Monday, January 10, 2011

CALL OF THE DAY: THIS IS FOR ALL THE TOSTITOS



You gotta love Brent Musberger. The suits were in his ear all game. Say Tostitos! Please! Please! And at the very end of the game he says "THIS IS FOR ALL THE TOSTITOS!" I don't even know what that fucking means. I mean at least say it's for the whole enchilada. That makes sense. Now I'm fucking hungry, craving tostitos and enchiladas and I am stuck in the an ice storm in Atlanta. Fuck you Musberger. Corporate shill for things I actually love.

MICHAEL DYER WITH THE PLAY OF THE GAME



The officials were on top of it all game and made the right call here. They let the play play out and did not blow the whistle when Auburn tailback Michael Dyer spun and appeared to the naked eye to be down on contact. He in fact was not down and the review confirmed it. This was a huge non whistle call and I got to give the referee a hat tip for making the right call.

CONGRATULATIONS TO AUBURN! GET THE OFFICIAL BCS NATIONAL CHAMPS WILSON F1005 FOOTBALL NOW



Unbelievable ending for Auburn and the new BCS National Champions. Now you can get the official Wilson leather Auburn Tigers 2011 National Champs Football here at SportsCrack.com for the low price of $130. These are the same footballs they used in the BCS Championship game against Oregon and were limited to 2011 produced. From start to finish this Wilson football was produced in the USA.

Get it today!

BCS TITLE GAME PREDICTION



In order to get all 5 of the BCS games correct I need Auburn to cover the -3 tonight as the favorite. This is my chance at glory so Auburn better not fuck it up. They are bigger and stronger than Oregon on both lines of the ball. Auburn may not have a very good defense (average at best) but does anybody really think LaMichael James is going to run all over them? I don't see James being much of a factor. On the other hand I think Cam Newton goes off. He is the type of player who loves the big stage and the attention. What has he done this season to make you think he will NOT do it again? Exactly. I've watched both of these teams play a ton this season and to my naked unbiased eye the smart play here is to go with Auburn. I know you don't want to hear about the SEC conference but it's honestly a way tougher gauntlet to hurdle than what Oregon had to face this year in the PAC-10. You can put down Cam for over 200 yards passing and 100 yards rushing while combining for at least 4 touchdowns himself whether by air or ground. UPS and the Postal Service may have been out of commission today in Atlanta but Cam is a guaranteed money player who will deliver. Just ask Cecil.

Prediction: Auburn 42 Oregon 24

CAM NEWTON IS MAKING THE NCAA SOME SERIOUS BANK



The picture above is from Clay Travis who is out at the BCS Championship game. Yes sir, $125 for a fucking replica jersey. Usually they go for $50-75.

"We've sold a ton," said the vendor to Travis. Capitalism and the NCAA at it's finest. It's a good thing the NCAA prevents players like AJ Green and Terrelle Pryor from selling their own jerseys for profit while in school. Only because the NCAA won't get a cut of it. Makes perfectly good sense.

MICHAEL FLOYD WILL ENTER THE NFL DRAFT


According to a John Walters tweet he apparently has a reliable source who has informed him that Michael Floyd will declare for the NFL Draft. Bummer.

Floyd right now is projected to be a 2nd to 3rd draft pick. His college career was spectacular when he was healthy. The problem was he could never stay on the field for a whole season. Personally I think he should have stayed for his senior season. Unlike teammate Kyle Rudolph who is projected to be the first tight end taken in the draft most "experts" don't even have Floyd in their top 5 for college receivers (AJ Green, Julio Jones, Justin Blackmon, Jonathan Baldwin, Torrey Smith are the consensus). I'm obviously bias but I think Floyd is right up there with top 3 but I wouldn't put him in the AJ Green class of receivers.

Losing Floyd to the NFL early is a tremendous loss for the Fighting Irish. There is nobody on their roster who can replace his size, strength, and #1 receiver ability. Theo Riddick and TJ Jones are going to be good ones at ND but they are more #2 receivers. Also Rudolph was easy to replace for ND since Tyler Eifert stepped up in his absence and was more than adequate. Somebody will have to step up to replace Floyd's production and honestly I don't see anybody currently on the roster. But then again I never though much of Jeff Samardzija till his junior season so who knows if guys like John Goodman, Daniel Smith, or Bennett Jackson have that capability of being a go-to receiver.

Anyway you look at it losing Floyd to the NFL sucks. I wish him luck but I can't help but think he would have been better off staying another season and developing his game while putting his name in the Notre Dame record books and also improving his NFL stock by being the #1 guy in the 2012 draft. This has the Justin Tuck feeling. Fuck.

UPDATE: According to this report head coach Brian Kelly will get one last chance to convince Floyd to stay another season with a face-to-face meeting. Sounds like a Hail Mary that ND Nation hopes Kelly nails.

