...Erik Bedard and Felix Hernandez are going to be an excellent starting tandem in the AL West. They should clean up against the A's and Rangers but the Mariners don't have enough talent to compete with the Red Sox, Yankees, Tigers, Angels, Indians of the American League. Plus Ichiro thinks his corner outfielders suck.
TORONTO BLUE JAYS AT 25 TO 1...If the Blue Jays decide to add Barry Bonds then they have a chance at competing. I'm actually being serious. I hate the fucking guy but he could really help out Toronto this season. They just don't have enough to compete with the Sox or Yankees at this point even with a healthy Roy Halladay and AJ Burnett.
ST. LOUIS CARDINALS AT 28 TO 1...Besides Albert Pujols the Cardinals have a bunch of question marks and even Pujols could become one with his elbow problems. The Cardinals need to rebuild badly and need to unload some dead weight this season while letting young guys like Colby Rasmus learn the game at the big league level. They have absolutely no chance of competing this year.
SAN DIEGO PADRES AT 28 TO 1...The Padres will have the pitching which should keep them competitive for the most part this season. But an outfield of Jim Edmonds, Brian Giles, and Scott Hairston has to be one of the worst in the major leagues. Their division is too tough but with Chris Young and Jake Peavy at the top of the rotation you never know.
MILWAUKEE BREWERS AT 33 TO 1...I look at the Brewers lineup and I see a competitive if not a very talented team in 2008. It's time for a guy like Rickie Weeks to step up his game like Prince Fielder and J.J. Hardy did last season. This team could surprise people especially playing in a horrible division but relying on Ben Sheets to finish out a season is like waiting for Britney Spears at a custody hearing.
ATLANTA BRAVES AT 33 TO 1...Man, how the mighty have fallen. The Braves seem to be a team with no direction right now. Last season they traded their farm system to get Mark Teixeira(even though he won't resign with Atlanta) but then traded away one of their best players in Edgar Renteria, let Andruw Jones walk away without a clear plan to feel his void, and then brought in an aging Tom Glavine even though they needed somebody much better at this stage if they want to compete. I expect a huge season from Jeff Francoeur(MVP numbers) but I don't think it will be enough to compete with the Mets or Phillies.
CHICAGO WHITE SOX AT 33 TO 1...I really like the additions of Carlos Quentin and Nick Swisher to the outfield along with getting a real good shortstop in Orland Cabrera. The bullpen needed to be upgraded and it was with Scott Linebrink and Octavio Dotel now pitching on the South Side. Ozzie Guillen has worked magic before and it would not be an entirely wasted 10 bucks to throw on this team at this time.
HOUSTON ASTROS AT 40 TO 1...Miguel Tejada was a good addition and a definite upgrade over Adam Everett. The Astros have a good lineup and should be able to score a lot of runs. In the NL Central they can compete for the division but not for a World Series this year.
MINNESOTA TWINS AT 40 TO 1...Their chances left as soon as Johan Santana put on a Met's uniform. They should have gotten a lot more for him or just kept him and tried to compete this year in my opinion.
OAKLAND A'S AT 50 TO 1...Billy Beane says they are rebuilding and I believe him. They have no chance whatsoever of competing this year or perhaps next year.
TEXAS RANGERS AT 50 TO 1...The Rangers always seem like a team without a clear plan. If they want to compete in the future they need to unload guys like Kevin Millwood and Michael Young during the season and pick up some good if not elite prospects. They have no chance of competing this year or next.
CINCINNATI REDS AT 66 TO 1...As I have said before the NL Central is up for grabs. The Reds do have some up and coming players with Jay Bruce, Joey Votto, Homer Bailey, and Johnny Cueto all ready to make contributions this season. They might as well trade Griffey if he is healthy and hitting and get something in return for the future. No chance of a World Series but a chance to compete in the NL Central.
SAN FRANCISCO GIANTS AT 75 TO 1...The Giants are going to be very, very bad ball club this season playing in the best division in baseball.
WASHINGTON NATIONALS AT 100 TO 1...Wait a second, when did Washington get a team?
FLORIDA MARLINS AT 100 TO 1...They are either rebuilding or winning a World Series. No in between. This year they are obviously rebuilding.
PITTSBURGH PIRATES AT 150 TO 1...This team again looks like complete shit on paper.
KANSAS CITY ROYALS AT 150 TO 1...They are going to win the World Series...in the year 2054 as the Carolina Bulls.
TAMPA BAY RAYS AT 200 TO 1...The Rays are not going to be this bad this season. In fact I could see them competing and staying around .500 ball all season. They have so much elite young talent that it eventually needs to start winning games. This season should be the start.
BALTIMORE ORIOLES AT 200 TO 1...Obviously they are rebuilding 10 years too late but at least they have a future nucleus in place with studs such as Nick Markakis, Adam Jones, Matt Wieters, and Billy Rowell ready to contribute and star for the next 5-10 years. The only thing the O's will be competing for this season is the #1 pick in the draft.
Posted by Matt Fairchild (email@example.com) at 9:03 AM
I found this little gem of a hockey highlight over at AwfulAnnouncing. It comes from the Toronto Maple Leafs game against the Columbus Blue Jackets a couple of nights ago in which Toronto's goalie Vesa Toskala makes a great save but apparently the announcer Don Taylor has something a little more veiny on his mind...
Unless Peter North or Ron Jeremy stepped into the booth I have no earthly idea why Taylor would be so interested in another man's privates. I'm sure years of counseling should have helped debunked his fascination with dicks but in Taylor's case it can come up at the worst time. In fact I rooted up a video of Taylor in elementary school, only back then he had a Jew fro....
Posted by Matt Fairchild (firstname.lastname@example.org) at 8:29 AM