SOCCER KICK FAIL

Way to go Dad! You just paralyzed your kid trying to Pele the ball to her. This is why my kids will never play soccer. It's too rough of a sport. Only rugby and bull riding for the Fairchild kids.

HOLD ME CLOSER TONY DANZA

Hold Me Closer Tony Danza - watch more funny videos

Wait a god damn minute! The Elton John song is "Hold me Closer TINY DANCER?" I could have sworn all these years it was Tony Danza. Why else would Elton want to hold a dancer? He's still gay right? I'm so confused now.

THIS IS WHAT DEREK JETER WAKES UP TO EVERY OTHER MORNING: MINKA KELLY IN STOCKINGS

While A-Rod is banging Jeter's sloppy seconds Derek is hitting leadoff with actress Minka Kelly. These pictures from GQ show the Friday Night Lights temptress toying with her stockings and itchy shirt before frolicking in bed with Jeter. On the other days Jeter isn't waking up next to Minka he is face down in road beef. True story. I read it on the internet.

TEXAS AGREES TO 20-YEAR, $300 MILLION DEAL WITH ESPN

The Texas Longhorns got paid big time today. Texas and ESPN have come to an agreement to have an exclusive television contract for all things Longhorn sports for the next 20 years for a mere $300 million. Holy shit! Yeah, and these are to pay for "amateur student-athlete" expenses. If I am Notre Dame I look to renegotiate the NBC Contract right away.

AUSTIN, Texas (AP) — The University of Texas has reached a 20-year, $300 million deal with ESPN for a television network that will broadcast Longhorn sports and other content.
A news conference to formally announce the contract was scheduled for Wednesday afternoon. University spokesman Don Hale confirmed the contract details.
The deal includes Texas' licensing and marketing partner IMG, with more than 80 percent of revenue set to go to the university.
George Bodenheimer, president of ESPN Inc. and ABC Sports, called the network "a testament to the school's remarkable, tradition-rich success and widespread, devoted fan base."

So now the question is how and why is Texas still a part of the Big 12 Conference? Shouldn't they be an independent now because they most certainly aren't going to share their revenue with the rest of the conference? Makes you wonder. In the end the almighty dollar always wins out. We always knew that.

LAS VEGAS SPORTS BETTING LEGEND BILLY WALTERS ON 60 MINUTES

Billy Walters is just a good ole boy from Kentucky who has made a fortune on sports betting in Las Vegas. The guy is a hustler who knows how to make millions in a day just by betting on football and basketball games. He basically is the Michael Jordan of sports betting. He straight up dominates every year. The dude has a $20 million dollar jet and 7 homes around the world. Fucking shit! Truth be told I am jealous of Billy Walters. I would kill to live this guy's lifestyle.

JOSH SMITH WITH THE FILTHY DUNK OVER THE HEAT

Atlanta Hawks forward Josh Smith just gave Miami Heat's Joel Anthony a guest appearance on his next poster. Not only did Smith totally own Anthony last night with this fast break left handed slam he also helped me win some money last night as the Hawks won despite being 6 point dogs on the road. The Heat have now lost 4 in a row. Losers.

MISSISSIPPI STATE CHEERLEADER POSES FOR PLAYBOY, MIGHT BE KICKED OFF TEAM

FratHouseSports has the NSFW gallery of Mississippi State cheerleader Taylor Corley Playboy pictures that came out last month. Word is she got kicked off the Bulldog's cheerleading squad after the coaches found out about the pictures. Personally I just think Taylor was showing off her team spirit. What's wrong with showing her cowbells? I always thought it was a tradition in Starksville to shake them around for your team.

UPDATE: SportsByBrooks.com has found out Corley will NOT be suspended from the cheerleading squad because she did not identify herself as a student or a cheerleader for Mississippi State. Awesome!

VENUS WILLIAMS SPORTING THE WAFFLE HOUSE TOP DOWN UNDER

After staring at this picture for five seconds I got a major craving for the All-Star Special at WAHO. Just pour some syrup on Venus Williams, add a little bit of hashbrowns on the side and some scrambled eggs and I would eat her up. Venus has never looked so yummy. I think I see some chocolate chips too.

Image via CosbySweaters

LAURENCE MARONEY'S MUG SHOT

Denver Broncos running back Laurence Maroney was arrested Monday for drugs and guns charges in none other than the crime capital of the world: St. Louis, MO. Shocker right? You gotta love the mug shot. For a second I thought it was Whoopi Goldberg. Even has the little white poking out of the collar like a nun.