Monday, February 14, 2011

Valentine's Day Special



The second song is perfect. If you are like me you have a friend who is obviously gay yet somehow still got married to cover up the fact he loves to taste the cock. I'm not judging. I just want you to stop putting roofies in my beer when we hang out. Happy Valentine's Day!

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Yeah that's not one of those text messages you want to be exchanging with your Mom.

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Via EbaumsWorld

Sign of the Apocalypse: Idiots spending $119 to get Michael Vick's autograph in Atlanta of all places



This is why Atlanta gets a bad rap as a sports town. Former Atlanta Falcon and puppy killer Michael Vick is still a piece of shit but because he can throw a ball far and run real fast idiots still want to dish out money for his autograph. I love how the lady starts crying. Bitch Michael Vick doesn't give two shits about you. If you were a dog he would piss on you and electrocute you. I also love the guy who tries to rationalize Vick's behavior that landed him in jail. Yep, child rapists and murderers get less jail time than Vick. Yeah that makes a lot of fucking sense. I honestly can't even fathom how big of a fucking loser you have to be to stand in line and pay $119 for Vick's autograph. Also you could tell how much Vick was enjoying meeting his fans. Look at that huge smile on his face. Yes sir he is the people's champion if I have ever seen one.

12 year old girl finds Valentine's candy that says "Nice tits!"



I guess we all know who Mark Sanchez's Valentine was this year.

This is a joke right? I mean the little girl's name is Ciara Bush. I don't want to see it.

Pitchers and Catchers report to Spring Training. You know what that means? Yes, time to make fun of Yankees fans.



You may remember Yankees Super fan Michael LaPayower from last season when he did that brilliant Katy Perry remix-style Yankees song. I'm disappointed Michael. First off the choice in music. The "Rocky" theme belongs to the city of Philadelphia. So already you are telling me you are a closet Phillies fan. Second we need to hear more of your voice. It speaks for a generation of Yankees fans out there. You represent them. Show some fucking pride for Jeter and A-Rod and get their numbers tattooed on the small of your back. That's what true Yankees fans do. It's okay though. Spring Training is just starting. I expect you to be in top condition come April though. More videos to show your love for the Yankees. Make my job easier.


Here is the brilliant Yankees Land video from 2010. How this didn't win a Grammy I will never know.

Serene Branson nails her Grammy report



Next time Serene you might want to stop eating the peanut butter sandwiches before you go on-air. Be a little more professional will ya!

Apparently she had a small stroke. I'm calling bull shit. She fucked up with her one chance of reporting a live story. I don't feel bad for Serene. With the dawn of the YouTube era she is going to be more famous than Katie Kouric by next week. Book it!

Speaking of Grammy Awards, why do so many people give a rat's ass about it? Last night it was a bitching fest on Facebook about how so and so didn't win and this person sucked and blah blah. Dude it's fucking music. No respectful musician gives a shit about a Grammy. Milli fucking Vanilli won a Grammy.

In conclusion: award shows are stupid and the people who follow them are probably the same idiots who attend church because they think it will send them to heaven. God bless all of you but I really know all of you are going to hell. Sweet dreams.


Video via BarStoolSports

Carmelo Anthony selling his Baltimore Orioles customized 1971 Chevy Chevelle on Ebay


Denver Nuggets superstar and Baltimore native Carmelo Anthony has put his customized 1971 Chevy Chevelle up for auction on Ebay. If you are a Baltimore Orioles fan you will love the customized features Carmelo did as a tribute to his hometown. It's got the full current Bird logo on the front hood and it has the old cartoon style bird from the 70's/early 80's near the back left quarter panel. With a just day left in the auction the current bid stands at $18,500. The proceeds from the auction sale go to the Carmelo Anthony fund to get his ass out of Denver.



Jadeveon Clowney picks South Carolina



The Ole Ball Coach picked up his most highly sought after recruit since he arrived at South Carolina today when the #1 recruit in the nation, defensive end Jadeveon Clowney, picked the Cocks over Clemson and Alabama. Clowney is a certifiable man-child at 6'5 but will still need to put on some weight at the collegiate level. Currently he is 245 and even with his speed most offensive tackles in the SEC wouldn't have a problem blocking him out. If he adds the muscle between now and the fall then you could see him make a Jevon Kearse-like impact. The kid is a freak and is a huge get for a South Carolina program that continues to trend upwards. The Cocks should be the favorite to win the SEC East again in 2011.

UPDATE: As we have been informed by Lorie it looks like Clowney will need to pull a lot of strings to get academically qualified for the 2011 season. Basically his grades blow. He should fit in well with the SEC then.