Scam Newton and the Quack Attack

AP Photo
Sounds like a Ducktales movie huh? Tonight's game is supposed to be close. Two high powered offenses facing off. Unfortunately for Oregon, there's no rich uncle to bail them out. If you're a Pac-10 fan, shut up. No offense, but Cam Newton is bigger than your defensive front and faster than your safeties. It's going to take more than Nike Combat Gear to slow him down, just ask South Carolina. Yes, I know your offense is better than South Carolina's, but Auburn's defense is slack this year, and still better than the All-Pac-10 2010 team. You may have hundreds of uniform combinations and a slick play calling system, but jazz hands aren't going to win you this one. This is not the year that the SEC will forgo their dominance. I may be a UGA fan, but I'm going to have to pick our red-headed step brothers at Auburn to win this one. Sorry Oregon, you're coming up lame in this game.

My liver may hate you, but my heart loves you... Thanks ecdawg!

Thank you Leather Helmet Blog for the following gem... SportsCrack's readers can thank me later for the re-post. Trust me, you're kidneys are going to love you. We here at SportsCrack will too. Do this one tonight, I can promise you we will be taking part in this little game and all it's glory!

Thanks ecdawg, you da man!

From The Victory Formation:

FOR GAMETIME – have an arsenal of beer available, with ESPN taking the reigns of the BCS National Championship things are sure to move about the speed of a kidney stone. Suggestion: Walgreens has a 6 pack of “beer” on sale for $2.99 right now, with the kidney stones you’ll inherit from this presumably fine malted beverage you’ll finally be able to get the last joke. Print and play…

Sponsors:

- For every mention of the word “Tostitos” by someone not calling the game – 1 drink
- For every mention of the word “Tostitos” by Brent Musberger or Kirk Herbstreit – 2 drinks
- Someone eats a “Tostitos” chip on TV? Kill it.
- NIKE: If at anytime during the game the Oregon uniforms causes some retinal disruption, temporary blindness, or complete loss of bowels – 1 drink.

Cam Newton NCAA subgame- Every Time ESPN…

- Mentions Cam’s “troubles” – 1 drink
- Shows some graphic illustrating said “troubles” – 2 drinks
- Cuts to Cecil slying it amongst the Auburn faithful – kill it.

The Oregon Offense subgame- This is tough and is best played with multiple people – Oregon’s playcalls come from signs carried around on the sideline that look like this:

When displayed on the screen everyone in the room should immediately (and correctly) shout what is on the placard. First to finish becomes President, and can order anyone to drink copious amounts of alcohol. The first to complain is designated “beer bitch” and has to fulfill the President’s drink order. If no one complains the President can appoint the beer bitch, but is limited to making him drink only once during his tenure. The game resets upon each shot of the Oregon signs.

– First Quarter – Clockwise from the upper left
– Second Quarter – Counter clockwise from the upper right
– Third Quarter – Clockwise from the lower left
– Fourth Quarter – Counter clockwise from the lower right
– Overtime – Free for all. Weapons permissible.

The Brent Musberger sub game (optional)- for the Brent Musberger subgame, please see the Brent Musberger drinking game.

Offense:
- When Oregon scores everyone must start quacking and flapping their arms like wings. The last one to start loses and must drink the score.
- When Auburn scores everyone should get on all fours and meow. The last one to do so loses and must drink the score. BONUS! If Cam Newton scores the Auburn touchdown, the loser must drink the Cammy Cam Juice for 5 seconds with the entire crowd counting down. For recipe see below.
- If someone refuses to act like a duck or tiger, “LaGarrette Blount is mad” rules come into play and that person is subject to a merciless beating until the ensuing kickoff. If violence is not your answer, this person is automatic beer bitch.

Defense:
- With the strategy of playing defense likely scrapped from both sides the of the field, if either team punts the ball the entire room is to toast the defense and consume together.
- A bucket is to be placed in the middle of the room. After every defensive stop everyone is to pour any amount of their CURRENT beer into the bucket, and is to continue to do so on each defensive stop (punt or turnover) until someone scores. Once a team scores the bucket is now to be presented to the first person who uses the bathroom after the score. They must consume the entire contents. Anyone who walks outside and out of site when doing so is presumed to have used the bathroom. This is to continue throughout the game or until someone dies. Whatever comes first.

ESPN: They can’t possible fuck this up as much as FOX managed to, but you know ESPN is ESPN so if anytime during the broadcast, including pregame and post game…

- Lou Holtz slurs – 1 drink
- Brent Musberger slurs – 2 drinks
- Someone mentions Tim Tebow – 1 drink for first mention, 1 additional drink thereafter.
- Todd McShay evaluates the pro potential of one of the players in the game – kill it and throw the can at the TV while everyone yells, “You hack”. If drinking from bottles, throw closest soft object. (We do not want to be responsible for the loss of anyone’s TV this evening.)
- Erin Andrews – first asshole to state the obvious “she’s hot” – he has to kill it.
- If ESPN finds a way to work in Chris Berman or Stu Scott – kill it.
- If ESPN promotes the Pro-Bowl – drink once, unless they mention that some of the guys on the field are future pro-bowlers, then see McShay above.
- The “Roll Tide” commercial plays – One for you, and one for the Tide’s season (into the previously mentioned bucket).
- The Michigan job is mentioned…shrug and continue about your business.

Cammy Cam Juice: Gatorade + Everclear. Pour entire bottle of Everclear into bucket, jug, etc. Mix in Gatorade to taste. Godspeed.

I SUDDENLY HAVE THE CRAVING FOR BUD LIGHT



I blame Playboy Playmate Jaime Edmondson. She can be very influential with the spanking.



FUCK YOU BILL HANCOCK


That dickturd you see on the right handing Nick Saban the Sears Trophy is BCS executive director Bill Hancock. He's the asshole who would rather us keep watching the garbage bowl system they have lined up right now then go to a playoff. In fact he thinks the whole system would go back to the archaic version used before the BCS existed before a playoff is even considered.

"There is no groundswell among the presidents for any kind of ... seismic change," Hancock said.

A return to the old postseason system, which relied on conference tie-ins and bowl organizers to make bowl matchups, isn't likely, Hancock said, but it will be in the "spectrum of options."

"It always has been, it always will be," he said. "I don't think it will carry the day."

But an 8- or 16-team playoff is "not even in the spectrum," he added.

Last month at a college athletics forum in New York, Big Ten commissioner Jim Delany said supporters of the BCS were fatigued with defending the system from constant legal and political pressures.

Hancock said it has not been easy to fend off all the attacks from playoff supporters.

"I think we all get a little tired of the invective," he said.


Listen Hancock, here is some fucking invective for you. It has been over a month since Oregon and Auburn played a down of football. They both had great regular seasons and instead of seeing them duke it out in a playoff and give a team like TCU a fighter's chance to shock the world we still get these bogus bowl games. Don't get me wrong. I'm still going to watch tonight. But tonight's game should be so much bigger than what it is. There should be this huge build up of momentum to college football's pinnacle game of the season but instead we have to listen to weeks of bullshit. The current system isn't even fair for Auburn or Oregon. The layoff is going to take a few series for them to shake the cobwebs off.

I just don't see how every other sport can have a playoff system yet we have these old white dickheads with corporate sponsors lining their pockets not willing to make a change. These are probably the same people who think it's ludicrous for a woman to leave the kitchen or the bedroom. "It would never work!" is what Hancock would say. There needs to be an antitrust lawsuit or dare I say the government needs to get involved because these assholes like Hancock are making too much money to change anything. The guy probably still has slaves on his plantation. Oh my bad, not slaves just "student-athletes" who can't even sell their own shit without getting crucified.

Ok, rant over. Go fuck yourself Hancock. We want playoffs. Not payoffs.

BRING IT ON YA FUKIN CHEESEHEADS!






Matty Ice and the boys are going to lay a hurting on the Packers. Sure the Packers beat the Eagles in Philly but that was only because David Akers and Michael Vick had money on the Packers. The Packers aren't going to run the ball like they did against the Falcons in the Dome. They are going to have to rely on Aaron Rodgers playing a near perfect game. Not going to happen. Cheesedicks are going down!

INSANE WIFFLE BALL PITCHER



I could hit that shit. Just give me a paddle.

WHO YOU TAKING TONIGHT?

ARE YOU TAKING THE UNDEFEATED SEC CHAMPS LED BY CAM NEWTON AND NICK FAIRLEY?



OR ARE YOU GOING WITH THE UNDEFEATED PAC 10 CHAMPS LED BY LAMICHAEL JAMES?



The spread is -3 in favor of Auburn but it seems a lot more people then I would have imagined are taking the Ducks. Personally I think Auburn is going to smoke them. War Cam Eagle is too damn big and powerful to be stopped. With that being said I'm hoping for a good game that comes down to a last possession like the 2005 game when Texas beat USC.

MARSHAWN LYNCH GOES BEAST MODE AGAINST THE SAINTS



Marshawn Lynch went all beast mode against the Saints with the game on the line and quite possibly had the best run in NFL Playoff history. He broke 8 tackles on this 67 yard jaunt. Are you fucking kidding me? I love how he just tossed #22 like a rag doll with his stiff arm. After this run the Seahawks owe Marshawn a bonus. I'm thinking a brand new gold tooth with 67 imprinted on it will do.

For all the Tecmo Bowl fans you should enjoy this. Just remember how nasty Bo Jackson was in this game. Marshawn does a fine Bo 2.0...